Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27754ª vez

Meu corpo rapidamente se tornou frio e então esvaziou-se. Eu deveria ter me tornado vazio também, mas meus olhos abrem normalmente. Incapaz de resistir o frio congelante que já devia ter desaparecido, me enrolo na cama e tremo.

Fui morto.

No 2 de Março de algum loop.

Certo, mesmo que eu morra, a Sala da Rejeição continua inalterada. Após perceber isso, sinto como se estivesse mesmo me tornando vazio. O frio não parece que vai desaparecer tão cedo.

Não suporto ficar aqui por mais tempo, então saio mais cedo para escola sem ter um café da manhã apropriado.

Vejo o familiar céu nublado. Vai chover amanhã. Imagino qual foi a última vez que vi o sol?

Ninguém está na sala. Bem, isso é normal já que estou uma hora adiantado.

Uma pergunta toma minha mente subitamente. Por que eu continuo revisitando minha sala de aula teimosamente? Já testemunhei a recorrência da Sala da Rejeição muitas vezes; sei dela mesmo agora. Será que não posso simplesmente evitar ir à escola para resistir esta recorrência?

Não...eu irei! É, continuarei indo. Se estou saudável, vou para a aula. Esse é meu dia-a-dia. É definitivamente algo que eu nem sonharia em mudar. Algo que perseguirei à qualquer custo; manter meu dia-a-dia. Minha primeira e única fé.

Ah, entendo. Talvez essa seja a razão por eu ainda estar aqui. Não compreendo nem um pouco a lógica por trás disso tudo, mas isso é só como me sinto.

Mesmo que acabe sozinho nesta sala.

"——"

Ando para o meio da sala. Subo na classe de alguém sem tirar meus sapatos. Tento me desculpar silenciosamente, mas quando tento lembrar de quem é a mesa na qual piso, não sou capaz de lembrar o nome nem o rosto da pessoa. Ainda assim, desculpe-me.

Olho em volta. Não é como se eu esperasse ativar uma mudança só por subir em uma classe, mas não há ninguém nessa sala mal iluminada.

Não há ninguém na sala.

Não há ninguém na sala.

"......Hum, meio que estou com frio."

Me envolvo.

A porta da sala abre com um leve som. A pessoa que entra imediatamente me ve em cima de sua classe e me encara.

"...O que está fazendo aí, Kazu?"

O Daiya me lança um olhar desconfortável.

Depois dessa simples interação diária, meu rosto relaxa.

"......Aah, sério, que alívio," murmuro, e desço da mesa. O Daiya continua a me encarar com atenção. "Sabe, Daiya, te ver me acalma bastante."

"Que...bom."

"Afinal, você é mesmo o Daiya verdadeiro."

"...ei Kazu. Pela primeira vez em anos, estou com medo de um ser humano."

"Mas sabe, mesmo se você for o Daiya verdadeiro, esse mundo ainda é uma falsa vida cotidiana. Não posso compartilhar nada com você. O próximo Daiya não saberá do atual eu. É como se eu fosse o único fora da T.V. É um relacionamento unilateral. Será que dá mesmo parar dizer que você existe?"

É por isso que não há ninguém aqui.

—ninguém?

"Ah—"

Não, isso não está certo.

Há somente outra pessoa aqui.

Só há mais uma pessoa que pode compartilhar lembranças comigo. Há uma pessoa que não pode escapar enquanto eu manter minhas lembranças.

Aah, entendo. Esse tempo todo, apenas nós dois estivemos dentro da Sala da Rejeição. Estivemos próximos do outro esse tempo todo, incapazes de nos libertarmos e nem se importando com tentar, confinados dentro deste pequeno, bem pequeno espaço que é a nossa sala. Mas nunca tive a chance de perceber isso porque ela sempre esteve me tratando como um inimigo.

Sento no meu lugar.

Seu lugar fica perto do meu.

...Não consigo acreditar. Apenas por imaginar ela sentando ali, me acalmei um pouco—mesmo sendo ela quem me matou.

