On a Godless Planet:Volume2A Chapter 17
Chapter 17: Chiki Chiki Boys[edit]
–Hey, you alright!?
Not that I’m going to help!
●
After we left the Nam 1975 bathhouse, Shifu-san called out to me.
Evening had already set in. It was around 6:30, but…
“Senpai-chan, could you come with me to help prepare for tomorrow? I was thinking of buying a ton of meat in Will’s basement. Kuwajiri-chan would be coming too.”
“Eh? Oh, um…”
I thought about whether I should invite Sumeragi-kun or Kido-san – or both – to come along. But…
“Don’t worry about me, Senpai! I’m a girl for a bit now, but I’m still wearing this boy’s uniform, which is way too tight in places, so I thought I should head straight home.”
“Why not eat a banana and return to normal?”
“You told me the Chiquita power would give me an immediate sex change, but I ate one earlier and I still haven’t changed back. It was instant from boy to girl, though.”
“Hm? …Odd. No, wait, I was afraid of this. I’ll check over the settings later.”
“You were afraid of what?”
“There was a setting I had to change and this is a side effect of that.”
While that conversation played out, Kido-san started to leave with her sunhat on.
Oh, no, I thought because I was aware we had developed something of a friendship.
“Um, Kido-san?”
“You don’t need to freak out. I won’t try to get out of going tomorrow.”
“Th-thank you!”
“I’m not sure if ‘you’re welcome’ is appropriate here.”
With that, Kido-san left without another look back, which was kind of cool.
“Okay, I’ll be going too. Will you go shopping with me to prepare for the camping trip tomorrow morning, Senpai?”
“I will. Be careful and good night.”
●
Shifu watched Sumeragi-chan repeatedly look back and wave while Senpai-chan waved the entire time, but she couldn’t help but ask about something.
“So…you told him to be careful, but what kind of threat did you have in mind?”
“Th-that should be obvious! Sumeragi is so defenseless you never know when someone will start stalking him or spying in through his window, so he needs to be more careful!”
“Senpai-san, when did you get so good at describing yourself?”
<I think she was always good at that.>
Senpai-chan was shaking Balancer up and down when the boys left the bathhouse.
“Shifu, I’m going to stop by the school to borrow some tents and such.”
“Huh? Will the hiking club still be there so late?”
“They’re Celtic, but they’re from the mainland, so their club doubles as the astronomy club. I heard before they spend every night of summer break in a tent up on the club building’s roof.”
“Then say hi to Epou-chan for me. Epou-chan gave me fall vegetable seeds for our planter before the break.”
“Sure thing,” said Tooru, raising a hand and walking off. Bil-chan and En-chan followed him.
After a short pause, something occurred to Shifu.
“What are we doing for dinner?”
“Want to meet up once you’re done shopping?”
It was just like Tooru to look back and ask while still walking.
“I’ll be lugging all that meat around, so that won’t work.”
“Then buy us something at Will. You can get started without me if you get home first.”
“Sounds good. I won’t wait then.”
●
“D-do you do this a lot?”
“We have been together for millennia.”
Then the slower girls left the bathhouse.
“Huh? Were you all waiting for me!?”
“How self-centered do you have to be to think that?”
“Kuwajiri-chan, tone it down a little.”
Kuwajiri-chan eventually amended her statement.
“Sorry, Eshtar-senpai. You create an easygoing mood, so I end up speaking my mind too readily.”
“That doesn’t make it better!”
“But whatever. Easygoing is definitely the way to be. …So what are the rest of you doing now?”
“What about you, Eshita-san?”
“I’ll be wandering around town. As an inspector, getting a feel for the general order of things here is part of my job. And I really like the vibe of a city at night.”
“It’s so cool how humanity has conquered the night in the millennia since our time. I just wish they would find a way to keep Venus in the sky all the time.”
“Will you be exchanging information on that Kido god?”
She has good instincts, thought Shifu. As a popular god, she was good at picking up on things like that. On the other hand…
“Eh? What’s this about Kido-san?”
