Editing Golden Time:Volume2 Chapter4

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==Golden Time 2: Chapter 4==
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===Chapter 4===
[[Image:Golden Time vol02 221.jpg|thumb]]

Tada Banri looked out the window.

It was eight in the morning.

Stopping his cell-phone alarm, which had just started sounding, he slowly raised his body from bed.

One futon was laid out on the floor, with Mitsuo and Two Dimensions peacefully situated there, their heads in opposite directions.  Despite their smelling each other's feet and occasionally moaning as if suffocating in a nightmare, the two of them were still sleeping.

Banri stretched out his hand from his bed and poked Mitsuo on the shoulder.  "Yana-ssan, shouldn't you be heading home before long?", he said, his voice extremely hoarse, sounding bone dry.

Mitsuo blinked, opened his watery eyes, and confirmed the time against his own cell-phone.  And then he flipped it shut.  He turned his face away from Two Dimension's feet, and as if he'd managed to escape once more, he buried himself deeply in his towel-blanket.  Was it worth it?  Probably not.  It doesn't matter.  Take your time.

To the north side of the room there was a veranda, to the west side a waist-high window had been set.  The sunlight shining from the other side of the curtains is weak even when the weather was good, and doesn't reach to my feet as I am seated on the stool, no matter what.

From within the cool dark shadows again this morning, I watched the only person with his eyes open, Banri, giving up on waking Mitsuo.

Banri hadn't slept at all, just about.  Even after his exhausted friends stayed over and fell asleep, he'd stayed awake, alone, thinking over the matter of Kaga Kouko, his eyes open.

I am not waiting for anyone, anymore.  Facing her, Banri had said so.

This, to me, is somewhat of a marvel.  Might some of the remnants of my memories be clinging inside of this Banri's body?  Once upon a time, I had decided to not wait for anyone, anymore, I had.  At the time I made that decision, it was something characteristic of me.

So it was.  I--- Tada Banri, for a second time had decided to not wait for anybody.

That was decided, that day.  I existed then, that, other day.  The Banri existing now shouldn't know about that morning.

Alighting from the stool, I stepped softly over Mitsuo and Two Dimension's bodies and sat down on the corner of the risen Banri's bed.  What was originally me leaned in close to Banri's body, and in the warmth the dead me started helplessly reviewing the memories.

He was waiting, but because he felt like running away, he had the volume raised.  Any song, any singer would do.

From that bridge he was looking down, vaguely, upon the vast riverbank scenery he was familiar with since childhood.

Looking towards the opposite shore reached by the bridge, he was frightened.  He was scared.

He waited and waited, but nobody came.  Not coming, and so he decided to not wait any longer.

And then, turning my back on the riverbank, I set out walking over the long bridge and towards the mountains where my own house was... set out walking, and it all ended, going out to meet an instant of whiteness.

---Not having slept, Banri's eyes were red and dry.

Slowly, he laid his body down on the sheets again.  So doing, the pale morning sun tinting everything yellow, he quietly looked up at the ceiling.

The room smelled of sake.

On the table, there were plastic drink bottles on top of plastic drink bottles.  A tower of <span class="plainlinks">[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ch%C5%ABhai Chuuhai]</span> cans, piled up for fun.  A plastic bag from the convenience store, stuffed full of garbage.  Balled-up tissues.  A cell-phone charger.  Fallen to the floor, the television remote.  The remnants of a bag full of candy.  PET-bottle caps.  An extra strap.  Mitsuo's socks.  Torn double-leafed pages.  Two Dimensions' glasses.  A cloth for cleaning glasses.  A glasses case.

Nobody spoke.

On such a morning, Banri merely existed.


<span style="font-size: 300%;"><center>* * *</center></span>


After fourth period, Banri was a complete zombie.

He was in an awful, intolerable mood.

With the least movement his head rang like a bell, his head, stomach, throat, back and hips hurt.  Everything was sluggish, his feet were heavy.  Far from concentrating on the lectures, he couldn't keep from dozing off.

