Editing Phenomeno:Case 03 (section)

===5===
The sound of bursting fireworks reverberated from the other side of the window. The bright sunlight shone in through the curtains and illuminated the room. I opened my eyes – I was, on my bed. About to fall over at any moment because of my bad sleeping posture, I simply looked up at the ceiling in a daze.

“…Is this, reality?” I couldn’t make sense of what was real and what wasn’t anymore. Firstly, I’ll try to pinch my cheeks. It hurts. I couldn’t be convinced with just that, I repeatedly slapped my head. It hurts to a ridiculous extent.

Scratching my hair, I finally let out a deep breath. Standing up, I shifted the window curtains aside and peeked outside. Along the road, I could see many parents and children walking while wearing traditional happi coats<ref>Happi is a traditional tube-sleeved Japanese coat, usually worn during festivals. The usual happi color is blue, and the symbols of the festival or the participating association are depicted on the lapels and back in red, black or white.</ref>. I drew the curtains open fully, and opened the window. The summer breeze blew in, that dense hot air quickly woke me up. From afar, I could hear the sound of laughter and the traditional music. The sunlight was already strong.

I heard the sound of a flute drifting in through the wind from somewhere.

“It’s the festival.” 

The day of the Fujieda three-mountain gods’ fire festival had clear weather. 

But – The emotional uplift of the festival I was intimate with since childhood had been completely spoiled recently because of the dream I’d been having. How much of a dream was it? I had no idea. If the dream kept itself contained to that residence, then that’s well and good. I’m certain of that much.  But afterwards, waking up in the middle of the night and speaking to Krishna-san -- was that part of the dream as well?  And after that wanting to drink a glass of water and opening my parents’ room, what about that? And finally, I recalled the thing that was peeking from the fusuma, my body shivered. Unconsciously, I hugged myself with both my arms, and fell to the ground for a minute.

“….Something awful is going to happen to me sooner or later, isn’t it?” 

Or rather, am I going to end up devoured by the dream if this continues?  

The moment I began to worry –

“Nagi-suke! How long are you gonna sleep for?!” Suddenly, my sister’s voice resounded in from the lower floor, jolting my consciousness to attention. Surprised, I took a glance at the clock at my bedside, it was already past the agreed assembly time of 10’o clock. 

“Dammit!” Sloppily combing my disheveled bed hair, I left my room in a rush. Galloping down the corridor, I thundered down the stairs, where I looked into my elder sister's bold eyes on the first floor, my heart suddenly loosened.

“Ah! Sis…”

My spirit, exhausted to its limit because of the nightmares of every day, needed a resting place. There had been a lot of creepy things happening in rapid succession, and I wanted to tell someone about it. I could have told my mother, but I didn’t want to worry her, my father wouldn’t take me seriously, but when I think about it, I think there is only one reliable relative here.

“Sis, please listen to me”. Uttering those words, in the spur of the moment, I extended my arms to try and hug her; instead I received a perfect punch to my stomach. 

“Urgh”

“You’re slow, Nagi. How long did you sleep for?”

…Ugh. It’s painful. I can’t breathe. I mean, it really went in there quite deep.

“Everyone is already heading there, you hear? You’re supposed to carry the portable shrine too, aren’t you? Stop dilly dallying and hurry up then!”

Rattling on and on like that, my sister Akira was already dressed in an indigo dyed Hanten<ref>Hanten is a short winter coat with a black satin collar and an item of traditional Japanese clothing. Hanten is very similar to a happi with a warm cotton padding that allows it to be used in winter or at night during a festival. Hanten also often features a family crest or other designs.</ref>. A thin, narrow towel was bound tightly to her forehead, and black trousers going down to her slender legs. Looking at that figure, even a relative like me is fascinated and filled with vigou – no, it’s beautiful.

“…Sis” I said while holding back the pain in my stomach.

“It really suits you.”

“Ha-?”

I had intended to praise her, but for some reason, she raised her sharp eyebrows and glared at me.