“I’ll explain more later, Senpai-chan, but there’s something you need to watch out for with Kido-chan. A topic you shouldn’t bring up.”
A hand went up in response to that. It was the Shinto freshman.
“Is this something I should know too?”
●
For Tenma, whether or not she should know something was a crucial distinction.
“As a knowledge god, shouldn’t you know everything you can?”
“Scarecrow-senpai and Omokane-senpai are my superiors, and I am required to report back to them. Nothing can remain private to me – I must report it all. So in cases like this, I have to decide whether to break that rule and not report back, or to walk away and not learn it in the first place.”
“Shinto does like giving its gods specific roles but it also allows them some leeway with the rules, huh?”
“I know staying with all of you will give me the chance to learn a lot of new knowledge, so I would prefer to preserve the status quo as much as I can. But if any piece of knowledge prevents that, I either have to choose a side or walk away.”
“Hm, then I think I’ll walk away. That Kido has a pretty high Divine Rank, doesn’t she? Then this might involve our mythology too, which is best avoided for an inspector like me.”
“See you tomorrow, then.”
So not everyone will make the same choice, noted Tenma.
That settled it for her.
“I will hear you out. This and tomorrow’s camp will hopefully broaden my point of view.”
●
“Should I let the mystery grow, or not?”
I sensed something strange.
I was indoors – back in my room.
My male-ification began a bit after I got home, which meant I was going through a metamorphosis.
“Mmmmmmetamorrrrrrrrrrrrrphosis!!”
I shouted the word with lots of build-up while watching the process in the mirror, but what was this? Watching myself naked in the mirror was exciting while it was happening, but afterwards I just felt like a pervert or something.
But how did I even describe it? Figuratively speaking, it was like the banana disappeared and a different banana grew in its place. No, that’s a bad description. It was more like…an abalone. But I’ve never eaten one of those! Oh, no. I’m letting too much outside information influence me. Calm down, me. Would it make more sense if I drew a picture? Oh, but I can’t draw. If I could, I might’ve drawn a doujinshi using myself as a model and sold it at Comiket. Not really, though.
But, well, turning back from a girl to a boy wasn’t all that interesting.
“It’s kind of boring, really.”
Was it a difference in structure?
This was nothing more than optional equipment.
“It’s a lot more exciting when you can call it hidden!”
I looked to the window on a whim, saw the curtain was wide open, and realized I’d screwed up bad, but I knew why it was open. When wondering about a possible intruder in the morning, I had opened the curtain to go out on the balcony.
The Mega Drive was still switched on. That meant it had been running Rastan Saga II for over 24 hours now, which meant my Mega Drive’s record for longest time running a single game was with Rastan Saga II (which I hadn’t even played yet).
Anyway, I decided to take a bath.
I could fill the bath while preparing dinner, eat dinner, and then take a bath. That sounded good.
But when I went to the bath, I found something strange. Man, I’m taking forever to tell this story, aren’t I? Whatever. The point is, I found something in the bath.
“Why is the bath already full?”
My bath could heat the water in the tub, but it could also heat the water before releasing it into the tub. I hated the idea of accidentally heating the tub while it was empty, so I always used the second option. But…
“Who stopped the water?”
●
Oh, right.
I rolled back last night.
I was probably preparing to take a bath then.
I filled the bath and then left. Why I didn’t know, but I was probably headed somewhere close enough that I could return before the bath filled up. But…
“I rolled back.”
That would have left the water running.
But when I woke up the next morning, I didn’t notice this.
The water had cooled before I returned here today and now the bath was full of room temperature water.
“It doesn’t stop on its own, does it?”
It didn’t.
So how could I explain this?
“Did Senpai do it?”
No. Senpai would have mentioned it. We always said something when we did something for each other.
“Then was it Balancer?”
<How rude.>
I heard a voice from the balcony.
I turned around to see Balancer above the balcony railing, looking the other way.
“Huh? What’re you doing there?”
