Editing Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume2 Chapter1 (section)

===Part 2===

Fastened to horses on the top of a hill, the youths waiting...
:*"Fastened to horses" sound awkward to me.  I would suggest "Riding on horses" or "Saddled on horses".
::*Changed to "Straddled to their horses." Somehow couldn't think of this word while I was translating it at the time. Thanks.
:::*I think you intended to type "Saddled to their horses"?  If you did intend "straddled" then it might be be better as "straddled on" rather than "to", though I do think using "saddled" would be better. 
:::*Meh. Damn me and my 5th grade level english. I concede. Saddle is better in this situation.

Although not even half an hour had passed since the departure from the palace, going through the trouble to suggest riding on horseback was rather typical of Ineli.
:*I was confused by this line.  I'm not sure what how long it's been since they left has to do with Ineli suggesting horseback riding.  Weren't they already on horse back?  If so why does the "Although not even ..." segment mention the time it has been?
::*Fixed to [Not even thirty minutes ago back at the palace, the one who proposed they should go on horseback seemed to have been Ineli. "The weather finally turned nice too. Let's take a slight detour," she suggested.]

"That won't do. If the prince had not received an invitation, then even we wouldn't be forced to meet with that boorish Rogue," The one who elatedly stuck out his tongue was Troa Hergei. Projecting himself from below the stomach of his mounted horse that left it as something to be pitied, was the young boy Baton Cadmus. In a bored tone, he began,  <!--Need double-checking to see if the boy was Baton, or Troa.-->
:* In the first half I was confused by "we wouldn't be forced".  In the conversation, Troa was rejecting Orba's suggestion that Orba shouldn't have come.  So why does Troa respond by saying Troa was forced to meet with Rogue (implying that it's a negative thing).
::*Troa and Gil's other friends wanted to go out and play with him. Orba(Gil) needed to attend an appointed invitation to Rogue Saian's house. So Orba made them tag along with him to Saian's house. Troa most likely doesn't like him due to differences in style. He prefers a "noble" environment, whereas Rogue acts towards the unrefined areas, which he is unaccustomed to. I think the sentence already portrays that, but me being the translator, it might still be unclear. Tell me if it still is, and I'll try to find a way to change it, since nothing comes to mind for me atm.
:::*I don't get that meaning from the sentence, but even after having it explained to me, I'm having trouble coming up with a good revision.  So since I can't come up with anything, and you think it's fine, it's probably most efficient to let this be unless someone else brings it up, or I get a random flash of compositional inspiration that can represent my perspective.
::::*It could be that 'forced' might come as a bit too excessive of a wording. But that's also how Troa ends up exaggerating it. He isn't actually forced to, since he could just as well not have come, but would have come anyway regardless of where Gil decided to go, and thus was 'forced' into this situation. Of course, I also admit there's still a lot of inferring that has to be done to properly understand this sentence.
:*Also, I'm just not sure on the meaning for the sentence "Project himself from below the stomach ... to be pitied".
::*changed to "....was Troa Hergei. The young boy stuck his head out from under the horse leaving it as something to be pitied." By 'something to be pitied', it refers to Troa doing whatever he wants of the horse and treating it as his plaything.  

During the course of their meal, Rogue told stories of the battlefield. He had to answer to Orba's safety above all. His other comrades were of little interest to him.
:*The last two sentences just seem a little out of place, there may not be anything wrong here.  I would assume that those two sentences refer to the stories Rouge is telling (because why would he care about Gil's safety during their picnic).  But there's nothing else that indicates those sentences are referring to the stories.
::*I read the context all wrong because of the strange wording. 無難に答える seems to be a way of saying "to affirm, to consolidate, to confirm." Changed to "...battlefield. Orba did nothing more than attest to them. The others in their company repeatedly blurted out..."  
I've always been meaning to hear about it if I ever met brother.
:*Suggested change to "I've been meaning to ask about it when I met brother".  "always" removed because I don't think it fits something that's only 1 month.  "hear" to "ask" because I think it's more natural.  And "if I ever" to "when" because I assume Ineli wasn't thinking that she might never meet him, but rather that it was just a matter of how long it would be.
:**always is figurative here, indicating "since she first heard it until this very point in time." Colloquial usages of expressions tend to be more flexible in passage, so I don't see anything wrong with it. And this day is the first time she met him since he came back from the campaign so I added 'with' to alter it, but I'll double-check the raws at a later date to see if I can make the sentence more flexible. For now,  "I've always been meaning to ask about it if ever met with brother"

He felt a hot sensation transmitted to those parts, and also, an impact as if he received blows to his forehead.  //  When he realized what it was, he broke into tears, as Ran hugged his back.
:*I don't really understand what's going on here, but that may be because it relates to the 'voice', which I assume is introduced in chapters 6+ of volume 1 (or I forgot it if it was earlier).
::*Through the very hand Romus used to touch the dragon, the feelings of the dragon(bodily sensations) were transmitted to him, and he could also feel it in those respective parts. Of particular note was the throbbing sensation in the head, which he quickly associated with his repeated violent thrusts on the dragon with the blunted spear. This 'voice' appears to be a linkage of senses between a dragon and receiver, but you're right, it probably needs a more detailed explanation.  

The dragon fervently extended its claws between the bars of the cage.
:*Suggested changed of "extended" to "thrust" as more active word choice.
::*'Extended' is weird, but 'thrust' doesn't exactly fit the contact. Changed to "The dragon fervently swung its claws out between the bars of the cage."