Editing Kamisu Reina:Volume 2 Yukimi Mitsui (section)

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Voices are like invisible razor blades to me.

We are all alone from birth to death, and even though we can't really understand each other we are still forced to associate all along the way. There are only two ways out: biological death or social death.

The world is brimming with people observing me, no matter where I escape.

And again, another day starts where I am forced to blend into a group.

I am suffocating, crammed into a tiny, narrow box, our classroom, together with various people who keep attacking me.

We're on a small break right now. Girls are noisy beings, and as such, even the high level of this school doesn't stop them from nattering away with their shrill voices. Female voices are—perhaps because they're higher than male voices—very sharp. Sharp like razorblades.

Laughter. Certainly not directed at me. But it sounds to me like they're sneering at me.

"Your face is a mess today, isn't it?", "Stop spreading bad mood," "Aren't her legs quite fat?", "She completely messed up that question there, didn't she? And she sucks at English, anyway," "Isn't something smelling funny here?" "I bet she's a slut," "Disgusting," "Gross," "Sickening."

They're not saying these things against me. They're not saying them against me. I'm not as odd as to be called such things.

But my imagination won't stop taking their voices as attacks against me.

Stop it! Don't talk in front of me!

"Stop being so noisy!"

A shout reverberates, shrouding the classroom in silence... with my voice.

Astonishment and some discontent for being yelled at without a reason shows on their faces. But as expected from Junseiwa students, not a single one of them shows any anger. Instead, they resume their conversations with quieter voices than before.

But it's not like they don't care. Deep inside, they must hate me; they must feel the urge to attack me.

And like this, I continue to get myself into a jam. In order not to get hurt, I isolate myself from others and keep everyone away. But by doing so, I also lose the chance to find someone who understands me and supports me, and I stay in the dark about what they think of me. As a result, anxiety keeps growing.

"She pisses me off!" someone groans and others laugh in response.

My body tenses up.

No, that wasn't directed at me. Please, be concise! It sounds to me like you said "That Mitsui bitch pisses me off." That's what it gets converted to in my head.

I cover my ears in a manner that doesn't get noticed, even though no one is looking at me. <i>Why am I so sensitive?</i> Why isn't everyone just gentle to me? I wish someone would appear who understands how delicate I am, but such a person does not exist. Instead, I am thought to be a rude and strong girl and keep being injured—be it wittingly or unwittingly—because they don't bother looking closer at me.

That's why I gaze at Reina Kamisu.

Today, she is talking with the members of Hashigami-san's group. Reina Kamisu, an exceptional girl, has pulled off the feat of not belonging to a group and still getting along with everyone. ...No, she's much more than just exceptional.

I know—no, everyone knows—that she would never hurt anyone. In other words, she wouldn't hurt me either.

Reina Kamisu is a girl who seems to made purely of ideals.

She, our image of "perfection," does not belong to anyone's group. She isn't biased. Reina Kamisu is always neutral toward anyone. Therefore, she wouldn't hurt anyone.

Reina Kamisu would not pull me up if I held out my hand; but she wouldn't shake off my hand either.

That's why I can gaze at her at ease.

Noticing my glance, she suddenly returns my look. I would have quickly averted my eyes had it been someone else, but if it's her, I don't have to fear anything and can keep up eye contact for a while.

Kamisu-san beautifully smiles at me.

Ah, she's so beautiful.

That was enough to make me feel vindicated.


All of a sudden—something stone-like forcibly enters my head.

It's a stone. If I shake my head, it rolls around inside and damages my brains. Quick, I have to get rid of it. Of what? Of the cause that made this happen.

The cause is—

...Huh? Why? Isn't she the only one who will never stand against me...? Yes, that's exactly what distinguishes her from everyone else.

She may be different, but I don't care. The problem is that something about her is being detected by me as a stone, as "harm".

Why—?


I look at her again.

<u>She is still smiling beautifully at me.</u>