Editing Failing Witch:Volume1 Episode1 (section)

===1===

The stone apartment got too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter.

It was early in the morning, before all the newspapers had even been delivered, when a loud voice called his name through the apartment window.

“…goro. Myousou Yagorooooo!!!”

“You’re being a public nuisance, don’tcha think!?”

He shouted toward the window, nearly causing the bipedal black cat familiar to fall off of the roof sheathing. He quickly opened the window and rescued the kitty (who moved in a weirdly human way) carrying a waterproof cloth delivery bag. But on the ground below his 2nd-floor window, a gentle young woman with brown skin was smiling up at him.

She owned a nearby used book store, which primarily dealt in grimoires.

“My, my. Yagoro, you were the one who asked me to check in on you if you didn’t respond at this hour because it could mean you had died from overwork or from a botched meditation.”

“…”

Apparently he had been too focused on coming up with quiz questions. This seemed like a lot of fuss for a short nap. The ''smartphone'' sitting on the side table displayed the current time. Maybe he should have set an alarm.

He got the feeling the silver-haired, brown-skinned bookseller would continue to call for him if he took too long, so he couldn’t take his time making breakfast. He grabbed some hard bread that kept at room temperature and ate that while tossing his phone and a different manual into an empty water tank where the former was “dismantled”. Once it gained the color, shape, and function of an ''electric toothbrush'' in accordance with the paper manual, he washed his face and brushed his teeth. It was fortunate he could use these things without a power source in this world.

He lived in an HEA house. The enclosed water tank contained lots of wooden ants. By tossing in one of the thick ''handwritten'' manuals, the ants would rearrange and dig up the colorful dirt they lived in to create any number of home appliances. But if he got too lazy, his room would be full of devices unknown to this world, so he generally only let them eat one manual at a time and he would let the device return to dirt before he left the house.

(I would love to share these inventions with the neighborhood because it’s a lot more convenient than cooking over a wood fire, but a lot of people would make a fuss if I messed with the cultural level. Like the Benandanti.)

He covered his upper body with armor made of bound parchment, wore his male sailor uniform over that, attached extra armor over that, and attached his “weapon” at his hip. He had to wear a tight leather corset around his waist because the parchment armor would give him a noticeable gut if he didn’t.

Then he heard another call from the window.

“Yagorooo!!”

“Yes, yes, I’m coming, shut up!!”

He grabbed his key and rushed out of the room. He ran down the hallway and out of the building to find the used bookseller smiling. She had done so much to help him he should really be more polite with her, but she always got angry when he was overly polite. A cute kind of angry, but still.

“Hee hee. That was quick for someone who only just woke up. How did you get ready so fast?”

Using his home electrical appliances, or HEA. But he couldn’t tell her about that.

She was a gentle young woman of indeterminate age. She had long fluffy silver hair and healthy brown skin and, as evidenced by the broom with a shiny silver handle and gold grapevine decorations she held, she was most likely ''a self-taught witch''. The apron embroidered with a bunny rabbit clashed with the traditional black dress she wore below it. Also, when she wore it, the animal on the chest was rendered nearly unrecognizable. Why? Because a certain part of her anatomy had grown to an extent some might call excessive.

The brown woman, who had a way of raising Yagoro’s blood pressure so early in the morning, smiled gently as she greeted him.

“Good morning, Yagoro.”

“A pleasant morning to you, ma’am.”

“My, my. Are you tired after staying up all night?”

His overly polite greeting didn’t even faze her. She only smiled with a hand on her cheek.

For that matter, he had never seen her even remotely flustered.

“Oh, dear. Yagoro, your knee protector is out of place. It isn’t going to protect you at all like that. Here, I will fix it for you. There, all done.”

She didn’t even give him time to fix it himself. Her chest seemed all the more excessive when looking down at her while she crouched in front of him. Specifically, he couldn’t see her stomach at all. But he wasn’t ungrateful enough to say any of this out loud.

“Hee hee. I see you are still carrying that illusionist’s wand with you. The one that grows when you wave it. Do you put on a show for people on the street corner? You’re a lot more adorable than you look.”

