Editing Kämpfer:Volume 1 Chapter 3 (section)

===Going Shopping===

Her statistics:
:Full name: Nishino Masumi.
:Number of classes taken: three for year one. 
:Blood type: B. 
:Hobby: likes to listen to music while sleeping.
:Sizes: by all means please confirm her three sizes by yourself. 

She told all this without prompting.  In fact she was jumping with excitement to tell me.  The only thing I didn't hear were her childhood diseases.

Of course, I asked Akane ("why her?")

("She... she chased after me and all attempts to evade her failed.")

("But she's so eager to join us.")

("True, when it comes to Natsuru-san, she has taken a keen interest...")

("Should we run again?")

("I doubt we'd escape...")

So, I ended up shopping with two girls; one quiet, one noisy.  Masumi led us while skipping, Akane and I were depressed.  To the world it appeared we were being led by a wonton goddess bewitching us.

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"Natsuru-san, you're buying clothes?" The question accompanied Masumi's smile. 

I didn't want to answer any more than necessary. "Yeah..."

"Wow, answered just like a man!" came her biting reply.

She wasn't wrong, I am a man.

"Just clothes, nothing else?"

I wanted to say '' 'absolutely' '', but this sailor-suit wearing reporter will likely complain again.  I glared at her, then refused to opened my mouth.

"Like today's dinner."  

That was true. There was no sign of my transformation coming.  I'd prefer to go home and stay indoors, but there's no food there and I wanted to have more than just water overnight.

"Natsuru-san, you cook for yourself?  Whatever I shove into my microwave always bursts into flames and I get scolded by my mother."

I sympathize with her mother.

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As for my cooking ability, I can make a decent curry.  My remaining ability is limited to cup-ramen, but I wouldn't call that cooking; nothing to be proud of.  According to rumors, Sakura-san is a very good cook.  If I return to a man I'd love to confirm that.

Akane simply said "really...?" and wouldn't say any more after I had whispered that thought to her.  She seemed awfully angry for some reason.

To my favor Masumi continued talking loudly, trying to decide where we should go.

"If you just want a side-dish, the shopping center's supermarket is super cheap.  Let's go"

Masumi was leading.  Is it human nature to follow whoever leads?  We walked along in a triangle with Masumi at its vertex.  Glances at us were coming from all sides; they were directed at me.  Both men and women were staring.  As a man walked by my body shuddered from his attention; it was so embarrassing.  '' 'Hey, this isn't a peep show!' '' I wanted to scream.  But then someone would call a policeman, it's wiser to walk in silence.

Top and bottom I wore an Iron Star Academy High School uniform.  My uniform wouldn't draw attention since it's a popular school in that area.  Glances at me increased... but I had no idea why.  If a new freshman started wearing the school uniform, wouldn't it be similar?

There was too much attention.  I am not very self-conscious, but all the gazes centered on me was very distracting; I even forgot that we were shopping.  Does being a woman feel like this?

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"People are looking at Natsuru-san..." Masumi had a way of speaking without any form of delicacy. 

"Since Natsuru-san is cool and tall, she is the center of attention.  Stares are being shot her way." 

Why was I being targeted?  It could be my height.  I was average height for a man, but a head taller than most women.  Certainly the tallest of us three.

Maybe my transformation mixed parts of a man and women together... just as I was starting to develop an idea someone called.

"Hey!"

It was a man's voice.  I tried to ignore it and keep walking.

"Wait," as my shoulder was gripped.

His coat was familiar, a boy from our school.  I recognized his face, it was my classmate Higashida, idiot; reduced to a fool.

"Such a group? So lovely!"

Dense guy; was this a pick-up?  Maybe it was casual flirtation.  Higashida relaxed his expression and scoped me out; yeah, it was a pick-up.

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From the badge on my collar he knew that I was also a second grade student.

Frightened Akane hid behind me. Masumi said "hey hey, stop flirting, let's go."

Higashida, however, was talking only to me.

"Hey, I also go to Iron Star Academy.  Tell me your name, I'm second year student Higashida."

Why me?  His tone of voice was very creepy.  Being a woman at the moment gave me a completely different view of this guy.  I had no idea that he talked so easily to girls, or talked so much.  He could compete with Masumi for nonstop talking.  I wished both would follow Akane's example.

Higashida continued, "I'm not bad, not an otaku, I'm a normal guy."  This coming from the chairman of the Nymph Club, trying to catch me.  Normally I wouldn't care, but right then it would be a problem.

