Editing KSGU:Volume 8 Chapter 1 (section)

===Part 11===

“I guess this is the feeling when someone you know becomes a star.”
 
Takuya Irei said as his feet hooked onto the handrail and used his hands to cup his head. He was wearing a mechanic’s overalls, and his appearance of being thoroughly stained by grease resembled his old self as an apprentice in Anaheim. “Maybe.” Micott Bartsch answered, and Banagher felt time had reversed as he looked at them, the same ‘disjointed’ school life he lived through every day. He regurgitated on the memory of “Industrial 7”, which was ostensibly his former life, and felt the feeling that maybe everything was a nightmare, “Don’t say that.” He answered bitterly.
 
“But I’m me, right Haro?”
 
Banagher said to the toy robot that size of a basketball, and it answered energetically (Haro!) as it flapped its two ear-like discs. Before Banagher went down to Earth, this exhibition room was the last place where the trio met, and they were the only ones inside. They had their own things to do, and now, this was the best place to recap through the torrid events. This was the first time Banagher could relax like this ever since he was detained in the “Nahel Argama”.
 
Takuya was assigned to the mobile suit branch as a mechanic, while Micott was sent to the healthcare department; they were under apprenticeship, but also had to carry out shifts. They said this was better than not doing anything, and volunteered to do something; but the reason why they could get jobs was because the “Nahel Argama” had a shortage of labor due to the continuous battles. Either way, they were dressed in Federation work clothes, and looked somewhat more mature as even their faces looked as if they had grown up, resulting in Banagher feeling that he was abandoned somewhat. But to them, it seemed that Banagher was an existence that was far away.
 
“But you’re actually a prince of the Vist Foundation, right? Let alone being the pilot of the “Unicorn”; isn’t that too much of a coincidence.”
 
It was normal of Takuya to say this. With Banagher’s agreement, the things Gael Chan mentioned reached the ears of everyone on the ship, and now Takuya and Micott knew of his heritage. The term prince did not seem right to Banagher, but he did not want to correct it further as it would be better than having them worry too much and not dare to say anything. Perhaps this outlandish remark was the biggest consideration he could say. “Yeah, I guess the reason why you’re so popular is because you have that princely charm, Banagher.” Micott glanced at him as she said this, and Banagher was further convicted of their consideration.
 
“Really? I never felt that way. I thought that he’s just a blue-collar worker who’s dazing around every day.”
 
“That’s why men are really slow-witted. You’re admired by a group of people too, Takuya; you do have the flair as a vassal.”
 
“A vassal!? I’ve become a vassal!? It’s really depressing to hear it…”
 
The duo started to bicker again, but they were probably not bickering for the sake of Banagher, but for themselves. They needed this action to digest the current reality in front of their eyes and absorb it. As Banagher thought about this, he felt a little suspicious that he could observe others in this way, and looked at space through the large window.
 
The stars afar gave off light that could only reach them after several thousand years of travel. Everything began on that day, the moment he saw the “Unicorn” gliding through space. After that, a lot of things happened, he got involved with a lot of people, and he changed. It will still take some time before he could bear the ‘responsibility’ Gael said of, and his power alone was not enough, but one of these days, he would have to face those things; what he wanted most at this point was power to shoulder the burden. Even if everything that was preplanned happened, the decision he made for every instance, every step he took till this point was of his own will, and not of others. The words of others pulsating in his temples, the scenarios he had been through, and the relationships he had with others formed the current him now.
 
Now, all he could only think of was probably to use the conversation with Gael as new flesh and blood to form a brand new self that was different from yesterday. He lowered his stare and looked at Haro in his hands. This was the only gift his father Cardeas gave him, and even though Banagher and his mother escaped from the Vist family, he found them, but did not come forth. Cardeas stood on the throne of the Vist Foundation, wanting to change despite the hostility within and outside, and was ostensibly careful not to let mother and son get involved in the politics. Even Gael, who had been working down Banagher’s father for a long time, did not know anything about Banagher, and it was only after Cardeas’ death that he knew of their relatiomnship.
 
''“He’s a gentle person, and he knows that one needs conviction and rigor to exert this gentleness. His rigor made him look like a cold and ruthless dictator, but that was the view of a person who did not know the meaning of gentleness. That’s because people nowadays use the gentleness of irresponsibility to escape from reality.”''
 
However, this Cardeas wanted to hand the “Box” over to Neo Zeon, starting off a chain of battles and chaos till this point. The Foundation and Anaheim were the same in that their gears were established through war, allowing them to continue operating. This was what Banagher heard from Cardeas himself; instead of calling it a revolution, would it not be the idea of a warmonger hoping to reap economic profits?
 