✵

É por culpa disso?

Por quê? Por culpa do quê? Não entendo o significado disso. Não compreendo meus próprios sentimentos, mas a temperatura do meu corpo cai ainda mais. Rapidamente. Não, pior. Meu corpo já estava frio até as entranhas, mas agora ele congela, dói, alcança o zero absoluto e então enrijece completamente.

"Sou Aya Otonashi. Prazer em conhecê-los."

A "Aluna Transferida" se comporta quase como uma aluna transferida de verdade e sorri gentilmente, parecendo um pouco embaraçada.

"......mas o que infernos?"

Não entendo o significado disso.

Não, para ser honesto, eu entendo.

"Sou afetada pela Sala da Rejeição como todo mundo. Se eu desistisse e parasse de tentar preservar minhas lembranças, a 'Sala' me capturaria na hora. Eu viveria sem sentido algum dentro dessa recorrência sem fim. Desistir seria tão fácil quanto derramar um copo de água que você está precariamente balançando no topo da sua cabeça."

—uma voz que já ouvi antes ressoa em minha mente.

Olho para a garota em pé. Analiso sua aparência, concluo que tem de ser ela, mas mesmo assim não consigo acreditar.

Seria ela—Aya Otonashi?

Impossível. Afinal, ela nunca desistiria.

É, mesmo que ela descobrisse que a pessoa que está perseguindo por mais de 20,000 "Transferências Escolares" não é o culpado, e tudo que ela fez até agora foi por água abaixo—ela nunca desistiria. Não tem como! Ela simplesmente nunca desistiria!

Isso—não combina com ela.

Nossa turma está com metade do seu tamanho original porque as pessoas vêm sendo "rejeitadas". Ainda assim, todos que sobraram estão jogando perguntas pra cima dela. Ela dá respostas simples e concisas, mas completas. Ela não os rejeita friamente como antes.

Ela age...quase como uma aluna transferida de verdade.

Essa cena não deveria existir, então só pode ser uma farça. Uma mentira. Todos são apenas uma mentira. Tudo é uma mentira. Então...Aya Otonashi seria uma mentira também?

—Não vou,

—Não vou,

"Não vou permitir isso!"

Mesmo que todos permitam, eu não vou.

Não vou deixar a Aya Otonashi se tornar uma farça.

"...qual é o problema, Hoshino?" O Kokubo-sensei me pergunta por alguma razão. Só então percebo que subitamente me levantei.

Lanço um olhar à Mogi-san. Os olhares dos meus colegas estão focados em mim, o dela também. Mas como esperado, sou incapaz de adivinhar que pensamentos repousam atrás dessas faces inexpressivas.

Com certeza ela não responderia se eu perguntasse o que ela acha do que estou prestes a fazer. Passamos um longo tempo juntos nessa sala. Fora isso, nosso relacionamento estagnou.

O amanhã deve chegar para que nosso relacionamento possa ir além de meros colegas de classe.

Certo, a Mogi-san não está aqui.

Não há ninguém aqui.

Por isso...pra mim já chega.

Eu abandono todos meus colegas que esquecerão do meu comportamento estranho de qualquer jeito.

Olho apenas para a Otonashi-san. Caminho até a plataforma em que ela está.

A ação que estou prestes à tomar é tão anormal para mim quanto aquela tentativa de confissão foi para a Mogi-san.

Paro na frente da Otonashi-san.

A Otonashi-san não demonstra nenhum sinal de preocupação e lança um longo olhar avaliativo em mim. Fico extremamente irritado pela sua expressão, já que ela indica que está me vendo pela primeira vez.

"Ei, o que foi, Hoshino?"

Na superfície, a voz do Kokubo-sensei está calma, mas consigo reconhecer sua inquietação escondida. Meus colegas também fazem perguntas parecidas.

Ignoro todos eles e me ajoelho em frente a Otonashi-san. Baixo minha cabeça e estendo minha mão.

