Editing HanTsuki:Volume 2 Chapter 1 (section)

===== 1 =====

Winter is winter all right! The wind blowing in was chilly. Looking up, I saw a bright sky stretching beyond the horizon. Covering my pajamas was a shirt, and covering that was a jacket and a cloak, making my upper body overly heavy, like a roly-poly toy, yet only my pajamas were covering my lower body. Just then, my toes were aching in the chilly cold weather, but now that pain had gradually detached. The frost had crept into my bones, forcing weight on my waist. It should be very painful! 

Should this continue, I would freeze to death for sure.

“I will freeze to death in the hospital’s rooftop!”, I said to myself.

Taking out my watch from the pocket on my shirt, I checked the time: three in the afternoon. A certain level of stamina was needed for the operation, so Rika had been training herself every day recently by strolling in the hospital. The rooftop was the returning point on her track, so, according to the statistics garnered in these past few days, she would come here at around several minutes after three. Her earliest record was 3:01, recorded three days ago. Her latest record was 3:15, recorded yesterday. I want to be earlier and prepare myself at the rooftop before three, but perhaps I was in too much of a hurry and I had arrived at the rooftop at half past two, so I had to be blown by the chilly wind for a total of thirty minutes.

The chilliness...the gloominess...the pain...I had reached my limits. I couldn’t return now. I had spewed a lot of guts to come here.

“Rika, come here quicker!”

I inhaled with my nose. I was starting to feel that it might be better if she wouldn’t come. Seeing Rika would make me afraid. This simple thought would scare my body, forcing it to crouch. Rika was a bit too ruthless this week. After my collection was found, I rushed to Rika’s ward. I could do anything to get forgiven, even if I had to kneel down and beg her. 

I lightly knocked the door.

“Who’s there?”it was Rika’s voice.

“It’s me.”

Silence.

“Ri-Rika, can I come in?”

Silence.

“Please hear me explain.”

Silence.

At this moment, hope sprang from my heart. Her silence meant approval for me to enter and explain. If willing to hear me explain, she might be also willing to forgive me. There had to be some bit of inclination to forgive me.

Right! I had made up my mind, which was completely filled with my own, selfish thoughts. I laid my hands on the knob. I should have noticed...that when the door was slightly opened and heavier than usual. Still, I entered Rika’s room.

“Rika, I’m sorr...”

I stopped.

Bang! Followed this sound...

It was after the event that I came to know that Rika had placed on the slightly opened door a thick Japanese dictionary, measuring 25 centimetres length, 18 centimetres width, and 7 centimetres thickness. When I opened the door, the dictionary fell down, its corner striking my head. 

I could see stars.

And holding m head in desperation, I cried, “Ah! Ah! Ah!” rolling on the ground. Without any sympathy, Rika pushed me out of the door. I stood outside the door for a total five minutes. In these five minutes, probably over twenty patients and nurses passing by laughed at me. 

The second challenge was the day following that. I had to notice for anything on top of the door this time, but there seemed to be nothing there, so it should be fine. Placing my hand on the knob, I opened the door and walked into Rika’s ward.

“Rika, I’m sorr...”

I stopped again.

Thump! Following this sound...

It was an extremely classical method: a string was attached on the lower section of the door; thus, when the door was opened, the string would be straightened. Tripped, I fell down straight, my face slamming on the floor, my nose hit. Headaches first came, and then my nose felt hot and puffy. Holding my nose, my fingers felt something lukewarm streaming through them...it was blood from my nose.

“Ah, my nose is bleeding,” I said, honestly, for this might be an opportunity. Even if it was Rika, she might feel sorry for seeing me bleed. She might feel she had been doing it a bit too much and run to my side, saying, perhaps, some gentle words. The blood from my nose might compensate for my collection.

Rika Looking at me, who was harbouring evil hopes, with considerable contempt. With a carefree fashion, she still pushed me, who was crying absurdly in pain, rolling around on the floor, and panic-stricken by fresh blood, outside the door, prohibiting me from explaining myself.

Were there any comforting words? No!

Was there an apology? OF course not as well.