The lecture over, delayed quite a bit by the other students streaming out into the noisy hallway, he finally stood up, dragging his bag along with him.  Feeling terribly heavy, pushing open the door with both hands, he dragged himself out into the dark corridor, with its students coming and going.  A unpleasant burp escaped him, and he held back a hot sensation from the area of his stomach.

By any chance, was this the state the world called 'being hung over'?

In this condition since the morning, for now he wondered if would it help if he ate something, though he suspected that wolfing down lunch wouldn't be a good idea.  But even more than usual, the school cafeteria daily special was a mixture of fried stuff, and eating lunch without anybody to talk to, he cleaned his plate entirely, as fast as he could.

Yesterday, he'd noticed some friends heading towards an afterparty.  From what he saw and heard, they seemed to be excited about a dirt-cheap karaoke place.  In the end, five places... until seven in the morning, they said they drank.  "What do you expect, though we left the fifth party", they'd laughed, their faces ghastly pale.

In second period, he found an unexpectedly energetic-looking Chinami, but then she said, with her cute anime voice, but dry and hoarse, "Talked too much, sang too much."  Mitsuo said, "See me in the afternoon after I've gone home and got a shower", cutting him off and getting on a train going in the opposite direction, and Two Dimensions had declared, "I'm skipping today", and making good on his word, didn't show up.

Banri, rubbing around his chin, which was tingling strangely, yawned a bit, went out into the hall and headed for the stairs.  Today, as things were, even if he had shopping to do or anywhere else to go, he was heading straight back.  Once home he was going to cook himself <span class="plainlinks">[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congee#Japan okayu]</span> or something.  He was lost in thought, when from behind him,

"Ta-da, Ba-n-ri"

She was calling his name in musical notes, as if singing, though for a woman her voice was a bit low and cool.

He knew at once who's voice it was, without even turning his head.

"What's with the face?"

"Morning... well... it's a hangover."

Hands still deep in the pockets of her hoodie, she walked around to the front of him.  Peeking at Banri's face, it was as he thought: Linda.  Her shiny, black, evenly cut hair swaying about her chin, she frowned as if she were concerned.  Khaki cargo pants, with flourescent yellow Nikes.  White, slender ankles.  A friendly look on her face.  Apparently worried, her pale lips were pursed.

For some reason, Banri was slowly pulling back.

"What, are you feeling bad?  Shall I go to the infirmary?  I could bring you something for your stomach."

Shaking his head from side to side, he tried to avoid Linda.

"...No, that's fine.  I'm OK, it's no big deal.  I was already thinking of going home."

In other words, he was trying to avoid looking at Linda.  He was tired.  Even talking was painful.

"I see.  If so, then since you're leaving would you mind coming with me for a bit?  There's something I need to post in the lobby.  Since it looks like we've set next month's practice schedule, I wanted to post it."

"Ah... err..."

The energy required to turn her down having deserted him already, Banri looked downward ambiguously, not knowing what else to do.  Linda acted as if he'd decided "yes".

"Then let's go.  Come on."

As if to urge him along, she walked on ahead of him.  There being no alternative, Banri followed at once, dragging his heavy feet.

Lightly turning about, Linda pointed a slender finger at Banri's feet.

"That reminds me: you're wearing the shoes I gave you.  How are they?"

Yesterday, he had washed his customary Jack Purcells (well seasoned by his own vomit) in the bathroom and set them to dry in the middle of the veranda.  Today was the first day he had worn the New Balance shoes that Linda had given him.

"They're great!", Banri replied, somehow smiling like an underclassman.



Their small college department, located right in the middle of a city center office block, had guaranteed ease of access from entry to graduation, but in exchange for this, they didn't build things like cool club buildings.  They didn't waste money on club rooms.

Because of that, such people from campus as wanted to get together and chat, had no choice but to line up by the tables in the lobby, in the corners of the cafeteria, or to take up positions in the various gathering places or smoking sections.

In the Omaken's case, it was the edge of the lobby.  With a bulletin board for posting news about lecture cancellations and for posting personal notes, and with constant foot traffic going by, you couldn't call it a bad spot.  Not for a small, obscure club it wasn't.

