Editing Kämpfer:Volume 2 Chapter 1 (section)

=== Sunday Morning ===
Holidays are for sleeping—that's what the law says, maybe the civil law or the criminal law? Oh, it doesn't matter. Sleeping doesn't need a reason.

I, Natsuru, am an ordinary high school student, and on Sunday morning, I'm lying there, sprawled out like a dead pig. Honestly, it's not just holidays, I want to sleep like this on weekdays, too. If possible, I'd sleep until I die. But it seems a little too early for that now. Because of this, I'm barely out of bed. Personally, I don't want to get up at all.

"Get up," I said, like the hoarse voice of Shizuku (the previous generation).

"Please get up quickly."

I tossed and turned in bed, trying two or three times to get up. But if I just got up like this, would I still be considered a man? Something happened, so I'm not sure if I can still be considered a man. Anyway, I just don't want to get up.

"You didn't hear me calling you to get up?"

It's just too annoying. Okay, I'm not a man, at least. Reluctantly, I slowly got up.

<br><br>

Still sleepy after waking up, I half-closed my eyes and looked towards the source of the sound. It was coming from the old desk. There was a stuffed tiger on it.

It looked incredibly bizarre, with a patch over one eye and its internal organs sticking out. It looked ridiculous, transcending the realm of cuteness and exuding a strange, sickening aura. Its name was Seppuku Tiger<ref name="seppuku">'''Seppuku Tiger''': Seppuku refers to Japanese ritual suicide by disembowelment, which explains the tiger's appearance with exposed internal organs.</ref>, part of the Entrails Animals series.<ref name="entrails">'''Entrails Animals series''': A fictional toy line in the story featuring animals with exposed internal organs.</ref>

Most people probably haven't heard of this, and I had no idea it existed until I got this stuffed tiger. A toy manufacturer was hoping to cash in on the cute stuffed animals, but the overly avant-garde idea of combining animals with internal organs was undeniably poorly received. I'm told their inventory is so large it could bury Tokyo Bay.

So, why was this Seppuku Tiger talking?

"Finally up."

"Shut up, you're up."

I rubbed my eyes. Ah—I'm so sleepy.

<br><br>

The Seppuku Tiger's mouth kept opening and closing. The more I looked at it, the more I wondered if it had vocal cords or a speaker. Of course, there was a reason it could speak, but I'll explain that later.

"Being woken up by a doll so early in the morning was like a nightmare. If anyone saw me, they'd think I was crazy. I have my own alarm clock. Please, please, control yourself."

"What are you talking about? You broke your alarm clock yourself."

A digital alarm clock, its screen cracked, lay at my feet.

"It was ringing this morning, but you threw it against the wall while yelling, 'This is so noisy!' If I hadn't woken you, I think you would have slept all day."

So, in my dream, I felt like I was throwing something. In my dream, I was an American soldier fighting on the Normandy coast, hurling grenades at the German enemy camp. Although I successfully captured the enemy camp, my alarm clock also died heroically.

"The alarm clock has done its job perfectly. How pitiful."

That's true. I'll have to bury it properly in the trash later. Non-burnable trash<ref name="trash">'''Non-burnable trash''': Refers to the Japanese waste separation system where certain items can only be disposed of on specific days of the week.</ref> is thrown out every Thursday.

"What time is it?"

"About twelve."

No way, I slept so long.

"Why are you waking me up?"

"Oh, yeah, there's a visitor."

"What?"

I pricked up my ears. It sounded like someone was knocking on the entrance door.

"It's been knocking since a while."

"It must be a salesman. If I don't respond, he'll go back. I'm not interested in insurance, newspapers, or fiber optic internet. If it were my mom, she'd invite the salesman over and start preaching about the wonders of her religion, trying everything she could to convince him to convert. Actually, my mom is a die-hard atheist. She's memorized a bunch of useless knowledge just to keep the salesman away. She's really awesome."

The knocking seemed to fade, and there was no one calling out, "Mr. Senou—" What a timid salesman.

"You really won't give up."

"I think I have something important to tell you. So, don't you have a doorbell?"

"It's broken a long time ago."

I walked downstairs in my pajamas.

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