Editing .Hack//ZERO ME:1040

==ME:1040==

The sound of my footsteps echoed off of the ceiling.

As usual, a soft light filled the room.

Feeling a sense of trepidation, I approached the alter.

And I was both relieved and disappointed to find that Sora wasn’t there.

Alph said that Aura was a ghost.

But to me, Sora seemed more like the phantom between the two, so I couldn’t help it.

Throughout my childhood, both in and out of school, I’d been told over and over again that I was shy and quiet.

As if being quiet was somehow wrong.

In their minds, they had an image of what a child should act like, so anyone like me who doesn’t fit that image are seen as troubled children.

I guess I was just a pain to deal with.

It would be so easy to just give them all what they wanted. To be innocent, cheerful, and obedient.

But if you do that, then they would start asking more from you, acting like you’d earned the right to do more for them.

And the moment you stopped giving it to them, they would suddenly start blaming you for it, because they think you’re denying them something that they deserve.

I just didn’t want to end up like a cat chased up a ladder.

I had decided that soon after entering elementary school.

I used to be with a theater company and had to audition for a commercial.

I hadn’t joined the company because I wanted to. My mom had heard about it from an acquaintance and thought it would be a good fit for me, so I didn’t really have a reason to refuse. But I didn’t like the woman, so I just nodded along to everything she said in hopes that we could finish our conversations quickly and go home.

I think she may have actually been a distant relative of my mom’s, but I can’t remember clearly.

However, I remember that she always reeked of perfume. Every time I met her, my nose would get stuffy almost immediately. She must have had a lot of money.

As soon as I joined the troupe, this acquaintance of my mom started following me around like my manager.

“Just leave everything to me. I’ll make sure nothing goes wrong and show Junka the view from the top.

I listened to her exaggerated praise and sales pitch, all the while feeling extremely uncomfortable.

But she just kept praising me, telling me how much of a good girl I was for listening to what she said.

In reality, however, she was just telling me what she thought she was supposed to, because she didn’t have anyone say those kinds of things to her.

And when the audition was over, she told me that I was as good as they come, even though she clearly considered it more of a credit to her own abilities than mine.

I could still remember how her lipstick was applied different on either side of her mouth, and she always had clumps of it mixed with spit at the corners. I would always notice when she smiled wide and told me how proud she was of me.

I think the audition had been for some kind of ketchup or tomato sauce commercial.

All I’d needed to do was say “Delicious” and smile at the camera. After that, there was just a short interview, and I was done.

The other participants all put on their best fake smiles and answered quickly, and sometimes, the whole room would erupt with laughter at what was said.

But when it was my turn, I wouldn’t react at all to what the director said to me, or to the big guy in the suit next to him.

When I was asked a question, I didn’t show my emotions, and I didn’t even bother looking at the script I was supposed to read from. My mom’s acquaintance would get mad at me for that or try to get me to behave by promising rewards. Then she would turn around and make excuses to the director about me being a sensitive child.

Obviously, the people at the company gave up long before she did.

And obviously, I didn’t get the part, though it took a while for my mom’s acquaintance to accept that. It was funny how she kept trying to think up ways it could still work out, like saying they might like my stubbornness or recognize my appeal since they’re such discerning individuals. That kind of thing only happened in manga.

And yet she still managed to act surprised when the official rejection came and claimed that she had only been doing this for my sake with a sad expression.

And when I wouldn’t get upset or cry over it like she did, she was even more shocked.

“Why didn’t you tell me from the start that you didn’t like it?”

My mom had asked me that after it was all over. And of course, I had wanted to tell her that, but it had seemed obvious to me that I was going to get roped into it even if I tried.

So instead of telling her and getting shut down, I just nodded along and pretended to be interested.

That was the last I saw of mom’s acquaintance. She wasn’t the kind of person I wanted to hang out with for long anyways, but I guess she had finally decided that I wasn’t worth her time.

She may have been an acquaintance of my mom, but for me, it had only been a professional relationship. It hadn’t gone any further than that.

My mom didn’t say anything when I quit, either. Just as she hadn’t said anything when I joined in the first place.