“Don’t come ever again, you idiot!”

She spurned me!

Bearing the pain and the torture induced from desperation,  I gazed at the ceiling blankly, happening to know that my nose had stopped bleeding.

The patterns on the ceiling seemed to be melting down.
I kicked away the thought of entering Rika’s room again. My body might not hold it anymore. Should I be less careless, the next thing falling down might be a dripping frame. No, a dripping frame was still fine, but I wouldn’t say so sure about other dangerous flying things, as there were lethal weapons everywhere in the hospital.

So I could only resort to ambush.

“So...cold...” 

It was Rika all right—how obstinate.

During this week, we had neither a good talk nor a good meeting. For me, I didn’t care about the details. I could forget trivial stuff after two to three days. But Rika was completely the opposite. Girls probably act this way.

While I was in my thoughts, the door was opened by a creaking sound. My heart was about to jump out. The metal door was opened gradually. I could see a set of small, think hands through the crevice of the door.

It was Rika. 

Holding my breath, I began to organise what I wanted to say in my mind.

“Rika, I’m sorry,” I exclaimed, kneeling down, “it’s all my fault.”

My head rubbed around the dirty cement, trying my best to repeatedly apologise no matter what until Rika would forgive me.

What? Was it depressing? I couldn’t care about this.

What? Did I look like less masculine? I couldn’t care about this as well.

I had thrown all of these things high into the azure winter sky. I was willing to do everything for Rika’s forgiveness.

“Fu...”it was Rika’s puffing sound.

Rika was there. Closing my eyes, I couldn’t let this opportunity slip away. Kneeling down, I cried loudly, “Rika, I’m sorry!”

Great, it was the same as my plan. Then, I did my best to say a bunch of words of apology. ‘’Sorry, Rika, it was Sansei who obstinately got it. He is really a helpless idiot. But there was no way. I’m his friend anyway. I can’t reject his request. Friends are very important to me. I hate this too, but there’s really no other way. I know it’s an excuse and that I’m really an idiot. I’m sorry. Rika, please forgive me! I beg you. I’m willing to do everything. Starting from today, I’ll go to the library every day to borrow books you like. I’ll give you a Peter Rabbit Artbook as a present. It’s all my fault. Please forgive me, Rika...’’

I cried until my throat hurt. Then, I lifted my head in a terrified state: Rika was gone. There was not a trace of her anywhere. Standing up, I walked to the door, which was locked tightly. It seemed Rika had turned away and left upon seeing me, and I was apologising to the door all the time.

“Arghh...”

It was depressing. I really wanted to cry. In fact, I didn’t care if it was depressing. I only hope to speak with Rika and see her smile and her swaying, long hair. When Rika was unruly, I only wanted to say ‘yes’ again and again to her requests. I didn’t enjoy being tortured but everything was fine given it could be something pertaining to Rika.

I love Rika. Rika was more important to me than adding everything in the world. Sitting on the cold concrete floor, this shock prevented me from standing up. What if I was hated by Rika forever? I was devastated. If this was really it, my life would end here. There was no hope. What should I do?

Standing up after a long while, I found that thirty minutes had already passed. My body was completely cold. Man, I would have to think of other ways, only for her to forgive me. 

Sucking air through my nostrils, I placed my hand on the knob, turning it, but failing. There seemed to be something stopping it from moving. Oh, no, could it be? I turned it harder, but it still wouldn’t budge. I turned it even harder, but no dice. I kicked! My legs are in pain. I smacked! My hands felt numb. 

It seems locked.

“Oh, no way...”

The chilly wind blew with raging sounds. The sun was heading downhill. Everything on the rooftop melted into their shadows. After another one hour, the sky would turn completely black. The last rays of sunlight on the east side of the sky faded, and a white, crescent moon hung on the pale blue sky, glowing. Lifting my head, I remembered the news broadcasted on seven this morning. The young weather forecast man reminded the viewers that today was the coldest day of the year, and that they should wear warm, thick clothes and big cloaks before going out for a good walk. 

The words ‘freezing to death’ ran in my mind.

How could this be? 

A good walk? A good walk to heaven?

No way!