Editing Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume2 Chapter7 (section)

===Part 3===

but it was hard to imagine anything except capital punishment against the slaves who plotted a rebellion. That would be to become slaves in the battlefield, or so Gil said:
*A somewhat trivial suggestion, but suggesting making it "That alternative would be to become..."
:*CaM.

As the emperor’s advisors, it was decided the group of elders would dwell within the shrine, and the emperor, instead making use of Zaat’s rebellion, had strengthened his political powers.
*Suggesting the following: a rearrange; a sentence split; and deleting "instead" (I think it works better without instead, unless there's something like "instead of harming him")
::-It was decided the group of elders would dwell within the shrine as the emperor’s advisors. And the emperor, making use of Zaat’s rebellion, had strengthened his political powers.
:::*CaM. It's more of a jab at the (implied) ironic twist, at how the rebellion, which was supposed to strip him of his powers, served to strengthen them.

Knowing of the plan, Oubary likely disappeared off the face of the rebellion and planned to assist the winning side,
*It's not wrong, but I thought there might be some better wording for "disappeared of the face of the rebellion".  What I thought of was "likely removed himself from the stage of rebellion" or "likely stepped out of spotlight of the rebellion."  Though whether or not those are better likely falls under style.
:*I think's it's fine the way it is.

However, based on the results, he was criticized for having ‘left behind the emperor and be the only one to flee ahead of them’.  //  A faint smile creviced across Orba’s mouth, when opposite his way came along Noue Salzantes. Noue greeted him with a smile.
*Looking at the second line ("A faint smile ..."): Is the faint smile from thinking about the criticism of Oubary (what the current wording is more likely to imply)?  Or is it from coming across Noue?  Also, as an alternative wording if you'd like to use it, I would probably word it as "when Noue Salzantes came from the opposite direction."
:*It's from thinking about Oubary. CaN. 

Ax Bazgan had invaded Mephius territory three times and each time, Mephius had driven him back, but Ax was a keen and opportunistic man and three times, Mephius failed to take his head.
*Suggestion of comma use and sentence split.  But I'm less confident in my comma usage, so feel free to ignore.
::- Ax Bazgan had invaded Mephius territory three times, and each time, Mephius had driven him back. But Ax was a keen and opportunistic man, and three times, Mephius failed to take his head.
:*Nope, that's proper usage. I omitted one before 'and three times' because it would've become a sentence with too many commas. CaM.

The army occupied the fortress, but the small city-state which should have been in civil war on end was strangely cooperative with the enemy outsiders and launched an attack simultaneously alongside three forces.
*The "should have been in civil war on end" seemed a bit strange.  The current wording seems to be saying that that particular city-state was experiencing a civil war at the time, which may be correct.  If that's the case, I might suggest a minor style revision of "been in the midst of a civil war".
:*It has a slightly different meaning here. 'on end' is equivalent to 'non-stop' or 'one after another', in that it should have been occurring for some time, and continues even now(at the time they took the fortress).

At any rate, the number of countries that have sent envoys number many.
*The current use of "the number ... number many" should probably be revised.  One simple alternative might be "many countries have sent envoys."
:*Changing 'number' to 'are'.

The dawn of that day shall celebrate your marriage and official appointment as charge of Apta.
*I don't think "as charge of Apta" is quite right there.  Suggesting something like "as steward/custodian/lord of Apta".
:*Hmm...you're right. Changed to 'lord'.