"O que está fazendo?" A Otonashi-san pergunta. Ela usa um tom educado totalmente diferente do que ela usava para se dirigir à mim.

"Vim para encontrar-te."

Nesse caso, vou mudar o tom também!

"...do que você está falando?"

"Vim encontrar-te, milady Maria. Sou Hathaway, aquele que prometeu proteger somente à ti, mesmo que isso signifique a traição de todos os outros e vossas inimizades eternas."

O barulho de fundo das pessoas em nossa volta desaparece com uma velocidade cômica. É, verdade. Para resgatar a Otonashi-san, meu primeiro passo é fazê-la perceber que essas pessoas não existem. O silêncio total deve ser bem útil nesse aspecto.

Sem levantar minha cabeça, espero a Aya Otonashi tomar minha mão. Espero, imóvel, que ela ponha sua mão na minha e dê início à dança.

Mas não acontece como eu queria.

A Otonashi-san não toma minha mão.

Em vez disso eu caio para o lado, fazendo um som opaco.

"...nojento."

Já que minha cabeça estava baixa, não sei que tipo de ataque me atingiu. Mas enquanto olho para ela do chão, percebo que ela me atacou com uma joelhada vinda da direita.

Aah, é. Totalmente compreensível. Por que eu estava tão ingenuamente iludido, pensando que ela daria sua mão para mim?

"—Heh"

Sem dúvidas, se ela é mesmo a "Aya Otonashi", então seria impossível ela ser tão gentil a ponto de dar sua mão para mim.

"Ha, hahaha..."

Aparentemente incapaz de se segurar por mais tempo, a Otonashi-san ri. Ela parece estar entretida do fundo do seu coração, numa medida que eu provavelmente nunca vi durante essas 20,000 recorrências.

Ainda estou deitado no chão e minha cabeça dói, mas minhas bochechas relaxam de alívio.

"Você me fez esperar por um bom tempo, não é, meu amado Hathaway? Me impressiona que você se atreveu à fazer uma frágil donzela que mal consegue levantar mais do que uma colher, esperar tanto. Nunca achei que você me abandonaria 27,753 vezes no campo de batalha!"

A Otonashi-san se inclina para mim e estende sua mão.

Ela aperta minha mão e me coloca forçadamente de pé.

É, isso mesmo.

É assim que a Aya Otonashi deve agir.

"...mas graças à isso você se tornou bem forte."

A Otonashi arregala seus olhos em surpresa. Então ela novamente dá um fraco sorriso.

"Hathaway—você, por outro lado, aprendeu a lidar com as palavras."

Com isso dito, sem soltar meu pulso por um único momento, a Otonashi-san me puxa para fora da sala.

Ignorando a aula. Ignorando o professor. Ignorando os alunos. Ignorando tudo. Nós deixamos a sala, ignorando tudo que abandonei.

✵

After dragging me out of the classroom, Otonashi had me sit on the rear seat of a large motorcycle and don a helmet. I'd never experienced such frightening speeds before, and asked her in a quivering voice whether she had a license while wrapping my arms around her surprisingly slender waist. (Well, it's actually not surprising at all since she's just a girl, but my image of her is one of absolute reliability and resoluteness.) She bluntly answered my question by saying "Of course not."

"I had too much spare time due to all the 'School Transfers', so I acquired this skill. I spend my time quite efficiently, don't you think?"

I have to admit that her motorcycle skills don't seem half bad.

When I ask her whether she has acquired any other skills, she tells me "Of course." Driving is within my range of expectation, but she's also picked up various martial arts, several sports, some additional languages, how to play various musical instruments…and the list goes on and on. Broadly speaking, she's tried out just about everything she could within the constraints of the Rejecting Classroom. But Otonashi-san, who'd apparently be able to get a near-perfect score on the National Central Test for University Admissions, also proclaims "Well, I knew most of that stuff already before the 'School Transfers'."