“Why are you saying that at this point? Men have been swarming around me since forever.”

“Eh? Aren’t they your henchme…?”

&#42;slap*

Without a moment’s delay, I was struck with the towel she was holding.

“You moron! Don’t call them my henchmen. They’re my followers.  They’re good-for-nothings whose souls have been robbed by my charm.”

Good-for-nothings -- Isn’t that rating them rather poorly?

As I continued to be befuddled:

“So, you feel like carrying the portable shrine in that get-up?” My elder sisters’ eyes shined with anger.
	
“No, of course not. Where is my Hanten?”

“It’s in the drawing room, hurry up and get changed.” Ah, as I moved towards the living room, I remembered something and looked back. 

“Sis, where are those two?”

“They already left for the mountain temple. Krishna-chan was looking very beautiful in her yukata”.

Well, that’s what I thought, the problem wasn’t with her.

“What about Yoishi? Did she, properly get dressed for the festival?”

My sister just shrugged “That girl is fine with just a school uniform.”

“I see…” I left to change my clothes right away.

It’s finally time I thought, as I pushed my foot through my trousers, I felt really excited about the festival happening. I put on my jika-tabi socks<ref>Tabi are traditional Japanese socks with a divided toe, worn with thonged footwear. Jika-tabi are made of harder and stronger materials and often have a rubberized sole; they look like boots of different heights and more like street shoes than socks. Like regular tabi, jika-tabi have a separate thumb so they can be worn with loose strap shoes.</ref>, and wore the hanten. Lastly I tied the workman’s apron, that’s everything. I hung the hand towel from my forehead and left the drawing room where my sister scrutinized me. 

“….What is it?”

“Well, you look pretty good in it.”

“Right?”

“Oi! Don’t get carried away. Hurry up and let’s go” Right, I answered.

I wore my sandals at the front door and the moment I left, all traces of that ominous dream vanished.

The day of Fujieda’s fire festival: on this day, almost all the shops in the city are closed, instead people all gather around the festival float. They line up in the open air in great numbers, wearing matching happi coats.  With the onset of mid-day, they bring down the portable shrine from the mountain shrine and parade it around town for the whole day. Around night time, the portable shrine, imbued with everyone’s wishes of a peaceful life hereafter, is burned in front of the mountain shrine. Those flames dye Eboshi Mountain in bright red, engulfing the town in a magical glow.  That was, what was called the fire festival of the three god’s mountain shrine.
[[Image:Phenomeno_vol1-3_case_03.jpg|Height in pixel|thumb|]]

The scorching sunlight kept pouring down from high in the sky, the portable shrine was being paraded in the main street. The men wore black work aprons, while the women were wearing deep red ones, and they all cheered in rhythm each time the portable shrine was raised up in the air. The elderly, the young, men and women, waved traditional fans from the roadside, as they extolled the people holding up the portable shrines. They said their thanks to the portable shrine as the holders danced with it and moved forward. This was the tradition of my town, which has lived in forestry for generations. The carrying pole that was used to hold up the portable shrine, they were made from a warped Japanese cypress called the left cypress found in the deepest forest of Eboshi mountain. The mountain god is said to have passed back and forth there and bended it over on the way through, and is said to be an omen of good luck.

Maru-yan, Ranbashi and the other youngsters of the neighborhood together with me included in the second position as carrier, shouldered the portable shrine together. I took hold of the weight of the carrying poles as it dug into my shoulder, lifted it up, and chanted in unison with the parishioner of the three god mountain shrine. The voices reverberated from the roadside. Matching with the rhythm of the portable shrine, the mountain shrine festival becomes more energetic. 

