White Album 2/Script/2507 2: Difference between revisions

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Noir (talk | contribs)
180 edits
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|「はい…ん、ちゅ…」
|「はい…ん、ちゅ…」
| “Yes… mm… chu..”
| “Yes… mm… chu..”
|}} I don’t know what kind onomatopoeia we want here.
|}}  


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|「なんでそんなにコンプレックス持ってるんです？<br>麻理さんだって十分若いって何度言ったら…」
|「なんでそんなにコンプレックス持ってるんです？<br>麻理さんだって十分若いって何度言ったら…」
| “Why are you so self-conscious about it, Mari-san? How many times do I have to tell you that you’re still young enough?”
| “Why are you so self-conscious about it, Mari-san? How many times do I have to tell you that you’re still young enough?”
|}} He says “why do you have such a complex about it?” but I’m not sure we want to keep that literally
|}}  
 
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|「辛い、ですか？<br>嫌だったら言ってくれたら…」
|「辛い、ですか？<br>嫌だったら言ってくれたら…」
| “Is this… too much? If you don’t want to then you could say something…”
| “Is this… too much? If you don’t want to then you could say something…”
|}} liberal translation on 辛い
|}}


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|「もちろん、嫌ならやめます。<br>だからそんな質問じゃなく、一言『やめろ』って…」
|「もちろん、嫌ならやめます。<br>だからそんな質問じゃなく、一言『やめろ』って…」
| “Of course, if you don’t want me to then I’ll stop. So instead of asking questions like that, all you have to do is tell me to...”
| “Of course, if you don’t want me to then I’ll stop. So instead of asking questions like that, all you have to do is tell me to...”
|}} Liberal TL of the latter. He says “one word: ‘stop’ is all you need”.
|}}  


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|と同時に、俺の手が隙間にするりと入り込み、<br>麻理さんの太股を包み込むように愛撫し始める。
|と同時に、俺の手が隙間にするりと入り込み、<br>麻理さんの太股を包み込むように愛撫し始める。
|At the same time, the rest of my hand finally makes it in, beginning to caress Mari-san’s thighs in order to embrace them.
|At the same time, the rest of my hand finally makes it in, beginning to caress Mari-san’s thighs in order to embrace them.
|}} I used “embrace” but the literal here is “wrap them up”. If you ask me how you wrap up thighs, I don’t really have an answer for you lol
|}}  


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|そうやって、ゆっくりと溶かしていく。
|そうやって、ゆっくりと溶かしていく。
|Like that, she slowly melts.
|Like that, she slowly melts.
|}} I’d suggest maybe replacing this with “her walls slowly come down” just so melt doesn’t become redundant with line 117
|}}  


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|「お前、本当に私に欲情してるのか？<br>抱きたいって思ってるのか？」
|「お前、本当に私に欲情してるのか？<br>抱きたいって思ってるのか？」
| “Are you… really lusting after me? Do you really think to yourself that you want to hold me?”
| “Are you… really lusting after me? Do you really think to yourself that you want to hold me?”
|}} Search for 欲所 in Mari’s first H-scene to maintain verb consistency for “lusting”. She asks him the same question there.
|}}  


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|「にしては、妙に焦らすじゃないか。<br>まるで[R私より年上^おじさん]みたいな触り方しやがって…」
|「にしては、妙に焦らすじゃないか。<br>まるで[R私より年上^おじさん]みたいな触り方しやがって…」
| “Coming from you, it strangely feels like you’re teasing me. You’re touching me like some sort of perverted old man.”
| “Coming from you, it strangely feels like you’re teasing me. You’re touching me like some sort of perverted old man.”
|}} Not sure what we’ve worked out for alternative readings of text so I’ll just TL what she said over what’s written
|}}  


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|ここまで来るのに、様々な紆余曲折があった。<br>…というより、あり得ない段階を経てきた。
|ここまで来るのに、様々な紆余曲折があった。<br>…というより、あり得ない段階を経てきた。
|To get to this point, there were a variety of twists and turns… or rather, a variety of unlikely events had come to pass.
|To get to this point, there were a variety of twists and turns… or rather, a variety of unlikely events had come to pass.
|}} Liberal TL since “a variety of unlikely steps had to be climbed” felt a bit awkward.
|}}  


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|本来なら、とっくに切れてしまったはずの絆を、<br>我慢強く繋ぎ止めていてくれた麻理さんは…
|本来なら、とっくに切れてしまったはずの絆を、<br>我慢強く繋ぎ止めていてくれた麻理さんは…
|Mari-san had every right to cut me off long ago. But in spite of that, she patiently held on to our relationship...
|Mari-san had every right to cut me off long ago. But in spite of that, she patiently held on to our relationship...
|}} Applied some liberal TL to link better into 153
|}}  


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|俺がしてることなんだけど…<br>その淫猥な光景は、俺をますます興奮させる。
|俺がしてることなんだけど…<br>その淫猥な光景は、俺をますます興奮させる。
|It’s something I’m doing myself… but the incredible lewdness of that scene turns me on more and more.
|It’s something I’m doing myself… but the incredible lewdness of that scene turns me on more and more.
|}} Lewdness, obscenity, whatever.
|}}  


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|口から唾液を垂らしながら、<br>陸に上がった魚のように口をぱくぱくさせる麻理さんは…
|口から唾液を垂らしながら、<br>陸に上がった魚のように口をぱくぱくさせる麻理さんは…
|With saliva still dripping from her mouth, Mari-san gasps for air like that of a fish washed ashore.
|With saliva still dripping from her mouth, Mari-san gasps for air like that of a fish washed ashore.
|}} Did Nasu write this? What the fuck?!
|}}


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|綺麗とか凛々しいとか言った今までのイメージと異なり、<br>あの、『拗ねたときの可愛さ』に属する表情をしてた。
|綺麗とか凛々しいとか言った今までのイメージと異なり、<br>あの、『拗ねたときの可愛さ』に属する表情をしてた。
|Words like “beautiful” or “inspiring” which have defined my image of her this whole time don’t quite fall in line with the expression she makes now. It’s something more akin to her “loveliness when sulking”.
|Words like “beautiful” or “inspiring” which have defined my image of her this whole time don’t quite fall in line with the expression she makes now. It’s something more akin to her “loveliness when sulking”.
|}} Remove quotations at the end at editor’s whim
|}}


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|俺は、本人すら意図していないその深淵に、<br>ずるずると引きずり落とされてるのを自覚する。
|俺は、本人すら意図していないその深淵に、<br>ずるずると引きずり落とされてるのを自覚する。
|I realize that I’m slithering my way and exploring a side of her hidden deep in an abyss that she herself isn’t aware of.
|I realize that I’m slithering my way and exploring a side of her hidden deep in an abyss that she herself isn’t aware of.
|}} Not super confident about this one
|}}


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Revision as of 16:29, 23 September 2018

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Translation

Editing

Translation Notes

I added ellipses to connect the previous line with this one but take it out at your leisure. I think he means this from a fetishistic standpoint but I don’t know how to convey that better SACRIFICES TO YOG-SOTHOTH Wow, it’s almost like you could use this sentence alone and cut these scene short a few hundred lines. Accepting alternatives to “drink each other” for すすり合う. しこった allows for a double entendre that I may have trouble expressing in English. Not super confident about this line.

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