Editing Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Fumi Saito (section)

===1===

I don't have any friends.

Not because I hate talking to others, or because I'm mistrustful, or because I'm too lazy to cultivate contacts. It's not like I deliberately want to avoid making friends; put plain and simple, I'm just unable to make any.

My mom always tells me that it's no big deal, since I'm smart and my grades are good, but from my perspective ''that's'' no big deal. She doesn't know how cumbersome school is for people who can't make friends.

Just like right now: Even though it's break time and everyone's engaged in chats, I'm sitting here alone as if I were in another dimension. It gets even worse during the lunch break, when I wordlessly munch away on my lunch while all my classmates put their desks together and eat together—I always feel like a castaway on a desert island surrounded by the vast ocean.

From time to time I wonder if all the other people are just aliens wearing human disguises who are deceiving me, the last living earthling.

Ridiculous. Ridiculous, indeed, but that proves how alone I feel when I'm at school.

Because I have nothing to do between classes, I started reading books in my free time even though I don't really like doing so. Thanks to that, I've become even harder to approach and widened the gap between me and my classmates even further. It's a vicious cycle: I'm mistaken for someone who likes being alone, even though that's downright wrong. I'd love to chitchat, too! I want to chat about who's the coolest guy in our class or who my favorite member in whatever boyband is too! But I'm ignored. I'm only reluctantly approached by others when absolutely necessary.

Why am I unable to make friends? What makes me different from everyone else? Since I have nothing to do anyway, I often mull over this question.

It must be because I'm ugly. I have a lot of pimples, my eyes are small, and my nose is flat, just like my breasts. But do I really look that terrible? I don't think so. It's wrong to blame my looks, at any rate.

It's my communication skills. Right, I'm not good at talking to others. But why is that? Because I'm always cautious? Because I get nervous when I'm talked to? No, that's not all there is to it. That's just another vicious cycle that started because I don't often talk to others.

The root cause must be that... I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm scared of being thought of as an oddball. I'm scared of spoiling the mood by making an inappropriate remark. I'm scared of others' opinions of me.

Before I know it, I'm gazing at Mizuhara-san's group in the second row by the window. Mizuhara-san is sort of the leader of this class, and as such has lots of friends. They seem to be having a lot of fun. They're really enviable.

But even among the members of such a close group, I'm sure that people could name others in the same group who they don't like. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has characteristics that might cause resentment. I, for one, have lots of them.

Therefore, it must be impossible to make friends for me.

But that's okay.

I may have no normal friends, but I do have a best friend.

I have one irreplaceable best friend—



—Reina Kamisu.



"You're too kind, Fumi, that's your problem."

That's what Reina said to me on our way home when I told her about my take on why I can't make any friends.

The smile she flashed while saying that was so stunning that I couldn't help admiring her for a few moments. Her long hair is the purest raven-black and so smooth that it's unthinkable to find any split ends, while her body is curvy like a model's, unlike my immature development.

Reina is truly beautiful. Absurdly beautiful.

"I'm kind...? I don't think so. I just don't want to be hurt."

"But isn't that what makes you kind?"

"Why so?"

"I mean, it's not like everyone else ''wants'' to be hurt, right? They don't want to be hurt, either."

"But they get along with each other."

"Yeah. Then what distinguishes you from them? Let me tell you: You're sensitive to the wounds of others. You are scared of being hurt, Fumi, but you're also scared of hurting someone."

Well, of course I don't want to hurt others randomly.

"That's why you are very kind to everyone."

"Reina..."

I'm really grateful for her words.

But I know that in truth I'm just a coward. Reina has merely put a sugar-sweet coating around the word ''coward'' before handing it to me.

But that thoughtfulness of hers makes me happy.

Aah, Reina sure is peerless. Even though she's only in the third year of middle school like me, she's so different.

"You're so lucky, Reina..."

"Mm? Why?"

"I mean... you're pretty and you're smart... I can't help thinking that God treats us unjustly."

Yeah, God is unjust. If he wasn't, Reina and I wouldn't be living in the same world. I suppose God doesn't get around to balancing out everything that he's created<!--EEE: or did you mean each person born?-grrarr-->, and passes us around even more carelessly than workers do with products on a conveyor belt.

Everyone knows that. But I'm not mature enough yet to accept that I'm "inferior".

"That's not true! You're cute, Fumi," she responds with a kind smile, reading my mind.

"...I'm not. That sounds a bit like sarcasm if it's you, you know...?"

"Ah, that's totally mean! But Fumi... while some people like you prefer me, there are also some people who would prefer you!"

"No."

"But there are! At least there's one, right here," Reina says as she points at herself and smiles.

"But—"

"If," she interrupts me, "If for argument's sake, there were more people who prefer me over you, why should you care? Numbers don't mean anything. Or do you want to be in the spotlight like an idol?"

"That's not it."

"Then there's nothing to worry about, is there? There's at least one person right here who thinks you are irreplaceable. Or are you not satisfied with that?"

"Mmm! I couldn't wish for more!"

"...I see."

Reina puts on her kind smile again, which makes me kind of ashamed of my behavior.

Aah... I'm still such a child. Silly me. Really. I bet Reina thinks that I'm jealous of her beauty, which is actually true. I'm so filthy. Now she's lost faith in me. I'm sure.

"...Fumi, you're blaming yourself, aren't you?"

"Eh?"

"My... you really ''are'' too kind. Do you think I'd taken offense?"

"But——"

"No buts. You're being a little rude, you know?"

"Eh?"

"Fumi, you are a dear friend of mine. Someone important to me. By acting this way, it almost seems as if you didn't believe me?"

"Ah..."

"Fumi. I'm your best friend, right?"

"Of course!"

I can say this for certain.

"You're an irreplaceable friend, Reina!"

A dear friend who could never be replaced.

If Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long since have—<!--grrarr edit mark-->