I heard a remarkable shout of encouragement, when I looked it was my elder sister was waving a large traditional Japanese fan. Next to her was Krishna, who wore an indigo-dyed yukata that matched my sister's hanten. They matched each other quite well. Next to her was Pei-chan, wasn’t he clinging a little too much to her? He was grinning while staring at Krishna-san, not even bothering to look my way. My father was already red faced, when the portable shrine passed by him, he looked at me for an instant, but soon someone in the neighborhood association next to him poured him a drink and he turned that way. Next to him was my mother. We made eye contact and she simply smiled. And then -- there was Yoishi. She felt out of place standing there alone wearing a white blouse and black tie; she was gazing intently towards me. In this joyous ceremony, she alone was intently wearing an ominous face. But I courageously raised my voice so much that I didn't care about that.
“Youseiya. Seiya. Yosseiya” I chanted, as if I was driving away the dream I couldn’t wake up from, as if I was dispelling every part of me that was clinging to her, I raised the portable shrine. The trees used to build this portable shrine were a gift from the mountain god. They are tempered thoroughly in difficult environments for many long years, finally coming of age. They are then cut down and used for lumber. Afterwards, with the skill and knowledge of the craftsman used, they become our shield from wind and rain. We had been repeating this long tradition since the time of our ancestos. And will continue here forth, as well. We thank the mountains that rise above the earth, thank our ancestors, and pray for sound health in the future. We give thanks for being brought to life.

I entrusted the portable shrine to the next carrier 
“Ahh, it’s a good festival”. Said Krishna-san who finally came around, drinking the sacred wine she was supplied with.

“Having fun is the most important thing, after all.” 

“But, they’re going to be burning that portable shrine from here on, right? That’s just a waste.” Krishna-san muttered, as she fanned me with a traditional Japanese fan. 

“That’s right. Six months ago, the youth association and the parishioners of the mountain shrine did their best to make it.” I nodded while dripping with sweat; I wiped my neck with a towel. The time had already around five in the evening; the setting sun dyed the mountains in red. The portable shrine, which had finished its fourth round around, would soon be heading towards the front of the mountain shrine. There the tree has to be returned back to the mountain god, where it would be burned in a grand fire.

“At that time, the lights in the downtown will be turned off with only the light of the iron basket fire remaining, that is the climax. Because it gets so exciting, a lot of couples adhere to this festival.”

“I see. Literally what you call: smokes of love.”

Seeing Krishna-san being reflected in the evening sun like that, I suddenly got curious.

“Krishna-san, do you have a boyfriend?”
“……Eh?”

“Well, I asked if you have a boyfriend.” When I did so, Krishna-san’s face dyed redder then the evening sun. 

“D-don’t say stupid things! It’s obvious I don’t have one!”

“Well, it’s not so obvious, is it? You’re already twenty, having one or two boyfriends is obvio-..”

“It’s not like that. I’ve never had any. In the first place, I don’t have time to do things like that. There are still many things I want to learn, so many books I want to read. You know the story about with the gardener who fell in love with the emperor's wife?"
"If that's how you want to put it, there's also a story about Confucius who tripped when posed with a love problem." I retorted immediately, demonstrating my knowledge of Japanese literature I had recently gained while studying for my exams.

“If you say that, then love is darkness <ref>proverb meaning love is blind</ref>, I’m busy with a different type of darkness.” We were both playing such a type of word game, when:

“Do you dislike long distance relationships?” Pei-chan butted in. “Dance with me in the main stage of the fire festival.”

“Ah… There is a dance?”

Laughing at a flustered Krishna-san, I nodded. “It’s like the dance at the Bon festival. It’s fine if you take it easy and match to the rhythm.”

“I’m in trouble then, it’s like I have no sense for music at all. I’m bad at things like Karaoke.”

Karaoke and a Bon dance are pretty different things, I thought, but seeing Krishna-san this flustered was funny, so I didn’t say it out loud.

“Anyway, I’ve fallen in love with you at first sight, Krishna-san. Please go out with me!” Pei-chan ignored my shocked stare as he lowered his head, at that moment:

“Don’t make me laugh.” Maru-yan barged in the conversation. “I was looking for you all over and here you were; it looks like I made it in time. Krishna-san, this guy is known as the number one playboy in all of Fujieda. If you wish to go out with a young man, then please go out with m—”

“Don’t get in the way, Maru-yan. I haven’t even received a reply yet, that’s unfair!”

