Phenomeno:Case 00: Chapter 1

Case 00 – Chapter 1: M

It’s obvious to say, but I, or me, or whoever I was, couldn’t die. I was already dead, and that hypothesis was proved thus. I jumped from the building, lightly drifted down, and landed on the concrete where pedestrians walked back and forth. I had made an entrance like a hero in a Hollywood movie, however, not a single passerby showed any signs of surprise. I wasn’t reflected in their eyes, and their legs passed through me.

Suddenly, I felt something bright flicker right above me, and I raised my head.

Far above the rooftop of the building I had been on just now – there was a strange cloud above in the sky.

No, rather than a cloud, something large and gray covered a part of the sky that was like a giant swirl of paint, and a beam of light shone from a gap in it. And, that light was aimed straight down at the handrail of the building where I had stood just now.

--Ah… Wasn’t that the final call? If I had just waited there, wouldn’t everything have ended?

In a panic, I searched for an entrance to the building in order to return to the rooftop, but it was already too late.

The bright light shining down from the sky gradually narrowed its point of focus as if to say it had ‘lost the thing it was looking for’.

(Hey, wait for me. I’m right here. I’m dead here. Don’t leave me behind.)

I tried to shout out loud, but the light in the sky contracted in the blink of an eye, and eventually disappeared.

I was in a daze for a while – then slowly collapsed to my knees. Even though I landed from the tip of my knees on the concrete, there was barely any pain or an impact. The weight itself was almost imperceptible. From then on, I just sat there on the ground and became hollow. I don’t remember how long I sat there for. I felt no pain since I was dead, and I probably felt no hunger, or thirst. In short, it wasn’t a problem if I did it for eternity.

I didn’t know – I didn’t know, but…

For the time being, I slowly thought it through.

‘What should I do from here on’, was the only thing I kept thinking about. There was no starting point. I thought I should first create a starting point, and first choose how to refer to myself in first person. I tried out various forms, but they all had their merits and demerits, so I chose the word ‘己’. It meant both ‘Ore’ and ‘Onore’, hmm, yes, that was fine. Well then, what was I? I was a dead person. I must have ended up becoming the existence commonly known as a ghost or a spirit. I still couldn’t remember the events that led me to this situation, but – that’s right, I was… I was trying to do something. No, was I trying to meet someone? At any rate, it felt like I was in a rush to get somewhere. But I couldn’t recall where that was, nor the reason why I was in a rush. Well, it would be meaningless even if I could recall. I was already dead, and if I had arranged to meet with someone, that person would still be alive, a dweller of the world I was no longer related to.

Alright, that’s good. For the time being, merely defining myself as ‘I’ has greatly calmed me down.

But, however—

What was this sad wind that occasionally blew at the depths of my heart? When I try to recall the sight I saw just before my death, that sad wind blows in at my heart from somewhere. Someone’s lonely, beautiful, face flickers before my eyes – The fact I would never see them again, no, that I wasn’t even able to say goodbye to them, made me unbearably sad…

Thereupon, I shook my head. I was afraid that If I stayed buried in my grief as someone who was dead, I would end up becoming one of the incomprehensible ‘monsters’.

Before I’d realized, night had passed, and morning came and went. That cycle kept endlessly repeating. And in that time, not a single person noticed me. Even though I was sitting in such a conspicuous place on the road in front of the station.

I stood up and tried to talk to the pedestrians passing by. However, no one lent my words an ear. I tried to dance. A sloppy dance in my own style. But, as expected, no one looked at me. I tried running with all my strength. People didn’t avoid me as I ran with a furious facial expression, nor did they even try. And as expected – I didn’t crash into anyone as I merely passed through people’s bodies.

Feeling foolish, I stopped in front of a commercial building. On the ground floor, there was a store window for a clothing store.

In a daze, I stood in front of it, when I realized. In the glass window, I could see the reflection of people passing by, yet I could not see my own. I, alone, was not part of that world.

『Ghosts are not reflected in mirrors.』

With sadness, I recalled such words I had once heard somewhere. And the reality painfully sunk into my heart more than I thought.

--I was nothing.

Leaning back against the wall of the building, I merely sat down in a daze.

I was practically homeless, but that was a fact. I was homeless for eternity. No, what was worse than being homeless was losing your memories, your sense of existence, with no end. There were things I thought I would do if I had an eternity of time – is what I felt I thought once. I felt like that would be to train in musical instruments, and to do sports training. But even that would all be meaningless right now. Even if I learned how to do those things, there was no one who would be happy for me, and to begin with, I couldn’t even touch organic objects (I could barely feel something when I touched it. I tried it with vending machines and such). Even though there was nothing to do, I had an eternity of time. I rolled helplessly in the midst of those endless thoughts.

In all likelihood – a week passed by.

I didn’t exactly know how much time had passed. As expected, I felt neither hunger nor pain in my butt. Even pain might be a spice in this never-ending passage of time – I reached that sad conclusion, and despaired. That was because, in other words, time did not act on me alone. There were people going back and forth in front of my eyes right now, but they would eventually grow old and die. And they would be guided by that light and head off to some other world. But what about me? Would I just stay here like this? Shouldn’t finding that light again be my number one priority? But my thoughts would always stop there. I hadn’t seen that strange cloud that appeared in the sky at that time since then. I didn’t know what I had to do to see it once more. I wanted to ask someone, yet I couldn’t talk to anyone. There were so many people, yet I alone was separated from all of humanity.

『There is a ghost there.』

At the ends of my boundless thoughts, someone’s words crossed my mind.

Huh? Where? I tried looking around, but there were only living people around me. There was no sight of anyone else who was as lost as I was. Or could it be that there were dead people mixed in with the living who I couldn’t discern? Couldn’t I tell if I saw a fellow ghost?

Hey, I’m dead as daylight!

I tried shouting out loud with all the strength I could muster.

However, no one looked at me. No one noticed my screams.

Before I’d realized, tears were streaming down my cheeks. I learned that even in death, tears came out, but my feelings stayed hazy. My tears alone spilled down as if they were someone’s forgotten possession.

It’s painful. Pain. Pain. Pain – it’s too painful.

If things went on like this, I might end up bearing a grudge at something unrelated. I would end up gathering all the pent-up resentment here and there and turn into a terrible demon. Kill me, I prayed. God, devil, anything is fine, consume this body. Tear me apart, just take me away from here. Take me away from this bugged world where nothing happens, even if it’s hell. I shouted out loud in tears, but as expected, nothing happened.

However, as the dull world bereft of color passed by in front of my eyes – it happened.

I felt something like a gaze.

I raised my head, and realized once more that it was early morning. The crowds of people going to work all headed towards the station, walking at a brisk pace. But when I tried to look closely around me, there was no one around who was looking at me. No one was paying attention to me.

But, I tried to stand up and look.

Right now, without a doubt, someone looked at me. It was for a brief instant, but someone realized my existence with an ‘Ah’. I definitely felt that presence that went ‘Ah’.

--Hey, please. If you can see me, then help me.

I shouted out loud, and started running. I stepped into the crowds of commuters. I drew my face up to their nose, be it woman or man, and exposed myself right in front of their eyeballs. But it was no use. I could faintly feel people’s body heat, but I wasn’t reflected in anyone’s eyes.

Despite that, I ran in search of the someone who had noticed my existence. However, the sign of someone's "awareness" that I had felt earlier was gradually diminishing. I thought it might have been my misunderstanding – or my wishful delusion that raised my hopes.

I ran from one end of the street to the other, but there was no one who had taken notice of my existence.

I was alone once more.

Becoming alone, I collapsed on the street.

---

Several days passed by once more. I had no sense of time anymore.

It was raining.

Since yesterday – no, was it the day before yesterday? For some time now, a lukewarm rain was falling down.

