Editing Kamisu Reina:Volume 2 Sakura Kawai (section)

===1===

The thought of how thin the ice was I have always stood on until now makes my skin crawl. I have been wiggling left and right like a balancing toy, prone to leaning over—or falling over—any time.

Japanese religion counts thousands of gods.

But doesn't that just mean that people could not decide on a single one? The god you cherish can't be the same as mine, and the god he cherishes can't be the same as yours. In other words, we all consider different things important.

There is no such thing as an universal god.

In other words, there is no god.

If you are able to look at things in a somewhat objective light and look at the state nowadays, then you will see: It is foolish to believe in something.

What people ultimately believe in are tangible things. Money. Because money is much more certain than intangible things like love and friendship. People believe in money, the inorganic, equivalent and quickly betraying thing that gets stained with finger marks in people's pockets and created day by day by human hands at the bank.

It's filthy in a way.

And yet, I knew that nothing could help me better than money, and that I could even buy love and friendship if I used it the right way. In the end, I believed in money in every respect. On one side, those old, wrinkled banknotes that came and went to and from my pocket were dear to me, and the other side, I felt filthy and ended up in despair.

Ultimately, in my world there was nothing to believe in, nothing to hold on to.

I wanted to believe in something beautiful, something pure.

However, there was no such thing no matter where I searched and even if I tried to believe in something, I couldn't shake off my doubts. I ended up trembling in fear of falling.



But that time has ended.



[<i>Plink</i>]

Whenever I think of what creates and defines my foothold, the "Heroic Polonaise" starts to play in my mind. This transparent and vacant and false and mechanic yet transcendental melody is my guide to a steadfast world.

If I were to describe it as an image, then it would be a lake with water so transparent that I forget that there is water.

What I believe in?

—Reina Kamisu.



I do therefore not forgive people who deny her.

But because everybody knows how beautiful and splendid she is, I did not have to deal with such a person. It was unthinkable that someone would deny her.

However—

Yukimi Mitsui appeared and denied Reina-san.

Enemy! She was my enemy! She was the enemy of us who believe in Reina-san!

I could not let her get away with this. Never.

Denying Reina-san is equivalent to destroying my foothold, to putting me back on thin ice. I could not allow that. What right did she have? "Who do you think you are?" I thought and actually asked her.

However, she ignored my warning and chose to remain my foe. Her attitude was a clear message of enmity to me and the other believers.

<i>Yeah, you have got some nerve. I'll fight you back, then.</i>

I told the members of the student council, which was constructed of students who also believed in Reina-san, about Yukimi Mitsui. That was enough to arrange her removal from the Junseiwa school. This place is full of people believing in Reina-san, who also consider anyone who denies her their enemy.

I was satisfied.

After I had launched a devastating attack at my foe, I was already satisfied.

I was forgetful.

A baited cat may grow as fierce as a lion

Yes, satisfied with making an attack, I forgot to keep my guard up.



Blood.

When I returned to my room at the dorm, my roommate Anna Fuyuki was lying in her own blood in the shower room.

For a few moments I was overwhelmed. Absent-mindedly I gazed at the blood flowing down the drain, at the razor blade, at Anna's naked body as water showered on her, at her left wrist and the straight cut, at the blood spilling from there, and finally I screamed, "Anna!" as I rushed to her and held her. 

Brr!

Anna has been taking an ice-cold shower, but that is hardly the only reason why she's so cold. Red blood. Milky skin. Blue lips.

Aah, what should I do? I-I must stop the blood ... B-But warming her body comes first. And I have to call the ambulance. Aah, where to start? Why did this happen, anyway?

Only after I take a deep breath it occurs to me that I should stop the shower.

"...Sakura," Anna mutters.

"Why did you do this...?"

"...Sorry for ... troubling you," she says without answering my question. There's no need for her to apologize!

I shake my head and dash out of the room with a "wait a second!" I can't cope with this alone. I need help. After I fetch Yuuko Kasuga and Emi Tachibana from the neighboring room, I have Yuuko bind up Anna's wound because she aspires to become a doctor. In the meantime, Emi calls the ambulance and informs the head of the dorm, whereas I wipe Anna with a towel, put her underwear on, and wrap a blanket around her.

"I'm so sorry..." she keeps apologizing while we are helping her.

To my relief, the flow of blood stops surprisingly easily. "It's not deep," Yuuko whispers into my ear.

"I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry ... I didn't mean to trouble you!" Anna cries.

