Editing Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Shizuka Wakui (section)

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Dang... it doesn't function.

The 'lettuce' I sowed yesterday doesn't function. It's as Reina said... If I don't change, my power will stay limited.

In order to acquire real power, I have to leap over this world and transcend all existence and pass through several deltas.

Break, class room. Chairs, chairs, desks, a fluttering humanoid energy, Kazuaki.

"Kazuaki, spare me a moment, please." I say to Kazuaki who's talking with Kiichi-kun, a friend of his.

"Hm? What's the matter, Shizuka?"

Kiichi-kun politely leaves us alone. Mm, sorry but thanks.

"Okay, listen closely. The world is about to burst."

"Shizuka...?"

"As I said, the world is overfull. There's a critical level in every system, no? You understand that, right?"

"...I think I do... hey, um, I already said this in the previous break, but you don't look good today, Shizuka."

"That doesn't matter. Forget about me for now. Just listen," I urge him.

"I think it does matter, but fine..."

"Humanoid energies... no, I hate to do this, but let's call them 'spirit' because it's simpler. As you may know, Kazuaki, there are countless things that can't be perceived by the eye. Hell, way too many for my taste. And in order to become aware of them, we have to give them appropriate names... hold on, that doesn't matter now either, does it? At any rate, those spirits do exist, okay?"

"...Okay."

"Those spirits keep increasing in number. The number keeps growing and they have started to overflow wherever you look, even around us. In fact, there's one right there in the corner. Of course, some spirits just pass away as they should do, but most don't. Therefore, we can define that spirits are in a constant growth. Right, this lifecycle is thus comparable to the production of oxygen. With each breath, plants also exhale carbon dioxide but the amount of oxygen that is produced thanks to photosynthesis is greater, so they are effectively producing oxygen by definition. Like that."

"Okay..."

"You know what happens if they keep on populating? <u>The world turns upside down.</u> The front and the back get inversed. Do you understand? You do, right? It's a revolt! By the spirits! It makes perfect sense that the world would lean toward the side that holds more energy. Can you imagine the consequences? The world would have tilted away, after all: We would fall from the surface of the world, losing our shape, turning into ambiguous beings, scattering in all directions. Perhaps. I don't know the details, of course, but neither do we know the exact consequences of blasting and burning our globe with explosives, right? In other words, the only thing that I can tell for sure is that the resulting world is in no way desirable. What do you think should I do? Do you, do you think that I'm supposed to prevent that whatever it takes?"

"...Shizuka," Kazuaki says as he gazes closely at me.

Thanks goodness; he has taken me seriously.

Kazuaki gives Kiichi-kun a glance, "I'm sorry, Kiichi, but Shizuka and I are leaving early today."

Surprised, Kiichi-kun replies, "Huh...? Ah, i-it's okay, Kazuaki, nothing urgent, really."

"Tell them that I'm taking Shizuka home because she's not feeling well."

Ignoring my question, he pulls me by my arm.

<u>Kazuaki is touching my arm.</u>

The cells of my arm start to decompose and rot away one by one. It hurts. Unsustainable, boundless ressentiment<!-- French term --> prickles me.

"Kazuaki... <u>Have you forgotten</u>?"

He reflexively lets go of my hand, watching me with wide-open eyes. After a while, he apologizes in a voice I can barely hear.




Kazuaki won't turn around, so I'm just wordlessly following him.

As we trace our way home, we enter the train line we use every day. There are almost no people because of the off-peak time it is. Huh? There's someone standing despite the many unoccupied seats. Ah, it's a humanoid energy. How confusing. Come to think of it, how do I distinguish between humans and humanoid energies, again? Huh? How did I use to do that? I can't seem to remember.

We get off the train, but when I try to go through the ticket gate, I bump into the barrier because the machine won't react to my season ticket. What's up with this? Is this also the wicked deed of humanoid energies? That's by no means impossible. I put my season ticket on the sensor again, and this time the barrier opens. Phew, that's really confusing.

I keep going after Kazuaki.

Right, left, right, right, left—we turn and turn and turn.