The bookseller poked at the stick he wore at the side of his hip.

He couldn’t tell her it was in fact an extendable baton. This shiny world of swords and sorcery apparently had bandits not just in the fields and caves but in the towns too, but he didn’t feel safe using a bladed weapon to keep them away. And as long as he could draw up a diagram, the local blacksmith did a great job of making whatever he needed. Although when he thought about it, it was very frightening that this fantasy society let him just buy one of those without even having to register it as a weapon.

(It’s honestly strange they can make something like this but can’t make guns. But maybe it’s for the best they haven’t invented those in this world.)

As far as Myousou Yagoro was concerned, it just had to be something sufficiently long and heavy that ''didn’t include any magical symbols like a sword or knife would''.

The young woman slowly straightened her legs to stand back up.

“Are you sure you’re ready to head out for the day? You seem emptyhanded to me.”

“?”

“Hee hee. Today is garbage day, remember? Old parchment day only comes twice a month, so if you miss it, won’t you end up with a lot piled up? Parchment is such a pain because it gets heavy when you have too much of it. And even when it’s preserved, it must have some kind of nutrients because you end up with mold and bugs when you leave it out too long.”

He had completely forgotten.

Not that it was garbage day, but the amount of parchment.

The manuals he used for his HEA house (which he had to keep a secret from the entire world) were all handwritten on parchment using a quill made from a goose or swallow feather, but using so much seemed unusual to anyone who didn’t know that.

“Well, I’ll be fine if I use the backs of fliers.”

“Oh? Yagoro, are you an artist?”

He heard a bleating from the ground near the gentle and very curvy witch.

That was a Sketchgoat, a goat bred in this world to support the parchment-dependent society.

(Just like a fluffy sheep, it lives symbiotically with humans because it can’t survive without periodic shearing. In that sense, you could call it a sacrificial scapegoat, don’tcha think?)

“This goat really seems to like having his outer layer of skin ‘sheared’, doesn’t he? I wonder of it’s like peeling away a sunburn.”

“Hee hee. You were so nervous your first time shearing him with that reed knife. Had you always used storebought parchment instead of supplying your own?”

The bookseller used one hand to lift a pile of parchment tied together with string. With parchment, each piece was thicker than with plant-based paper. Which meant it was heavier too.

“Why don’t you create your own familiar?” asked Yagoro. “To help out with your magic. Or you could buy a cheap used one.”

“A domestic familiar, you mean? Don’t you have to draw out the temporary muscles and fat with an incantation and then create the details using a 3D jigsaw puzzle that takes the place of its skeleton? I prefer real animals because they’re so cute.”

The bookseller looked somewhat troubled while she petted the Sketchgoat to answer its bleats for attention.

The texts from Earth said a demon gave a witch a familiar at her first Sabbath and she could then sell it to or give it away to another witch, but in this world, several witches had to be gathered for an objective and impartial safety check based on a thick manual to ensure it was all right for a witch to go through the puzzle-like familiar construction process in a populated area. Even the trainees still struggling with the entrance exam would know the necessary technique, but you had to go through that ritual if you wanted to use it outside.

Yagoro recalled the black cat delivery worker he had rescued at his window.

“Are they really that creepy? I mean, it’s not like you’re creating an entirely fictional creature. The puzzle is focused on their skeleton and joints, so they’re identical to a real animal from the outside.”

“That you can’t tell them apart is what scares me.”

A massive dragon loudly flapped its wings to fly by in the blue sky overhead. But that wasn’t an artificial familiar. It was a giant monster born from a test tube in Maleficium. Chimaera and kraken fossils had been discovered in older strata, but there were no natural monsters in modern times. There were reports of elf sightings deep in the distant forests, but they had never been officially confirmed. Much like the Japanese wolf.

“Also, Yagoro, did you check your hair? Here, I’ll do it for you.”

“I redyed it recently, so it should still be fine.”

Yagoro teased his bangs with his fingers. The bookseller also viewed his unnatural blond hair.