Perhaps because of this, there were far fewer people in front of the station than usual.

I had been lying in the middle of the street – on the crosswalk for a long time.

It was also the roundabout exit for buses, and from time to time, buses drove on top of me, but if there was no pain from being trampled by their giant tires, then there would be no death. It was the pedestrian crossing, and naturally, the pedestrian traffic was high. I was trampled by a lot of humans. Even so, I was glad to somewhat be able to feel the touch of someone. At times, I would see the pants of a short skirt wearing girl, but it didn’t make me feel anything. My feelings were becoming weaker. My heart was becoming less moved by things.

I merely lay on the ground, looking up at the cloudy sky.

I had the faint hope that if I kept looking up at the white sky, that light would someday fall down on me and take me somewhere.

At that moment, I felt it again.

--A gaze.

After about three days, I suddenly sat up. And then looked around me. However, as usual, even if the countless gazes of people around me looked in my direction, their gaze would go right through me.

--No, just now, I definitely….

Absentmindedly, without much expectation, I slowly turned my head around.

And then, I saw her. An elementary school student in front of a cell phone shop. She wore a bright red backpack, her beautiful black hair stretched down to her waist. With a fair complexion, that girl with startling facial features seemed to panic as she looked away from me. She broke into a half run from there, and I stood up in a hurry and tried to chase after her. That girl almost bumped into the crowds as she ran through the shopping arcade.

(--W, wait!)

I ran and literally slipped through the crowd as I chased after her. That girl would look back at times. And each time she did, she made eye contact with me. And then, after hurriedly looking away, she would increase her running speed.

--There was no doubt about it. This girl could see me.

(Hey…Hey, wait for me! You can see me, can’t you? Then help me! I just want to talk to someone for five minutes! I’ll go crazy if I don’t talk to someone! I'm going to break down if I go on like this!)

I shouted out loud in tears, as I continued to run.

As her long hair swayed brilliantly, the girl continued to run.

Her red school bag bounces on her back, and her legs stretching out from her short skirt were filled with life.

--Why won’t you help me? Why? Even though I’m in so much trouble. How can you be that cold? I’ll do anything, just help me. I won’t cause you any trouble, just a few words are enough, please just talk to me.

Thinking it over calmly, even a grown man would shit their pants and run scared if a dead person were to chase after them yelling such resentful complaints in tears. But I was just desperate at the time. I had finally found a human who could perceive me – the only hope I had found in this world of infinite loneliness. That’s why, even though I felt awfully bad for the girl, I chased after her with all my strength. I was even willing to become a demon to achieve that end. And then, at the end of the shopping arcade, I caught up with the girl.

But – that girl had stopped in her tracks, had her hand on her knees, and was out of breath as she looked in my direction.

I wandered closer, but the child’s gaze didn’t catch my eye.

--Oh no.

I slowly approached the girl and waved my hand in front of her eyes. But her eyes didn’t move. She still had a troubled expression, but she let out a sigh of relief, and after that, slowly began to walk again. I understood that this gesture meant that she had outrun me. However – that meant that in short, she couldn’t see me anymore. She was running just now because she had definitely noticed me, but she couldn’t see me anymore…? Was that how ghosts were? Could people who see them only see them in certain conditions and not see them in others? It can’t be…

If that were the case, how could I make contact with that tiny minority of humans who could see me?

I endured the depressing feeling that made my knees want to collapse, and managed to raise my head somehow. The girl was waiting for the signal of a pedestrian crossing to change in color a little further ahead. She took a glance back my way, but it seemed she did not see me in her vision, and this time she truly seemed relieved and started walking as soon as the light changed.

I was entranced by her back.

From that long, shiny hair that swayed at her back, I was on the verge of recalling something.

That might have been the reason why.

I, too, somehow began to walk.

I began to walk, trotting thirty or so meters behind the girl.

---

The girl’s house was located on the outskirts of a suburb around a ten-minute walk away from the station.

It was still new, a fashionable western style house surrounded by a reddish-brown fence. On the other side of the fence was a small garden that looked to be well-kept. The girl opened the front door and entered, “I’m home”. I hesitated for a moment, before I followed. I pressed my body against the front door, and slipped inside.

“Yo, welcome back, ○○.”

On the other side of the entrance was a girl who looked to be of high school age, who cheerfully called out to her.

Her hair was a bob cut around shoulder-length, and her healthy-looking smile made her distinctly cute. Her cute qualities were completely different, but she was probably the girl’s older sister. As if enticed by her smile, the young girl too, broke into a grin. And, for some reason – I was deeply moved by her smile. My heart was moved after a long time. It felt as if I had caught a glimpse of something truly precious. That might have been why, even though I should have heard the girl’s name, I didn’t realize it in the moment.

“You’re late, did something happen?”

The girl briefly hesitated in response to the question, before she shook her head and said no.

“Did you buy the tea on your way back?”

“Yes.”

The girl nodded, and handed the package in her bag over to her sister.

“Ah—thanks. Well then, for the change… you can keep the hundred yen. Buy a notebook or something with it.”

Hearing the words of her elder sister, the young girl happily nodded.

I watched that exchange behind the girl, but – why was it, I wonder? The tears that flowed in my eyes now were different than tears of loneliness or pain. Was I such a crybaby when I was alive? It was pathetic, but I didn’t know why I was crying. At any rate, I was helplessly overjoyed, breathed a sigh of relief, and was thankful at this trivial family exchange.

“Put your bag away and wash your hands. We have dorayaki as a snack.”

The girl trotted up the stairs to the second floor without pause.

I merely stood stock still at the entrance in a daze. Was it alright if I stayed here like this? I hesitated, but—no, at present the only one who barely perceived my presence, be it for an instant, was that girl. I had no idea what time I would be visible next, but, even so, if I were to make contact with that girl without scaring her, I might be able to discover the path I’m supposed to take. Thinking that, I felt remorseful, but decided to freeload in this house for a little while longer.

But, at that moment I heard a low growl at my feet.

I looked down to see it was a small dog with fluffy brown and black fur. Ermm… I think it was called a Yorkshire Terrier? I wasn’t quite sure, but anyways, it was a small indoor dog. It was staring straight at me with its dark eyes and gnashing its teeth.

--Oh damn. Can it see me?

No matter how you slice it, there was no other choice besides rushing outside to get away from him. However – before I’d realized, I had crouched down, and was hugging the dog with all my might. Of course, my hands slipped through, but even so, I snuggled my body as close as possible, rubbing my face against it.

That’s right – that dog was right now, without a doubt, the only existence in this world that could perceive me. I was so happy that it couldn’t be helped. Perhaps my overflowing emotions reached it, the dog stopped growling, looked puzzled at first, before happily sticking out its tongue, and rolled down on its belly. It seems I was somewhat of an animal lover when I was alive. That gesture brought me to tears once more. I never thought I’d be this happy to have my existence accepted. I rolled down on the spot as well and played with the dog. No, but my hand still ended up slipping through as expected.

“…Leo? What’s wrong with you?”

Hearing the dog’s merry voice, the young girl’s older sister came out of the kitchen, and stared in amazement.

(So you’re called Leo?)

Still soggy with tears, I extended my hands to stroke Leo's body here and there. Even though I wasn’t visible, Leo seemed to have understood me as he happily tumbled over and wagged his tail.

(Leo, thanks – I’m really grateful. You truly are my hope. Thank you--)

After that, I played with Leo until nightfall, and the young girl and her older sister chatted happily in the living room, watching TV as they ate dorayaki and drank tea. The girl was happily talking about what had happened at school today, a new game she had learned from a good friend, and a seat change that was going to take place soon.

Eventually, the sisters’ parents returned home, and from a glance, they seemed like good people.