At last, we arrive at a park, but not the one I've been meeting Reina at. It's a very small, commonplace park with a bunch of rusty structures.

"...Do you remember this place?" Kazuaki suddenly asks, turning around to me.

Even though he has been dead-silent on the way here, he is smiling eerily gently. Because I don't give him any reaction, he continues himself:

"It's the park where we first met, back when we were 2 years old. Well, I don't expect you to remember all the way back, but you remember that we used to play here, don't you?"

"..."

Of course I do.

However, I hesitate to say anything because I can't quite grasp the meaning of bringing me here and telling me that.

"When we were little, you were taller than me and you would always tease me. To be honest, there were days when I was so frightened of you that I didn't want to see you, Shizuka!" he laughs.

I look around. Indeed, this is the park where we used to play together. I often played with Kazuaki in that sand box over there, or on those swings, or with that horizontal bar. The jungle gym has been removed by now, but apart from that, this park remains a place of young memories that we thought was our own little empire.

"Those were good times, weren't they?" Kazuaki continues, still smiling gently.

His smile causes in me—resentment.

I keep silent, however, because it's not his fault. He is not to blame. It's just that I feel like throwing up because of a prickling in my stomach.

Therefore, I decide to tell Kazuaki what he must know.

"Kazuaki, listen..."

"Okay!" he answers quick like a shot—with a subtle touch of resignation.

"You are very important to me, Kazuaki," I begin, apparently betraying his fears. His eyes widen. "I think that everyone has a certain role in life. For example, the president of a certain republic has to protect the world on his high throne, while the prime minister of a certain island nation has to obey that president. Mother Teresa had to serve in Calcutta, Columbus had to set foot on America, and Madame Curie had to discover polonium and radium. And I... I have to save the world."

"How are you going to do that...?"

"I'll make sure that the world doesn't turn over to their side by releasing the power inside those humanoid energies and reducing their number. <!-- I guess "decimating" is too strong a word to use here? -EEE --> There may be victims while they are flickering for a while after their power is released, but that's a necessary evil. Don't get me wrong—my conscience is pricking me for this, but I can't help it. I have to take action; it's my role because I know what has to be done."

"...Assuming that were the right thing to do—"

"Kazuaki. I understand that the idea seems absurd at first, but <u>it is the right thing to do.</u>"

He averts his gaze toward the ground. After a moment of thought, he corrects himself:

"While I suppose that it must be the right thing to do—why is there a need that you're in charge of that task, Shizuka? Just hand over the responsibility to someone else. You said that you know how to save the world, but Shizuka... We all know of the countries suffering from poverty, where children are born to die early on, girls have to resort to prostitution just to contract AIDS, and weak people die of illnesses caused by a bad environment and a lack of medication. We all know that, yet we do nothing to fix this issue, except maybe for some coin that we donate. <u>This is the world</u> we live in. There will always be people seeking a savior. If we were to answer each and every call for help, we would get trapped at some point, living only for the sake of saving others. Think that's praiseworthy? Well, it is. But what of it? Do you think a lifestyle where you sacrifice yourself for others is right? Perhaps it is, but I wouldn't want such a lifestyle. I'll rather ignore their calls for help—just like all the postal advertisement we get."

"...Didn't I tell you the reason right at the beginning, Kazuaki?"

"..."

"<i>You are very important to me.</i>"

Right, Kazuaki lives in this world.

He looks down again.

"...It's cool that you think like that, it really is, but..."

"...It's okay, Kazuaki. <u>Just get off your chest what you really want to say.</u>"

I heard enough to tell that Kazuaki does not see the danger the world is facing. He only sees the issues he thinks I am facing.

He slowly raises his head to look at me, almost scowling.

Nonetheless—

"Come down to earth, Shizuka! You lost touch with reality."

Nonetheless, <u>I have faith in myself.</u>

After all, <u>there is someone who confirms my view.</u>

"<u>Reality</u>."

"...Yeah, reality! You went through a lot of hardships, that's true, but look... take this park for example—this place is reality, too, okay? Not everything's so bad."

Ah, now I see... that's why he brought me here. But Kazuaki...