He noticed Gael’s expression, as the latter still need rest after the bullet to his abdomen, but Banagher did not hold back with this line alone as he questioned. If this were the case, this would be unforgivable. He would think of denying everything, including the relic called the “Unicorn” and the blood of Cardeas within him.
 
''“I think there were appropriate plans made to counter the rebellious forces in the Foundation. Destruction alone won’t complete the change. Even if we have to go against our ideals, we have to consider countermeasures to let all existing systems have a soft landing. This is a rule the adult society have when they want to start something…I suppose it can be said to be responsibility.”''
 
The term was unexpected, yet expected in a certain way; the term ‘responsibility’ had been restraining people, removing their ability to speak up, and was sometimes detested. However, if they do not bear that weight, they would merely become a powerless bystander in this world—and with this abstracted experience of reality, Banagher accepted what Gael said.
 
''“In this incident, the one actively destroying rules was Martha Carbine. She knew of Master Cardeas’ plan and incited the people around her so that she could become the leader of the Foundation. With the righteous sounding theme of protecting their own interests, she instigated the involvement of the Federation and Mr. Alberto…in a sense completely different from Master Cardeas, Martha is also a binding cause of the Vist bloodline…an embodiment of the negative history. Restrained by the curse of the “Laplace Box”, relatives continued to fight without ceasing; this is the history of the Vist Foundation.”''
 
''Father killing son, son killing father''—Banagher could only lower his head silently as he thought of the voice of his half-brother who may have died because of Banagher’s own let down. Gael, who may have done lots of jobs that could not be seen under his father, showed a layer of gloom over his own face as he continued while trying to remain as calm as possible,
 
''“I’m not too sure of what’s inside the “Box” either. If it is just like what Master Cardeas said, that it can take back the promised future we should have…then, according to the meaning of the words, that means that the world lost the future it should have, and it is an incomplete world. The unchanging Federation continued to drive the notion that Earth is the center, and the Spacenoids are raised in the colonies. The independent movement that inherited the Zeon bloodline was absorbed by the economy, and the regimented conflicts continue without stopping…I suppose Master Cardeas must had some dream when he started giving you special training since young. The firstborn is as you can see, and there’s no one to rely on, both within and outside the Foundation. Out of a sudden, you appeared as an outstanding child, and even from my viewpoint, I can say that you are a young man who was brought up very well. Yolu have the ability to think of how situations will play out, and at the same time, you have the essence of intuition within you. This is just my imagination, but maybe Master Cardeas wanted you to be the successor and be the foundation of a world with a new system, rebuilt after the Box” is released.”''
 
''“And mom hated it…”''
 
''She took me and ran away from dad.'' Gael looked away as Banagher muttered in his heart, “I can understand what your mother was thinking of.”'' and continued silently,
 
''“Of course, that includes the feeling Master Cardeas had, especially since he expected so much of you…I don’t have a child, but I suppose his time with you was the happiest time for him. That was because someone could inherit his ideology and continue to live on after his death…which is the same as immortality.”''
 
''That’s too self-centered.'' The moment Banagher thought of this, Cardeas’s dying expression and voice rang in his mind, causing the pain ripping his chest to fill his heart again. As he bit his lips, “But Master Cardeas respected your mother’s wish.”'' Gael lowered his head intentionally as he spoke with a soft voice.
 
''“Perhaps he had already reflected on the consequences of forcing his ideals onto others stubbornly, the woman and child he loved leaving him as a result. No matter how old we are, men won’t learn until they experience suffering once…I suppose him not appearing in front of him is the maximum sincerity he could show. You subconsciously sensed your father’s thoughts, and your mother’s thoughts too…it’s because you understood both parties that you sealed you memories so that you would not be broken by it. This certainly is abnormal, and it probably is the result of your latent talent and your firm will; however, this memory loss is definitely not forced upon you. Since the seal of your memories is removed, please recall back. Is your father someone who would drug you?”''
 
The eyes were looking at Banagher straight on, and it was a piercing expression looking into his heart. Banagher could not think of an answer as he immediately lowered his head.
 
''“If that’s not the case, it would be impossible for you to pilot the “Unicorn”. It’s because you’re recognized as a true Newtype that it led you all the way here.”''
 