I shake my head a few times.

Anna, why do you keep apologizing? Didn't you just cut yourself impulsively because something hurt you? Then why—

"———"

A thought suddenly crosses my mind.

The cut is not deep according to Yuuko, but when I found Anna, she was bleeding profusely.

Most likely, she had cut her wrist moments before I arrived at our room.

No ... considering how hard she is apologizing, something else suggests itself.

<u>Anna cut her wrist in the very moment I arrived here.</u>

We have been living here for over a year; I think I know Anna fairly well. I know about her family problems and the fact that she's so weak as to cut her wrists, and I also know that she's so weak as to be afraid of dying.

Self-harm is a little different from attempted suicide because the scars are made for others to see. They're a message to the world that screams "look how much I'm suffering!" Then who did Anna want to send this message to?

The answer is quite obvious: to me.

Anna is weak.

She does not believe in her own strength, she undervalues herself, and because of that, she is dependent on others. She thinks she can't solve her problems on her own.

Anna wanted to show her suffering to me. She wanted me to save her.

"I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry..."

As she keeps weeping, I give her a hug.

"Sakura...?"

"It's okay, don't worry!"

We have a savior.

We have Reina-san.



After a short while, the ambulance arrived (of course we made sure that Anna wore her clothes at this point). I got into the coach together with her and kept holding her hand on our way to the hospital. By the time we arrived, her hand had turned a little warmer than it initially was.

Since the blood flow had already stopped, there was no need for a blood transfusion. The treatment of her wound didn't take too long; I sat next to her and watched as the doctor scolded her, saying "Don't do this again," and proceeded to disinfecting her wound and binding it up. As a side-note, her parents didn't come. I don't know if they were even contacted, though.

After we left the hospital, I took her to a café that serves delicious black tea. I figured that we would end up getting home a bit late, but I was sure the chief of our dorm wouldn't sound us out after what had happened.

I ordered Darjeeling tea, Anna ordered apple tea. We both kept quiet while we were waiting for our tea to be served.

During that time, I sneaked a few peeks at the bandage around Anna's left wrist.

The cut may have been not that deep, but considering the amount of blood that spilled, this is going to leave a scar.

I wonder if Anna is even aware of the graveness of that scar?

There is only one reason for a scar in a place like this. As soon as someone sees it, that someone will immediately look at her in a different light.

...No, that's still a minor issue.

The one who should not look at this scar the most is—Anna herself.

No matter how happy her life, she will always have this scar with her. And whenever she looks at her wrist, it will remind her of the moment she cut herself. She will become anxious again. She will have to face her family issues and the actual reason that led to the self-harm over and over.

　They say that with every sigh you lose a bit of your happiness, which I can fully understand. After all, if you think you're unhappy, then you will inevitably turn unhappy regardless of your actual situation. Once you persuade yourself of your own misery, you will blame everything on it. Met with an accident? Because you're hapless. Got dumped by your lover? Because you're hapless. Lost in that lottery? Because you're hapless. Tripped? Because you're hapless. Your haplessness becomes the source for everything, even though there might be valid other reasons. Things that you would originally not even care about feel like mishaps. And since you think it's your fate, you keep falling down into misery for the rest of your life.

In this sense, Anna's scar is a much clearer sign of "misery" than a sigh, and as such, a much stronger curse that attracts misery.

Our tea arrives. I use this as a sign to start a conversation.

"Anna, what's wrong?"

She ponders for a moment and, for some reason, eventually decides to shake her head.

"It's ... nothing."

"Of course there's something."

"No ... as I once told you, living is painful to me, Sakura. It hurts so much to live. This feeling has been growing for a while now and simply reached the limit."

Is she lying? No. I can read as much off her face.

However—

"But there has to be something that triggered it. You wouldn't cut your wrist without a reason."

I am sure of that. Otherwise, there would be no point in harming herself in front of me.

My remark was correct, apparently: Anna casts her eyes down.

"Come, Anna, tell me about it."

However, Anna hesitates long enough for me to finish my Darjeeling tea, and yet she subconsciously <i>wants</i> to say it. She is not faltering, she is just hesitating. I'm starting to get annoyed.

In the next moment, however, my annoyance is blown away.



"I can no longer be by Reina-san's side."



"Huh?"

In utter surprise, I forget to place my tea cup back on the table.

"Reina-san rejected me."

What is the meaning of this...?

Reina-san rejected Anna?

