Editing .Hack//ZERO ME:1050

==ME:1050==

To be honest, I really wasn’t expecting anything to come out of that post.

At first, I was re-checking the board every few minutes. But by the next day, I had already given up.

By the end of the second day, there were so many threads that I couldn’t even find my original post in the logs. I had the option of re-posting, I suppose, but I figured that no one knew anything about it after all, so I gave up.

Though it may have been a bit of a relief as well; just a bit.

I think I might have been looking for someone to tell me to stop making such a big deal out of nothing.

Because if they had, then I would actually be able to get rid of the things occupying my thoughts.

And that’s why when I saw that I had received a new e-mail, I opened it without thinking, assuming it was from Alph.

But the sender was a complete stranger to me.

I stiffened up as I felt goosebumps crawl over my skin like someone had stuffed fish down my throat.

The speaker was polite, but that didn’t tell me anything important.

It read like the first in a series of scam mails, like they were being nice just to try and get close to me.

This wasn’t someone I could trust.

I narrowed my eyes and tried to figure out who this sender was. I wondered what kind of malice was hiding behind their calm text.

I checked the BBS to make sure. If this was someone who read my post, they might have responded there as well.

But the BBS was just filled with the usual chatter and pointless greetings.

When had the person who sent me this e-mail seen my post? And why had they send me an -email but not replied to the post directly?

It was kind of unnerving.

Their PC name was Subaru – a girl – and were apparently addicted to '''The World''' not long ago. Or to use her own words, she felt like she was ‘sinking’ in it.

The fact she was using past tense probably meant that she was over it now, though. But strangely, it felt almost like they were trying to brag about their graduation to me.

And then she said with a very polite tone that she might be able to help me.

――If you haven’t changed your mind about wanting to know more, let’s meet in '''The World'''.

I stared at the last line.

Honestly, I thought I’d had enough.

Every time I logged into '''The World''', I felt exhausted.

And yet I still logged in every day, like an addiction. Without thinking about it, I always found myself stepping back through the Chaos Gate into the city.

I was fed up with looking at a screen that wasn’t ever going to change.

It wasn’t hatred or anger anymore. I just felt tired.

Even my headaches were becoming a more vague, dull ache instead of the sharp pain they used to be.

It felt like I was gradually getting dumber.

I had to wonder if there was going to be anything worthwhile waiting for me down this path.

I was starting to worry it was all a dead end.

I stared at the monitor so hard that I forgot to blink, and tears welled up in my eyes.

“No.”

I softly muttered a single word.

I didn’t care. Not enough to stop myself, at least.

With a strange mixture of laziness, resignation, and desperation, I sank back into '''The World'''.





She said in her e-mail that she would be waiting for me at ''<Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground>''.

It was probably because I had used the word ‘Cathedral’ in my post, but the thought of meeting their made me feel faint. It was unsettling.

I didn’t want anyone else to enter that place anymore. It was such a ridiculous, possessive desire.

So, I wrote her back saying I wouldn’t meet there. Instead, I told her to meet me at the aerial city Fort Ouph.

A city floating in a sea of clouds. Narrow bridges connected a number of small islands together, each barely large enough to hold a single store. And looking down from the middle of one of the bridges, I could see the clouds drifting by below.

A cold stone building stood covered in lush trees. Something about the air here made me hesitate to speak out loud.

The number of people here seemed much smaller than in the other Root Towns.

With nothing else to do, I waited patiently in front of the Grunty Shop.

I was half an hour early for the time we’d agreed to meet, but that was fine.

I figured it would be better to wait, even if it made me stand out, than for them to see me rushing in after them.

And I also wanted to make sure I could see them coming.

I didn’t want them to be able to come out of nowhere and startle me.

If possible, it would be better for the other person to show up late. If she had to apologize for her own tardiness, it would give me an edge on her.

Various different PCs passed me by.

Their designs and color options were limited, and their motions for smiling, walking, turning, and everything else was all preprogrammed. Everything was just a combination of those factors, so if two of the same PC took the same action, you’d never be able to tell the difference between them.

But in her own way, there was one PC that did catch my attention.