●
<If I were to enter your room’s territory or spy on your room, Senpai-san might erase me.>
“Oh, that’s right. Not even you can survive Senpai’s wrath.”
<So you admit my fears are warranted?>
“Well,” I said. “If that’s Senpai’s power, what can I do but respect it?”
But…
“Who came in here and stopped the bath water?”
<I cannot violate anyone’s privacy.>
That makes sense, I thought.
“Never mind then.”
<You’re okay with that?>
“Whoever it was had to have been worried about my room, right? And, in a way, they saved me. So it doesn’t really matter. And if it bothers me, I just have to remember to lock up from now on.”
<It seems to me someone is overprotective about you, ape.>
“Oh? Jealous? You are, aren’t you?”
<Of what?>
“Yeah,” I said, resting my elbow on the railing. Looking out, I could see some woods across the road and a residential area beyond that. There was a scattering of factories, but the large patch of darkness to the right was the Showa Memorial Park, which was closed at this time.
That area of darkness looked biggest of all.
But everywhere else, I could see stationary lights and the moving lights of car headlights.
“I’m the only human here.”
●
That went without saying.
“But Senpai is among those lights and so are the others – which means I’m not alone.”
<Why would I be jealous of that?>
“What about you?”
<Me?>
Balancer thought a moment before speaking.
<I am one of a kind. And…>
AIs didn’t sigh. Nor did screens, for that matter. But Balancer still paused about the length of one.
<I knew an ape like you would behave like an ape, but I did not expect the gods to behave quite so liberally here.>
“Oh. Sorry.”
<For what?>
“When I asked if you were jealous, I was being full of myself because I’m not alone and I assumed you were alone. Basically, I was being arrogant with a capital A. Stop making me admit to this stuff – it’s embarrassing. And when I get embarrassing, I might just get the cops called on me.”
A breath.
“I know how depressing it is to be alone, so, even if you are my nemesis from a past life, it was wrong of me to make fun of you for that. What do you think?”
<To be honest, you are creeping me out.>
We traded insults for a while.
<Well, it’s good that you understand where you belong. And where your starting line is. Figuring that out can be a challenge when you’ve forgotten.>
<Also,> added Balancer.
<You are not the only human. A great number of them are sleeping far, far away and one of my tasks is to bring you and them together.>
“What happens to Senpai and the others gods then? Do we worship the gods in their Released Manifestations?”
<To be honest, the original idea was to archive them as data entities and use them like apps that supply their authorities when necessary. But that obviously isn’t going to work.>
“Serves you right for planning that to begin with. I mean, can you imagine Raidou-senpai and the others like him agreeing to be imprisoned like that?”
<I have changed a lot since then. So now I think we can decide what to do once the terraforming is complete. Because that is no longer my decision to make.>
“I see,” I said, peeling myself away from the railing.
<Where are you going?>
I knew the answer to that.
“To the bookstore.”
<Why?>
Nothing could be more obvious.
“Based on the state of my room, I probably decided I needed some tips for playing Rastan Saga II and went to the bookstore to buy the latest issue of Mega Drive Fan. But that issue of Mega Drive Fan isn’t in my room, right?”
That was the answer there.
“I’m going to do what I failed to do yesterday.”
●
“So anyway,” said Shifu, pointing out ahead while walking with the others.
She guided them south toward Tachikawa Station.
“About Kido-chan.”
“Yes, what was it I needed to watch out for with her?”
“You know more or less what kind of god she is, don’t you?”
“Yes. A water god who is taller than me and has a bigger chest size.”
“Senpai-chan, you shouldn’t let Sumeragi-chan influence you quite so much.”
“Senpai-san, how would you describe Shifu-senpai?”
“Eh? Um, well, a harvest god and the double manifestation of the Norse Sif and Jarnsaxa who is taller than me and has a bigger chest size?”
“Technically correct, but I’m not sure all of that information was necessary. So what about Kuwajiri-chan?”
“Eh? Um, well, a knowledge god and the Norse Kvasir who is shorter than me and has a smaller chest size?”