<u>Your point backfired.</u>

Besides, your reality doesn't matter to me. <u>Reality to me is</u> that the world is at stake, and the only one able to save it are <i>she</i> and I.

"Among the things you said to me, Kazuaki, there is one thing that I particularly like."

"Hm...?"

"'Do what you think is the right thing to do.'"

"Yeah..." he nods and keeps his mouth shut.

We've known each other since were little. He knows that I'm beyond persuasion. I'm sure, however—Kazuaki won't give up.

"Okay, then I'm going to do the right thing as well!"

With these words, he approaches me.

I know what he's going to do. I can easily imagine the implications of his strained face; we haven't been together for so long for nothing.

His neck is right before my eyes. I completely forgot that he's gotten larger than me.

I slightly raise my head to look at his face.

He slightly lowers his head to look at my face.

Finally, he—embraces me.

"I love you!" he whispers into my ear, as if to stress that I'm the only one who has to know. "I love you more than anyone else, Shizuka!"

I'm happy.

I'm really happy.

He isn't trying to stop me with false words of love. He isn't good enough with words for that.

He simply couldn't help saying it, having me in his embrace. It's the only thing he could think of.

Kazuaki's just so staggeringly honest, simple, faithful... giving me no other choice than to watch over him, making me want to be with him—


Even though my white dress has been stained.


<u>Even though he can't have forgotten those stains.</u>


He's daring a leap. The gamble of his life.

Of course, I'm on his side. I want him to win the wager.

And yet—


"...Don't touch me."


—I couldn't.


The arms around me come loose instantly. Instead, I embrace myself tightly, burying my fingernails in my arms.

I'm glad that I'm smaller than Kazuaki now; I only have to slightly drop my gaze to avoid seeing his face.

My body hurts like it was pierced by a thousand needles. I'm fighting with the urge to hole out the contents of my aching head. The pictures from back then keep appearing in my head, shredding me, crushing me, pulping me, scattering me.

"I'm sorry..." not I but Kazuaki says.

Why are you apologizing? Stop it! I'm the one to blame. I'm the one who's weak. I'm the one who can't recover. I. It's my fault. My fault. Fault. Fault. Fault.

"Sorry for making you cry..."

Confused, I touch my eyelids and finally realize that I'm really crying.

"Isn't it strange? I wanted to achieve the opposite effect. Embracing you was supposed to <i>stop</i> your tears. I failed at that, didn't I... I'm not able to do it..."

I desperately try to hold my tears back. I mustn't make him say such things. But... it doesn't go well.

"I'm such a moron. I thought things would work out somehow if I came here... I thought everything would change for the better... as if it was so simple."

"...Listen, Kazuaki..." I say, trying (and probably failing) not to sob.

"Hm?"

"There is something... that I didn't tell you."

I raise my head, feeling that I have to.

"I never gave you the details of that incident, did I...? I didn't want to hurt you... To be honest... this park... this place of memories—"


"—is where I was raped."


Stop.

Kazuaki stopped entirely.

He stopped so perfectly that I start to suspect that I was left alone in the world, removed from the flow of time.

—Left alone in the world? Hah, that's an accurate description. I'm sure that impression's not an illusion but a truth.

"...Horrible," Kazuaki mutters.

He didn't say that word to me, nor did he address it at the people who had abused me. It wasn't addressed at God either, since he doesn't believe in one.

I'm sure his <i>horrible</i> wasn't addressed at anything in specific.

"That's just... horrible!"

Kazuaki didn't know that reality strikes whenever you expect it the least, no matter if it's a place of memories.

It treats saints and sinners all alike, attacking them mechanically, randomly, without any consideration and selection.

Kazuaki didn't know that.

No, he may have known it, but he didn't believe that this rule would also apply to us.

The world can turn against anyone meaninglessly.

However, <u>not in my case</u>.

"I have to go," I say.

"...Go where?" he squeezes out.

"To another park that I am supposed to visit."

"Huh?"

"I have to go to Reina Kamisu."

There was a meaning to the world's turning against me.

Right, Reina?