Editing Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume2 Chapter1 (section)

===Part 1===

The amount of gold and people required made it far from being precedent.
:*I think precedent should be replaced with something like prudent.
::*Precedent here refers to order of precedence. The literal meaning of this sentence is "Priority was placed on the 'use' of workers and gold." I quite like the way the sentence if worded, but if you think it might be incorrect, feel free to change the phrasing in accordance with the literal sentence I provided.

But, five days later, Kaiser had heard through one of his evening parties that the king's political measures had been formally reproached.
:*The meaning of this line didn't make sense to me contextually.  It sounds like Kaiser found out at his party that the king's measures were reproached.  But wasn't Kaiser the one who was reproaching the king's measures?  Or was there additional formal criticism/protest?
::*Ahaha...silly me. Mistook 開いた for　聞いた. Changed it to, "But, five days later, Kaiser, through an open evening party held at his residence, newly reproached the king's political measures. 

Emperor Guhl Mephius would once more put his plan of strengthening his own authority into action, and after earning the hostility of his surroundings, was when Fedom would put his own plan into practice, and the testimony of that day drew closer.
:*I think some of the subject-verb pairings don't quite match up as intended.  My suggested change to fix that would be the following.  Also, I'm not entirely sure of the intended meaning of "and the testimony of that day drew closer".
::- Emperor Guhl Mephius would once more put his plan of strengthening his own authority into action, and in the process earn the hostility of his surroundings. That was when Fedom would put his own plan into practice, and the testimony of that day drew closer.
::*Changed as mentioned.

It was a large ambition.
:*Suggested change to "It was an ambitious plan."
::* The raws specifically refer to the breadth and not contents of his ambition. Therefore, I'd like to keep it this format. If you feel huge/great might make better adjectives in place of large, feel free to change it.

He also held the title as a member of the Founding Imperial Council ...
:*The phrasing of "the title as a member" seems a little off to me.  Suggested change to "a position as a member".  Though there might some other alternatives if you changed the structure or word choice of the rest of the sentence as well.
::*Yea, it sounded a bit off to me too when I wrote it. It might be better to condense it, since any efforts to stretch out meaning of the title would lead to repetitive word usage in this sentence. Changed as mentioned.

For this reason, we are to spread idle chatter of '''this his''' intentions with this 'joke', which will instead become truth.
:*The main change would be deleting the "this" in "this his".  It's a small change, but I wasn't perfectly confident on the intent of the rest of the sentence to do it myself.
::*Yea, "this" should be removed. Failed parsing while rephrasing this sentence on my part.

"That aside, what about you? If you occasionally keep checking on the current situation, you won't make a speck of progress. You don't have all the time in the world. Dinn, how do you explain this sorry state?"
:*I feel like "occasionally" and "keep" are contradictory descriptions.  From context I think you could delete occasionally and just have keep.  Also, I was a little confused by the context of who is saying this line.  I thought this was Fedom's line, but then I was confused by what it means that Orba ("you") was wasting time by "checking on the current situation".
::*I realized I translated this sentence wrong, hence the awkward sentence. Changed to "That aside, what's with you? I drop by this once to find you haven't made a speck of progress. You don't have all the time in the world. Dinn, how do you explain this sorry state?"

Dinn said as he placed down a full remaining cup of tea.
:*Not sure what "remaining" means there.  Suggest deleting that word.
::*Hmm, I initially thought 茶を下げる was the simple action of lowering a (pot/cup) of tea, but it seems to refer to removal of the tea leaves from brewed tea..well I'll be damned. Changed it to "Dinn said as he removed the tea leaves from the untouched tea." 

For this one month, Fedom had confined Orba within the prince's room. Under the pretext that the mental strain from his first campaign and reality of the circumstances over the several days had caused his physical condition to crumble, he was not allowed to participate in official business and was prohibited from having personal meetings with the large number of people who sought to get closer to him. During this time, he devoted himself to Orba's education in making him more prince-like, no matter how little, as part of his plan. 
:*I think the middle sentence is a bit too long and convoluted.  I'm not sure that I grasp the intended structure and meaning, so I can't propose an alternative.  One aspect that confused me was it says "circumstances over the several days", but the first sentence says it has been "one month".  So that seemed like a discrepancy to me.  It's a lesser issue, but you could also replace some of the pronouns (he/his) with the names, since it's a little confusing that the subjects in each sentence flip back and forth (Fedom -> he (Orba) -> he (Fedom)).

"On that matter, I have complete faith in you. If that is of your opinion."
:*Suggested change of last part to "If that is your opinion."
::*May I hear your reasoning for this change? I added 'of' for emphatic purposes and feel it adds connotations of wit and doubt that are not present in its absence. 
:::*I feel like "of" should only be to relate two things.  In this case I would say "that" (Theresia's advice) '''is''' her opinion, not merely related to it.  It's a small issue, so if you think it's fine, then I don't think it needs any more discussion.

Theresia immediately began selecting clothes that would falter the soon-to-be husband.
:*Suggested change of "falter" to "sway" (or entrance).
::*I had originally reworded it from faltering...but I shouldn't have. Faltering is used to describe the husband, who has yet to give in to her advances. There might be a better word than faltering, but I can't think of it right now, so for now changed to "Theresia immediately began selecting clothes for the faltering soon-to-be husband."
:::*Someone edited the "husband" to "wife".  From our discussion here I'm pretty sure "husband" was the intended word, but I do undertand why someone would be confused.  I didn't see it earlier, but the current sentence structure with husband makes it should like it's Gil's clothes she is selecting.  The fix that comes to my mind is still to insert a word along the lines sway, entrance, influence, or affect.  So that the result would be "clothes to sway the (faltering) soon-to-be-husband."  I'll let the error from the other editor sit assuming you'll take care of it in the next couple of weeks, but I'll undo it myself eventually if not.
:::*I finally thought of a word! Impotent! "...selecting clothes for the impotent soon-to-be husband." Then again, this still doesn't resolve the problem of "selecting clothes 'for'" in the context. It was more or less a translation adhering to the Japanese style of grammar, which is confusing when read in English. Fixed to "...selecting clothes that would charm the impotent soon-to-be husband."