Her basic specs might have started out high, but the amount of time she spent within those 27,754 loops is even more ridiculous. I can't calculate it exactly, but that would be roughly equivalent to 76 years, or a human lifespan. When I think about it some more, the length of time she's been alive boggles my mind.

"Say, Otonashi-san. You're the same age as I am, right?"

Probably due to that train of thought, I've become curious about her physical age.

"…no, I'm not."

"Eh? Then how old are you?"

"That doesn't matter, does it?" Otonashi-san answers in a slightly ill-humored fashion. Is that perhaps a sensitive subject for her? Well, I heard it was impolite to ask women about their ages…so is she old enough for that to apply?

On further thought, there's no way there'd be such a mature student in my school year. She only chose to be my classmate out of convenience in order to slip into the Rejecting Classroom. Perhaps she's already old enough that it counts as cosplay to wear a school uniform?

"Hoshino, if you're thinking rude thoughts, I'll throw you off."

Catching me red handed without even looking at me while she's driving. She's sharp!

"By the way, you learned how to drive a motorcycle during the 'School Transfers', right? If so, this isn't your bike, right? Whose is it? Your father's?"

I don't know much about motorcycles, but this one doesn't look like it was meant for a girl.

"Beats me."

"…eh?"

"Don't you think it's careless to leave a bike alone in front of a house, with the keys still in the ignition?"

Well, I think so, too, but, wait, what? So that means…

"Also, the chain was poorly-built and easily cut with some common tools. It's always the same every time I 'transfer'. Well, that part goes without saying."

Let's not ask for any more details. Ignorance is bliss. Yeah, I have no clue what she's talking about.

"But say, if you lose your memories, then your driving skills, plus the other skills and knowledge you acquired will be lost as well, right?"

That would be a real shame.

"……"

Otonashi-san doesn't respond.

"Otonashi-san?"

She still doesn't answer. Could it be—

"Do you also think it'd be a shame?"

Could it be that she didn't absorb all that knowledge and all those skills just to kill time? Even someone like Otonashi-san would regret losing all those acquired abilities, which is why she didn't want to lose her memories. That's what I think.

In order to produce this feeling of 'regret', she kept on acquiring new skills.

Which reminds me—

Although this is a bit late, I start wondering.

—why did Otonashi-san act as if she had lost all of her memories?

In the end, she takes me to the most expensive-looking hotel in the vicinity. While it's not a five-star place, it's obviously not within a regular high school student's price range. Otonashi-san checks in with practiced ease, turns down the bellhop who offers to lead us to the room, and proceeds with determination.

After we enter her room, Otonashi-san immediately sits down on the sofa.

I sit down on the bed while suppressing the unsettled feelings I get from being in a high class hotel.…actually, being alone with a girl in a hotel room would normally be quite a stunning situation. But with Otonashi-san, I'm surprised to feel zero sexual tension. Being with her is just too surreal.

"You sure are rich, Otonashi-san. That's the impression I'm getting, anyway."

"Whether I'm wealthy or not is immaterial. The money will return anyway when I 'transfer' again."

"…that's true, now that you mention it. So I'd be able to buy up all the Umaibōs in the convenience store. Awesome!"

"That doesn't matter now. We didn't come here to discuss such trifles, did we?"

"R-Right. Specifically what do you want to discuss?"

"What actions we'll take going forward. After all, I lost my focus when it turned out that you weren't the culprit."

"I'm so sorry."

"Can the sarcasm."

But I didn't inject any…

"But, well, wouldn't it be best to just find the real culprit? Don't get me wrong; I know it's not that simple, but aren't you a lot better off, now that you've lost this preoccupation with me?"

"…Hoshino. I have experienced 27,754 'School Transfers'. Are you aware of that?"

"…what do you mean?"

"I've told you some of this last time, didn't I? However overconfident I was of your guilt, it's not like I didn't suspect anyone else. I also tried to come into contact with the other suspects while starting with a blank slate.…of course I was probably negligent to a certain degree, since I mistook you for the culprit."

