Editing Kämpfer:Volume 2 Chapter 3 (section)

=== Unwanted Celebrity Status ===
[[File:23754.jpg|thumb|Natsuru (in female form) sits at her desk looking overwhelmed as female students crowd around her classroom.]]
After apologizing for being late and entering the classroom, the Japanese history teacher simply told me to sit down and didn't press the issue further.

Akane was already seated; she seemed to have arrived even earlier than me.

I pulled my textbook, notes, and writing supplies from my bag (I'd always left it on the table, since I didn't know when I'd become a woman).

As I was getting ready, I felt an itch all over my body. The entire class was focused on me, the legendary yuri student. Having been fighting until now, I should be very sensitive to murderous intent, but this gaze was more than just uncomfortable... This is all Masumi Nishino's fault. I'll resent women for the rest of my life.

The Japanese history teacher kept on rambling, completely incomprehensible. His movements were as stiff as a robot's. Was he powered by clockwork?

"...You seem troubled,"

a voice called from right behind me. Even without turning around, I knew the female anchor's voice was definitely the class monitor.

"The legendary Senou-san is truly the center of attention."

"..."

"Are you happy about this?"

I didn't know how to answer, so I chose the safest answer.

"...During class."

"It's okay if I'm hard of hearing, teacher, but you'd better be careful."

"...What?"

"Natsuru-san has been targeted."

I thought to myself, "I've just been attacked," but it didn't seem like that was what she was referring to.

"That's right, those reports are out. You've become the girls' club's toy... no, a celebrity. You have nowhere to escape, hehe."

The voice came from behind me, right. It was the vice-class monitor. Wasn't she sitting near me?

"Girls at Iron Star Academy High School thrive on gossip. Senou-san has been the hottest topic of the year lately. So amazing, so amazing."

"What I'm saying is, if you want to escape this disaster, you need a sacred pot that would make even demons flee barefoot."

The person trying to sell me something was the accountant. Wasn't her seat right in the front? How could I hear what she said?

Of course, I didn't want to buy a sacred pot. I also didn't want to be swayed by the class president and vice-president. Although I really wanted to find a way to clarify after that news came out, at least let me get through class safely. I hate studying so much. Life is just so weird.

"It's no use pretending you didn't hear it."

"That's right, everyone's waiting for Senou-san."

"If you don't want a pot, you can look at the hanging scroll."

I said I didn't want one.

Just as the class monitor and vice-monitor had said, my situation was exactly as it was. I'd soon understand the profound impact this would have on me.

The next class was Chinese, originally meant to be with our female teacher.

I went outside to kill time, but unexpectedly, I caused a commotion like welcoming a soldier back from the battlefield.

"Ah—Senou-san!"

"So handsome —!"

"Hold me —!"

About half the girls in the classroom came over, while the rest watched from the side. Upon closer inspection, I realized that most of the girls in my class were just observing from a distance. Those who approached me were strangers. The looks from my classmates weren't of envy or surprise, but rather of calculating thoughts.

Just as before, I was about to be groped again when someone clapped their hands to stop the impending commotion.

"Okay—everyone, that's enough."

"Senou-san is the shared property of our class four."

"If you want to touch her, the minimum price is one thousand yen."

The class monitor, vice-monitor, and the accountant were all speaking. I didn't expect them to treat me like a money-making tool so quickly. What does shared property mean?

What on earth is the homeroom teacher doing, letting this happen? She'd walked in at some point, sat down at the table, and started reading a video game guide. This is outrageous! This is a complete waste of education. I'll tell you off.

"Natsuru-san, please sit over here."

"That seat over there is empty."

"Please sit, please sit."

What do you mean by empty? That's my seat, so I'll take it.

Those three people skillfully arranged the gathered girls into a row. While I admire their skill, what exactly do they want to do to me?

"Each person can talk to Senou-san for thirty seconds."

"Friendship rates are free, but handshakes are extra."

"Before you go, remember to buy a painting that's good for your sore shoulders."

What the hell is going on?

I was filled with questions, but the homeroom monitor whispered in my ear.

"Don't worry, this is a way to save you from the commotion."

"...You mean sitting here?"

"The girls in school all like you. If we don't do this, there will be a big commotion."

"That's okay..."

"This is what we decided at the class meeting. In order to save Senou-san, our whole class will do our best to help you."

"...Why do we have to charge money..."

"Ah, the first customer?"

Hey! You actually let me get away with it.

The "first customer" she was talking about was a first-year girl who looked very introverted. Her voice seemed even softer than Akane's, really like an ant.

"Well...that...Senou-san."

"Yes."

"Here...can you please accept it!"

