Editing Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume2 Chapter7 (section)

===Part 1===

On whose deed is this?
*It seemed like it should be "Whose deed is this?" or keeping 'on', something like "On whose command is this?"
:*Well, I don't really have my way with words, but the raws used a word that could be translated as 'deed' or 'doing' here. It's different from command/order in this context, in that it implies this was done out of the soldier's own will, but that they were lead by someone. The 'on' adds on the difference in questioning not only the people present, and suspecting related outsiders. 
::*I guess for me the "on" just seems out of place, though it obviously doesn't mean it's that way for everyone.

He was dissatisfied with the emperor from the beginning and pretended to be a loyal retainer that would one day do this.
*If I understand correctly, I think it should be "... retainer so that he could one day do this."
:*Yep. CaM. I should get on with Chapter 6 edits...ah well, I'll do it tomorrow. 

Above all, who the mastermind who staged this rebellion is, and who would hold such misgivings—I shall try to provide those answers to you.”
*Assuming it's also describing the mastermind (Zaat), I don't think "hold such misgivings" would apply do him (I interpret it as saying he has doubts about the rebellion, which isn't accurate).  Letting myself be led by the original wording, I thought "who would do such misdeeds."  Or something like replacing 'misgivings' with "ill intent"/malevolence/"ill will"/enmity.
:*Alright, changed to 'who would perform such misdeeds'. 'do' seems a bit odd to me here now that I look at it, but that might just be me.

And at this time, below in the arena across on the other side, a riot was occurring.
*Suggested revision: And at this time, a riot was occurring on the other side of the arena below.
:*CaM

''It seems a certain someone made the right choice.''  //  Shique muttered, and sent a fleeting glance towards Vileena.
*Just double checking the italics for muttering (as opposed to quote marks).
:*Yea, it's supposed to be italics.

Gil—Orba, while aware of this, felt bitter.
*Suggesting replacing "while" with "being."  I think the current wording makes it sound like feeling bitter was despite being aware, instead of the positive correlation between the two.
:*CaM.

Orba had taken hostage of the young slave girl in the detention camp, Mira, loved by all the slaves, in order to confront them.
*Suggesting "Orba had made a hostage of the young..." or "Orba had taken hostage the young."  Or there are other sentence rearrangements possible; mainly I just didn't think "of" fit after "taken hostage".
:*Yep, that 'of' should be removed.

With their plan exposed by the imperials, their resolution to fight to the death turned to vain.
*Suggesting "to the death was now futile."  "Turned to vain" didn't seem correct.
:*CaM.

Only Pashir continued to stare at the prince with a gaze so intense, that if a gaze could kill someone, it wouldn’t have been enough for Orba no matter how many lives he had.
*Suggesting revision to the last part: ... could kill someone, it wouldn’t have mattered how many lives Orba had.
:*CaM.