As it happened, the most comfortable place was in the back of the cafeteria, hidden from sight by the largest pillar.  The people who used that spot the most were from the Law School Tennis Club.  Leaving huge bags there, opening meetings and doing whatever they felt like doing, they created an atmosphere such that Banri's group (or other students) couldn't even step foot there.

Banri followed behind Linda, until they got to the table in front of the bulletin board.

A bunch of uper classmen, all sitting back relaxed on a bench, waved him over.

"Aren't you Tada Banri?  You sit over there!"

"Morning, pardon me... I heard there was something on the schedule..."

On the closest bench, Kouko was sitting, shrunken.

She must've noticed Banri's voice, as her white face turned this way.

Their eyes met.

Wearing a chiffon top with little flowers on it, a black miniskirt over black tights.  Some things he'd seen before, like the black booties.  She wasn't wearing a hairband either, her long, uncurled hair spilling down her back for now.  She seemed to hardly have any makeup on, and where normally she took great pains to put herself in order, she was now looking pretty awful.  Her swollen eyes were more awful than a bear's.  She had drank no less than Banri last night.  It appeared she was suffering from a hangover worse than his own.

Not even knowing what kind of expression he showed, their eyes still in contact, Banri had stopped moving, like a broken robot.

Kouko, like that, gave Banri a small, weak smile with parched lips, and raised one hand only so high as her chest.

For now, he acknowledged that with an ambiguous nod, but, beyond that, of course, he couldn't do anything more.

Only able to quietly avert his gaze from Kouko, he sat down at the other end of the bench, with the table between them.

What he should do, he did not know.  Banri hung his head and lowered his gaze.

With what kind of face was he to look at her, if there was no love, nor friendship, and he personally wanted the relationship to go away? 

He wondered if he ought to behave as if he'd forgotten everything, and show a face of "I don't know you at all."  It was as if everything up to now were made null, so, for example,

"Hey, hey, where'd they put the schedule?  Somebody took it?"

---He wondered if Linda was manipulating him.

To be precise, as she might have done in the past.  Always with 'nothing'.  Hello, how are you?  Who are you?  Like that.

Linda: next to Banri, quietly looking sidelong at how he was doing.  Kneeling crudely on top of the bench, tossing snack candies somebody had scattered on the table into her mouth with one hand.

Once again, he thought Linda assertive, ridiculously so.  That wouldn't work on him, of course.  For the same reason, it wouldn't work on her either.  Such were his thoughts.

As for himself, he didn't understand at all how it would be good to continue seeing Kouko.  Still confused, his body stiffened.  No matter what, for the two of them to arrive at the same time couldn't be 'nothing'.  Therefore, the two of them must've arranged a mess like this.  And it was a bloody mess: their heads cast down, their eyes averted, seated awkwardly apart, and on top of that, with their unsightly, dreadful, fresh wounds showing.  Banri could not be anything but that.

But Linda was wrong about Banri.  Pretending not to know him, making it quite clear where she'd heard his name.  Inviting him into a club.  Treating him as a juniorclassman, not revealing your true colors.  The Linda-senpai beside him, eating snacks, laughing lightly.

Fine.  I can do such things.

A bit surprised, Banri looked at Linda once more.

Just because he had lost his memories, it doesn't mean he didn't know anything about anyone or from where they came.  His identity was always established by his loss of memory, nothing more.  If, for example, he found himself in a conversation like "Where was your high school?", it would come up as often as not.  That they were classmates was obvious, but to stay like this forever, never revealing the full truth, would be impossible.  So long as she didn't lie or misrepresent herself, Linda's act was doomed to fail before too long.  In spite of that, she was doing it.  Now, even.  This instant, even.  Calm and composed, she kept on doing it.

If he had done to Kouko the same thing Linda was doing to him--- "How do you do, who are you?  What's your name?" if Kouko had heard him, if it would start a relationship from the first, brand new meeting.  Would he be able to be clever, like Linda?

