On a Godless Planet:Volume2B Chapter 35
Chapter 35: Megamind[edit]
–If you will drag this with you any distance
Will you also push it any distance?
●
“Aunt! Aunt! Please calm down! At least by 20%!”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I am having a serious discussion here.”
“That’s the problem! This negotiation will be recorded for everyone back home to see!”
“I would prefer a hit to my reputation than let them mock Olympus.”
“Your reputation can’t possibly get any worse than it already is, but the others will hate this! Just hate it!”
“What? No, they won’t. Anyway, Ares would probably make the best distraction. He never will shut up. And while Zeus is a sorry excuse for a god, people know his name and he’s tough. Perfect to distract an enemy, don’t you think?”
“Don’t mention them by name when they’re going to see this!”
“Settle down.” Demeter held her palms out toward Athena. “Athena. I am as calm as can be.”
“Are you sure about that!?”
“I am. If we use two of them as a distraction and then send another one or two to pin down the monotheistic god’s limbs, even a god as scrawny as Hermes should be able to immobilize him for maybe three seconds. See? I’m calm enough to think up a perfectly rational strategy.”
“Auuuuuunt!!”
“Just listen, Athena. First, all the Dodekatheoi but me will stop the monotheistic god for a few seconds. With me so far?”
“I notice you made sure not to include yourself in this plan.”
“I was originally an earth goddess, so as long as I’m still around, we can get by even if the rest of them all die. Anyway, once the monotheistic god is immobilized…”
She took a breath.
“If you charge in with your spear, you can slay even a monotheistic god, don’t you think?”
●
Tenma saw Athena take a step forward with her head hanging.
She slowly raised her right forearm.
“If you use that monotheistic god against us, we will declare all-out war to destroy him.”
“You wanna Arrrrmageddon with me!? You’rrrre on!”
“You mean it’s finally Armageddon time?”
“Hey, negotiator. What do you say to that?”
“Well,” Tenma replied.
She honestly hadn’t expected them to negotiate by force like that. She had expected more of a peaceful discussion. But they had brought this to a level of pure warpower. And…
“If we force them to destroy themselves, the backlash against Shinto will only grow. Our terraforming would likely be forcibly stopped by the DC and an emergency council of the other mythologies.”
“Why would they do that?”
“Because they don’t know when to quit.”
“So they win by being stubborn?”
Exactly. So…
“Upping the ante or playing chicken will not work when negotiating with them. A lot of tactics are off the table here.”
●
…What a pain.
If they were all about warpower, it seemed like this could be solved with a solid punch. But…
“They’re threatening us with the ultimate result of what happens if they refuse to back down and it destroys them.”
“This means their victory is assured if we try to use warpower to negotiate.”
“Eh? Y-you mean even my authority won’t help as part of that ‘warpower’?”
“They’ve set it up so even their own destruction would work in their favor. That’s likely an option available to any mythology on the DC, but Olympus is different from the others.”
“They’re known for their combat ability and technology. Anyone who destroys them would be seen as a major threat to all other mythologies.”
“And that threat would be too big for any one mythology to defeat, right?”
“Too much military might brings destruction. That is as true for Olympus as it would be for us if we defeated them. Their strength lies not just in their simple warpower but also in the DC politics that allow them to ‘lose the battle but win the war’. In other words…”
The negotiator did not turn toward them as she spoke.
“Both the monotheistic god’s absurdity and the terraforming leader’s authority cannot be used against this opponent. They might let us win the immediate battle, but that would mean a political loss at the next stage.”
●
So what could they do?
Tenma considered a few options. And more than anything…
“Human-senpai.”
“Huh? What do you want?”
“I have a question for you. We know the following things about these inspectors:
“*They came to meet us to demand we not interfere.
“*We do not know why they are in Okutama.
“And we are facing the following problems:
“*The inspectors are probably trying to capture the water monster, but they have not shared that information and we are talking based on the assumption that we do not know this.
“*They are very powerful and screwing up this negotiation would mean the end of the Shinto terraforming.”
So…
“They have implicitly said we are not to interfere with their capture of the water monster. What do you say to that?”
●
Neptune gasped.
…This isn’t good.
Salacia was his wife. She had become a water monster, but there was a reason for that and he thought it could be reversed.
And he knew why the Olympus gods wanted to capture her.
But if he revealed that reason, it would drag Shinto into a political problem which involved the DC.
That was why he and Kido, who was in a similar position, could not tell them much.
On top of that, Salacia kept attacking the human. There was a reason for that too, but he again couldn’t give it.
The human was a victim here.
For him, the Olympus inspectors’ goal of “capturing the water monster” would make him safer.
…So he would normally side with them.