''“The “Unicorn”…”''
 
''“The Laplace Program the Unit 01 is carrying. It’s not just a navigation tool leading to the “Box”; when the NT-D is activated, it will also determine if you’re an artificial Newtype…the brainwaves of a Cyber-Newtype. Then, with the outcome, it will reveal the location of the “Box” in phases. Once the pilot is deemed to be a Cyber-Newtype, the Laplace Program will remain silent. It’s because of this failsafe that he could hand it over to the “Sleeves”. The “Unicorn” will never show the path to the “Unicorn” to the narrow-minded people who only think of rebuilding their country. On the other hand, if the pilot is a real Newtype…if a gentle person with deep insight truly exists according to Zeon Deikun definition, then that kind of person won’t be limited by affiliation or self-awareness and will use the “Box” well…this doesn’t just goes for Master Cardeas, but also for the Foundation Leader Syam Vist.”''

A person worthy of being entrusted with the “Box”—is a real Newtype. The first impression Banagher had of it that it was something seemingly baseless and nothing important. While he was shocked by how Cardeas could release the ‘key’ with such a belief, he could only imagine his father’s mindset later on when the latter could only rely on it; while he could not laugh at this, and this seed of resigned laughter could only remain in his heart.
 
It was truly a noble yet stupid plan. His father was certainly a radical romantic for betting everything on an unconfirmed concept. Perhaps he was someone who simply could not act as a cunning war merchant thoroughly, and could only focus on other things. This understanding matched the image of the man who was completely honest with his mother, and became an idol who Banagher could empathize with.
 
As a human, as a man, and after experiencing the weight of reality, he could affirm and accept the imperfection of others.  Right, Banagher’s father told Banagher ‘I understand’; because he understood, he was ‘happy’. The unease and hatred clinging inside his heart melted away, and the bitterness of being unable to convey these thoughts seeped out, blocking Banagher’s nose. He would never see his father, and though he finally managed to reach a place where he could see the back of his father, he could not touch, could not talk with him side by side, and could not give a toast for the future—he could not even give his father a final drink of water, though the latter must have been thirsty after bleeding so much…
 
''“Up till now, you’ve been recognized by the “Unicorn”.”''
 
Gael continued, and Banagher sensed his vision blurring as he hurriedly wiped his eyes.
 
''“However, as for whether I can conclude that you’re a real Newtype…this isn’t something I can know of. It fits logically, but it’s not a conclusion made by a machine. All I know is that you inherited Master Cardeas’ firmness and rigor. That power allowed you to bring people together and make the “Unicorn” submit to you; I’ve seen it all. I won’t say that this is a blessing, because this power will sometimes cause you to suffer. People follow you, and you have to repay their expectations. You will have lots of allies, and more enemies as a result. Things will naturally go well when you accomplish lots of them, but they will pinpoint the blame upon you when everything fails. When you inherit the aptitude of your father, you also have to beat this Cross. Now, what’s driving this ship isn’t military but you, the possibilities that you showed; the one uniting people of different backgrounds. You mustn’t let them see you uneasy. Even if you don’t have confidence, act like you have it and support that Princess of Zeon. This is the mission for a person with the same aptitude as your father…something called responsibility.”''
 
For some inexplicable reason however, he did not feel lost or revolted. As he merely felt the pressure on him turning into words, Banagher looked at Gael in the eyes with unexpected calm. ''“I understand what you’re saying.”'' Even the voice in his reply was very calm, and for a moment, he did not know if he was the one who said so.
 
''“However, I have no intention of following my father’s lifestyle. If I’m inheriting the Cross from father, I want to surpass him. I don’t want to just bear responsibility, I want to…I don’t know how to explain this, but I want to exist like a real Newtype, and I have even a little trace of this power, I want to use it well and become someone of worth. In order for that to happen, I mustn’t be bound down by father’s words. Thus…even if I find the “Box”, I won’t know if I can do as father wants me to do. Before I find a way for everyone, including father, to accept this, I…”''
 
He knew that his words were showing his unawareness of his own limits, and this self-realization made his mouth heavy by the moment as he lowered his head. He was already mentally prepared, thinking that he may have enraged Gael, but the latter showed a gentle smile, ''“That should be the case.”'' And spoke without restraint.
 
''“If this isn’t the case, there isn’t a meaning in the change of eras.”''
 
''“Change of eras…?”''
 
''“The inherited thoughts that surpasses eras will evolve little by little as we await the future. The ones who finally reach the peak are Newtypes. Don’t you find this to be the case?”
 
Gael smiled as he said, but though his idea was brilliant, this did not mean that the new responsibility Banagher bore would reduce, and he could not smile back. He was just trying his best to do the job, and did not feel that he was someone ‘worthy of being entrusted with the “Box”’. The “Nahel Argama” would only team up with Zinnerman’s company all because of the path Bright set up, and Audrey made the decisive push; he had the self-realization that he could not do anything alone, and if he were a real Newtype, there would be many situations where he should have handled things better.
 