Trying to think, Banri thought at once: There was no way he could.  The time, so short yet so strangely full, that he'd spent with Kouko, the past he'd had with her, all that they had built up, he could not deny quite so easily.  He could not make it as if hadn't happened.

Or rather: he didn't want to.

Because he was that way, was he not too pitiful?

Kouko's past, his own past, was a fact.  In which case, it was all the more a pity.

Though that time had certainly happened, though it had being, to erase it entirely for the convenience of the current Banri was something he absolutely did not want to do.  The joy in the moment of understanding, the shock of recognizing love, the unforgiveable impatience, the ulterior motives, the misery, the grief, the smiles, the tears, the foolishness too, the hurt feelings as well--- all of those were, clearly, irreplaceable moments.  Be they good or bad, as far as he was concerned, they were all important.  They were worth caring for.  Banri felt that he must not lose them.  He could not part with such things.

And yet, how, this person...

"Want some?"

Suddenly grabbing a snack with her fingertips, Linda waved it in front of Banri's nose.  Banri shook his head side to side.  A throbbing pain shot through his head.

"...I'm not feeling well."

"Oh, forgot that."

Sorry sorry, tossing it into her own mouth, and wiping her finger with a tissue, Linda pulled out three schedule sheets from a clear vinyl folder.  Keeping one page for herself, she passed one to Banri and another to Kouko.

"Kouko-chan, perhaps, has a hangover too?  Though both of you smell a bit of sake."

"Eh, really?  ...We shouldn't, not any longer."

Kouko, frowning slightly, covered her own mouth with a handkerchief.  Like that, she mumbled in a weak voice.  Perhaps the same as Banri, she must be getting a headache from just speaking.

"Yesterday was the freshmen drinking party.  Together with Tada-kun, I drank a bit too much..."

"Eh what what!?   What happened!?  Now they tempted you into a drinking party!?

At the clear voice suddenly reverberating over her head, Kouko groaned, her face in a grimace.  Banri put his hands to his temples too.

The former president who the other day had come in a suit, showed up today dressed in an normal polo-shirt and cotton pants style.  With a friendly grin, in excessively good humor, with what everybody automatically thought of as a cheerful face,

"Did you, perhaps, get a job offer!?"

But,

"Eh, how?  Nothing's come up yet, nothing at all, or rather, not one guy's shown up in my wanderings!"

Al---ways, such as want to be fools have bottomless cheer.  Moreover,

"For today, I've only got English.  Haha, my third time repeating it!"

...Though he'd now reached his fourth year, it appeared he hadn't gotten his language credit yet.

"Because the road ahead is dark still, I cheer myself up!  Is that a problem!?  Rather, did somebody say when the next drinking party is?  What, what, I wanna go, I wanna drink, sake!  Let's do a drinking party!  Today, let's everybody go from here!  Hey hey, sake sake sake!  It'll be fun~!"

Linda, the palms of her hands lifted towards him, lept up to explain to the excited ex-president in simple terms.

"Hosshii-senpai.  Calm down, it's not what you think."

Hosshii... that's it: somebody, Hoshino-senpai... was it something like that?

Banri tried to organize in his head the as yet incompletely memorized names and faces of the various upperclassmen.  The ex-president Hoshino-senpai... Hosshii.  Slightly monkey-like, sinewy body, the first guy to have a good chat with Banri, the nice guy Yoshino-senpai... Yosshii.  Other than that, the present president of the third years, who played music, Kago-senpai... another guy called Kosshii...  It was making Banri's headache even worse.  Memorizing was such a pain.  How was he going to be an Omaken!?