[[File:.Hack--ZERO v01 bw6.png|thumb]]

Wide, puffy sleeves. A long, blue-tinted white dress, although it was cut to leave her waist and stomach exposed. Her curly hair bounced with each step.

She had a red wave tattoo on her forehead, and tiny little wings sprouting out from her shoulder blades.

At first glance, I thought she looked appalling.

But at the same time, I instinctually knew that she was the sender of that e-mail.

“You’re Miss Carl, right?”

I couldn’t decide if she sounded childish or just soft-spoken. But her inflection was calm and mature. It seemed contradictory.

“And you’re Subaru?”

Instead of nodding, I raised my head and confirmed she was who I was waiting for.

But she didn’t show any sign of being put off by it.

“That’s right. It’s nice to meet you. To be honest, I was worried you might not show up.”

“What do you mean by that?”

The tone of my voice might have been too hostile because she froze and laughed nervously for a moment and then just shook her head before saying it was nothing.

“I just really wanted to meet with you. I’m sorry.”

Subaru lowered her gaze apologetically.

But I wasn’t sure if I actually believed that. She may have been trying to play it down for her own benefit.

“Are you sure you want to talk about this here? Wouldn’t it be better if we went to a field or somewhere else to talk?”

“Here is fine.”

I told her directly.

“So, we’ll use a party chat then?”

She wanted to make sure we weren’t overheard.

It was a bit obnoxious that she went and made the decision on her own, though. I was the one that should have been setting the terms here.

“Something you’re afraid of?”

“Not exactly.”

Subaru trailed off.

But that she was denying it in such an ambiguous way meant that it wasn’t entirely incorrect. Though I hesitated to ask if there was actually something wrong.

Damn it. I was getting sick of all this. I just wanted to get this over with.

“Let me ask you something first. Why did you respond to my post?”

“Curiosity.”

My shoulders shook with annoyance from Subaru’s simplistic answer.

“You’re curious? But I don’t have anything to tell you; I’m the one looking for answers.”

But Subaru just smiled and shook her head.

“I just wanted to meet you for myself.”

“Do you always talk like that?”

“Like what?”

Subaru tilted her head.

“I get that you’re trying to be polite, but it feels more like you’re making fun of me and treating me like an idiot.”

Subaru’s face quickly turned red.

“I’m so sorry!”

She apologized again and bowed her head. “This was how I used to talk while playing.”

“Oh. Well, that’s fine then.”

If she was bragging about her player history, I didn’t want to hear it.

“Can I ask you a question as well?”

“…What?”

I was immediately put on alert.

But then – almost as if she could read my thoughts – she added, “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Okay, so what is it?”

I became continuously more annoyed and tapped the ground with my axe. The sound of metal striking stone echoed through the air.

After a moment of hesitation, Subaru opened her mouth.

“Was Aura doing alright?”

I stared at Subaru, completely lost for words.

But she was looking me dead in the eye.

I looked away first.

What was I doing? My character was supposed to be more mature than this.

She’s supposed to be calm and collected, never showing her anger or hatred. Or when she did, she would do so in a roundabout way.

But in front of this girl, I can’t help but be reminded of how old I really am. Her gaze made me feel uncomfortable, like my act was being seen through and shattered to pieces.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Again. I should have been more confident, but I sounded like I was barely hanging on when I answered her.

“Could you please tell me how she’s doing?”

“Huh?”

This girl.

She was throwing me completely off guard.

She spoke like she was asking after a family member. She was compassionate, tender, she even sounded like she might have been proud.

“You mean… you really know who she is? That girl?”

“I’ve met with Aura a few times before.”

“And that… I mean… am I safe?”

I asked a genuine question, but Subaru just frowned at me in confusion.

“What did she…”

“She was terrible, bah!”

“Terrible?”

I had just spat the words out, but Subaru’s expression darkened in response.

I put my hands on my hips and lifted my chin high.

“Are you supposed to be her friend? Her ally?”

“Did she do something to you? But that’s not……”

“Hold on a second.”

I held out my hand to stop Subaru from continuing. “‘That’s not something she would do.’ Was that what you were about to say?”

If that were the case, then I wasn’t going to talk with her about it anymore. If she had already reached her own conclusions, then this conversation was pointless.