“Shut up, you were trying to get a head start, you bastard…”

If Maru-yan or Pei-chan alone were gunning for Krishna-san, I would have had to try and protect her a little, but if the two of them were gunning for her at the same time, they would keep each other in check and it would probably turn out fine.

Anyway, what happened with Yoishi? I looked around restlessly and from a distance, recognized Ranbashi’s tall and thin figure walking vacantly.

“Hey, you happen to know where Yoishi went off to?” Ranbashi shook his head in silence and murmured something.

“What? I couldn’t hear you” 

“I was given the cold shoulder.”

“…Huh?”

“I said good evening to her and tried to speak but --- she ignored me and went in the direction of the mountain shrine.” 

His tall figure drooped down so low looked comical; I tried frantically not to laugh and asked him in return:

“Being given the cold shoulder? She probably didn’t hear you, that’s all.”

“No, she looked at me once so she should have heard me. Tokyo high school girls really are stubborn.” Ranbashi sighed deeply. 

I ran off immediately to look for Yoishi at the mountain shrine. The crowd was overflowing in comparison with the afternoon; I couldn’t run anymore around the area of the Torii gate. Yellow peach-like lights were hung as if to guide people towards the mountain shrine, stalls lined up on both sides drew the attention of the people dressed in yukatas. Trying to weave in between them and moving ahead, I looked for Yoishi. But even when I managed to arrive at the mountain shrine, Yoishi was nowhere to be seen.

--After that, I went up the road approaching the shrine and was around the main shrine when, I heard a long and loud cheer behind me. It seems as if the portable shrine had arrived. The sounds of the cheers were echoing from a distance, I was pushed along with the flow of the crowd heading in that direction. Including the people from the neighborhood town, a large number of tourists might have been mixed in together. Out of all the times I had experienced this festival, this was the biggest crowd I had seen. Countless number of colored Yukata’s piled up – all chanting “Youseiya. Seiya. Yosseia.” However, within that crowd, was a face I thought I knew.  I couldn’t immediately recognize who it was. Was it an acquaintance from my high school days? Or was it an acquaintance from much further back. Flickering figures of people, blending together, in that far away distance, that person once again appeared. When I saw that hair style, my heart rang out. It couldn’t be, I gulped. I pushed away the person in front of me as I ran. I chased after that person with all my might. “Youseiya. Seiseiya. Yosseia.” In between the echoes of those resounding voices, I ran with desperation. A richly colored phoenix enshrined on top of the portable shrine, shines brightly, dances above the crowds. Dissipating fireworks dye the sky. In the illumination of the dropping sparks, I saw it. It was a woman in a yukata with a dyed pattern of gold on a white background. Her long hair carefully tied up, lips softly pursed. And, next to that girl…two boys accompanied her. The two were speaking alternatively to attract the girl’s attention. I was convinced with the way they were paying attention to her.

“Why…is the girl from the mansion in this place?” I chased them desperately, but even though the three did not seem to be in a hurry, they gradually moved away from me. They were supposed to exist only in my dream. Or could it be that I had already seen them somewhere else? Was that the reason? Was that why they appeared in my dream?  Moreover, I realized it. The person accompanying behind those three, was the head of the household, wearing a dark face. Behind him was that familiar long and black hair.

“Hey Yoishi, is that you? Why are you…?”

However, the five people seemed detached... They walked through the crowd as if they were illusions mixed in from another other world. Their figures becoming increasingly smaller.

“Wait! Wait a second!” I shouted. 

“Oh, Nagito”. Someone grabbed my shoulders. When I turned around, my father was there laughing gleefully.

“You did well in carrying the portable shrine. Here, have a drink”
“Hey, let go of me, old man.” I replied, my father’s strength knew no limit when he got drunk. Dammit, in this situation, all I can do is find someone drunk to mingle with him. Isn’t there an acquaintance of my father’s here somewhere, I looked around, and there was my sister, looking even more red faced.