Safety trumped danger. If his attempt failed, he would be at risk. So…
“Shinto negotiator and human representative. Do not…”
He was about to say not to worry about his feelings. This was his private issue and he couldn’t let it hinder a public work like the Shinto terraforming. But…
“Capturing the water monster is Mr. Vomit’s job, not theirs.”
●
“Hey, Temanko,” I said.
“…”
“Hey! Answer me! You’re making me look unpopular!”
“Why does it feel like responding would mean admitting defeat?”
“Just listen, Temanko.”
I went ahead and said it.
“Capturing the water monster is Mr. Vomit and Kido-senpai’s job. We’ve decided to help them out with that. That’s what we decided this camping trip would be about and that’s what we’ll do even if these inspectors are barging in and getting in our way.”
I was all a lot of trouble. And the source of that trouble, Mr. Vomit, spoke to me.
“Why?”
“I’m not telling.”
“Sumeragi-kun?”
“Oh! I’ll tell you later, Senpai! I’ll reveal everything in such a clean and pure state you’ll think I drenched the entire thing in bleach from head to toe, so then you can say, ‘really, that’s why you did all that, you stupid dung beetle’!”
“You stupid dung beetle.”
“I wasn’t talking to you!”
But Senpai smiled a little.
“This is for Kido-san, isn’t it?”
“For me?”
“Yes,” said Senpai and I felt heat rising into my face. I can’t hide anything from her, can I? I realized as she took my hand and spoke.
“Kido-san said she couldn’t tell us much because it would cause trouble for Sumeragi-kun. So even if he has figured out some things and filled in the rest with guesswork, he knows he can’t say it out loud.”
Because…
“He doesn’t want to tear down the things Kido-san has worked so hard to protect.”
●
…Izumi.
I was reminded of the other day.
In the game clubroom, I criticized Douhai-san while choosing my words carefully. Because I was worried for Izumi but didn’t want to hurt him.
But at the time, he didn’t notice and took her side, ultimately making me cry.
“––––––”
He had done that the right way here.
I had done this for him before but screwed it up, but now he had done it for me without screwing it up.
And yet…
“Why?”
Why?
“Why does it make me cry either way?”
●
“…”
“Kuwajiri-chan! Kuwajiri-chan! This is supposed to be a moving scene, so you need to resist!”
“May I say one thing?”
“I-I guess? One should be fine. What is it?”
“How do you make a moving scene featuring a dung beetle?”
“…”
“My guess would be Senpai-chan and Kido-chan have abnormal pathways in their brains.”
“Th-that’s not very nice, Shifu-san!”
●
“Thank you.”
Tenma clapped her hands together.
“Thank you.”
There was a lot she still didn’t understand. With Kido, Salacia, and the inspectors’ plans, she was mostly going off of speculation. But there was one thing she knew about the Shinto side.
“Thank you.”
She clapped her hands together and spoke. Both sides were hiding their true intentions and they all carried their own mysteries, but…
“We gods have gathered here to grant the human’s wish!”
●
“So what’s the plan, negotiator?”
“In a negotiation where we bet on the outcome, this opponent will use an unbeatable strategy of ‘destruction through secondary damage’. So we will not make any bets.”
“So you’ll make a direct attack?”
“Yes. I will defeat them by pinpoint targeting their weak point.”
●
What are they going to do? wondered Demeter.
…Nothing they do will make a difference.
Olympus had warpower and defeating that warpower would mean all-out war. And if they lost that all-out war, their opponent’s victory would mean their political defeat.
So no matter what happened, she just had to make sure her opponents were the ones who picked a fight with her.
If this led to a violent conflict, she would win at some point along the way. But…
“I can’t let my guard down.”
How should she put it?
There were some general patterns here.
“What do you think, aunt?”
“Their worst option is to attempt a political resolution.”
That was a bad plan. Because during the negotiations, she would find an opportunity to force things toward a martial resolution. Once that happened, she had won.
“For one thing, ‘political’ requires a lot of back and forth. Which will drag things out. Do they think everything else will stand still and ensure their safety during all that? If so, they are fools. Because we have already directed this toward a martial resolution at every opportunity. I can’t imagine an easier situation for us. So I really hope they will try it.”
“Then,” said her niece. “What would be a good plan for them? Trying for an economic resolution?”
“That would be a so-so plan. If they will give us money to not wield our military might, then we will take them for all they’re worth, invent a lot of extra interest for them to pay, and – if they say they don’t have enough money – we do what we do best: pick a fight with them. That way it all leads back to a martial resolution.”
Plus, this was a campsite. How much money could they possibly have on hand?
“But if they offer us a large enough sum and ask us to back off if we want it, I will consider it. Because it does provide a minimal chance of working, an economic resolution would be better than a political one.”
“Then,” said her niece again. “What would be a good plan for them?”