The black framed glasses the father wore suited him well, and they went well with his prematurely gray hair. He was a little taller than me and wore a stylish suit that gave him the appearance of a being a salary man in some foreign company. The mother was a beautiful woman who often smiled, and the jeans she wore suited her for her age. Her bright and curly hair seemed to illuminate the surroundings, and she resembled the elder sister.

The two came back from work at roughly the same time, and after hugging the elder sister and young girl one after the other, patted Leo on the head. After that, the family of four sat on the table, and began to enjoy dinner. On that day, it was curry made by the older sister, and although I couldn’t smell the aroma, the curry full of vegetables looked delicious enough to make my stomach growl even though I couldn’t feel hunger.

The conversation was mostly dominated by the mother and the elder sister. The father interjected occasionally to show that he was paying attention. The young girl who perceived me – in other words, the younger sister was eating her food alone, as she happily watched the scene. When she was occasionally called upon to touch on a matter, she would hurriedly try to think of some comment, but her mother wouldn’t wait on her answer and went, “Is this what you mean?” as she ended up leading the conversation. That seemed a little different than what the young girl wanted to say, but the girl readily nodded in order to escape for the moment. From there, the family burst into laughter. The young girl smiled slightly as well. I gazed at the family together with Leo from the couch a little further away, without being bored.

It seemed everyone in this family was quick-witted, and topics of conversation kept flying one after the other. And I got the impression that the young girl was a little slow to keep up with their conversations. Even so, the young girl looked happy. And that young girl probably hadn’t even realized the preciousness of her beautiful face yet. The elder sister and the mother were both pretty but, the young girl’s well-featured face far surpassed them. Her skin was as white as pottery, and her facial features were like that of a western doll – that was, if anything, as if the girl was the only one in the family whose beauty was not in harmony with the family, driven by a baseless sense of insecurity.

Even so, when I thought a day would come when someone would wed this beautiful young girl, a strange jealously took root in me, even though I was not her father. That is how emotionally attached I had become to the family. There wasn’t much I could do for this family as someone who was already dead, but there was a happy household here I at least wanted to continue watching over.

Even if I stayed as a ghost forever, I would be able to get by if I could stay close to this family. As I suddenly began to think that – an uncomfortable feeling reached my ears.

With a start, I looked around the room, and searched for the identity of the strange sensation I felt. A news program was playing on the large television in the living room, a male and female anchorperson were smiling and reporting on today’s news. Their outfits – no, this television… something was strange about it. Barely having any memories, I could hardly remember why, but as I watched, I realized.

--That’s right, in the world I was alive in, it felt like televisions were a lot thinner. Televisions with a large protruding back were only around when I was a child…That’s right, the newscaster, in particular the female newscaster. The manner of her clothes, hairstyle, makeup and such, wasn’t it somewhat old-fashioned?

Thereupon, the female newscaster began to speak.

〈--Now for sports news. In professional baseball, Hideki Matsui of the Tokyo Giants finally reached base in 50 consecutive games. Over the ocean in Major League Baseball, Hideo Nomo won his eighth game in a row, tying last season's record.〉

…Eh?

Matsui? Huh? His uniform looked somewhat different. When I was alive, he wasn’t in the Giants anymore, having moved to the Major Leagues… and Nomo had already retired.

I stood up, went over to the newspaper spread on the living room table, and looked through.

“Fears of antitrust violations with the new Windows XP OS releasing this fall.” “Interview with Takako Doi, leader of the Social Democratic Party.” “Full house even in the absence of Takanohana.”

Huh…Windows XP still hasn’t released? It felt like Takako Doi wasn’t party leader anymore, and Takanohana already retired and became a supervisor…

As I kept reading, something cold was falling on my back.

I was seized with terrible thoughts, and was starting to get worried, *woof*, Leo looked me, and I somehow managed to bear with it.

…No. Aren’t my memories all fuzzy? If I was allowed to stay in this house for a while, my spirit might become more at ease. If I did that, then I’d remember various things, and that light might come for me once more.

…That’s right, I should stop thinking about difficult things for now.

For the time being, I gave up on it all, and collapsed next to Leo once more.

“That was delicious.”

My eyes suddenly opened at the sound of the elder sister’s voice. It seems I had dozed off before I’d realized. Or rather, I realized that even ghosts sleep properly. I had been living a life filled with in anxiety up to the present, so I must have felt completely at ease. Was it because of a habit in past life? I rubbed my eyes and looked around to see that the family had all begun to leave their seats. The young girl and her sister began putting away the dinnerware and the mother had begun washing the dishes in the kitchen. The father went to the living room and sat down on the sofa, relaxing in front of the television. Leo jumped into his lap, as if waiting for him.

The elder sister disappeared to the bathroom, perhaps to clean the bath.

The young girl helped her mother for a while, but left for her room when her mother said, “It’s alright now, thank you.” For some reason I followed her.

The young girl’s room was right next to the top of the stairs. In the room about 10 sqm in size, a bright curtain hung in front of the bay window. Her bed had a yellow bedsheet with stuffed bears and pandas drawn on it, and in the back was a desk and a small bookshelf, it seemed to be a typical girlish room.

The young girl went to her desk, took her school homework from her bag, and started to work on it. I looked to see it was a math – no, it’s arithmetic for an elementary schooler, right? Seeing her serious expression made me feel like I was intruding, and I thought I should go somewhere – and then. A knock on the door and it opened up at almost the same time.

“Is it alright if I come in for a moment?”

The girl’s elder sister stood there. Holding some kind of paper bag in her hand, she held it out to the girl with a mischievous expression on her face. What came out of the bag was a small stuffed frog. It looked to be a keychain and apparently, she had had bought it for her younger sister somewhere.

The elder sister spoke to the young girl, who had a look of surprise in her eyes.

“You wanted this, so I bought it with the money I got from my part-time job today. How is it, are you happy?”

“……”

“Ah, could it be that you’re quite moved? Did your older sister live up to your expectations? You’re thinking that you really like it, or super love it?”

With her mouth half open, the young girl’s eyes merely twinkled, and she nodded in a panic, “Uwaa—So cute! You really are a good younger sister!”

After hugging her tightly with both arms, the elder sister caressed the young girl’s black hair.

After gazing at the sisters, I looked again at the stuffed animal in the girl's hand. Looking at it carefully, it was a frog with a heavily anthropomorphized expression. However, when I looked at that goofy expression, a voice sounded inside my head, “This is it.”

--I see, couldn’t I enter inside this stuffed animal?

No, entering, or possessing, at any rate, couldn’t I assimilate with this frog somehow?

I hit upon the idea, and tried to squeeze myself into the frog in the young girl’s hands. Even though it should have been impossible for a large body of my size to fit into it, I was somehow able to do it. I don’t know how to explain it, but it felt as if I had unexpectedly lost my hands and feet, and I was enveloped in an acrylic odor that made up the material of the stuffed toy. However, I completely transformed into the stuffed animal.

The young girl still had her mouth slightly open, as she looked at me. And with her mouth slightly agape, she finally spoke in a hoarse tone of voice, “Thank you onee-chan.”

“Sure. Take good care of it.”

The elder sister winked as she said that, and left the room.

Having assimilated into the stuffed animal, I was left in the hand of the young girl. And, I was left exposed in front of the large eyes of the young girl. And, I realized why I had the idea of entering the stuffed doll. For a long, long time – to a heartrending degree, I wanted to be gazed through someone’s eyes. No, rather than someone, I wanted to be reflected in this young girl’s large eyes. I wanted her to fully accept my existence through her eyes, her perception.

“…Good afternoon.”

The young girl eventually spoke in a whisper.