That's not possible. Reina-san does not make exceptions when associating with people. If she would reject someone, then because—

"Anna ... did you perhaps confess your love...?"

"...I did," she nods with tears in her eyes.

Yes. If Reina-san were to reject someone, then because that someone approached her up to that distance.

"Why would you do that?! Reina-san cannot be degraded to a love interest. I can understand the urge to have her all for yourself, but why would you betray us and risk to be rejected by—"

Suddenly, it clicks with me.

Anna would not do something like this of her own accord. That's just not her personality. She would never take a risk so big as to cut her wrists while knowing that she hardly has any chances.

Then why...? Why did Anna confess to Reina-san?

"———"

Ah, of course.

"...Who threatened you, Anna?"

Her tear-stained eyes widen.

"You weren't just talked into it, right? You're the type of girl who would keep some distance if the other girls joked about 'confessing to Reina-san.'"

"..."

"Who was it that threatened you?"

"..."

Anna does not answer. She must have been told to keep quiet about it. Or perhaps she's just afraid of angering the culprit.

Considering her gentle nature, she might just want to avoid hurting that person.

After all, I'm not willing to forgive the culprit.

It goes without saying how deep the sin and how severe the punishment of taking Reina-san from one of us is.

A world without Reina-san ... Aah, just picturing it to myself makes me feel as if I was drying up from the inside.

Because the liquid that is Reina-san is drawn out of my body...?

Indeed ... as a matter of fact, Anna did also lose her own red liquid.

That's the horrible thing the culprit did to Anna.



I will kill her.

I will kill that culprit!



"Who was it, Anna?" I ask again.

"..."

"You have to tell me; she made you cut your wrist!"

"...But..."

"No buts!"

"...I mean..."

"...Fine. I'll just have a guess."

There are only so many suspects. Firstly, it can't be one of "us." Apart from the fact that "we" understand the pain of losing Reina-san, we would choose another method even if we wanted to bully Anna because there was a chance that she would succeed. Then again ... Anna is not a person with many enemies. In fact, I don't know of anyone who dislikes her.

That means that the culprit is not set against Anna herself, but "us" as a group.

—A person who is hostile against "us"?

I know one. I know someone who fits the bill perfectly.

"Yukimi Mitsui."

From the expression on Anna's face I can read that I am right.

So it was she, eh?

That scumbag who made fun of Reina-san, eh? So after insulting Reina-san, so even hurt my weak Anna?

I'll kill her.

I'm gonna kill her!



I resolved to eliminate Yukimi Mitsui from the Junseiwa school.

There is no doubt that it was she who cornered Anna. A few other students witnessed how she took Anna somewhere (and I'm shocked that they did not step in to help her).

I purchased our weapons through the Internet and drilled down her personal information. As most of the students at this school, her family environment turned out to be very peculiar. This piece of information will be useful to torment her.

Together with Yuuko, Emi, and other students who loathed Yukimi Mitsui for what she did to Anna, I proceeded to executing the elimination plan. We will show no mercy to our enemy. It is important to choose your friends and foes wisely, especially at our age where we are still weak by ourselves. If you show mercy to your enemy, you will end up suffering yourself. Anna did not take part in the elimination. Poor thing. That's why she has to suffer!<!-- because she did not take part -->



After school, we first make sure that Reina-san isn't around and then march into Yuki Mitsui's classroom. The disquieting air about us causes the other senior students, who are still present, to look at us, but because Yukimi Mitsui is the center of trouble, they don't intervene.

"What is it?" she asks snappily. "What does the bunch of you want from me?"

I ignore her barking and press my stun gun against her side.

"Ugha!"

She sinks into a crouch.

"Hmm? What was that strange screech about?" I smirk and, as I look down at Yukimi Mitsui, who is holding her side, I command, "Senpai, mind tagging along with me"

She looks up at me with—haha!—fear written all over her face.

"...Where?"

"Just shut up and follow me, okay?"

She didn't dare to resist or escape. Quite satisfied by that, we walk to the back of the gym.

Once we arrive at our destination, I order my companions to keep watch and turn to Yukimi Mitsui, who is clearly intimidated by us (although she is still trying to look brave), with a scowl.

"So I heard what you did."

"...Did what?"

"Want to play dumb? Remember what you did to Anna Fuyuki?"

She screws up her face and averts her eyes without a word of denial.

"You think you're funny, huh?"