“I have to make sure. It’s not easy for me to talk about Aura.”

“So, you really have met her before?”

“Yes, I have.”

“Then why are you saying you don’t know anything? I don’t get you!”

Subaru smiled wistfully.

But a second later, her smile disappeared, and her gaze became distant. I squinted into the sunlight passed the sea of clouds.

I tried to find what she could be looking at.

I watched the shape of the clouds rise and swell like waves, changing from moment to moment.

It was captivating, and made me want to jump right into the middle of them.

But when I came back to my senses, I realized that Subaru was staring at me.

“Do you mind listening to a bit of a long story?”

With that as her only preamble, the other girl opened her mouth to speak at length.

“If she – If Aura has truly done something cruel or hurtful to you, I beg you to forgive her. I can assure you that she doesn’t mean you any harm.”

“So what? Just because someone doesn’t mean you harm, is that supposed to be a free pass to do whatever they want?”

“That’s not what I mean. Right now, Aura is basically still an infant.”

“An infant?”

“Yes. Right now, she’s really just scared and confused.”

She had seemed young, but she couldn’t have actually been an infant.

[[File:.Hack--ZERO v01 bw7.png|thumb]]

“Although she has incredible power, she doesn’t understand how to control it properly yet.”

“And despite that, you’ve left her unchecked?”

I wrinkled my nose at Subaru.

How had this girl even been allowed to gain these special abilities? The only thing I could of was that it was some kind of programming error.

This was not something that should exist in '''The World'''. No other PC in this game could do anything like what she can.

“She is a child who was never supposed to be born.”

“Wha-……”

My jaw dropped as she said something completely unexpected.

“Not only has her mother abandoned her, but now she’s hunting her down.”

“Hold on. Wait just one second.”

I was starting to panic, so I interrupted her. “You’re not actually serious right now, are you?”

“If it’s easier for you to accept, you may assume so.”

“Which is it!?”

“She is of '''The World'''.”

Subaru spoke with the conviction of a priestess who had received an oracle from god.

“I am ‘Subaru’. That is true, but only here in '''The World'''. As far as the real world is concerned, the individual known as ‘Subaru’ does not actually exist.”

“And you’re saying that’s what Aura is supposed to be? You said she was abandoned; an NPC?”

“Miss Carl,”

Subaru called me by my name.

“I call myself Subaru here, but in real life my name is Mariko Misono. However, that doesn’t mean that Mariko Misono is ‘real’ or that Subaru is ‘fake’. Both versions of me exist. Neither form is greater or lesser than the other.”

“But…”

I wanted to argue with her, but she was staring at me so intensely that I couldn’t bring myself to talk back at her.

Subaru wasn’t blinking as she said all of this.

“Regardless of her origin, Aura is real. For that matter, the feelings I had towards her are real, as well. All of it was real.”

Subaru reiterated her point.

“Why the past tense?”

“As I explained to you in my e-mail, I haven’t been logging into '''The World''' anymore recently.”

“So, you just got tired of dealing with her? You don’t want to be involved anymore, but you’re fine with pushing the responsibility onto someone else?”

“No. At least where Aura is concerned, we can’t get involved.”

“And why the hell not!?” The more she said, the less I felt I understood. In the end, there was only one thing I could really ask her, “What is it you even want me to do with her?”

I blinked once. Her chest rose and fell as she took a deep breath.

“I want to ask that you protect her. Please.”

I wanted to laugh at that ridiculous request, but I just sputtered and froze.

“You’re insane.”

After a moment, I gave a heavy sigh and spat something out to ridicule her.

“I can’t do it.”

“And why the hell not!?

I felt so stupid for asking the same thing over and over again. I just wanted to curl up and cry at this point.

But I couldn’t show that kind of face to Subaru, so I clenched my fists as tightly as I could.

“Aura will no longer appear before us. We’ve lost the right to see her.”

“The right?”

“Exactly.” Subaru nodded. “And I believe Aura has chosen you to inherit that right.”

“Stop it!”

I let out a terrible high-pitched scream.

If she had chosen me, did that mean she was going to follow me around everywhere? All the time?

When she was the reason that Sora was suffering!?