"Tada Banri and Kouko-chan have hangovers.  That okay with you?  We were only talking about that kind of stuff.  So, as for specially scheduling a party now,"

<nowiki>"A hangover!?  If that's all, don't you just have to drink some more!?  Freshmen, you know what?  The cure for a hangover is a drink in the morning!  That's all!  To get to where you can forget how bad you're feeling, drink, drink until you've gotten drunk, then right away have another together!  Right!?  So let's go drinking, okay!?  I want to, I, I want to go drinking, to have fun drinking with all the underclassmen, but I want to escape from reality for a bit, even talking with my fellow job hunters, the sake is awful.  I'm still off on my own, but it looks like I'm going home and won't be able to come back, so, how about it!?  So please let's go drinking!?  Shall we!?  That OK!?  Is it no good!?  Is it bad!?  Can't an unqualified human like me go drinking without conditions?  As president of the club I tried hard to manage the club, but since it was such a small sales point, wasn't it simply better to say nothing?  Hey, wasn't it!?  But then, what was I to do!?  What will I do if I cannot find a job?  If it's real estate agent, I'll take it.  If it's notary public, I'll take that too.  I'll take the English and Law tests, because I must!  I mean, even my senpai's job hunt isn't concluded yet!  What are you doing senpai!?  What am I doing!?  Even with that, before long they're coming, they've come, the third-years have come to the seminar!  No way, don't come!  I mean, from now on what must I do to exist, I want to live normally, that's all, but in luxury!?  Is this living in luxury!?  Ah~~~~ but I want to live~~~~~ sorr~~~~~y!  Apart from that, I don't wish for anything more, gods help me, I'm scare~~~~~d!  I'm afraid I'll be broken by this record-breaking ice age!  Aahhh~~~~ let's go have a fes-ti-vallllll~~~~!!"</nowiki>

Everybody in the place exchanged silent glances.  Banri too.  Kouko too.

...Unable to help him find employment, or even a festival, for the time being, taking that pitiful fourth-year to go drinking was all they could do.

The two freshmen offered up their livers as sacrifice.


<span style="font-size: 300%;"><center>* * *</center></span>


As if they were fully rewinding time, Banri went to the same place as yesterday.

The same tavern, the same all-you-can-drink, even the same room as yesterday, sitting with his back to the partition, even the same spot.   Kouko next to him--- it had turned out that way naturally--- all the same.

As he heard the talking of groups of other members and fourth-year students gathering together, he realized that the Omaken had become a rather large family.  The drinking party started.

At the sound of "Cheers" from the president, beer mugs came near to mouths,

"...Ugh..."

Banri groaned.

It was only the smell, but from now on it will seem like vomit.  But though he hesitated, and he felt awful, he muttered to himself "Whatever...", and tasted it.  Feeling about ready to throw up, he thought he should gulp it down all at once.

Gulping it down, the feel of the cold beer passing down his throat was nevertheless pleasant for now, he drank it all down in one gulp, even the foam head.  He peeked quietly, sidelong, at Kouko, who for a while had hardly touched her uulong tea, now, as if resolved to do it, seized her beer mug.  She tasted it, tossed her head back, and emptied her mug with gusto no less than Banri's.

"Is she okay!?  'Cause I don't see any problems at all so far..", Banri muttered to himself, but,

"Oh!  There's a freshman girl whose drinking style ain't bad!  She looks more promising than we've seen in a long time~  Come on over here so we can talk a bit!"

A mixed group of upperclassmen was beckoning to Kouko.  "Com-ing! ...urp...", she covered her mouth with a handkerchief even as she obediently got up and walked over to them.

And then onto the open cushion,

"Hold on.  You don't need to overdo it with the sake, you know?  That pitcher of oolong, it's for you two to keep.  If the seniors say anything, you ought to say it's an oolong highball.  Those guys are going to be drunk before you know it.  Then you can leave quietly without being noticed."

Linda had come over, her expression a little concerned.  Speaking with her voice lowered, she sat down on the cushion.

She peered at Banri's face, checking to see if his cheeks were flushed red.  When Banri didn't say anything more,

"Oh well.  That's how it is."

Her style a little strange, she continued talking.  Moistening her lips from the mug of beer, she laughed in profile.

"Look, new member.  You haven't done anything, right?  What with one thing after another having happened so quickly, for now, perhaps it was good you had an opportunity like this.  Though for you guys it was inconvenient, I think that for the seniors, even getting together will become more difficult from now on."