“Oh, so here you were” My sister came close to me saying that line, and without a moment’s delay, put me in a headlock. Even though she’s my sister, she looked pretty glamorous. My right cheek was tightly locked against her breast.

“It’s so much fun, the festival, isn’t it?”

“H-hey, stop it already sis. Let go already sis!”

“Say, Nagi. You think the same, don’t you?” 

“Yeah, I think so but, there’s someone I have gotta go afte-“

“It’s fine.” My elder sis said that while still holding me firmly down under her armpit. “Just stay here.”

“…Huh?” 

“Just stay here and don’t go back to Tokyo. That would be what’s best for you.”

“Stay here? What about my university?” 


“University? I was against it, wasn’t I? You have everything here. Nature, people who care about you, the mountain god will protect you. That’s right; you just marry that Krishna-san, and live here. That girl will make a good wife for you. She’s the type who can easily give birth, I guarantee it.”

In terms of disposition, well, I agree, but --- isn’t that jumping too far ahead? The moment I thought I would say that out loud. My sister’s voice changed to a lowered one, as if reverberating from beneath the surface.

“But that other girl is no good, she can’t stay here.”

Hearing that shuddering voice like a man’s, my feet hardened. “Youseiya. Seiseiya. Yosseiya.” The reverberating chants of the fire festival echoed in my ears, as if they were heard from another world, as if they were faint ripples of waves. I felt the color in my vision quickly fading away.

“Sis, let go of me! Seriously!” I meant to shout that out. But, my voice wouldn’t come out. Breathing – was hard. Around me, the air was disappearing. As if I had dived into the depth of the ocean, the oxygen was depleting --- and, all that was left inside me was absolute fear in its primordial state. When I was a kid, I had tasted this feeling of despair too many times. 

“Youseiya. Seiseiya. Yosseiya”. The festival was coming to a boil. Crowds of people were pushing up towards the mountain shrine. 

“Youseiya. Seiseiya. Yosseiya”.
“Youseiya. Seiseiya. Yosseiya”.
“Youseiya. Seiseiya. Yosseiya”.

As if a Buddhist prayer was being chanted, it echoed all around me, and within those shouts:

“S-stop it!” With my full strength put into it, I wrestled free of my sister’s arm. Clutching my throat like that, I ran. My breathing – I couldn’t breathe well. Was it because I was feeling shaken? My asthma attacks had completely returned. 


In a world that was rapidly deteriorating, I kept running. I desperately kept running, even though I was bumping into people. Even as my tears welled up, I kept coughing violently. However, the fresh air was not reaching my lungs in the least.

--Mother...

In a soundless voice, I shouted.

--Help me, mother.

That’s right. If that hand would rub my back, everything would turn out fine. These asthma attacks would always settle down with that.

--Where is she? Where is my mother?

Everything was hazy. Only the flames of the iron basket fire danced and flickered, as if they guided me. Black, red, white and yellow. In this hazy world, only that light flickered. It would take fifteen minutes to run to my house from the mountain shrine. On top of that, it’s not guaranteed that my mother will be at home, because it was the middle of the festival. Moreover, when I can’t see the landscape in this situation, how am I supposed to find my way to her? 

--Nagito. In that instant, I thought I heard my mother’s voice, I shouted back in response. However, that voice too, was drowned out in the hustle and bustle of the festival.
Youseiya. Nagito. Nag--Youseiya. Seiseiya. Yosseiya. --to. Nagito. Youseiya. Seiseiya. Youseiya. Seiseiya. Yosseiya. –to. Nag—Youseiya. Seiseiya. Yosseiya. Nagito. Youseiya. Seiseiya.  Youseiya. Seiseiya. Yosseiya.

“Mother, mother, mother!”