"But you didn't find any other possible culprits besides me?"

"Yes. Keep in mind that we're on the 27,754^th iteration. This means the owner of the box is a person who's been successfully concealing his identity for an immense length of time."

"Err, couldn't it be that he noticed you because you acted too boldly?"

"Even if he were wary of me, it would be impossible. We're talking about the amount of time contained within 27,754 iterations, you know? Or do you think that the owner has the fortitude and wit to continue hiding his true colors for that long? Well, to be fair, I still haven't found him. Jeez…the owner must be someone who enters this classroom, so why can't I identify him?"

"…wait a sec. What do you mean when you said that the owner could only be someone who enters this classroom? The owner has to be one of our classmates?"

I'm reminded that in the last loop, Otonashi-san mentioned that there aren't many suspects.

"No. The teachers and the students from other classes that come to classroom 1-6 each time are suspects, too. The range of this Rejecting Classroom is, as the name implies, only the classroom of class 1-6. Only the people who entered classroom 1-6 during March 2^nd and March 3^rd are truly involved with this phenomenon."

……? But I left the classroom and saw many other people, actually.

"Your face tells me that you're not getting it, Hoshino. Look, do you believe it's really possible to turn back time?"

"Eh…?"

What does she mean? If I say 'no,' then the basic concept of the Rejecting Classroom won't hold up, will it?

"…but isn't that what the box does?"

"I guess so. The box would make it possible. But I'm asking for your opinion. Can you fully believe in the power of this box to turn back time? Do you think such a phenomenon is even possible?"

I have no clue what Otonashi-san is trying to say.

"I think—"

So I just answer her question honestly without dwelling on her intentions.

"—once something has happened, it can't be undone."

Even I have thought 'If only I could turn back time' countless times in my life. But even if a time machine existed, I still wouldn't actually be able to believe in time travel. I probably wouldn't believe in it even if I actually traveled back to the past, at least until I gained absolute proof that I was in the past. And it's possible that even then, I wouldn't be able to accept it.

I don't know if that's the correct answer, but Otonashi-san nods with a "Mhm".

"Your sentiment is normal. And apparently, the creator of this Rejecting Classroom also thinks like you."

"…what do you mean?"

"A box makes the associated wish come true with utter completeness. Thoroughly. Flawlessly. In other words—even the culprit's doubts about traveling back in time will be reified, along with everything else bound up with his wish. You understand what this means, right?"

"Err…."

Wanting to turn back time, but not being able to believe in it. That lack of faith would probably warp the shape of the wish. I get it.

"But haven't you been traveled back in time over and over?"

"Hoshino. Did I refer to this phenomenon as 'traveling back in time' even once?"

There is no way I'd know since I've lost most of my memories of her.

"Let's put it plainly: If the Rejecting Classroom was born out of the wish to turn back time, then it's poorly made. No, it's outright defective."

"Then why did you experience over 20,000 recurrences?"

"Isn't this the very proof that it's defective? If time were perfectly reversed, then there would be no way my memories would be fortuitously excluded from this phenomenon. Not to mention, if these recurrences were so perfect, how could I slip in as a 'Transfer Student'?"

She gives me a snide glance.

"Because it's you, I bet you thought something simple like 'For Otonashi, everything is possible,' and stopped thinking at that point."

I can't object because she's totally right.

"To put it simply, all I did was get into the box. For example, I didn't choose to become a 'transfer student'. It's a position assigned to me by the culprit as he divvies up roles. The stage of the Rejecting Classroom is classroom 1-6, so I guess it was the most natural way to explain my sudden entrance; after all, we're roughly the same age. The culprit's feeling of balance preserved the consistency."

"……?"

I have no clue what Otonashi-san is saying. Why is it necessary to preserve some consistency?