I had been relieved, but after a while, I also felt a little dejected.

I started wondering if I really should have refused right from the start and thrown a tantrum until they gave up on me.

That was when I started questioning why kids always try so hard to live up to the expectations of adults? Was it just easier for them to live like that? At least if they were acting childish, I felt like I could understand why.

People find it easier to live up to the expectations of the world around them. That’s why they all behaved the way they were expected to.

And because of that, I was the one that ends up looking foolish in the end.

The other kids at the audition had looked at me with pity. Not one of them praised or admired me for my courage. They all looked at me like they thought I was an idiot.

And really, they were right. I was a reckless, selfish, clueless idiot.

I just couldn’t escape from the cage that was my own self.

But Sora seemed completely free from all of those dumb rules and expectations. It was like he didn’t care at all about what anyone else wanted from him.

How could Sora be so carefree?

Was it possible that even he was still caught up in other obligations and responsibilities that I didn’t know about?

I looked around feeling like I was in a daze.

For the first time, my perspective of the cathedral seemed to fall apart.

Sora wasn’t here anymore. I couldn’t meet Sora in '''The World''' anymore.

And I realized that nothing really mattered anymore.

My body felt heavy. It felt like I was going to fall over if I didn’t keep my feet firmly planted on the ground.

And then something happened.

A soft breeze caressed the back of my neck.

But rather than comforted, I felt scared as I turned around.

Then I realized it was above me, not behind me.

The light shining through the canopy seemed like it was getting more intense.

Beams of light danced around me as if they were playing a game of tag.

And in the center of that light, something beautiful appeared.

She wore a fluttering, pearlescent dress.

She descended like an angel.

But she wasn’t here to deliver a prophecy. This was a sign of something much more sinister.

The girl came to a silent stop just above the altar.

Her wavy hair was fluttering slowly just like her dress.

I caught another glimpse of her slender toes under the hem.

Her feet were so small. And her toenails were cherry pink.

Her eyelids shook and opened.

And the eyes behind them were a brilliant, chilling blue.

I tried to call out her name, but no sound came out. I couldn’t get my tongue to move.

Her transcendent smile disappeared, and her expression clouded over.

“……an’t  tru…urt…im”

“Huh…?”

I blinked at her.

Aura muttered something under her breath with a blank expression.

“I……ll b……ere.”

“What? What was that?”

I felt a fresh surge of annoyance course through me.

Her voice was flat and monotone, but there was a vague sense of purpose behind it.

“What is it!? What are you trying to tell me?”

I looked up and shouted at her.

But Aura didn’t react at all.

She just stared into the distance, like she was looking at someone else entirely.

Where were they?

Who were they?

Sora?

I gathered my resolve and furrowed my brow into a hard line.

I looked through my scrolls to start casting a spell.

“Meteor Swarm!”

[[File:.Hack--ZERO v01 bw.png|thumb]]

That was the strongest attack magic I could use now.

However, the effect was completely neutralized, and it fizzled out harmlessly around her.

I jumped up and swung my axe at her.

And although it pierced her body, she likewise gave no reaction.

I needed to calm down. Rushing in wouldn’t help.

I took a deep breath.

Then took a few steps back to look Aura up and down.

“Who are you? What are you?”

I spoke to her with murderous intent in my voice.

Aura’s body suddenly jumped up.

Her outline had been blurred and hazy before, but now it suddenly solidified and became clear.

“Don’t hurt me!”

All of a sudden, Aura looked frightened of me. She looked confused, as if she was trying to understand why I was attacking her.

“Why are you here? Where is Sora?”

“Please don’t hurt me.”

Aura ignored my questions and trembled in fear.

“What is with you?”

I met Aura’s pleas with an intimidating tone.

“Please,” Aura begged. “Please, please, please.”

“Shut up.”

She kept repeating that plea, denying me my answers. She may as well have been cursing at me.

“Shut the hell up already! Why won’t you just die?”

So, I kept cursing her right back, the words falling like vomit from my mouth.

Aura’s voice hitched.

The space around us distorted.

And the light of the cathedral faded away.

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