White Album 2/Script/1004: Difference between revisions

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|「ああ、あなたが飯塚君？<br>色々と噂は聞いてます」
|「ああ、あなたが飯塚君？<br>色々と噂は聞いてます」
|"Ahh, so you're Iizuka-kun?<br>I've heard much about you."
|"Ahh, so you're Iizuka-kun?<br>I've heard much about you."
|I might be nitpicking here but changing much to so much makes it sound more fluid and less awkward in spoken English.}}
|I might be nitpicking here but changing 'much' to 'so much' makes it sound more fluid and less awkward in spoken English.}}


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|「年相応の下品な冗談はやめてくれ」
|「年相応の下品な冗談はやめてくれ」
|"Stop with the vulgar jokes for your age."
|"Stop with the vulgar jokes for your age."
|This sentence just sounds awkward to me. Possible Edit: Stop using vulgar jokes at your age. It does change the meaning slightly though.}}
|This sentence just sounds awkward to me. 'Possible Edit: Stop using vulgar jokes at your age.' It does change the meaning slightly though.}}


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|いきなり握手に下の名前…<br>俺が一週間かけてできないことをたった３分で。
|いきなり握手に下の名前…<br>俺が一週間かけてできないことをたった３分で。
|Suddenly shaking her hand and calling her by her first name...<br>He did everything I couldn't do for a week in merely three minutes.
|Suddenly shaking her hand and calling her by her first name...<br>He did everything I couldn't do for a week in merely three minutes.
|Change 'for' to 'in'}}
|Edit: Change 'for' to 'in'}}


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|「まさか君が参加してくれるなんて奇跡だ。<br>助かる。本当にピンチだったんだよボーカル。<br>学園祭、盛り上げていこうな？」
|「まさか君が参加してくれるなんて奇跡だ。<br>助かる。本当にピンチだったんだよボーカル。<br>学園祭、盛り上げていこうな？」
|"It's a miracle that you've even come to join us.<br>We're in your debt. We really needed a vocalist.<br>Let's make sure this event's a blast!"
|"It's a miracle that you've even come to join us.<br>We're in your debt. We really needed a vocalist.<br>Let's make sure this event's a blast!"
|Change 'needed' to 'need'. Using 'needed' holds the implication that they don't need one anymore. }}
|}}


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|「そんなの全然ＯＫ。何しろまだ一月もあるんだ。<br>これから練習してけば余裕で間に合うって」
|「そんなの全然ＯＫ。何しろまだ一月もあるんだ。<br>これから練習してけば余裕で間に合うって」
|"That's totally fine. We still have a month, anyway.<br>We'll make it if we start practicing now."
|"That's totally fine. We still have a month, anyway.<br>We'll make it if we start practicing now."
|Unnecessary comma before 'anyway'.}}
|Unnecessary comma before 'anyway', if anyway is not a part of the final clause.}}


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|お隣が向こうから話しかけてくるなんて、<br>月に一度あるかないかってのに、<br>そんな千載一遇の機会を自分からドブに捨ててどうする。
|お隣が向こうから話しかけてくるなんて、<br>月に一度あるかないかってのに、<br>そんな千載一遇の機会を自分からドブに捨ててどうする。
|What am I doing; throwing away the lifetime opportunity of getting to talk with the neighboring student, who speaks perhaps once a month, coming to talk to me?
|What am I doing; throwing away the lifetime opportunity of getting to talk with the neighboring student, who speaks perhaps once a month, coming to talk to me?
|I don't understand the usage of the semicolon. Adding the semicolon holds the implication that the two clauses are independent, in which case a question mark would be more appropriate. If they are not independent, the sentence should be something like "What am I doing throwing away...". A hyphen would be better than a semicolon in this instance as well. }}
|A question mark or ellipsis would also work in place of the semicolon but it's just a matter of preference at this point.}}


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Revision as of 21:07, 20 May 2014

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