I shook his hand off my shoulder.  How can a guy like this act in a totally familiar manner to an unknown girl?  The feel of the conversation was disgusting.  I had to be careful.

Higashida took out a digital camera.  "My hobby is taking photos, I'd like to get one of you.  Right now I'm collecting pictures of beautiful girls from Iron Star Academy High School.  No problem, right?"

How could any girl fall for that lame pick-up line?  It must have worked at least once though.

Masumi shouted "I... I am...?" Akane still hid behind me, powerless in fear.

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I silently shook my head.

In the case of that guy, he may recognize my voice.

"I'm asking you because you'd make a lovely model.  It will only take a moment, no problem, right?"

Guys must think I look lovely.  From looking in the mirror at myself that first time I know how lovely I look.

"Shall we start?"

"Hey..."

"You have an astringent voice, my favorite kind."  

Any girls voice is your favorite.  You'd say the same to Masumi.  You're trying to court the Senou Natsuru who attends the same class as you.  If he ever determined who I really was, his bubble would burst and it would be a trip to the hospital for me.

I ignored him and walked away.  I had to buy a meal and some clothes.  I even wanted to buy my weekly manga.

I could feel the back of my neck tingling, was it a mosquito?  

"Forget the food for now, lets buy clothes first."  I told both my companions. "Let's run!"

"...hey!"

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"Where are you going? Don't you want to be in my photo collection?  Model girl..."

Akane and I signaled each other with our eyes, excluding Masumi.  Higashida could still be heard "...I want you in my collection.  It's a chance of a lifetime."  

Akane and I dashed of unexpectedly, Masumi quickly followed.  Model your own photos.

We escaped the shopping center and made it to the front of the station.  The crowds were very thick and Higashida was left far behind.  However I still have to buy some women's clothes.  Maybe in Ito-Yokado or Jusco?  I decided to ask Akane.

"Right inside the station is a cute shop with nice clothing.  Turn in right here."  

I did as she said.  I'd never been shopping for clothes here before.  I had bought a lot of box lunches in the station basement, but they were usually stale.  I jumped through the shop's front door and caught my breath.  Higashida never found us.

"Well..." I looked at the store directory.  The store name on the sign looked like Buddhist scriptures written in Sanskrit to my eyes.

"It is this shop."

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Akane pointed to the third floor.

As we rose on the escalator Masumi was excitedly saying "clothes, clothes..." I wondered if she had done some bad drugs.

We ended up at a select shop, permeated with a sense of loveliness.  The age group it targeted was high-school or a bit higher.

"Because Natsuru-san is so beautiful, I thought of this store..."  Akane said while she blushed slightly.

I said "thank you..." and gave her a bow.  I have no edge when it comes to fashion.  I couldn't even answer a single question when it comes to brand names; even less about women's fashion. Even if the shop was named '' 'A Fashionable Brand popular in Zaire' '' I would believe it.

Masumi quickly danced into the store saying "I'll also choose a dress...".  Akane slowly entered, and I followed timidly.

In that way I entered into a women's clothing shop the first time since I was born.  Dresses were lined up from the walls to the corridors.  The variety of choices was huge when compared to a men's shop.  There was everything from t-shirts to skirts and socks to regrettable underwear. '' 'Regrettable?' ''

I vacantly watched the two girls going through clothes.  I had no idea what would look good from all these ladies things, even if this trip was for me.

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Masumi started screaming "over here, over here..." then "Natsuru-san, this, this!"  She held up a t-shirt covered by a picture of two crossed chainsaws.  Over the chainsaws in bold text was '' 'KILL Teacher, KILL Cop' ''.

"..."

"It totally suits you, please wear it to class!"

Would she take responsibility for me when I get expelled?  I silently shook my head.  Would it be worn under the uniform or over it?  

Masumi immediately takes out another "...then maybe this."

It was a shirt showing a large Christian cross with words underneath '' 'an absolute swindler &uarr;' '' written in Gothic font.

"During Christmas let's wear this and walk around town."  Japanese people are mostly tolerant of religious views, but how much before it's considered rude?  Should it be worn just to irritate Christians?

Before I could even shake my head Masumi showed another.  "There's also one like this, it's perfect!"

'' 'BURN! BURN! NUKE, BURN!' '' What's not perfect about that, heh.