"...Haa..."

"What do you mean by 'Haa'... what's wrong?  Have you reached your limits?  Do you need to lie down?"

Linda quietly gave him space, giving Banri room so he might be able to sleep, but Banri, still seated, didn't move at all.

Even with regards to Linda, he had no idea at all.

Right now, she seemed a really wholesome, even caring woman; a gentle senpai who truly took care of people.

But in reality, this face he didn't know was incredibly clever, cruel to an extent he could hardly believe.

Not noticing that such were Banri's thoughts, Linda tilted her head a little and touched her chin, as if she were busy thinking.  Swinging her hair and raising her eyebrows, she brought her face near to Banri's eyes, as if to look into them.  Then,

"And on top of that, that raw tension, was that only a hangover?  Whew... I mean, what I just saw, why all the gloom... hmm hmm hmm...?"

She pointed towards Kouko with both her fingertips and with her gaze.

Kouko was seated like a doll on her cushion, surrounded by older students.  Though she was a little pale (perhaps due to the beer), she blushed a little, for the time being with a smile on her face.

"...I seem to be correct.  You've had a fight with her, right?"

The way Linda said "her" wasn't the simple third-person feminine way of speaking, but was rather the "my girl" way of speaking.

Banri didn't say anything more, so Linda, her lips in a playful pout, said to his ear "Whatever you say, you can count on senpai", lowering her voice to a whispering sigh.  Entirely as if she wanted to talk about their shared secret.

Banri, setting his beer mug on the table, acting as much as possible as if he were hearing a joke,

"...Linda-senpai, did you think Kaga-san and I were going out?"

He tried to say it.  He intended to.

Setting this and that aside, for the time being, he didn't want to deal with the big misunderstanding looming before him right now.  That's how he felt.

"Was I thinking that!?  Eh, wasn't it so?  But didn't you guys have a really good relationship?  Though I thought, since from the beginning you came as a couple to the club?"

He forced a smile.  Shaking his head firmly from side to side,

"You were wrong."

He said it clearly.  So as to not be misunderstood, simply, distinctly.  "Are you kidding!?", Linda said, her eyes growing wide.  She looked at Kouko from a little apart, and once more returned her gaze to Banri.

"Is that how it is!?  Eh, then... what's that?  To put it simply, you were 'more than friends, less than lovers'?  Huh.  Now I see... well, is that so?  That's how it is.  Still getting to know each other, month by month.  ...Ah ah ah, from now on, after this... ou ou ou, that's how it is.  Sorry, I've gotten ahead of myself."

And then, both hands covering her mouth, her shoulders shaking, she was laughing merrily from the bottom of her heart.

"What's with you already?", he said, "'It's good, it's good from now on!?'  What's that about?  You really seem to be having a fun time here, aren't you?"

Realizing that he could not simply look calmly upon that merry face, and wondering why, Banri knocked down all the beer that remained in his mug.  Lined up with him, shoulder to shoulder, Linda threw back her head too, lifting the mug that was in her hand.  Like old men, they let out huge sighs.  And then,

"This is really hot!  Well then, as your senpai, I'll be quietly watching over your promising future!  Well, love stories are fu-n.  Tell me, tell me more!"

"Tell you... what do you mean?"

"Lo-ve st-o-ri-es!  All girls are crazy about love stories, and I, for one, am a girl!  Lo-ok look look, Tada Banri, will you tell me e-verything, first thing?"

Look! Look!  No!  No!   While listening to that merry voice with one ear, Banri poured sake with ice from the pitcher into his mug.  It didn't matter whether it was sour or soda, either was fine.  At any rate, he wanted to shove anything into his body but Linda's voice.  And cram it into his brain too.  Almost against his will, he forced it down his throat.

"...Especially for senpai, please let me know.  How's that sound to you?

Because he thought that Linda would probably be silent, trying to bring up a subject like that.  But Linda, making as if to punch Banri softly on the shoulder, 

"Whatever, it doesn't matter!  I was just thinking it was quite something these days!"

Her expression was still playful around the edges.