“My, my. Natural black hair is used as a dye in the most powerful curses, so if you aren’t careful, you could end up bald after being attacked by scissors-wielding madwomen out in the streets at night.”

“I’ll be careful.”

(Madwo''men'', huh? Now there’s a scary thought. You would have to be mad to attack someone to cut off their hair.)

Misinformation ran rampant even this large city of swords and sorcery. It didn’t help that “boiling pig hair to make it rain” was real magic.

That was one way his life in this world was very much supported by the bookseller. She had saved him many times over with her trivia about living her and with her rare books of useful magic.

After parting ways with her, the tutor boy walked from the stone apartment building to the main street.

He saw white and black.

The tiered city was designed with a chessboard pattern of orderly marble and obsidian. That was the best way to describe Temple School City. The red pieces of metal shaped like giant scales were the elevators that had become quite popular recently. The elevators were little more than a cage with a railing that was suspended by a single thick chain, so they were terrifying to use.

(Their size is hard to judge from a distance, but the scale supports are more than 100m tall. Of course, that height is necessary to rotate well above any of the roofs in this tiered city.)

Overall, the city resembled a diamond-shaped bowl. Or you could call it a reverse pyramid. It made a tiered descent the closer you got to the center. And at the center of the arena-like city was a massive artificial lake with a radius of more than 5km. At the very center of the lake, past the white diamond dust that hovered over the water no matter the temperature, was the dream of all witches – Summon Restricted Magic School Maleficium.

Yagoro’s apartment was located in Red District, Block C. His destination, Caraway Cs Preparatory School, was in Green District, Block R. He was near the outer perimeter, which meant at the top tier. But there were a lot of tall buildings, so the buildings looked fairly normal even when viewed from here.

“Good morning, Elen.”

“Good morning, Blancmange. Those commercial Nap Sheep are dangerous. The entire idea is for them to give you a ''nap'', but I slept for 8 hours straight. My head still feels so heavy…”

The various girls around were reciting “Happy Halloween” as an incantation and giving a quick wave of their Formula Brooms before pulling out crepes and donuts so early in the morning. The wave was necessary because the incantation alone would have no effect. Technically speaking, they were mixing a potion that would instantly create a snack. None of the food stands were selling actual food. They instead sold plates carrying parchment recipes held between clear glass panels. The quantity of flower shops were for the witches who frequently used herbs in their ceremonies. There were also shops selling cards and various sizes of crystal ball.

Most of the people on the street were girls between the ages of 15 and 18.

In this world, hopeful witches were thrown to the extremely harsh entrance exam immediately after completing their compulsory education, which covered what would be called elementary and middle school on Earth. Failing the exam was the assumed result, so people ordinarily began working after graduating from their compulsory education. But it was common for girls to try at the entrance exam for around three years, so there were also some sexy young woman who were definitely past 20.

(That said…hmm. I never know where to look.)

One girl wore a vampire costume that amounted to a cloak over her naked body, another wore a prisoner costume of thick chains wrapped around her bare skin, and a third wore a succubus costume of black leather clothing with fake horns and tail. The morning rush hour was flooded with girls in what looked a lot like Halloween costumes. Including a giant pumpkin lantern rolling around nearby.

Yes, Halloween. Needless to say, All Hallows’ Eve and the Celtic festival did not exist in this world. Was this another piece of culture born from the influence of the knowledge taken from Earth? If Yagoro thoughtlessly let people see his HEA house, it could have a similar result.

“Did you hear? A witch singlehandedly bombed some knights-turned-bandits in the great forest. Maleficium graduates really are next level.”

“Hey, you’re absentmindedly lighting a fire in your hand again! Hot! You’re burning my hair!!”

While two girls who looked like sisters were playfully arguing, other girls slapped their cheeks. Each time they did, the look of their face changed. They were literally using magic to instantly change their makeup. Was it a form of transformation magic using ointment or an incantation?