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It's useless, this woman can't find anything good for me.

However, why just those items.  Is this shop for punk rockers and fans of death metal?  Do they carry any decent clothes?

Akane joined us carrying a one piece dress.  Black with thin shoulder straps.  Certainly a fashionable style worn by girls.

"This might... look good on Natsuru-san..."

I wouldn't know.  I wasn't used to thinking of looking good in a dress.  It was thickly embroidered in silver skulls with crossbones.  How to refuse?

"I... I think it suits Natsuru-san."  

Masumi showed me a jacket with the back covered by a picture and the words '' 'Vlad the Impaler exterminates the Turkish army.' ''

Akane took out a skirt "how's this?"  It was embroidered with '' 'come ON enteritis.' '' I had to look up enteritis at home, ''enteritis?'' <ref>en&middot;ter&middot;i&middot;tis /ˌentəˈrītis/<br>
:Noun: Inflammation of the intestine, esp. the small intestine, usually accompanied by diarrhea.</ref>

Next was a shirt with a picture of two people, a farmer holding a hoe and a tax collector.  Under the picture were the words '' 'Don't get a lawyer to fight a child's battle!' ''

Masumi held up a jacket with a picture of a Tokugawa Shogun riding a motorcycle and holding up his sword overlaid on a picture of a richly colored flame-red phoenix in flight.  The back had the text '' 'I AM SHOGUN, HAHAHA!' '' the front had smaller letters '' 'I. Tokugawa' ''. <ref>Tokugawa - Shogunate of the Edo period.  Look it up on Wikipedia for more details.</ref>

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It seemed out of character for a girl like Akane to like clothes in these styles, but, if you think about it, for a girl with a hobby of Entrails Animals it must be fitting.

These avant-garde clothes were giving me a terrible headache.  To think that Akane and Masumi shared a passion for this style let me see how girls from different years and such opposing personalities could have become friends.  I could understand that, but why involve me in it, this isn't my style.

I felt like I was being pressured to buy wares from competing Israeli street merchants.  I gravely yelled, "stop shopping!"

The result was me looking at the faces of two shocked girls.

"Shopping... you don't... you want to stop?"

"I'm just looking for 1 thing, this much...  If I go much further I'll die!" It felt like the truth.

I left the store in silence and Akane followed without any complaint.  Masumi held up a skirt printed with '' 'Touch Freely!' '' on the back. "Wear this, at least wear this!" she cried.  Wearing something like that would attract the worst kind of human fungus.

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After all, we were supposed to be headed to the supermarket, then to the shopping district.  To all appearances we should look like side-by-side girls, and actually we were.

"Hey you" lightly came a man's voice, but it wasn't Higashida.

Three wannabe-jocks were standing there.  

"We're going to karaoke, but we need more people.  Do you want to join us?"

That was fishy.  Most likely they couldn't afford to enter on their own.

They were wearing shirts hand-dyed to look like soccer uniforms from Milan Italy.  Western printing was covering the snake logo.  Their eyes were darting nervously.

I am currently a woman.  It can be assumed what would happen if all of us were alone in a closed room.

One of them held Akane's arm. "The karaoke room is just over there."

"...it's..., I won't go."

"Don't be so cold.  It'll just be us dudes and you three."

An idea, likely from thinking of Higashida, comes to mind, and I tug Akane's sleeve.  "Once you have transformed..."

"It's... but because Masumi-chan is here." I hadn't thought of that.

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"That lovely daughter needs to come too." Meaning me.  That talk came from one of them with Mohawk hair that made me think of a white leghorn chicken.

I hesitated, trying to think of a comeback that a transformed-Akane would say, "Hey!"  My arm was taken and he wet his lips with his tongue.

"Best to stay away bastard.  You'll fall one-by-one."  Chicken head was startled by a man's voice coming from 'girl' me.

"As far as going with you tone-deaf bastards...  I'd rather give you something to keep the crap in your bowels company."  As something hard was pressed against his belly.

"This amateur..."  I pushed harder.

"Don't open your mouth or I'll stuff it with the skin I peel off your back."  I gave him a powerful stare.

The three glared back at me.  Chicken head glanced down to see what was in my hand.

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"Hey! Look down and die!"

"...crap!" he spewed out of his mouth as they all ran away.

I put the lighter back in my pocket.  I had started to regret bringing it, because it was a bit uncomfortable, but it came to be surprisingly useful.