Feeling deeply moved, I too, replied with “Good afternoon”. Of course, she couldn't have heard me. But the girl smiled, as if my voice had reached her. She then happily brought me up to her white, round and soft cheeks, and hugged me.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Frog – You are my friend.”

---

The young girl said her name was M.

It was a proper Japanese name that began with M. However, it felt like it was a name that I shouldn’t use as someone who was dead. I don’t know why that was. It was an indescribable fear, as if calling her by her name would drag M to the world on my side. That’s why, I decided to call her using the first letter of her name.

M took me (who was now a frog) with her whenever and wherever she went. She’d attach me to her bag when she went to elementary school, and when she returned home, she would take me off of her bag and place me neatly in a sitting position on the desk right in front of her.

M was quite a talkative girl. However, she always took her time before she spoke, so her timing was a little slow for the surrounding conversations. At any rate, in this quick-witted household, she stood out. She didn't seem to mind it, but from time to time, she would get impatient, and at times like that, M would talk straight to me in her room, telling me what she really wanted to say. That was a happy time for me as well. My words didn’t reach M, but as if understanding the timing of my response, she spoke with me after taking pauses in between. She would talk to me about small troubles she would have at school, small complaints she couldn’t make to her elder sister or her parents. And I, of course, gave her my advice. Naturally, my voice didn’t reach her, but even so, I earnestly listened to her and supported her. In response, M would smile, as if she had calmed down a bit. She would sometimes say, “Thank you”. At times like that, I was happy to stay as a stuffed frog for the rest of eternity.

M was presently in the first grade of elementary school, and had a good friend in class who had the name “Kii-chan”. Kii-chan (whose real name I knew, but for the aforementioned reasons, will refer to her pet name) was a bright and cheerful child who took the initiative in leading the somewhat introverted M to places here and there. Her house seemed to be close-by, and she always came to M’s house to take her to school with her.

For example, the day after I had turned into the stuffed frog.

“M-chan! Good afternoon!”

On that morning, I heard Kii-chan’s lively voice, M’s mother came to the front door to greet her.

“Good morning, Kii-chan. Thank you for always. M will be down soon.”

They exchanged greetings, M asked her sister if she had forgotten anything, as she descended the stairs looking worried about various things. Of course, I as a frog, was securely fastened to the edge of her school bag as I swung back and forth.

“Good morning, Kii-chan--”

“Good morning, M-chan! …Ah, what’s that?”

With a sharp eye, Kii-chan noticed me and asked that.

“Onee-chan gave it to me as a present.”

“Woww—That’s great! It’s got a goofy face, but it sure is cute.”

“I haven’t named it yet, so, it’s Mr. Frog for now.”

“I see. Nice to meet you, Mr. Frog.”

--Nice to meet you too, Kii-chan.

After I finished greeting her, the two of them set out together as they walked towards their elementary school, and started talking about silly things along the way. About shows they watched last night on the television, or whether they had done their homework. Kii-chan was mostly leading the conversation, but when M would occasionally try to speak, Kii-chan would cease her machine gun-like talk for a moment, and lend an ear to M’s words until she finished speaking. As I saw that part of Kii-chan, I was convinced that this was the reason why M was so open to her.

“Did you know △△-Sensei is getting married soon?”

As the number of elementary school students with school bags increased on the path to school, Kii-chan changed the topic.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, I heard she’s getting married next spring, and I heard her boyfriend is really good-looking.”

“Is that so? That’s great.”

“She looks really happy these days--”

I listened to their carefree conversation, as I gazed at the town from the corner of the bag. The townscape that flowed with the slow pace of an elementary schooler was quite picturesque in its own way. Although I had seen this scenery countless times when I wandered alone, it was the first time since I died that I saw the power lines, the fences of old homes, and the thick, lush flowering dogwood that peeped out from them. The sky too was sunny and clear, the summer air was hot as expected, but it was also pleasant.

--Ah, I thought I stopped feeling anything for the scenery, the temperature, the blueness of the sky, but that wasn’t the case. Was it all the work of a relaxed mind? Does that mean that the heart can still be moved even after death?

I glanced at M happily trotting along, and I felt deeply grateful.

It was all thanks to meeting this girl. I was finally able to breathe easy since I started freeloading in this girl’s house. If I had stayed like that on the street in front of the station, I might have ended up mushed, dissolved and scattered away sooner or later. No, I might have ended up as the type that curses passersby without a reason, the one that becomes a rumored urban legend and ends up exorcised by some medium.

No, no, no. What was I thinking?

Aren’t things A-okay like this? No, that was completely wrong. I couldn’t stay in M’s house forever. I had to die properly, and go to Nirvana. But I was stumped as to how to do that up until now, not having a clue on how to achieve that.

“By the way.”

Around the time the elementary school became visible, Kii-chan suddenly spoke with a hushed voice as she turned to M.

“Did you know there’s a boy who likes you, M-chan?”

“…Eh?”

“Ehehehe—So you didn’t know after all?”

“E, eh, who is it?”

“Well, should I say it out loud? But I was told to keep it a secret.”

Kii-chan happily teased her, but M looked at Kii-chan’s face in all seriousness. Looking at her face, I was struck.

“Yeah, I won’t say it after all. Because I promised to keep it a secret.”

“…So mean.”

M spoke somewhat annoyed – but that’s what I wanted to say as well. To stop at that point was mean, Kii-chan. If I were in M’s place having heard that far, I’d be unable to take in any of the day’s classes in my head.

“Ahaha, sorry, sorry. But I guess sooner or later, he’ll say it to you directly. Because that’s what he said. So look forward to it!”

“…Eh, being told that suddenly is embarrassing.”

“It’s fine if it’s embarrassing. You were born a beautiful woman, M-chan, so it can't be helped, can it?”

She spoke somewhat teasingly, but Ki-chan’s smile was sunny, as if wishing her luck from the bottom of her heart. Kii-chan soon started running after that, and M also started running as if chasing her. The two burst into laughter, as they swayed their bags while running to the elementary school.

(--Ah, this is nice.)

It was nice to live, to be able to fall in love and so on.

As I thought that kind of thing, I was violently tossed up and down together with the flute in the bag and other things.

Finding it unbearable, I slipped out of the frog for a moment. When I stepped outside for the first time in a long time, I was instantly engulfed with the gooey sensation of torment of crawling around in mud I had felt recently.

--Oh no.

I hurriedly chased after M, and returned once again to the frog swaying on her bag. Therein, I took a deep sigh of relief as I calmed my heart once more. It was the inside of the stuffed frog I had found unbearable and jumped out of just a second ago, but it was far better than being outside.

And – at that moment, I realized.

Just by getting out of the frog made my heart heavy.

I was enveloped in a feeling of despair, as if I was adrift alone in the endless sea of night.

--I see, could it be that for a ghost, to possess something might be…

A feeling of finding a small piece of wood while drifting in the never-ending sea. What I felt just now was a very strong feeling of forlornness. A feeling of despair, as if just walking was enough to crush me with negative emotions. What it all comes down to is -- That humans, whether dead or alive, might be beings that can’t stay alone.

---

A few days had passed by since then. Having not much else to do, my days were mostly spent observing the family.

For example, M’s father was, to put it briefly, a person with a strong heart.

No, the feeling I got was that he strove to keep his heart extremely balanced. When he came back from work, he was exhausted to an extent. However, the moment he opened the front door, he would always take a deep breath and smiled. He knew his smile would have a positive influence on his family. He seemed determined not to bring an ounce of the detestable things that ate away at him in the outside world back into his home. When I discovered that, I started to think what a cool guy he was. I felt the greatness of a person who was protecting something in the way he loosened his tie while his two daughters were clinging to him. Although he seemed to be a relatively accomplished businessman, he may not have been suited for such a job. Because on Sundays, he’d spend a large amount of time looking at magazines on model ships, and if there was an article on the sea in the newspaper, he would stare at it in a daze for who knows how long. It was a sad gaze, as if he had given up on something in the past, and yet at the same time, a gaze that suggested he still had something smoldering inside him somewhere. And despite that, when his daughters were in front of him, his face would return to being that of a father. The transition between the two was splendid, and I felt the strength in his graceful heart.