"Why are you completely lacking in comprehension…anyway, to explain it simply—let's assume the Rejecting Classroom is a movie that the culprit is directing. The filming has ended, so only editing remains. But the production company insists that there's a new actor who has to appear in the movie. There's no roles left to cast anymore. But it's unreasonable to just film this additional actor standing idly onscreen without giving him a role to play; that wouldn't be a movie anymore. So instead the director decides to modify the script as little as possible in order to give him a role. That's what I mean by 'preserving the consistency.'"

"In other words he couldn't keep you from slipping in and had to somehow integrate you. So he was forced to make you a sudden 'transfer student' in order to preserve the school life of March 2^nd?"

"Yes. And that alone should make you feel that something's wrong with this Rejecting Classroom. It's too bothersome to explain each and every detail so I'll cut straight to the chase. This is not 'reality'. Nor is it a true recurrence. It's merely a small separated 'space'. It's just a clumsy wish that holds true as long the culprit himself continues to mistake it for a true time loop."

"Err…so that's why the recurrences were imperfect?"

"Exactly. The culprit, who at heart doesn't believe it's possible to turn back time, instead won't allow it to proceed. He's choosing to reject it. The owner just needs to keep deceiving himself."

"This imperfection is the reason we can retain our memories?"

"I guess so. The specific reasons we can retain our memories may differ, but there's undoubtedly a gap in the Rejecting Classroom."

But there is something I still can't understand.

"At the end of the day, who are you, Otonashi-san?"

Otonashi-san frowns. Maybe this is a question she wanted to avoid.

"Ah, no…you don't have to tell me if you don't want to…"

However, she opens her mouth, frowning all the while.

"There's no cool title for my position. I'm just a student.…is what I'd like to say, but that only applied until about a year ago…My standpoint, huh? I have never come out and expressed it, but right, there's probably only one way to state it. I am—"

Otonashi-san, seeming very displeased, spits out her next few words.

"—actually a box."

"You're actually a box? What do you mean?"

When I parrot back her words because I still don't understand, Otonashi-san's frown just deepens.

"There will be various drawbacks if I explain the details, so I can't tell you."

I feel a bit unsatisfied, and this is apparently reflected by my expression. After looking at me, Otonashi-san continues.

"But I'll tell you this: I once obtained and used a box."

"Eh—!!"

"And my wish is still being granted."

Otonashi-san possesses a box?

"You're curious about my reason for seeking the box anyway, aren't you? Very well, I'll you let you know. My wish was definitely granted. But at the same time, I lost everything."

"…everything?"

"My family, friends, classmates, relatives, teachers, neighbors—I lost everyone close to me because of my wish. Everyone related to me isn't…here anymore."

I am speechless.

"That's not…some kind of metaphor, is it? You're speaking literally?"

"Yes. I can't stand to leave everything in limbo. That's why I'm taking action."

She has lost everything. She has nothing left to lose. That might be why Otonashi-san can be so reckless and fearless.

Anyway, to wish for such a situation, heck, what kind of wish did she insert into her box?

"Isn't it possible to destroy the box? Wouldn't the wish be nullified that way?"

"Hoshino," Otonashi-san responds to my reflexive doubt in a strongly admonitory tone, "the box is granting my wish. Do you get it? Don't make me say more about it."

Right. There's no way Otonashi-san didn't come up with that on her own. In other words:

The box definitely took everything away from her. But even so—Otonashi-san doesn't want to abandon her wish.

When I stay silent, Otonashi-san takes the lead once more.

"My wish and the wish of the owner of the Rejecting Classroom can't coexist. His box was created that way. So they repelled each other when I slipped in and the interference against me was reduced. But that's still just a 'reduction' in resistance. Put differently, I'm not immune to the effects of the Rejecting Classroom, either. Even I don't know the extent of its impact on me. If I gave in, I'd also be captured by the Rejecting Classroom…just as I already told you long ago, huh?"

If that's the case, how does the owner view Otonashi-san? At the very least, he's unlikely to be happy about her presence.

"You should finally understand the situation somewhat better now, so I'll return to our original topic. I guess it's not possible to retrieve the Rejecting Classroom anymore and use it. This box is already used up by the owner, so it's alright to just end the Rejecting Classroom."

