Editing Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume2 Chapter7 (section)

===Part 2===

Why was it that even at times like these that they could take priority over their own circumstances? Even as the roar of the wind whooshed past them and the airships they passed continued to open fire. Then, an enemy ship noticed them and began to descend.
*For the first sentence, if I understand correctly, suggesting something like "... they could '''give''' priority '''to''' their own circumstances?".
:*CaM.
*I normally don't like splitting up things into individual lines, but in this case I'd open the idea of splitting off the third sentence to it's own line.  Or alternatively, merging the first two sentences like "... circumstances, even as the ... open fire?" The reason is that I think the first two sentences are supposed to be connected.  But when I read through the first time I associated the second sentence with the third, and was confused how the two related.  Then again, this kind of suggestions is based on my personal reading experience, so I'm not sure how necessary it is.
:*I was a bit lost on how I should word this too. It's better to connect it with the first sentence. Changed to: "Why was it that even at times like these, even as the roar of the wind whooshed past them and the airships they ''passed'' continued to open fire, they could give priority to their own circumstances?" As a side note, do you have an alternative way of expressing the highlighted 'pass'? It's bad style to use the same verb twice in a sentence. 
::*Possible replacements for the passed (I wouldn't say any are perfect): left behind, overtook, outpaced.  I think you could also resolve by replacing the first instance with "wind whooshed by them" or similar.

“The life granted unto by His Majesty, is it? Or could it possibly be from Lord Simon? That man speaks his true mind too much. Be that as it may, I would never have imagined you would see even up to the slave’s rebellion—”
*I don't really understand what the first two sentences are referring to.  What does "the life"?  Contextually I guess it should be related to the explanation or expectation of Prince Gil being able to realize Zaat's plan.
:*Yea, this one needs to be more liberal. Changed to "So this is the life granted unto by His Majesty, is it? Or could it possibly be a result of Lord Simon's upbringing?" You can think of it as a line where Zaat finally realizes 'Gil' as a capable person'.

“It is because I want to return Mephius back to man’s hand that I have performed this deed. Do you not understand that, little girl?”
*"Back to man's hand" seemed a little strange.  Something like "back to a sane man's hand" would be a little more natural, I think.  Then again, perhaps the current wording is referring to the fact that the emperor is considered a union between the dragon god and man, and therefore the current situation doesn't count as being in "man's hand"?
:*'Man's hand' was my old version of 'the people's hand.' Can be changed if you think it's better. It's more of 'stop the emperor from ruling the entire empire himself.' 
::*I do think "the people's hand" is clearer.

But he was a prince who sometimes took bold incentives with ingenuity that riled his foes.
*Suggesting "took bold initiatives with ...".
:*CaM.

Everyday, he showed a different face, where even if she tried to understand him, she would suddenly notice the day gone by and wonder if maybe today, she would be able to come to an understanding of him.
*Suggesting the following. (biggest changes tried->failed and today->tomorrow)
::- He showed a different face everyday, such that even if she failed to understand him, she would suddenly notice the day gone by and wonder if maybe tomorrow she would be able to come to an understanding of him.
:*CaM.

Zaat stumbled backwards. Before his eyes opposite the collapsed soldier, he beheld a pale-faced apparition.
*For second sentence, suggesting "He (or "His eyes") beheld a pale-faced apparition opposite the collapsed soldier."
:*Changed to the latter.

Like this, the struggle where a single breath sent his whole body running in a fever came to a close.
*I though a few changes could improve the flow here.  The most valuable one from my perspective might be rearranging to replace "in a fever" with tremors.  A possible alternative with that change and another is:
::-Like this, the struggle that left him such that a single breath sent tremors running through his whole body came to a close.
::*This sentence was very vague, and it could have multiple implied meanings. 'fever(heat)' is supposed to portray how his body was overworked and he was more than breaking a sweat, while it could also possibly reference to the inflammation of pain, so I'm not too sure about changing that word. Note to self: Changed 'like this' to 'with this'.