The mother was a truly cheerful person who loved jokes. She was the sociable sort, and her individual movements were energetic, as if she had done played sports for a long time. She was still a beauty, and I thought she might have been quite popular when she was younger. Her hobby seemed to be being a tennis mom, and she often organized meetings as the organizer. Was it because she worked at a friend’s accounting office? She arranged all her tasks in an orderly fashion, but – was unexpectedly careless in her character, she would put an empty beer bottle in the fridge, and there were times when she would give Leo food twice in succession. From what I saw, she liked being busy, and had a lot going on in her head, which made it difficult for her to keep up with the different processes, causing mistakes to crop up here and there. However, she wasn’t just a cheerful beauty. Her powers of observation were the keenest in the family – she was the most sensitive to changes in the physical and mental health of her family members. For example, when M was suffering from a headache in school, she returned home, back to her room and placed the bag there, and when she went downstairs to get some medicine, it would already be placed on the table. “How did you know?” M asked in amazement. “I’m your mother, after all.” She would answer with a smile like that of a sunflower. However, her unconscious intuition would be exhausting at times. When she would be alone, she would, at times, look depressed.

A(M’s elder sister who I won’t name due to the aforementioned reasons.) was a lively young girl in the first grade of high school. Since M was in her first year of elementary school, I calculated her to be 9 years older than M. She had played tennis since middle school and her grades were good, so she got into her current high school with a sports recommendation. She seemed to have been blessed with her mother’s bright cheery nature and athletic ability, and was quite popular at school among both boys and girls thanks to her club activities. She inherited the quick wit from both her parents, and seemed frustrated at times by the comparatively slow response of those around her, but was mature enough not to show it. However, she was troubled at her own clever nature, and was jealous at times of the innocent reactions her friends showed. Once late at night, she was in tears after a friend told her, “That’s why you got dumped.” Well, I didn’t pry too deeply into it… she was a girl of that age. She must be going through a lot.

The girl known as M who was surrounded by the three, was still only a first-year elementary school student, the purest of them all. She was the one closest to the dog Leo, and the one who diligently took care of the flowers in the garden. She was great at surmising the feelings of living things that couldn’t speak. That might have been the influence of spending a lot of time at home alone, due to the family environment of working parents and an older sister being who was often away from home for club activities. She was a child, who, as an individual life form, was in contact with all kinds of animals and plants. Her having detected my existence at first, might have been because of that disposition of hers.

But to ask her to be too accommodating was still too much.

For example, when I went out of the frog, M would sometimes glance at me. For an instance, I would be glad, “Oh, did you notice me?” But she would make an uneasy face. At times like that, I would panic and do my best to erase my existence. If I were to put it concretely, I would wish, “I am a stone”. That was the least considerate thing I could do in order to not break the peace I had now. I wanted M to acknowledge my existence one day, but it felt like everything would be destroyed if I tried to rush things.

That’s right – I was fine as “Mr. Frog” for now.

Just being by her side was good enough for me.

---

On that day, M had been asking me since morning, “Say, what do you think?”

Of course, since I was the frog, sat neatly on the desk:

(I think both of them are cute)

That was the answer I kept repeating.

For almost an hour, I had been made to go along with M’s solo fashion show.

It was Sunday, and the family had planned for an outing in the afternoon. Her mother had told her, “Wear your best outfit,” and M had been struggling with that up until now.

“This one… or another one for sure.”

She said that as she threw off a white one-piece suit. However, among the six dresses she had changed into until now, it felt like that one suited her the best. I mean, It contrasted perfectly with her long black hair, well, it was little gaudy like a party dress, but to speak figuratively, it was cute like a princess in a foreign movie.

“I guess I’ll go… with this one?”

In the end the dress M chose was the third one she had thrown away, a fully white blouse together with a navy-blue skirt.

(I mean, I just told you that one was cute too.)

“But I wore this to my school entrance ceremony.”

M still didn’t seem convinced. Did she want to say that it wasn’t cute enough? Ugh. I had no idea on how to advise her on this.

As I was thinking such things.

“Are you ready--? Everyone’s waiting, you know?”

With a cheerful voice, A entered M’s room. A looked completely ready, already wearing a three-quarter length white shirt and a knee-length skirt. Her chest was daringly open, A was quite glamorous, and changed completely to give a mature impression.

“Oh, you sure look cute!”

“Really…?”

“…Hm? Something seems off?”

A put her hands on her chin as and after a moment of contemplation, rummaged through M’s drawers of her own accord, and eventually took out a red choker.

“Stay still for a bit.”

Saying that, she gently placed it around M’s neck and lightly adjusted it.

“Now, how do you look?”

Together with A’s playful voice, what manifested was – A white blouse, a navy-blue skirt, and a red choker.

Guwaa--- So cute.

But the same time I thought that – Huh? Somehow, seeing her in an appearance that strangely suited her all too well, a fragment of a lost memory floated up to the surface.

A girl with a tie…and a white blouse.

Black hair…darkness…darkness without end…darkness.

--A darkness plastered over so heavily I couldn’t even see my fingers.

And the facial features of that pale, well-ordered face that appeared in the darkness. Shining black---

A shivering cold instantly pierced through my entire body.

It was a face that appeared directly at the center of M’s face, with eyes that were empty. Hungry eyes, that seemed to have lost something, and were hollow now.

“…Yes, I’ll go with this one.”

However, my absentmindedness was drowned out by M’s voice, which sounded somewhat happy.

“Thanks, Onee-chan.”

“That choker really suits you.”

A nodded in satisfaction and picked up the small bag made of the same red leather, “Let’s go, Papa and mama are waiting for us.”

“What about Mr. Frog?”

“I, I’ll take him with me…!”

“Okay--”

In a daze, I was picked up by A, and attached to the cord of the bag.

And before I had time to sort out what I had just seen, I was taken out of the room.

The town on Sunday was filled with the smiles of happy people. The sound of children's laughter. The sound of lovers laughing. The cheerful conversations exchanged among friends. It was filled with an exciting feeling that was enough to enliven even a dim and hazy existence like me.

“Well, A, M, let’s go--”

Hearing their mother’s voice, A and M, who had been clinging to a variety store window, took each other’s hands and broke off into a run. Ahead of them was their father dressed in a navy-blue polo shirt and slacks, and their mother in a vivid one-piece dress, waving to them. A and M were smiling, and I, too, was excited, as if I became bound to the happy space of my surroundings. The strange scene that had crossed in my mind back in M’s room had completely disappeared.

“Clothes come one at a time, you know. Take your time to choose.”

The sisters obediently said, ‘Yes’, in response to their mother. Their eyes shone happily. Their father was already holding four bags and wore a slightly strained smile on his face.

“Are you fine with that?”

The mother suddenly asked the father that question.

“Fine with…?”

“You looked at it for a long time in the model shop just now, right? The model sailing ship.”

“Ah…No, not really… I was just looking it over because of how well it had been made.”

“It’s alright if you buy it.”

“Alright you say… but it was expensive.”

“Well, I guess I’ll get it for you as a present.”

He froze with an “Eh”, at those words.

“I just got my bonus, and the car inspection’s not for a while, it’s fine if it’s once in a while.”

“No, but…”

“It’s fine, how much is it?”

“…It’s 150,000 yen.”

“…”

“…I said it was expensive, didn’t I?”