She took out a small box with a bow. Is it a gift?

While I was still lost in thought, the vice-class monitor accepted it on my behalf.

"Thank you so much! Senou-san will definitely write back to thank you, don't worry."

The girl lowered her head, seemingly delighted.

"...What do you mean by return gift...?"

"It's just that if you don't return the favor properly, the girl will be very sad."

I knew that, but there was no need to be so exaggerated.

"Next,"

the monitor called.

This time, it was a tall, bespectacled girl, a third-year student, who exuded an intellectual air.

"Natsuru-san..."

She addressed me by name even though it was our first meeting.

"Would you like to become sisters?"

What?

"I'll be the older sister, you the younger sister. Let's swear before the gods and exchange contracts. I won't bind you, and even after graduation, we'll always be..."

She said, moving closer to me. The vice-class monitor next to her immediately took action.

"Time's up —for individual contracts, there's an additional fee. Come back next time you have the chance."

The monitor called "next" without hesitation. Their teamwork left me stunned.

Another first-year student, with deep-set eyes and a nose, and fair skin —her type should be popular with boys.

But the girl suddenly lowered her head at me.

"Senou-san, please be my older sister!"

Is she a younger sister this time? What's going on at this school?

"I fell in love with you at first sight. I'd do anything for you. I want to be with you forever. Please!"

Such devotion! Is this considered pure love? Even apart from the fact that I was petrified, I still couldn't utter a word.

"Please take a look at this! My feelings are written all over it!"

She handed me the letter, sealed with a heart-shaped sticker. Why not text? Maybe she didn't know my phone number.

Before the vice-class monitor could say anything, the girl bolted. I just sat there with the letter.

"Please put it over here."

The monitor placed the letter in the cardboard box at her feet. I was shocked to see how many letters I had accumulated without realizing it.

After that, the crowds continued to pour in, one after another, practically like a bowl of soba noodles. The line of girls stretched as long as a Disneyland ride. "Please be my friend" was considered polite, but there were also "Please hug me," "Please tell me I love you," and even "Please scold me and bully me." You'll probably have to ask your boyfriend to serve you this kind of thing from now on.

The class ended in a commotion without even getting to the point of learning. Is that really okay?

"Thank you for your hard work. Here you go,"

the class monitor handed me a plastic bottle of tea. The accountant was busy typing away on her calculator.

"Wow, the sales are incredible!"

"Everyone, use this money to have fun!"

the vice-class monitor shouted, and the atmosphere in the class suddenly heated up.

I looked at the pile of letters and gifts piled up on the table and suddenly felt irritated. Am I supposed to handle all of this by myself? Luckily, they were all from girls. Not having any from boys was a blessing in disguise.

"Next up is the photo session,"

the class monitor checked, flipping through the handbook. When did you become my agent?

"After that, it's fan interaction time. We've prepared a tea party."

"...Why?"

"That's how we do it in Class 4."

Glancing closely at the classmates cheering over their earnings, I finally understood everything.

"...Um, isn't Sakura Kaede coming over...?"

"You mean Sakura Kaede?"

the class monitor glanced at the handbook.

"...No, how could those two beautiful women of Seitetsu be lesbians?"

That wasn't necessarily true, but if not, there was no way I could help it. I'd have thought she'd be the first to show up.

"Then let's start the photo session,"

the vice-class monitor said, holding a digital camera —an expensive-looking SLR.

"Just sit there. A simple outfit should fetch a good price."

"...Where are you selling it to?"

"Our customers are mostly women, and the rumors about the mysterious beautiful girl seem to be getting more and more popular among the boys."

I knew that well.

The vice-class monitor, with the constant sound of manually rewinding film, took pictures non-stop. Not only of me sitting at my desk, but also of me standing at the blackboard and gazing out the window. Although one asked, "Can you lift your skirt a little?" I flatly refused.

The photo session ended quickly.

The vice-class monitor and the class monitor immediately began discussing how to sell it. They might have connections to the underground society. The accountant was busy counting the money, while I sat there doing nothing.

"Well."

"Senou-san, get some rest. You'll probably be even busier later."

"Those pictures just now..."

"What's wrong?"

the class monitor walked towards me.

"Senou Natsuru from the men's club."

"A boy with the same name as you?"

"Can you give him a photo too..."

I couldn't leave Higashida out as a thank-you gift, so this was perfect. I didn't ask her to give it to him directly because I was worried he'd get it and then pretend he didn't get it, which would be troublesome.

"Sure, is that your friend?"

"I guess so..."

It's the same person.

It was obvious, but I couldn't explain it in detail. The vice-class monitor's eyes gleamed strangely, and she promised me she would help pass it on.