Changing the color or pattern of an object was a classic form of stage magic, most commonly seen with handkerchiefs, but this was different. These differences couldn’t be explained away as simply applying a thin sheet or removing paint from the skin.

“I wish I could pull off a more mature look, but this makeup makes my face so tired. It’s so thick and heavy I doubt my sensitive skin can stand it for a full day.”

“Ha ha ha. A sporty look is more true to who you are and everyone seems to like it better too.”

Magic could be used to do just about anything. It completely changed the options available in everyday life.

But that was only true if you had fully acquired the skills needed to pull off what you wanted.

“I just have to get into Maleficium. Then I’m guaranteed a spot among the super elite witches who even the castle and public agencies rely on. I swear I’m passing the exam this year and earning a life of luxury that even makes the nobility jealous!”

(You would think I wouldn’t need a ''weapon'' to walk around town in a fantasy world full of girls showing off so much skin, but you’d be wrong. Not having one brings its own troubles, so everyone displays just enough of a threat to deter anyone else from trying anything. Kind of a heartless world, don’tcha think?)

And…

“Good morning, teacher. What’s with the focused look first thing in the morning? Oh, I know. You’re checking out the girls around here.”

“Good morning, Viocia. But could you not make comments that lead to devastating misunderstandings? Especially when men’s social status is already shrinking year by year because it’s thought we can’t use magic.”

“What, old friends can’t make jokes?”

“We only met a month ago. Not exactly old, don’tcha think?”

Myousou Yagoro sighed and slumped his shoulders when the nearby naked cloak girl glared at him. His flashy male sailor uniform was not his preferred way of dressing. It was as far as he was willing to go to blend into this city of constant partying. Or to be more accurate, it was an outfit the silver-haired, brown-skinned used bookseller had prepared for him when he wasn’t sure what to do. In this flashy world, a thick suit of armor or a tuxedo only looked like someone handing out fliers on the street corner or like a café waiter.

“I’ve been meaning to ask: what’s with the weird wand? Is it an illusionist’s prop?”

He opted not to comment on that one. He couldn’t let anyone know what the extendable baton really was.

All the girls wore such revealing outfits because of how openminded the Aspect of Antiquity was and because the Aspect of Amorality took advantage of the malicious stories invented about witches. But things could have been worse. Without the Aspect of Admiration acting as a brake, the view on the city streets would have been even more shocking.

“Hmm, hm, hmm. Breakfast. Yummy, yummy breakfast☆”

“What are you doing, Viocia?”

“I bought a recipe at that stand, so now the food is just a broom wave away. I’m having a cupcake for breakfast today! Tah dah! Happy Halloween!!”

A puff of colorful smoke burst out and a cake with the color and scent of a banana appeared in her hand. Yagoro’s reflex was to ask if a cake really counted as a meal, but bananas were a standard choice for a quick breakfast. It was a borderline case.

That said, “new and improved” was a standard marketing phrase in this world too, so there was always a new version of the instant recipes to buy.

“Why don’t you visit the more witchy stands selling flower seeds and seedlings? You only ever bother with the dessert magic.”

“Eh heh heh. That’s cause you taught me this magic, teacher!”

It was hard to win when she honestly failed to pick up on the criticism implied by his words.

No matter how great a witch’s mastery of magic, they never suppressed their desires.

It was thought those desires could drive them to reach their goals when consciously controlled.

The ever-disappointing girl put her Formula Broom, which resembled a hero’s sword, on her back. She wore her long dress that looked like a pumpkin tart thanks to its autumn colors of orange, red, and purple. She was a witch who still could not fly without close guidance. Thet fact that she could approach Yagoro in that pointy hat without him noticing showed just how colorful the girls of this city were. And with all the bare skin they showed off, he never knew where he was supposed to look.

This was an incredible city where half the population had previously taken and failed the exam. That created a unique pattern to the flow of foot traffic, so the peak time for the streetside stands was the commute to and from school.

“Try the Rabbit Gardening Service! Miss, miss, are you having trouble with your home garden? Just dump the contents of this cauldron on it and those vegetables will be ready to pick in no time!”