●
“Well,” said Demeter. She wondered what kind of smile was on her face as she spoke to her niece.
She knew the best possible plan for their opponents here.
“A martial resolution.”
“Huh?”
Surprise colored her niece’s face. Understandable, she thought in satisfaction. That wasn’t very nice. Sorry. But…
“I do wonder what they will choose.”
What will their plan be? she wondered.
Just then, the Shinto negotiator spread her hands and spoke.
“I have a request, inspector.”
“What is it? Spit it out.”
The negotiator nodded and spoke with dignity in her voice.
“I would like to ask that you cease your attempt to capture the water monster.”
“––––––”
“You idiot,” she said without thinking. “Did you forget everything we just said? Don’t you know what happens if you pick a fight with us?”
“Yes, I know very well. So…”
She said it.
“If you insist on continuing, we will be forced to make a peaceful martial resolution.”
●
“Oh, really?”
Demeter could tell she was mildly pissed.
The little negotiator from a later generation mythology had just mentioned the good plan she had considered. But…
“May I say one thing?”
“Of course.”
“If this plan is not the one I am thinking of or it is a misunderstanding that fails to surpass the one I am thinking of, then I will immediately send in all of Olympus’s forces. Are you prepared for that?”
This was a warning. Her point needed to think their plan through, but…
“If you must pick a fight with us, make sure you do it in a way we approve of. If you are wrong, we will wage a destructive war against you as punishment. You should assume that any insulting or misunderstood methods will receive divine punishment on that level. Do you understand that?”
“I do.”
Undaunted, the negotiator nodded. And…
“Kido Abinae will be your opponent.”
●
“I will?”
Despite my words, I didn’t actually question this choice.
The reason for it was obvious.
“Because I am a goddess found in Greek mythology, I assume?”
“Yes. If you battle against Olympus mythology, it will count as an internal Greek conflict. So instead of fighting against any of us, the Greek gods will be dying against one of their own.”
And…
“I can only speculate as to your identity, but you mentioned having already returned home to deal with your mistakes.”
Yes. I had done that. And I knew where she was going with this.
“Again, I can only speculate, but I doubt the Olympus gods have an effective means of attacking you. I would speculate this is due to the period of mythological fusion during the Earth Age. And Shinto is involved in this too. …In that case, you are our greatest anti-Olympus fighter.”
So…
“Kido-senpai, do you have sufficient reason and willingness to battle the Olympus gods?”
●
Kido sucked in a breath.
The scent of the river wafted through the summer night.
Everything was so still and she fell under the illusion that everything was waiting for her and her water powers.
“Now, then.”
Before, she would have hesitated.
She would have backed away, not wanting to involve Izumi.
But…
“I do.”
Just like her, Izumi was trying to protect the people he cared for. He was capable of that now. And most likely, that goddess was part of that category as was Kido herself.
So while it hadn’t happened yet, she didn’t need to fear it on her own.
If they were going to say goodbye, it could be after it happened.
“Demeter? Athena too,” she said. “You have no way of defeating me.”
●
“Ha ha.”
Demeter laughed. If laughter was what left her, then that was her honest feeling.
This amused her.
“Kido! Kido Abinae!” she said. “You so feared allowing that human to learn your identity, but now you would join the fight!? What if I gave away your identity here!? You wouldn’t be so confident then!”
“Is being a snitch your idea of a martial resolution?”
“––––––”
This goddess, thought Demeter.
“You are nothing but an evil god with a grudge against Olympus!”
Everyone glanced toward the monotheistic god, but that was not who she meant.
“Very well.”
She would do it.
Their odds weren’t good against Kido Abinae in her current state.
“I doubt even the full Dodekatheoi will be enough, but so be it.”
●
“I know I’m late on this, but Dodekatheoi sounds weird even for a foreign word.”
“It’s a common mistake, but saying Dodekatheon instead refers to their 12 temples, so be careful about that.”
“Oh, is that like the word pantheon?”
“As seen in the term pan-pacific, ‘pan’ means all or every. So pantheon would be the temple for all the gods. When people refer to the ‘Pantheon Temple’ they’re actually being redundant, much like tourist maps of Japan that list ‘Horyuji Temple’.”
“I’m pretty sure I heard someone mention ‘Tokyo Eki Station’ on the way here.”
“Oh, I thought you were saying something about a ‘dough deck’, which I assumed was part of a bakery…”
“Senpai-chan, did you catch Sumeragi-kun’s germs?”
“N-no, Sumeragi-kun’s jokes are a lot cuter! Right, Kido-san?”
“Agreed.”
“Heyyyyyy! Quit ignoring me!!”
●
“Anyway. Underestimate us at your own peril.”
Hey.