"This is what girls deal with, crude pick-up attempts?"

"I... I'm not always being picked-up..."

"But?"

"It's because Natsuru-san is beautiful."

"Definitely, Natsuru-san is gorgeous.  Men will flock to her," Masumi loudly agreed.

I was happy to hear their praise, but had strongly mixed feelings about it.

"Impressive, you're strong." came a familiar voice from a different direction, along with an instant headache.

"I've been watching.  Those jocks are notorious but you drove them off with ease!  The look on their faces..."

"...so" what else could I say.

"So, I'll take photos now.  Also with her."  He pointed to Akane.

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"..."

I stealthily quickened my pace and somewhat forcibly pulled Akane's hand.

"Wait... just a single picture."  

I looked over my shoulder and he was starting to catch up.

"Get lost!"

Higashida had a wide-eyed open-mouth expression, but he stopped advancing.

"Great one Natsuru-san.  He wasn't getting your hint."

"Natsuru-san... will... your friend be alright?"

"Yeah, he's the same as a bird, he'll forget everything in a minute."

Higashida and I are a pair of guys from boy's year 2 class 4.  Best highlight of our current year; 70% of the class never finished the Japanese History homework a month ago.  Our teacher fainted with his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.  The next day he led class with preaching, crying and tearing out his hair; I found the memory to be pretty refreshing.  Of course I was part of that 70%.

"...forget that, let's eat there!"  Masumi jumped up and down pointing straight ahead.

"It's over there. Across the pedestrian overpass near... WHOA!"

Masumi yelled so loudly I jumped.

"What... What?"

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"Natsuru-san's wrist is sparkling!"

Although it is not a wrist but a bracelet, seemingly she was convinced that my wrist itself was emitting light.

"Do your veins glow, like an angler-fish?" 

I smiled, I would have laughed, but it wasn't a laughing matter.

("Natsuru-san, this is serious...!")

Akane's face paled at the indication that I would start transforming from female back to male.

Although I'm glad to return, the location is a problem.  Transforming in a high-traffic area would be a sex-change show.  Besides that, Masumi was still with us.  I'd most likely be shipped off to a zoo or research laboratory for in-depth study.

("Akane-san, become a Kämpfer!")

("Yeah... but Masumi... If I was to...")

I pleaded to Masumi "I'm sorry... a little."

I dashed and dove into the underground parking entrance.  Akane was flustered, but followed close behind. 

White luminescence wrapped my body as I went running down the stairs.  I can't remember how many steps I descended, but when the light stopped I had returned to a man.

"Oh no..."

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I wasn't sad, just a bit disappointed at the location and bad timing.

I sat on the stairs.  Akane stared at the ground.

"Did anyone notice?"

"No, but..."

"There was someone?"

"Well... I just felt... someone was watching."

She sounded timid as ever, but the tone of her voice was dead serious.

I looked up towards the street and caught glimpses of passers-by.  None of them were looking towards us.

"When?"

"For... for a long time.  Since the department store."

I pressed the back of my neck.  When I was a Kämpfer, I was feeling on edge.  Was it because someone was watching me?  Was it the person we fought?  Did they know Akane is my partner?  If they followed and watched as I transformed, they'd know that I changed from a girl to a boy...

I was trying to think.  When we fought in the library, I never saw our enemy's face.

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"...let's get out of here," I said to Akane.

"If we leave, Masumi-chan is still there."

I wasn't thinking straight.  I quickly hid under the stair landing just as I heard Masumi's voice.  

"Where'd you go?... I finally caught up with you.  Where is Natsuru-san?"

"Uh, er... she left!"

"Why! Why did she leave?"

"Yeah... she gave her apologies to Masumi-chan."

I never said that, but she had to be polite.

"She didn't say where I could see her again?"

(Ugh, don't tell her anything!)

"Hey, how did she leave?  Isn't this a parking lot?"

"How did... the reason... motorcycle, she rode a motorcycle out..."

"Wow, ultra-cool! She... I want a ride!  Which way did she go?  I've got to get a ride!"

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So, I have a motorbike, and old enough for a valid license.  Akane was getting too far off with this.  Before long I was a racer, and soon I'd be a fighter pilot.

"Oh, let's go home ... Hmm, I wonder where Natsuru-san went to eat."

Although I could finally leave, the outcome wasn't great.  It was going to be cup-ramen again.  My descent into malnutrition steadily progressed.

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