The mother groaned, “Ungh”, for a while at the father’s words.

I was shocked. That was expensive. It was expensive, but if it was that elaborate, it's probably a full-scale model for hobbyists.

“It’s alright, I’m sure I’ll be able to get it one day.”

When their father smiled, both of his daughters clasped one of his hands.

“Did you decide what clothes you wanted?”

Looking at him as he asked his daughters cheerfully – I thought to myself. It's not easy being a father. How many things did he give up on for the sake of his wife, his daughters, his family as a whole? How much had he put off doing what he wanted to do?

After that, I looked around at the families going up and down the road.

A young father giving a ride to his small boy on his shoulders.

A smiling father desperately trying to calm his wailing daughter with a smile while leading her by the hand.

An exhausted father who had fallen asleep on the bench holding a lot of baggage while his family was off shopping.

I wondered if all the fathers in this world more or less went through this sort of hardship?

After working late from Monday to Friday, they probably just want to rest during the weekend. They must be trying their best in the weekday with the goal of relaxing during the weekend. But on weekends, that time is all taken over by the family that impatiently waits for the father’s stay at home. Perhaps it was the same with my father? Dammit, I still couldn’t remember anything, but… I wondered if I died before my father even though he must have done so much for me. If that was the case, I felt, extremely remorseful. I couldn’t even recall his face, but I was so ungrateful. As I hung my head down, M and the others who were unrelated to me moved ahead with smiles on their faces.

“I’ve decided. I want a new dress. For my club activities.”

In response to A, her father replied.

“Is that alright?”

“It’s quite expensive. A proper sportswear, that is. Be prepared.”

“That is scary.”

Her father smiled and looked in M’s direction.

“What about you, M?”

“I…”

M hesitated as she put her arm over her father’s hand. After the merciless demand from her sister, she seemed to waver in speaking her own wishes. But A helped her out, “This is the time to plead for what you've always wanted. It’s alright, Papa got a bonus after all.”

“A, you know it all too well.”

“Yeah, It’s because Mama is excited, after all.”

“Eh—not at all, not at all.”

“You are. You've been grinning while going through those accessory magazines these days.”

“I was only looking at them because I thought they were beautiful.”

Having lost the opportunity to talk as such conversations butted in, M’s father secretly whispered in her ear.

“You’re a kind child who puts up with things right away, but—it’s alright. I will buy anything for my daughters at any time. Although I don’t usually buy you two things because I don’t want you to think you can have everything in this world.”

“…Is that so?”

“Yes, that’s right. And don’t worry, today is a special day besides birthdays and Christmas where you can say what you want.”

“What… day is it today?”

M asked curiously, her father took a glance at her mother and sister arguing as always, and spoke in a whisper:

“…It’s a secret, alright? Actually, today is the day papa and mama met.”

“I, is that so?”

“Yes, though mama might have forgotten about it already.”

Her father silently began to narrate the story:

“Papa was the head of the yacht club in his third year of university you see, and there was a monthly meeting of the club's heads. When papa went to that meeting, mama came as a representative from the tennis club. Even though she was just a freshman, she was forced to go to the meeting because the head of the tennis club found it troublesome. On that day, it was the preliminary budget meeting for the upcoming year. Papa’s yacht club had a lot of expenses, and was on the verge of successfully negotiating a slight increase in the club’s budget, when I suddenly faced fierce opposition from someone. From mama that is.”

“…Uwaa.”

“It quickly became a heated debate. And papa didn’t know that mama was still only a freshman. It almost looked like a quarrel to the dismay of those around us. And you know because mama is clever, and very articulate, I was quickly put in an unfavorable position. Then – driven to the wall, papa said it: 『Do you have any idea how terrible the sea is? Do you know how fearsome it is? Say those things after you’ve gone out to the sea at least once.』Even now, I think that was immature of me… but, the sea isn’t something to be looked down upon. Encountering a small storm at sea is enough to make you wonder whether or not you’ll make it out alive, and the expression of the sea being scary at night isn’t enough to underscore its unfathomable depths, and papa knew the danger of not having proper safety equipment for those circumstances.”

“And how did mama react?”

“She looked bitterly disappointed. She looked like she was going to cry, and she kept glaring at papa.”

“…….Ooh”

“But after that…”

Her father muttered with a look of nostalgia as if gazing somewhere far off.

“A few days after that, mama suddenly barged into the club room, saying she was going to join the club.”

“Eh…?”

“She looked quite menacing – Ah, will you get the idea with menacing? She was very forceful; she had a certain air about her that neither papa nor his friends could say anything at all. Well, I let her in the club thinking she’d give up right away, and mama and papa then began club activities together, but... being sports oriented, she still attended the morning strength training sessions, and mostly without breaks, attended all activities. After about half a year, papa tried to ask her. Why did she quit the tennis club and join the yacht club? And--”

And, at that moment.

“Yes, that’s far enough.”

Her mother suddenly butted into their conversation.

Her face was flushed red with embarrassment. “I’m tired, let’s take a break! Let’s drink some tea!” She spoke in rapid succession as she walked ahead as if leading the way. M and her father exchanged smiles, and A smiled as she pushed them along.

The family settled down at a coffee shop located at the back of a department store.

The interior was adorned with an antiquated design, and about half of the plot had seating on the terrace. It was bustling with families and couples because it was the weekend, but M and her family managed to secure seats on one section of the terrace. There were six chairs around the round table, and I cunningly sat down on one of the seats. The family seemingly planned to relax there for a bit, go back shopping again, and in the end, go to a restaurant they had reserved beforehand in the evening.

At the table, topics unfolded in succession between A and her mother as always, as they laughed and giggled. The father let out a sigh of relief after finally being released from having to carry handfuls of luggage in both hands, M sipped some orange juice, while gazing at her family with a smile. I enjoyed the gentle quasi-sensation of becoming one of the family members.

Suddenly, a midsummer breeze blew across us.

In the clear sky, several cumulonimbus clouds appeared on the horizon.

--Ah, it's a beautiful day, isn't it?

The moment I thought that in a relaxed manner.

A part of the sky lit up as if torn apart. Even though there were no large clouds above me, clouds appeared as if they were gushing from a part of the sky, and from there, a single ray of light shone through.

(Ah…)

I slightly rose up, and my mouth dropped open involuntarily.

(That was – wasn’t that the final call I couldn’t catch last time…?)

I staggered up to my feet, and was about to move in its direction – when I took one look back in the direction of M’s family.

I looked at them as if to burn the picture of the happily family in my memory, and whispered:

(Thank you.)

Thanks to you guys, I finished things without becoming a spirit who curses the world without distinction. Thanks to the warm atmosphere you created, I feel I can go to nirvana. For the last time, I gazed once more at the young girl sitting deep back in her chair smiling and waving her legs back and forth. I closed my eyes partly as if caressing M’s beautiful face with my fingers.

(--You look happy. But you should be happier. Smiling really suits you after a--)

However, the moment I whispered that.

I felt someone’s scream roar inside my head.

At the same time, I was on the verge of remembering something very important – and I suddenly realized.

It was the strange feeling I had once felt.

What was that? I couldn’t recall at once, but – eventually, I realized it was someone’s gaze.

Right now, someone was observing me. In short, in this coffee shop, or in the streets in front of me, or in the building, there was someone who could see me.

I raised my head, and hurriedly looked around. It being a Sunday afternoon, there were a lot of passersby. However, no matter how much I looked, I couldn’t find the person who could see me among them. I tried to look up at the surrounding buildings, but there was no one at the windows, nor on the rooftops.

(…Was it just my imagination?)

No, something like that doesn't matter anymore.

I couldn’t miss my chance for that final call this time. Now was the time for me to properly depart to the other world.