“You provoked us, so we get to choose. Make no mistake there. You may have been the cause, but we decided to throw the punches. And once we choose to fight, we do not half-ass it. You should be prepared for a second Gigantomachy.”
“That would count as an internal conflict on your part. Are you sure you want that?”
Idiot.
“Backing down from a challenge to fight would be shameful! This has nothing to do with nitpicky distinctions about internal conflicts or whatever!”
Listen.
“If Olympus would stop just because someone threatened us, we wouldn’t exist in the first place!!”
“So,” said Demeter, spreading her arms.
“Athena! If I die here, declare war! Take all the money in my crushed luggage and hire a taxi back home at the train station. Then muster all of our fighters and begin a war of annihilation! Go, Metera Thesmophoros!”
Demeter began summoning her god of war. But just before she could do so, Athena took action.
“I, Inspector and Olympus Representative Athena, request a continuation of our earlier battle!”
●
Oh, no. That one thought said it all.
…I need to stop this!
Her aunt was completely correct.
The 12 gods of Olympus referred to Greek mythology as Olympus mythology to honor themselves. Most others went along with it, so Greek mythology effectively belonged to them.
But the Dodekatheoi were not currently complete.
They were missing a few members due to the reserved manifestations from the period of mythological fusion during the Earth era. The expectation for all 12 of them to be together had been lost so now their numbers were still incomplete.
Of course, they were each quite powerful as individuals and their combined power was still quite high.
But they were not complete. A lot of evils would attempt to take advantage of this, so they could not let anyone question their strength.
They had to face any threat with their full strength.
So her aunt’s decision was correct.
…But!
But losing her aunt here would further reduce Olympus’s strength.
Their reputation was important, but they had to think about the future too. Her aunt was one of the most powerful Olympus gods, but they could not afford to lose her just because this opponent was a bad matchup for her.
Athena had a single goal in mind.
…It needs to be anyone but Kido!
So she raised her voice.
“Face me as a Shinto fighter, Bilgamesh! We will decide this negotiation by continuing our interrupted duel!”
●
“Athena! Do you have any idea what you are doing!?”
“I do, aunt! I promise you I will win!”
That isn’t the point, thought Demeter.
She did understand what her niece was trying to do by pushing past her.
She was trying to protect Demeter and the future of Olympus mythology. But…
“You’re fighting on my behalf! So do you know what it means if you lose!?”
“No?”
The idiot.
“Listen carefully! When I lose…”
“Y-yes!? When you lose?”
“I take out my frustrations on whoever’s nearby, drink myself into a stupor, and forget it ever happened when I wake up the next morning.”
“–––––”
“So what will you do?”
“I will take out my frustrations on whoever’s nearby, drink myself into a stupor, and forget it ever happened when I wake up the next morning?”
She sounded uncertain, but at least she got it right. However…
“Um, aunt? What do you do when you win?”
“I hold a party to celebrate, drink myself into a stupor, and wake up to everyone’s praise the next morning.”
“Wow, you’re awful…”
“So what will you do?”
“I will hold a party to celebrate, drink myself into a stupor, and wake up to everyone’s praise the next morning?”
Stop making it a question.
Still, Demeter slapped her niece on the rear to send her out to fight.
“Get going!!”
●
I watched Athena approach.
We already knew who would be going out to meet her.
“Apology Man! Show us you can still fight! Way too many RPGs these days nerf the characters after they join your party!”
“Like Leon in FF2.”
“When I saw his HP after he joined the party, I shouted, ‘Hey! Are you kidding me!? Get out of here!’ ”
“My abilities have not fundamentally changed.”
“Really? But you should still be careful. You’re up against Athena here.”
“Is she that formidable?”
“Bil-chan? Did you not do any research after facing her before?”
“…”
“I am so sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize for that.”
“Such confidence! Seriously though, you should be careful! Athena starts off equipped with a red micro bikini, so since she isn’t wearing one, she must have powered up a lot! Oh, but since she’s not in a sailor uniform, you shouldn’t have to worry about her hitting you with a Psycho Ball.”
“What language is he speaking?”
“Um, Athena? What have you been doing behind my back?”
“I have no idea what he’s talking about! I am not wearing an indecent swimsuit under here!”
“No, you wouldn’t be. That would be too embarrassing, wouldn’t it?”
“Oh, no! Now the enemy is sympathizing with me! But anyway – Athena Ek Mekhanes!!”
Those words summoned a white feminine machine. Was robot the right word here?
As soon as it was summoned, Athena was taken inside the opened hatch at its lower chest. And…
“You’re on!”
Interlude[edit]
“In hindsight, I think I could have attacked her before she joined with the god of war.”
“That’s the kind of thing you wait until the midseason to do, Apology Man!!”
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