And she wants me to protect that freak of an NPC? What a joke. What a fucking joke!

“What are you talking about? That thing is a curse. Don’t you dare try to force the responsibility for this on me!”

Subaru watched me intently while I shouted at her and wildly swung my arms around like I was trying to clear away a spider web.

And then I finally realized that Subaru was still just staring at me even as I screamed my head off.

I couldn’t pull my eyes away from hers.

I stared back at Subaru while breathing heavily.

Finally, Subaru opened her mouth to speak again.

“She was the first child to be born to '''The World''' – No, that’s wrong.”

She corrected herself, and then Subaru clasped her hands together in front of her chest as if she were making a prayer.

“I think '''The World''' was supposed to be like a cradle for nurturing her in the first place.

“How does that work?”

I chided her.

'''The World''' was just an online game. That’s all it was.

So why did this person look so serious while telling me things that make no sense?

“Have you ever heard of the ‘Guardian’?”

Subaru asked, and then explained what this ‘Guardian’ was – calling it an irregular monster with a translucent, malleable body that looked like a giant dumbbell.

“Never heard of it.”

“Then, how about the PC named Tsukasa who was said to have control over it?”

“Never heard of them, either.”

I rarely checked the BBS, and I don’t talk with other PCs very often. Thinking about it, I was probably the least sociable player in all '''The World'''.

“Before you, Tsukasa was the only player who could interact with Aura. At that time however, Aura had not yet awakened.”

“Then let them take care of her.”

“Tsukasa would only distort Aura.”

Subaru smiled at me, but it looked like a pained smile.

“Just like how an overabundance of love from a parent does not always lead their child in the right direction, being with Tsukasa would most likely not be in Aura’s best interest.”

“So, what!? Just because of that, does that mean the parent shouldn’t be around at all!?

“No, of course not. But Tsukasa can’t come here anymore.”

“What……”

“Did you ever hear the news about a player who fell into a coma while playing '''The World'''?”

Even with how little I paid attention to the news and rumors, that I had heard about.

But nobody had been able to link the coma’s cause directly to '''The World'''.

Far from knowing the cause, I didn’t even know what had happened to that person in the end.

“You mean…”

Looking up, Subaru gave a small nod.

“They’re dead?”

“They’re alive. But they can’t log back into '''The World''' anymore.”

“Why? If you really mean everything you’ve said, then you must care about this Aura, right? But you left her behind? You abandoned her?”

“That’s not it.”

This time, Subaru denied it directly.

“I think Tsukasa tried their best. And I know they still think about Aura a lot. But they can’t meet now. Please understand, asking Tsukasa to meet with Aura as things are would be a terrible thing for both of them. Tsukasa is still recovering. And I’m not sure if they could really help Aura as they…”

Before I could say I didn’t understand again, Subaru shook her head.

“So, you’re just going to make that decision for them? I bet you think you’re so smart, don’t you? You come to your own conclusions and decide how things should be yourself. And yet you’re so confident that you’re right – are you psychic?”

I threw my words out like stones trying to chip away at her confidence.

I just needed something to hit. Hit her where it would hurt.

“Then why did Aura appear to you, and not to me?”

“She……” I bit my lip. My voice was starting to shake, and I hated that I was letting her get to me. “I don’t know, damn it!”

I wanted to get out of here right now.

It had been a mistake to write that damn post after all.

Before I knew it, '''The World''' had become such a boring place.

It used to be more fun.

I used to be able to forget all the boredom and annoyances of real life by coming here.

But now, '''The World''' could no longer serve as my place of escape – my secret base.

I turned my back on Subaru.

“Carl,”

Even now, she spoke with such a dignified tone of voice.

She had such a powerful force of will.

I stopped, unable to resist. I didn’t look back, but that was all I could do.

“Are you only here to get something out of '''The World''' for yourself? Don’t you have any desire to give something back to it?”

I didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure I could.

“What are you to '''The World'''?”

Subaru’s voice pierced my chest.

My feet started moving on their own, trying to escape that question.

I was scared.

I was glad I hadn’t told her about Sora, though.

If she had tried to use Sora against me, I would have been in real trouble.

Sora. That’s right. He was the one that really mattered.

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