With that in mind, I slowly walk towards the light that poured down.

Yet, the gaze pierced me again. And for some reason, I felt a chill. There was a familiarity that said, I'm tired of seeing beings like you, and if anything, there was a nasty feeling lingering in the air.

(--W… Who's there?)

I looked around once more, and this time, carefully checked each individual customer.

Then, my eyes were drawn to the customer sitting at the furthest end of the terrace.

A somewhat mature looking young girl sat there. Her black hair was around shoulder-length. She had a tomboyish beauty. She wore a gothic style black dress like that of a medieval aristocrat, and her long legs crossed. A black umbrella was propped up on the table, and her fingertips were playing with the hairs around her ears.

She seemed to be absentmindedly staring off somewhere, when she suddenly looked at me.

Then, she grinned. Her cold smile made me horrified.

(--Who, are you?)

The moment I whispered that, a lost memory cried out inside me. No… I knew. I had a feeling as if I knew her. Just by being close to her presence was enough to make me feel helplessly scared, and I certainly knew it once.

“Aren’t you going?”

Hearing that voice – I froze in place.

There was a considerable distance between me and her seat. And yet, her voice was no more than a whisper. That voice, clearly reached me right now.

“Why are you looking like a frog that suddenly lost its legs? If you keep dawdling like that, the light will disappear again.”

She chuckled and continued.

Those words, too, reached me clearly. But the creepy thing was – that this time, her lips hadn’t moved at all. Her well-shaped lips kept a soft smile.

(--Who are you? Can you see me?)

I tried to ask that question. However, those words were inside my mind. It was impossible for me to physically shake the air. That was supposed to be the case – but my words definitely seemed to reach her. The girl in the black dress distorted her white face and smiled once more, a smile that spelled coldness.

“Of course, I can see you. And I know who you are.”

Before I’d realized, I had begun to stagger ahead.

As if being dragged by an invisible chain, I moved towards the girl.

The girl in the black dress continued to gaze at me, and as she gently stroked the cup of tea with her long fingers, she whispered:

“Say, how does it feel to be dead? Have you had a little taste of what it feels like to be a ghost, the one you were so scared of?”

(Who the hell are you?)

I asked, as I stood beside her as if looking down on her. However, the girl ignored everything and looked up at the sky.

“Ahh—It disappeared. Even though it was your final call. Even though it might have returned you to the world where you belonged.”

With that, she sat back deeper in her chair. And squinted her eyes behind me – At M and her family who were happily talking to each other.

“Aren’t they such a nice family? They look so happy. It’s exactly the thing families in this world are jealous of: a warm and blessed household.”

I looked back in response to her words and looked at M and her family.

--Ah, I know that.

Even if you didn’t tell me, I know that all too well. I was in eternal solitude, unable to intervene in anything, or be seen by anyone. I was rotting away in a world where time moved at a snail’s pace. That family provided me tranquility for a brief period.

“Even if you didn’t tell me, you say? No, I know a little more about that family than you.”

The young girl declared as she wore a sarcastic smile.

“For example, the father is a graduate of a top institute, and is a capable trading employee at a foreign enterprise. He and her mother began dating when they were both in university, and although they broke up once, they reunited and married after they both entered the workforce. The daughter was born the following year, and after working overseas for seven years, he returned to Japan and was soon blessed with a second daughter. As the breadwinner of the family, the father succeeded in acquiring a house in Tokyo in his forties, and judging from the fact that he is still frequently headhunted by other companies, it is safe to say that his future is promising. His first and second daughters are both beautiful, and even their dog is pedigreed. It's the kind of picture-perfect family that everyone dreams of – however, despite all that.”

The girl in black, lowered her voice teasingly.

“Things don’t always work out so well in the world, do they?”

With those words, I turned away from M and the others, and looked back. I glared at the pale young girl who had at some point unfolded a black parasol and was twirling it on her shoulders.

…What is it? What are you trying to say?

“I don’t really have a nice personality, so let me spoil it for you right at the beginning. That family won’t make it to August happy as they are.”

“Around two weeks from now – On the 31st of July, they will all die.”

---

T-they will all die…?

(What the hell do you mean?)

I shouted out loud, but my words were so fleeting they were scattered by the wind. I'm not even sure if they spilled over into the real world. But it seemed this girl could hear everything I say.

"I don't like being on the ground. Let's go somewhere we can look down on the world."

The girl in black stood up and held out her white hand like the belly of a dead fish.

And once more, she sneered. Her lips twisted like that of a red pomegranate.

"If a lady holds her hand out, it's considered polite to respectfully support it from below, isn’t it?"

As if enticed by those words, I reached my hand out, and at that moment—

--*Whooosh* A raging wind blew through.

I unintentionally covered my face. The raging wind smacked me from all four directions, and before I'd realized, my body, which originally felt no weight, was lifted off the ground. I couldn't open my eyes. It wasn't so much the strength of the wind as it was fear. An absolute fear that pierced through my sensory organs, which had become so devoid of emotion. Together with a sense of despair of not being able to resist no matter what I did -- Why was it? A different emotion overflowing inside me painted over that.

Once….before… I had been in the midst of this sensation...repeatedly. The feeling of going against the warning voice in my head telling me to stop, and stepping foot into the depths of darkness. With my eyes shut tight, and being enveloped in a sense of anxiety as my knees shook – In that world that made my lower stomach twist and turn, I grabbed the hand of the girl dressed in black. The feeling was also somewhat nostalgic. Ah, that’s right. When I was in the midst of fear, I always clasped someone’s hand. There was someone always next to me, someone who I could never trust, and yet, someone more trustworthy than anyone else in the world. However, that person’s hand didn’t have the dreadfulness of this young girl dressed in black. She was cold, like a corpse, but peeling beyond the dozens of layers of despair, it felt like there was endless warm blood.

“We’re here!”

A clear voice like that of a young boy echoed—

When I opened my eyes, I found myself on top of a tall building.

It must have been one of the commercial buildings in front of the station. I looked around and I could see the café I had just been in below me. You couldn’t tell unless you strained your eyes, but M and the others were still there. The four of them were laughing and drinking tea together. Confirming the situation from the handrail, I let out a deep breath.

--*Clang* A sound rang out next to me—

I looked to see the girl holding a black laced parasol softly leap on top of the handrail. Her appearance with only one arm outstretched as she kept her balance looked innocent enough for her age.

“Ah, how nostalgic. I was playing around like this back then as well.”

…?

“You did it as well, didn’t you? You must have jumped off from there the same way I did.”

--What are you talking about?

As I stood there in a daze, unable to answer.

“…Hmm.”

She made a somewhat curious expression, and stood still.

“Oh, I see. It seems you are in an extremely unique condition. In the very top and very bottom – the front and the back. You seem to have absolutely no memories whatsoever.”

…The very top, very bottom? What are you on about? I have no clue at all what you’re talking about, but—Ah, you’re absolutely right. I have nothing. No body, no name, no memories… and even my emotions have diminished. Do you know who I am? What’s going to happen to me from now on? Why am I lost alone in the world like this despite being dead, and how can I end it all?

The young girl nodded once in response to my rapid questions.

“First, let me introduce myself.”

Then, while standing on top of the handrail, she curtsied by grabbing both edges of her skirt and raising them slightly.

“My name is Takamura.”

…Takamura?

“Written with the kanji of bamboo on top of the kanji for divine(篁) – well, I suppose those symbols mean nothing. I was merely called that when I was alive, it has no particular meaning to me right now.”

She muttered, sounding somewhat bored, thereupon she merely gazed at me.

“As for your name – let’s now say it out loud for now. If called by that name, you might end up taking form. For you people, the ‘name’ is what ties the target to the place, and if we do that, then all the trouble of peeping into this time period will all be for naught.”