“Witch exams are all about motivation and focus! Do not forget that potion mixing and synthesis can give you a leg up in our competitive society. With this homemade aphrodisiac kit, you can create the ''circumstances'' you need to truly ‘fall in love’ with studying and test taking. The key to victory is right here!!”

“Limited time offer! Wouldn’t you like a collection of questions from past Maleficium entrance exams? Study these and you’re guaranteed to pass. When you know what kinds of questions to expect, how can you not rise to the top? Kee hee hee.”

A certain stupid girl was so tempted she literally had a finger in her mouth, so Yagoro decided he had to intervene.

“Viocia.”

“Aweh? But…but, teacher, past exam questions would be so useful. That’s like a treasure!”

“Every single one of the countless prep schools across the city has to be doing everything they can to get their hands on what kinds of questions you’ll find on the exam, don’tcha think? Because if any one school managed it, it would unbalance the entire city’s economy. At the very least, you’re not going to find them for sale on the side of the road.”

Not to mention that no one remembered the questions from their Maleficium entrance exam. The elites who had passed all kept their silence on the subject, but the majority who failed all lost their memories of the exam just like the memory of a dream fades after you wake up.

Witches weren’t the only people hawking their wares on the streetside. There were also plenty of men and plenty of women who had given up on being witches. No one knew better what sales pitches would sound ''tempting'' than someone who had attempted that path in life and failed.

So if any of the stands were offering something that sounded too good to be true, it was.

“There’s no such thing as a perfect diet guide. Because once you sold that, you could never sell another one again. Exam study guides work the same way, don’tcha think? There’s no easy way out, so don’t listen to their enticing promises.”

“Uhh.”

He called Viocia’s name again. Had she made that last awkward groan because she had fallen for the diet guide scam before?

(Understandable when the rules for broom-riding witches are the complete opposite from the rules for knights and martial artists. The lighter a witch, the bigger her advantage.)

The face-to-face transactions like that were bad enough, but there were also fliers passed out for correspondence communities where people shared their exam worries or shared the new textbooks that went for sale each week. There were even fliers advertising cheating teams. The entrance exam city was rife with a wide variety of scams.

“Oh, it’s Dorothea.”

The girl hopped up and down, earning her an annoyed look from a water seller carrying water buckets hanging from a long stick balanced over his shoulders, but she ignored that and called out with a smile.

The girl who answered her call had light blonde wavy hair fluffily spread out at shoulder blade length. Every witch had her own way to carry her broom and Dorothea simply held the center of the handle in a hand. In Earth terms, it was a lot like how a salaryman would carry around a folded umbrella like a sheathed sword. (This was actually somewhat dangerous for whoever walked behind her.)

She was dressed as a zombie girl, which meant bandages wrapped around her bare skin. But the glasses girl herself was very cute, so it made her look like a white no-bake cheesecake.

Of course, zombie powder and voodoo were not a natural part of this world.

Her name was Dorothea Rockpool.

[[Image:Failing_Witch_v01_BW01.jpg|thumb]]

The shy bookish girl attended the same prep school as Viocia. Just like Viocia, she had failed the exam once and was 15. When the two girls walked side by side, Dorothea stood a head taller than Viocia and she may have even been about as tall as Myousou Yagoro. In the same way(?), her chest was quite large.

She was shy, but costumes were the norm in this world and she only smiled timidly at her friend.

“Hee hee. G-good morning, Viocia.”

“Huff puff.”

A handshake wasn’t enough for Viocia, so she hugged Dorothea from the front and breathed deep at her chest. The plain but curvy girl was only wearing the bandages on her upper body and they looked dangerously close to unraveling.

“Dorothea, help me eat this banana cupcake!”

“Eh? Ehh? You shouldn’t eat instant food, Viocia. It’s bad for you.”

As her tutor, Yagoro felt like he had to intervene here.

“Viocia, skirt check. Hugging your friend is fine, but her broom caught and lifted your skirt. I swear you’re a miracle worker when it comes to clumsiness.”