"You don't have a boyfriend?"

"No..., I wish..."

"That reminds me: earlier, Kaga-san said it looked like there was something between Linda-senpai and Hosshii-senpai."

"Whoa!  ...I mean, wow, she said something like that... no, in reality that can be forgiven... no no, impossible."

"I mean, you've really got it, she said."

"Huh!?  Me!?  Got it!?  She said that!?  ...Seriously, I'm gonna give that girl an allowance later.  And a big kiss too."

Linda laughed, or in other words, he had succeeded.  Drinking some sake, she looked at Banri.  Her curiosity was piqued, and she wanted to hear what they'd said.

Rather than answering back "Aren't you awfully curious?", Banri said:

"Didn't you have a boyfriend back in high school?"

Not having an answer, he emptied his next mug in one gulp.  While he refilled it from the pitcher,

"---Even hearing that, after all you did answer 'there wasn't'?  There was nobody, right?  Yes yes, I understand, senpai.  There was nobody.  Sure.  Nobody, nobody.  Nobody at all.  It was something that never happened.  It's like that.  He never existed."

He didn't look at Linda's face as he argued.  There was no answer.

At that moment, his field of vision shook strongly, what was close at hand becoming dangerous.  Sake overflowing hugely from the top of his mug, he returned some to the pitcher and laughed.  I'm useless.  Completely drunk.  Laughing, he drank some more.

"...Hey, hold on.  You're too quick with the pitcher, stop that."

[[Image:Golden Time vol02 243.jpg|thumb]]
Linda had grabbed and stopped his hand.

Banri's face went white.

Just where he found the strength to shake her off, even he didn't know.  From then on, whether he tried to say anything to Linda or not, he didn't know.  Really, he didn't know.

"Hey, can't you stop already?"

Dazzled, he couldn't see anything at all.

"Hey, how?  How can you do such a thing?"

He couldn't even see Linda's face.

"Isn't such a thing... horrible?  Didn't you think of me--- of 'the Tada Banri of that time' as pathetic?  Didn't you think it mattered?"

Next to him, the sound of her catching her breath was all that could be heard.

All that came to his mind was his own face.  The Tada Banri captured in the picture, with it's thoughtless smile.

That happy-looking guy cheek to cheek with Linda didn't know what the future had in store for him.  If he stayed with Linda, it would all be fun.  He had laughed making faces like that.

Though he would have told him if he could.  From his heart he felt so.  He didn't trust that person next to him.  He'd had an accident, and was gravely injured, and once he woke up that person gave him this face like 'I never knew you!'  Apart from that, saying 'Tell me love stories about you and other girls!' and such, that's the kind of person she was.  He wanted to tell her that.

But, what he noticed at the same time, what he was doing to Linda was exactly that, in a manner of speaking.

"...Ah..."

It was only the difference between accident and intention.  The end result was the same.

He had just told Linda that he didn't know anything about her.

And not just to Linda.  He'd been doing it to everyone he had met up to that time, to his parents, to everybody.  Giving this face of 'I don't now anything about you!'  He was doing it even now.

"...Aah..."

His face felt cold.

He was bathed in an awful sweat.  Down his wet back, his sweat walked unpleasantly.  His breathing was painful.  He felt dizzy.

"...We may be the same in that way..."

Groaning, he laid his head on the table.

It's hard.  It hurts.  I cannot breathe.  It was difficult and painful, and he couldn't do anything about it.

Forgive me for saying things selfishly.

I am the lowest of the low.

Linda.

Everybody.

Forgive me for having become like this.

I am truly sorry...

"Ba,"

Echoing in his ears, as if it were a scream, that little syllable was like a shriek.

"...Banri...!"

Slowly, gradually, Banri lifted his face; lifted it up like a puppet.  Unnoticed by those around, Banri and Linda's exchange heard by nobody, everybody continued talking merrily as they had been not long ago.  Face flushed, he laughed like an idiot.

Banri looked at Linda.


<nowiki><~~52% Completed~~></nowiki><!-- 24 of 46 pages -->

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