"So how can we do that?"

"By ripping the box out of the owner. Alternatively, by destroying it along with the owner. That's about it. Another possibility would be…to find him, the distributor of the box, since he might be able to do something. But he's not going to be inside the box, so that doesn't seem like a viable option."

The distributor of the box?

I am about to ask her about him—and stop.

I don't remember this "*" I should have met already, and I don't want to, either.

"……so nothing will happen as long we don't find the culprit, right?"

"Oh? Nothing will happen, you say, huh? So you just implicitly complained that our conversation up until now was completely meaningless, unconstructive and a waste of time, right? You've got some nerve."

"N-No! I was just trying to confirm…"

"Hmph, so you feel that your knowledge and wit can solve a problem even I couldn't solve? I'm sure you interjected your comment with an idea in mind, right?"

"Ugh…"

I winced. There's no way I'd have one.

"Back to relevancy—if I knew that, then there would be no way for the owner to evade me. But, right…unlike the other deaths, the death of the owner won't be forgiven inside the Rejecting Classroom. For example, I died countless times inside this Rejecting Classroom but I'm here now and I haven't lost my box."

"But the owner is different?"

"Yeah, exactly. The owner and the box are connected. The instant the owner dies, the Rejecting Classroom will be destroyed. That should definitely be true, since I know of a similar case. The box will break the moment the owner dies, at the same time the characteristics of the Rejecting Classroom will be annihilated, and the concept of true death will be restored."

"So he'll stay dead if that happens…?"

"Exactly."

"So we can assume I'm not the culprit. Also, you're obviously not the culprit either."

"Well, yeah."

So Mogi-san also can't be the culprit. I mean, Mogi-san met with that accident already.

"Say, some of our classmates have disappeared, right? Does that have anything to do with death inside the box?"

"…I can't tell for sure, but there shouldn't be any connection. I still don't know why it's happening, but it's probably another characteristic of the Rejecting Classroom."

—wait!

I suddenly realize—there's a simple way to identify the culprit.

At the same time, I feel my blood drain away from my face. What am I thinking? This is just too despicable. But, but—

Aya Otonashi. She could do it.

I mustn't tell her. But why isn't Otonashi-san aware of this method? There's no way she wouldn't notice it. But she didn't use it. That means…What does that mean—?

"Hoshino."

My whole body twitches when she calls out to me.

"What are you thinking? Surely you didn't come up with a way to find the owner—"

My body twitches again.

"—so you did think of something, Hoshino?"

"Ah, no—"

"Hiding it is futile. How much time do you think I have spent together with you? I have been chasing you longer than anyone else in this world. Unwillingly, but still…"

I am aware of that. Anyone would realize that I am trying to hide something.

"——"

But there is no way I can readily tell her about that.

"Hoshino. Even you should be aware that I'm not very patient."

She isn't going to fall for a random lie. Even if I try to evade her question, I'll surely blurt out the method in the end.

But still—

"Hoshino!!"

Otonashi-san seizes me by the collar. Ah, how painful. She's serious. Well, of course she is. After all, she's endured more than 20,000 loops just to obtain the box.

"Tell me!! Tell me this method!!"

I will definitely regret it if I tell her. But can I really keep quiet in such a situation?

"…you just need to kill all of our classmates."

So I tell her.

It's simple. If you can exclude every person that has died at least once from the pool of suspects, then that's easy. You just need to kill every suspect. It's a simple and devilish solution.

But people who die here will be resurrected.

There is nothing to worry about. I couldn't ever execute such a plan, but I'm sure Otonashi-san would be able to.

After all, she even produced corpses in order to retain her memories.

But did this plan really not occur to her? Why didn't she think of killing people in order to track down the culprit, in addition to retaining her memories? And if she did come up with that ultra-effective method, why didn't she execute it when all she needed would be roughly 40 iterations?

She doesn't answer.

She doesn't show any reaction.

