White Album 2/Script/1004: Difference between revisions

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Just go ahead and make the small changes. Only bother with comments for changes you're not sure about.
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|6|雪菜|Setsuna
|6|雪菜|Setsuna
|「ああ、あなたが飯塚君?<br>色々と噂は聞いてます」
|「ああ、あなたが飯塚君?<br>色々と噂は聞いてます」
|"Ahh, so you're Iizuka-kun?<br>I've heard much about you."
|"Ahh, so you're Iizuka-kun?<br>I've heard so much about you."
|I might be nitpicking here but changing 'much' to 'so much' makes it sound more fluid and less awkward in spoken English.}}
|}}


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|15|武也|Takeya
|15|武也|Takeya
|「お、お、お、お前な…<br>この前の教訓、何も活かしてないだろ?」
|「お、お、お、お前な…<br>この前の教訓、何も活かしてないだろ?」
|"Y, y, y, you know...<br>You haven't learned from my lesson at all, did you?"
|"Y, y, y, you know...<br>You haven't learned from my lesson at all, have you?"
|Changing 'did you?' to 'have you?' gives it better parallelism.}}
|}}


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|「初挑戦がエベレストなのはどうかと思うけど、<br>そこに二つ山があるから仕方ないよなぁ」
|「初挑戦がエベレストなのはどうかと思うけど、<br>そこに二つ山があるから仕方ないよなぁ」
|"I don't know how you conquered Mt. Everest in a single try,<br>but there were two mountains so it couldn't be helped!"
|"I don't know how you conquered Mt. Everest in a single try,<br>but there were two mountains so it couldn't be helped!"
|I don't understand the premise of this joke, was he referring to both Setuna and Tomo in some way? }}
|I don't understand the premise of this joke, was he referring to both Setuna and Tomo in some way? -- I don't get it either... }}


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|41|春希|Haruki
|41|春希|Haruki
|「年相応の下品な冗談はやめてくれ」
|「年相応の下品な冗談はやめてくれ」
|"Stop with the vulgar jokes for your age."
|"Stop with the vulgar jokes already."
|This sentence just sounds awkward to me. 'Possible Edit: Stop using vulgar jokes at your age.' It does change the meaning slightly though.}}
|}}


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|49||
|49||
|いきなり握手に下の名前…<br>俺が一週間かけてできないことをたった3分で。
|いきなり握手に下の名前…<br>俺が一週間かけてできないことをたった3分で。
|Suddenly shaking her hand and calling her by her first name...<br>He did everything I couldn't do for a week in merely three minutes.
|Suddenly shaking her hand and calling her by her first name...<br>He did everything I couldn't do in even a week in merely three minutes.
|Edit: Change 'for' to 'in'}}
|}}


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|52|武也|Takeya
|52|武也|Takeya
|「そんなの全然OK。何しろまだ一月もあるんだ。<br>これから練習してけば余裕で間に合うって」
|「そんなの全然OK。何しろまだ一月もあるんだ。<br>これから練習してけば余裕で間に合うって」
|"That's totally fine. We still have a month, anyway.<br>We'll make it if we start practicing now."
|"That's totally fine. We still have a month anyway.<br>We'll make it if we start practicing now."
|Unnecessary comma before 'anyway', if anyway is not a part of the final clause.}}
|}}


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|116||
|116||
|それでも、幾度も飛び掛ろうとする武也を抑えて、<br>粘り強く交渉を進めたのは、性格はともかく<br>あのピアノに魅せられたからだったんだけど。
|それでも、幾度も飛び掛ろうとする武也を抑えて、<br>粘り強く交渉を進めたのは、性格はともかく<br>あのピアノに魅せられたからだったんだけど。
|Even so, many times I'd keep Takeya from taking off, and what kept us in persevering in this discussion, was how enchanted we were by the piano, save for the personality.
|Even then, what kept me persevering in this discussion and holding Takeya from trying to take off many times was, save for the personality, how enchanted I was by his piano playing.
|This sentence does sound awkward but there is really no way I see fit to make it more fluid without changing the phrasing and implication of the sentence. 'Possible Edit: Even so, I kept Takeya from taking off many times, our perserverance in this discussion kept by how enchanted we were by his piano skill, save for the personality.' Nitpicking for the 'piano' part, colloquially it does work but it looks awkward in written form. }}
|}}


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Revision as of 02:23, 21 May 2014

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