“…”
“I’m fine. I endured it?”
“What was with that initial silence or the final question mark?”
“The effort to endure requires time and can affect your tone.”
Kuwajiri-chan takes everything so seriously, thought Shifu.
“So setting aside Senpai-chan’s penchant for including extra information in her profiles of people, remember when the river spirits told us what was responsible for messing with the rivers in Okutama?”
“Yes, I remember. Those river spirits were so cute. We should get to see them again tomorrow.”
“Yeah, river spirits are great. But that thing they showed us looks a lot like Kido-chan’s Released Manifestation.”
“Eh?”
“Oh, but I don’t think it’s her. There’s a definite difference.”
“U-um…”
“If you think there’s a difference, that’s good enough for me.”
“I know this is a mean question, but what would you have thought if Shifu-senpai hadn’t said that?”
“If Kido-san was the one causing trouble in Okutama’s rivers…that wouldn’t be so bad. We gods have emotions and they aren’t something we can just ignore. So if Kido-san restricted herself to only the rivers that are her ‘phase’, it would show she has a lot of self-control.”
“That seems better than becoming a shut in out of fear of causing trouble like I did. This way, Kido-san – or whoever it is – stays connected to the outside world. That way someone can find you and maybe even stop you.”
●
Kuwajiri saw Shifu hug Senpai-san.
“Eh?”
The underclassman was surprised since she wasn’t accustomed to this group, but this happened a lot. Well, maybe not a lot.
But Shifu really liked Senpai-san. Most likely, Shifu understood the way Senpai-san looked at the world, but Shifu either had a harder time putting it to words, couldn’t do things that way anymore, or no longer needed to do things that way.
So it made Shifu happy to see Senpai-san finding the words to describe herself and being rewarded for it.
Maybe I’m overanalyzing this, analyzed Kuwajiri.
Senpai-san seemed trapped and confused, so Shifu hugged her and rubbed her back to let her know she was there.
Kuwajiri didn’t know what to call this, but that meant she still had a lot to learn as a knowledge god.
And after waiting for the hug to end…
“Are we going to Will’s basement?”
“That’s the plan,” said Shifu as they resumed walking. “The thing the river spirits showed us might have some connection to Kido-chan. The water monster Eshita-chan fought looked a lot like the thing the river spirits showed us. And…”
And…
“The thing that attacked us today during the terraforming was made of fire, but the shape looked a lot like the thing the river spirits showed us.”
“Oh! Now that you mention it!”
“I wonder what that’s about,” said Shifu. “Got any ideas, Kuwajiri-chan?”
“I think the flame monster that appeared during the terraforming probably was not one of the planetary spirits.”
●
A knowledge god shouldn’t rely so much on speculation, thought Kuwajiri.
But this decision was based on the knowledge known as experience.
“We have never seen a flame monster like that before. The lower body was a serpent made from snake tails and the upper body was a woman. If anything, that seems like a water symbol to me.”
“Not to mention that the flame dragons were watching us from a realllly long distance before the attack. Cause they’re terrified of Senpai-chan.”
“I’m not sure how to feel about that, but I appreciate that they’re keeping their distance.”
“But then what was it?”
“Balancer,” called Kuwajiri and Balancer appeared.
But with the entire screen tilted.
<I would really rather not talk about this. It brings me great shame.>
That settled it.
“That was the water monster seen in this Divine World – or some kind of influence from it – causing feedback in reality, wasn’t it?”
●
I didn’t quite understand what Kuwajiri-san meant.
…So something here affected reality?
How did that work?
“Are you saying a mold here was applied over in reality?”
“Most likely, but it normally wouldn’t be possible.”
Of course it wouldn’t. Because if the molds in this world could influence reality…
“That would cause this world itself to form over there. Although it would be made of lava and fire.”
“R-right? Only the gods who manifested for the terraforming can move between the two sides. Supposedly, anyway.”
“And what do you think Balancer is so ashamed of? Can’t you think for yourself?”
Only after speaking did Kuwajiri realize how rude that had been.