However, Gael said that the luck to drive the people around him could be considered a talent, and said that it was a responsibility for him to act according to the people around him when he affirmed this self of him. He did not feel that he could do it, and could not even pretend to look at he could. The conversation he had with caused him to feel added weight upon him, but also gave him stability that balanced and strengthened his footing.
 
He was relieved, not because he knew that he did not have surgery or drugs administered to him. There was a problem with the definition, but the thorough education of his father’s ideology doctrine in his youth made him a Cyber-Newtype to some extent. But if this was something that was done for his good, he could only accept this. His parents’ thoughts were clashing, merging and encompassing him. Once his stand got clearer, he started to believe in his power, and pushed Haro, which felt warm in his hands, into his chests. ''They did not meet each other because they loved each other; mother lived her life without any grudges because she recognized father for his mindset—''
 
“But what will you do after this?”
 
A voice from reality suddenly spoke to Banagher, dragging him out from his thoughts. Takuya was using his feet to hook on the railing as he looked down at Banagher, his hands in his pockets.
 
“Assuming that we find that “Laplace Box” or something, what do you want to do after that?”
 
As Takuya stared at him, Micott was standing at Takuya’s feet, looking over with an earnest look. To them, this decision will affect the fate of this ship before it can decide the fate of the world. “…I still don’t know.” Banagher looked away first as he felt the responsibility becoming a weight pressing on him and delayed his answer,
 
“I don’t know what’s inside the “Box” anyway…what about you, Takuya?”
 
“Me? I want to stay in the military if possible. After the apprenticeship on the “Nahel Argama”, I think I’m rather suited to this. What about you Micott?”
 
“Anyway, I want to head back to “Industrial 7” first. I’m worried about my family, and I won’t have a future if I don’t graduate from High School. Same goes for you too, Takuya.”
 
As Micott described this reality with the thought of a girl, “School…we’re talking about this now?” Takuya said with a bothered look, and her expression changed too. Perhaps she recalled the explosion that occurred at the school, the scene of the explosion that blew up the colony. Banagher looked at them, wanting to say something, “Let’s all go back to “Industrial 7”, then.” and spoke out what he suddenly thought of.
 
“The school’s gone, but there are other vocation schools too. Let’s just transfer there and graduate properly. It’s not too late to think about what we want to do in the future.”
 
He said, trying to convince himself that he had a future, but there was no sense of reality in it. Takuya and Micott may have choices, but he did not have one, and as he felt doubtful about this firm belief he had, “Don’t force yourself.” Takuya spoke, ostensibly chasing on, causing Banagher to look back at his face in shock.
 
“You don’t have to force yourself to come along with us. Just do what you want to do, Banagher.”
 
“I’m not thinking this…”
 
“You don’t have to. I’m not trying to be sarcastic here, you know”
 
“Yeah, Audrey…Princess Mineva needs you too. Follow your own path probably and become someone who we can declare as our friend proudly. We’ll cheer for you.”
 
The duo unwittingly approached each other as they said this, creating an atmosphere where Banagher could not merge into, and the latter felt a chill breeze blow by. ''Why can they decide on their own lives so easily? Because they’re adults?'' He answered his own question, and realized that he was the same too. He could not distinguish between what he wanted to do, what he could do, and what he had to do; the future was just a vague scene floating about, never to return. Once he found what he could do, he will complete what he had to do, and approach what he wanted to do. As they bore responsibility and pursue the happiness that was within arm’s reach, everyone’s heart had entered the phase of an adult.
 
The time to show the infinite possibilities of the future had ended, and this meant that the time to affirm that they were in reality had started. With this thought in mind, Banagher suddenly felt pessimistic. The narrow view caused by the self-restriction…would cause the world to shut off—''in that case, will only children become Newtypes? Are they merely like measles who can’t get along with the maturity of adults?''
 
''I’m someone who can change, and when I restrict myself, I have to bear responsibility before I can attain maturity.'' The conflicting thoughts were in his heart, and he looked at the void outside the window as his sight looked for a place to belong to. Countless stars were sticking at the window, not moving at all, and it was impossible to imagine the ship charging forward at several kilometers per second. However, the designated coordinates of the destination was certainly approaching them, and time continued to flow. While his heart wanted the belief in possibilities, but there also existed the self in him that gave up right from the beginning, an uneasiness he could not share with Takuya and Micott.
 
The weight of the Cross he inherited from his father increased, and his body, with the potential to grow further, creaked. But whether he was a Newtype or not, he had a firm premonition in his heart: that this would certainly be the last chance before he could have such a time with them again.