I slowly look at her face.

Otonashi-san is still holding me by the collar and stares at me, unblinking.

"That is—"

Otonashi-san quietly removes her hand from my collar.

"That is—not an acceptable method."

"…eh?"

"That would be like performing medical testing on a living person without consent. Of course it's the most efficient way to use a human if you want to know how people are affected. But that act should be immediately rejected as an unacceptable method."

Otonashi-san spits these words out in a low voice without looking away for a single second.

"You want to know why? That goes without saying: such an act is inhuman. The moment someone does such a thing, he isn't human anymore.…yeah, I am a box, after all. Is it because of that? Is that why you are—"

Otonashi-san's eyes are unmistakably burning with anger.

"—treating me as inhuman!?"

Aah, certainly, if she did interpret my comments like that, then her anger is natural. I realize that I was speaking thoughtlessly.

But I still don't understand.

"But you've killed people to retain your memories, haven't you?"

"……what are you saying?"

Otonashi-san seems unable to endure my words and shoots me a sharp glance.

"…a-as I said, you produced extreme events that provoked strong impressions in order to retain your memories, didn't you?"

"Stop insulting me already—!! Didn't I explain it to you just now?! I can only resist the Rejecting Classroom because I am a box!"

Aah, right. That she retains her memories by producing and witnessing corpses was just Daiya's unfounded theory.

But even so, I still can't comprehend her actions.

"What's with that face? If you have something to say, spit it out already!!"

Otonashi-san seizes me by the collar once more and scowls at me again, but this time, I scowl back.

Yeah…I haven't prepared myself. I didn't really consider what it means to scowl back at her; it's a really difficult act for me to engage in.

I am completely under her control. And because I'm aware of that, that's why I'm resisting her in this way.

But I say something that snaps our tenuous bond.

"Then why did you kill me?!!"

And our ability to communicate further is destroyed.

✵

Those words irrevocably broke our relationship.

Otonashi-san ceased speaking to me, and also stopped directing any form of expression toward me. Completely. With Otonashi-san standing before me like that, I was naturally left impotent. In the end, I had no choice but to leave the hotel.

I loiter around near the hotel, but that's just an expression of my foolish reluctance. I aimlessly while away my time. I glance at the 'borrowed' bike we rode in on and walk away. I go to the convenience store. I buy tea in a P.E.T. bottle. I drink it bit by bit. The bottle becomes empty. I notice that I can barely remember what I was drinking.

This might be the end.

Unlike Otonashi-san, I am not certain whether I can retain my memories. If she doesn't consider me necessary to her plans, I might forget everything and before I know it, I'd get spit out of the Rejecting Classroom. Then I'd vanish like a certain person did.

I can't hear any sounds on my path—there are no street lights either, nor any colors.

It's like the person who made all this didn't get around to finishing all the details.

I put the empty bottle against my mouth. I feel like I'll be swallowed if I don't act like I'm drinking something. Swallowed by what? I have no idea.

All of a sudden, the music of my favorite artist resounds on the silent road. What?…aah, I see. That's my phone.…my phone? So someone's calling me? Right. Right! I can't remember giving it to her. I can't remember giving Otonashi-san my phone number, but in some other world I might have!

I take my cell phone out of my uniform pocket.

The name 'Kokone Kirino' is displayed on the L.C.D. screen.

I look up at the sky. As if things would work out that nicely! I knew it. But I can't help having some unrealistic expectations, right?

I get my breathing under control and accept the call.

"Ah, hello…Kazu-kun."

I don't get the usual vibe from her voice, though that might just be me. Or has Kokone always acted like this over the phone? We might be intimate, but I've rarely ever talked with her on my cell before.

"Ah, err—"

I have a hunch that I can already predict this conversation.

Ah, no, I definitely know what'll happen. I just can't recall the details right now.

"Can you come by for a bit? I'll tell you where to meet me."

What was going to happen next? How did this pan out again?

"There's something I have to tell you, Kazu-kun."

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