I proceed to corner her with the information I gathered, the weapons I bought, and piercing words. Even she could not help losing heart. But my anger hasn't been vented yet. I kick her in the stomach. It's not enough. I haven't vented on her enough. She made fun of Reina-san, she made fun of "us", and she hassled Anna. I can't forgive her. She hurt "us". I won't forgive her.

And yet...

"My head."

"Hah?"

"That's where I want the first blow! Why don't you beat my head?"

Despite the situation she is in, she started to provoke me.

She completely blew my fuses. That just burned a few of the wires in my head. This girl is playing me for a fool, thinking that I won't really beat her. She is belittling me, thinking that I'm just a tag-along who's clinging to Reina-san. She is looking down on me. She thinks I'm a dependent piece of shit. Don't you think you can make a fool of me! I'll show you what I'm capable of! I'll eliminate you not only from this school, but from this very world that Reina-san lives in!

I raise my club.

"What are you doing there?"

All of a sudden, Reina-san's voice reaches my ears.

I lower my club again. Yukimi Mitsui seems to be just as surprised as I am. It's unlikely that she called her.

"Reina-san?"

"I am very discomforted by this sight. There will be consequences if you beat someone with that thing."

"No, it's OK! It doesn't matter what happens to her! She's making fun of us! More importantly, she's making fun of you, Reina-san! That's unforgivable!"

However, Reina-san calmly brushes off my yell and counters, "If you are doing all this for my sake, then I wish you to stop. I am not angry at Mitsui-san."

"That's ... because you're kind, Reina-san..."

"Please <i>stop</i>," she says in a slightly insistent tone. It might really be <u>just slightly</u> in all objectivity, but this is the strongest expression of intent in Reina-san's scale.

Why would she stop me? Yukimi Mitsui is a jerk who even tormented Anna and—

"—Ah."

I look at Reina-san.

I see ... she knows everything. Of course, I'm mad at Yukimi Mitsui for making light of Reina-san.

However, I only went this far—or at least I only thought of murder—not because of Reina-san, but because of Anna.

I was about to use Reina-san as a pretext for avenging Anna.

As such, she has all the right to stop me. She would never approve of being an excuse for taking revenge on somebody. No, her word is absolute to us either way.

"...OK..."

So I have to obey.

We gave up on using violence on Yukimi Mitsui and walked away from the gym. Since I was disheartened by Reina-san's clear denial of my actions and the others were aware of that, we exchanged no words for a while.

We then called it a day. Only my neighbors, Yuuko and Emi,  stayed with me.

"Was that really okay?" Yuuko asks.

"...Nothing we could do, was there? We can't just disobey Reina-san!"

"No, that's not what I mean."

"Huh?"

"I was just wondering if it was okay to leave Reina-san alone with Yukimi Mitsui."



I immediately returned to the back of the gym, but they had already left. I headed to the school building.

Yukimi Mitsui must not be underestimated. She can be very belligerent, and on top of that she must be irritated because of what we did to her. God knows what she's going to do to Reina-san, the person who symbolizes "us."

Needless to say, harming Reina-san is on a whole different level compared to harming Anna.

But Yukimi Mitsui might have turned desperate and plan to soil our symbol.

I run around on the school grounds back and forth, and at last, find Reina-san in the corridor where the second music room is located.

"Reina-san!"

She turns around to me. At a glance, it doesn't seem like she was hurt in any way.

"Kawai-san?"

"Are you all right? Did Yukimi Mitsui do anything to you?"

"Mitsui-san?" she asks and then smiles. "It seems that you have a false picture of Mitsui-san. She is not the kind of person who would do anything to me."

"I don't have a false picture of her. But ... are you really unhurt?"

"Yes, of course."

I let out a sigh of relief. Apparently, my fears were ungrounded this time.

Reina-san gives me a wry smile.

Suddenly, I feel horribly embarrassed as I recall that she has willfully denied my actions earlier.

However, her next words blow me away.

"You have come at the correct time. I was searching for you."

"What?!"

Me? Reina-san was searching for me?

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

Reina-san nods with a smile.

"There is something I wanted to tell you."

"Ah ... I feel honored."

"You are exaggerating."

As if!

"What is it that you wanted to tell me, if I may ask?"

With an ever-so-beautiful smile, she said:


"<u>Please take good care of Reina Kamisu</u>."
<!-- 「<u>今後とも神栖麗奈をよろしくお願いします</u>」 -->


Ten minutes later Reina-san died.