…Hey, stop screwing with me. If making me remember my name is what gets me out of this situation, then hurry up and say it. Why are you tormenting me like this?

“Why? For what reason, you ask?”

In response, the young girl who went by the name of Takamura contorted her red mouth into a smile.

“Because it’s fun, after all.”

……..

“Isn’t it far, far more entertaining that way? Is there any other necessity for people to do something in this world?”

…This person was dangerous somehow.

Her way of thinking was fundamentally different from my own. It felt like the basis of the place she stood on was out of sync with the world of the living itself.

The cold thought made me unconsciously take a step back, when I suddenly realized.

--Huh? Did she say something about taking a peep just now?

“That’s right – Spiritual things sometimes transcend time and space, Mr. Nobody. Right now, you from the future are looking at the world ten years in the past.”

--Ten years in the past you say?

But with those words, I heard a sound like a block of ice melting in my head.

…Ah…was that it… was that what it was? The sense of unease I felt from the size of the television and the content of the news. The reason why I seemed to know all the information being broadcast on television. It wasn’t because the world was behind the times…. it was me who was present in the past?

“I’ll explain it for you, so do keep up.”

Before I’d realized, a shiny tea cup had appeared in the hands of the girl known as Takamura.

After taking a sip, she spoke:

“There is a chance that you might not be dead yet.”

…W, what did you say?

“I believe your brain is in a state where it judged – or rather, mistook you for dead. Well, if you were to return to your original world, you might truly end up dead. Whatever it is, it’s because you had once experienced this in the past. It became easier for you to connect with this place. And thanks to that, you were able to have a chance encounter with me.”

After smiling nostalgically, she made a silly face.

“I’ll say it once more – spiritual things sometimes transcend space and time, Mr. Nobody.”

With those words, it felt as if the earth suddenly shook. A warning sound blared inside me, telling me I shouldn’t listen to this girl any longer.

“In the first place, the human ego is merely the accumulation of weak signals inside the brain. And although invisible, there are countless signals constantly raining down on us in this world. From outer space, from natural materials, from electrical appliances – that’s how it’s filled with countless signals, and the humans with brains who can receive those signals are called ‘Denpa-san’ as the name implies, but that term is always used as mockery, right? No, to me, these humans are the species that have reached the next stage. In all likelihood, you will go through a life and death struggle ten years from now. And even though your body might still be alive, in the event that your mind receives the false information that you’ve died, people experience a phenomenon known as an out-of-body experience. There’s a way to consciously reach that point as well, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Because after all, what the mind believes becomes the entire reality of this world. However, humans have the useful mental condition of misunderstanding. In short, your main body is in the state of misunderstanding itself as dead. And your ego, the weak signals that have separated from your body – are, right now, accessing the information you wish to know most of all. That is to say, the vast data aggregate that sits at the center of the universe.”

--What’s that?

“They’re what’s commonly called the Akashic Records, but well, it doesn’t matter what they’re called. To put it simply, a single, minute part of the countless records of creation and destruction that have been etched into the record since the creation of the universe – you are accessing the data in the third planet from the sun, in far east Asia, Tokyo, July 2001, that revolves around a certain family.”

…No.

No, I understand the theory. But it’s unthinkable. It’s too absurd.

“If that’s the case Mr. Nobody, let me put it another way. The internet has rapidly become widespread in the past few years, correct?”

Takamura abruptly changed the topic at hand. With the long fingers of her right hand, she gestured as if operating an invisible keyboard.

“And it will probably evolve – nay, deepen, from here on. The moment I understood the gist of that technology, I thought to myself: Ah, humanity is headed further inwards.”

At that moment, a strange voice echoed inside my head.

“From here on, where is the human species heading?”

“Space? Another dimension? I think neither.”

“From now on, humanity is headed towards a more inner world.”

The words I had once heard somewhere some time ago, silently repeated inside my head. They continued to echo ominously inside my head, as if they were some kind of rhyming Kotodama.

“I can't help but feel that there is a strong similarity between the Internet and the spiritual world. I believe the protocols of the spirit world and the internet are very similar. The man known as computing’s Johnny Appleseed, the father of internet, J.C.R Licklider was also a psychologist. You are now accessing a vast amount of known information through the use of dark matter, which is known to exist but not confirmed. In short, all of what you are witnessing is past. Everything has ended. That’s why, no matter what brutal event befalls that family, there’s no need to be sad even if there’s a need to feel pity. There's nothing you can do about it; Everything has already ended from the point of your original timeline.”

--T, that was it.

What do you mean when you say that everyone in the family will die?

In response, Takamura raised her parasol, and spoke while skillfully maintaining her balance.

“That was a very, very strange incident – Publicly, it was known as the ‘The Mansion Hanging Massacre Case’. Even though ten years have passed since then, the real culprit is yet to be found, An inexplicable family massacre that shocked the world of the Heisei era. Someone broke into a peaceful family from somewhere, killed the whole family including a small dog, and suddenly disappeared altogether. People in the world have no way of ascertaining the truth of what really happened, and even those with a little knowledge of the situation may only be aware that a graduate student appeared out of nowhere and settled the case like a great detective in the classics. However, the real truth was different, completely different.”

Under the blue sky, the young girl dressed in black sneered.

“The real culprit is still boldly strutting somewhere in your original world ten years from now.”

“In the first place, this is not an incident people should concern themselves with. Despite that, you will witness the entirety of the horror that happened to that family back then from here on. Along the way, you will despair of everything. And as a result, the last remaining vestiges of your individuality might be obliterated. Well, that can’t be helped.”

Why? Why would I--?

“Because you wished it, of course. I believe it’s your perverse disposition, but well, that’s what human curiosity’s all about. It’s not something to be critical of in others. Even if you were able to retain your self-consciousness until the end, you wouldn’t be able to bring those memories back with you when you returned to your world, as they will amount to nothing more than weak signals. Because the amount of information would be overwhelming, far beyond your capacity.”

--If that’s the case, then.

If what this girl called Takamura was saying was the truth, then I would be someone on the verge of death ten years from now, and if I was nothing more than weak signals peeping back into the past – then going through the anguish of acquiring that information, and not being able to take it back, that would mean that all my actions would be meaningless, wouldn’t it?

No, Takamura shook her head at that point.

“That’s not necessarily what I’m saying.”

She smoothly changed her posture, and sat down on the handrail of the building. She crossed her legs on the other side of the building, spun around the parasol on her left shoulder, pointed down at the expanding world below, and spoke:

“Say—take a look at those people down there. Those mere specks are living their own lives with their own distinct individualities, don’t you think it’s strange for them to have their own distinct troubles? Whether they kill themselves, get killed, or live out their natural lives, death is just death. Ever since the universe was born 13.6 billion years ago, its essence hasn’t changed. Even though they live their lives crawling through worries and suffering that are actually mere trifles when seen through the eyes of another, they can’t even look down upon themselves and laugh. Be that as it may, you all who are nothing more than mere microbes when seen from space, have a soul that trembles when shaken. Something engraved on your soul that suffers through everything, might knock down this hopeless reality, even if only a little.”

The young girl kept a cold gaze at my face as she smiled, and quickly reached out with her white hand. And it literally stretched right up to my eyes, which were a few meters away from Takamura.

“Don’t disappoint me now.”

Her long, slender fingertips grabbed my hair in a single jerk. I was unable to resist, as if the thought of putting up any resistance whatsoever was stolen from me, my face was pulled right before the eyes of the girl in black.

“Two weeks from now. Just what will you scoop out when you see a certain family’s last moments, the hidden truth with your own eyes. I’m very interested.”

“Struggle, writhe, and thereafter, fight back – Show me a fightback so magnificent that I fall in love with you.”

---

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