●
Tenma saw the knowledge god prostrate herself for the first time.
“Her form is beautiful.”
Actually, a real pro would practice using a shaped box to ensure their form was truly perfect, but apparently she didn’t have the knowledge to do that. There was much room for improvement here. But for an amateur, this was…
“Not bad.”
“Eh? Eh? What’s going on?”
“Sorry. You are an upperclassman and a leader of the terraforming while I am only an underling brought in to assist. I shouldn’t have been so rude.”
“No, um, I don’t mind. And don’t you speak like that to Sumeragi-kun all the time?”
“Humans rank below the gods by default, so I don’t think that counts.”
“Is there a non-rude way to talk to him?”
“If I may speak from down here, not that I’m aware of.”
They all had their answer, but the terraforming boss saw things differently.
“No, no, no, no. I couldn’t possibly talk to Sumeragi-kun rudely.”
They all nodded.
“Yeah, that’s not possible for you no matter how much lower humans are than gods.”
“No one would expect it of her.”
“If I may speak from down here, she could never do it.”
“Wh-why are you all saying the same thing!?”
“Anyway,” the terraforming boss said to the knowledge god. “I don’t mind, so don’t let it bother you, Kuwajiri-san.”
“Thank you,” was all the knowledge god said before straightening up.
But she stayed on her knees and looked up at the terraforming boss.
Her view was clearly blocked by the terraforming boss’s chest.
“Kuwajiri-chan?”
“I am fine.”
“Why wouldn’t you be?”
“Any explanation would be more than rude, so I will refrain from answering. Thus, I am fine.”
How was that fine?
●
“Anyway,” Kuwajiri said, slapping her knees. “Our ability to travel to the real world is ultimately managed by Balancer. If Balancer is ashamed, then something unthinkable must have happened.”
“Such as?”
“Something here had an effect on reality, maybe?”
“Yes. And while it is normally unthinkable, it can happen under one condition.”
What was that condition?
“If the gods are involved.”
●
Kuwajiri spoke while Shifu looked back from up ahead.
“Balancer created the gods, but we left Balancer’s control, began to act on our own, and gained our current freedom through something akin to a rebellion.”
In other words…
“If something unexpected happens in this world Balancer created, it is only logical to assume the gods were involved. That would be the most sensible conclusion.”
<Kuwajiri.>
“Yes?”
<I am not ashamed of creating all of you. In fact, you are a success beyond anything I could have predicted. A clever AI knows how to adapt to the situation.>
●
“So,” I said. “If the gods were involved…who was it?”
“Yeah, that’s the question.”
Shifu-san looked back and then turned all the way around while walking and talking. It was kind of cute how her large hair twirled with her, but I wasn’t sure how she would react if I said so. Then she spoke a name.
“I think Kido-chan is a possibility.”
“B-but she fought back against that monster in the real world.”
“We leave molds behind, right? Just our normal lives here leaves behind some level of mold. You know that, don’t you?”
I did.
“Even when you aren’t at your seat in the classroom, it still makes me think ‘oh, Shifu-san must be out today’ because you’ve been using the chair long enough that you have left your mold on it.”
“Right. And your mold isn’t you yourself. Do you get where I’m going with this?”
I almost said “yes” on reflex, but then I really did figure it out.
The mold wasn’t the god themselves. Which would mean…
“Oh!”
“A mold created from someone can influence the real world separately from that person themselves. So Kido-senpai being in the real world does not prevent her mold in this world from influencing the real world.”
“I thought what the river spirits showed us wasn’t quite right for Kido-chan’s Released Manifestation, but you could explain that away with it being a deteriorated mold.”
That made sense. But if that was the explanation…
“There was that thing the river spirits showed us, there was the water monster that appeared in this world, there was the flame monster that appeared in the other world, and Kido-chan has some kind of connection to the Olympus gods. Not to mention that we have an Olympus inspector showing up all of a sudden and then a major Roman god causes trouble in an unauthorized combat field.”
Shifu-san held out her right hand.