“Eh? Y-yikes!?”

Viocia blushed and quickly covered up.

There was a werewolf girl in a fur bikini and a vampire girl in a naked cloak walking nearby, but for some reason having your panties seen was still considered embarrassing (and she was weirdly dedicated to the magical look, so the butt was printed to look like a pumpkin). It made Yagoro wonder why she bothered wearing them at all, but then he recalled a more fundamental issue. He couldn’t let this place confuse him. The naked cloak was obviously the stranger thing here.

''Or is naked+1 article of clothing considered the norm here?'' he wondered.

Then the busty bandages glasses girl noticed his presence.

“<span style="font-size:75%">Eh? Oh. G-g-g-good morning, Mr. Tutor. Eep.</span>”

(Speak up. Why are you so quiet!? Not to mention the tears and the blushing cheeks. What happened to no one here caring how skimpy they’re dressed? Are my eyes the only ones that bother her!?)

Viocia may have sensed something from her suddenly-shy friend.

She looked back and forth between Yagoro and Dorothea.

“Hmph. He’s my teacher. We signed a tutoring contract, so he’s my exclusive tutor! Don’t even think about stealing him away with your big boobs, Dorothea.”

“Try to remember we’re outside on a sunny morning, idiot.”

The failing witch puffed out her cheeks, held her arms behind her back, and tackled Yagoro. While positioned so she would hit him with her flat chest.

“What now? That kind of hurts when you’re so flat, you know?”

“Why would you say that after a pure maiden worked up her courage!?”

Some deep clanking sounds passed them by from behind. They came from a fancy carriage that looked something like a teacup, but wheels were even less suited for this tiered city than horse hooves. The shaking had to be unbearable. Curtains blocked their view of who was inside, but the elderly coachman looked like his back was killing him. That had to be the result of some rich girl showing off her wealth.

That was not the mode of transportation everyone in the city hoped to use.

“Wow!” “Wow!”

Viocia and Dorothea cried out together while looking up into the early morning sky.

A witch on a broom flew by overhead. And she wasn’t alone. Formations of several witches – sometimes more than 10 – flew together, traveling from the perimeter of the diamond-shaped city toward a certain point in the giant lake. Leisurely soaring over the difficult-to-navigate tiered city and passing through the diamond dust covering the lake was a privilege granted only those accepted into Summon Restricted Magic School Maleficium.

They were practically legends, but they had their own daily routines and commute times, so the Maleficium witches flying together in the morning had become one of the city’s famous sights. There were even sightseeing tours scheduled to catch it from location with a good view. Even the Halloween costumed exam prep students stopped and looked up despite seeing it every single day. Most watched with a jealousy bordering on a hunger, but even they couldn’t hide the light of admiration in their eyes.

They all wanted to soar through the sky.

And that gave them the motivation they needed to crawl along the ground for now. For the not-insignificant period of time called a year.

“Incredible. I wish I could get those witches’ autographs.”

“I know. W-we live in the same city, eep, but they have a completely different aura.”

Excited Dorothea used her bandages to wipe off her fogged-up glasses.

The Maleficium students slept in the same city as everyone else. And there was an unspoken understanding among the entrance exam students that the Maleficium witches didn’t even seem real. Even though those witches flying above them now had all been entrance exam students at one point.

Pass rates and lists of passed students were the best advertisements for prep schools.

Even the sample images for the instant recipes used silver halide photographs or lithographs, but even if you had photos of the Maleficium students and searched all around the city, you would never find one. Did they disguise themselves, or did they distort other people’s perception? Whatever the case, they used some kind of magical camouflage to avoid causing a scene.

But this was not a cruel distinction that would forever be out of reach.

It was a legend with a very real path to reach it.

So maybe it was only natural for the girls to get so excited.

“H-hey, Viocia. Eep. Do you think we can be witches like that next year?”

“Of course we can, Dorothea. Heh heh☆ Let’s study hard and pass the exam together!”

Myousou Yagoro sighed too quietly for them to hear.

''He might just have to give her a talking to later on.