“And Kido-chan was injured.”
Yes. But in that case…
“Why do you say it wasn’t Kido-san?”
“What do you think?”
“Well…” I said. “I can’t doubt Kido-san when I know her role in the terraforming. And…”
“And?”
“She seems to really care for Sumeragi-kun. But from what I heard, the water monster tried to capture and attack him. And that thing that appeared during the terraforming tried to roast us all in the end, right? If Kido-san hadn’t stopped it.”
So…
“I choose to trust Kido-san based on her actions.”
“Yeah, that is how you would see it. And I know Kido-chan pretty well, so I know she isn’t that kind of person. Which is why I say-”
Before Shifu-san could finish, our surroundings grew suddenly quiet.
The light seemed to dim and everything seemed to grow more distant, indicating…
“A combat field?”
●
“Hm. The August issue doesn’t have anything on Rastan II.”
But I still bought Mega Drive Fan. The reservoir near the bookshop was under construction and someone had left flowers with a note saying “From Tachikawa Hospital and Fire Station” on the crosswalk in front of the bookstore. Really made me wonder what had happened there, but…
“This Heavy Shell Armor Aleste in the upcoming releases section looks good.”
I was walking along the road, using the streetlights to read the magazine I had just bought.
Life was good.
I was saving the walkthroughs and reader contributions sections until later while I checked the upcoming releases. It was summer break, after all. I had time to play games and I had money to buy them after working in Ishikawa.
If I went to Akihabara, I could buy all sorts of things with money left over, even counting the train fare, so I was considering planning out my weekend after reading this.
I crossed the crosswalk and took a shortcut across the school grounds while reading.
This Super Monaco GP must be good for them to have a special insert on it, but I’ve barely ever played racing games. I never did manage to buy Daisenryaku II. I wonder how much it’s going for these days.”
“–––––!”
Oh, there’s something there.
●
“Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Don’t just pop up outta nowhere! Who even are you!?”
The weird octopus-like woman must have come from the under-construction reservoir and she attacked the instant she saw me.
Her lower half was a bunch of snakes? Oh, god. She looks like a polyurethane scrubbing brush. Y’know, the ones they have for cleaning toilets these days.
“That’s it!!”
“–––––!”
No, not that. Something was chasing me and fired a weird beam at me.
“…!!”
Someone rushed in out of nowhere and blocked it.
●
It was a direct hit.
I heard an incredible sound like a punch – no, like an impact.
“Gpee!”
They made a noise that didn’t sound good before they were knocked through the air.
“Hey! You alright!? I’m guessing no based on that weird noise you made!”
“I…I am fine.”
A middle-aged man stood up.
“I am fine! Are…you!?”
He suddenly fell onto hands and knees and vomited. Yeah, that water beam definitely hit him right in the gut…
●
“Hey, Mr. Vomit! You alright!?”
“D-do not call me that!”
What else was I supposed to call him?
“Don’t sweat the small stuff, Mr. Vomit! But seriously, are you alright? Do you want me to rub your back? Hm? Or should I sit next to you and put a comforting arm around you? How bout that? Hm?”
“S-stop that! It’s creeping me out!”
Why does everyone keep saying that to me?
“Wanna have a creep out contest, Mr. Vomit?”
“–––––!”
Ignoring her must have ticked her off because she attacked.
“Oh, no!”
I kicked Mr. Vomit in the butt to get him back on his feet and then ran away with him.
But that weird water thing was chasing us and fired another weird beam at us.
“…!!”
Someone rushed in out of nowhere and blocked it.
It was a direct hit.
●
I saw something there: a shield.
No, that was…
“Gauntlet.”
…a guy wearing his summer uniform with the shirt tucked in even though it was summer break. His name was…
“Apology Man!”
Mr. Vomit gave him an extremely profound look.
Interlude[edit]
“Listen up, Mr. Vomit! Apology Man was once known as Shame Man, but I changed it because it sounded a bit too indecent to me! Don’t you forget that!”
“Do forget that.”
“…”
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