Within those repeated chants, I shouted in reply, I ran. I kept running. Dammit, move. Please get out of the way. I can’t breathe anymore. I’m -- going to end up dead. My legs got tangled, I was about to lose my balance and fall into the crowd when – I tumbled into the place that abruptly opened. It was subdued in darkness. 

No—

In that place, there was no surface, just a floating piece of ground that continued to disappear --

In that murky, unending darkness, I was swallowed whole.


   ◯


There was a quiet sound of the fusuma opening. Someone drew near, as if to hug my head, they embraced me. I rested my head on that person’s lap, and, I felt a warm hand touching my back, as if stroking it, as if massaging it, that warm hand kept going back and forth across. Before I knew it, I could breathe once again. I continued breathing with comfort. As I kept breathing, my heart calmed down. 

I slowly raised my head. 

With soft narrowed eyes, my mother was looking at me. Unawares, I had managed to make it back home. I was in my mother’s familiar room, and found myself lying on my mother's lap, using it as a pillow.
“Did your cough settle down?”

Being spoken to in such a kind voice –

It was a pretty pathetic thing for an eighteen year old but, my tears almost spilled over.

“Mother, I, I was –“

“Yes?”

I was always into strange and mysterious stories. I also had an interest in scary stories. I was frequenting an occult site. I really loved that creepy feeling and that world where common sense didn’t apply. And I only planned on enjoying that world from the outside. But, before I realized – I had crossed a line. If you take a peek, you end up being seen from the other side as well. I thought I knew that. But before I knew it, my feet had already stepped into Ikaigabuchi. I had crossed a distinct line that separates the dead and the living.

“Hey, mother.”

I thought –

“’I’ve been a weirdo for a long time.” At last, I spat out those words. 

“….I, I was, In Tokyo, the first house I lived in, I realized I was not in control of myself.  I was possessed by something; I later realized that as if it was someone else’s problem. Nevertheless, even after I was told not to go, I went to an abandoned hospital. I suffered through much more eerie things when I was there. Even if I talked about them, you wouldn’t believe the dreadful things I suffered through. However, thanks to the help of various people, I was able to survive. I was safely able to return back. But, I’m – once again, being drawn to somewhere. Towards that darkness -- towards something present in that darkness. I don’t know what that thing is. In that terrible dream I was dreaming for so long, I’m being drawn to something inside that fusuma. I can’t stop myself. I can hear the voice in my head telling me to stop. But, I think I want to try and sink in. I want to try and entrust my body to it. When I try and tell myself not to go, I still end up going. Why is that? I don’t know.”

In the middle of the conversation, my knees began to tremble, I stuttered between words. But my mother, without rushing me, just listened silently. Sometimes, my breathing became difficult but, I felt like I couldn't escape this suffering unless I spat it out, so I fervently continued speaking. All the doubts I had been holding about myself for so long, I confessed them all to my mother.

“No matter what I do, I end up going along with my heart’s desire to see that something present on the other side. Does that mean, In short, that I’m already swallowed by the darkness?”

That must mean –

I’m already -- 

“I’m broken, right?” 

I spat out the dark and sinister thoughts that had been wriggling inside me for a long time, I knew that admitting them would destroy my core identity as a human being.  But, I felt I couldn’t move forward if I kept fooling myself any longer. I feel like I’m going around in circles unless I admit that I’m scared of that possibility – Like Yoishi always did – I spat everything out. 

After the long conversation was over, every part of my body was so weak that nothing even mattered anymore. Only the dim light provided comfort, and my back continued to be massaged, I wanted to sink into the darkness, I thought.
“I thought it was about time.” Suddenly, my mother spoke in a whisper. 

“I knew that someday, a time would come where you would choose to walk your own path.” Not knowing the meaning, my startled body rose up.

For who knows how long, sitting next to me, was Yoishi Mitsurugi. Dark eyes, filled with a seemingly sad light, fixedly stared at me. 

“W-why…are you?”

The embarrassment of being seen with tearful eyes as I made feeble complaints to my mother, quickly changed to anger. This is my place. It's the only place where I can recover as myself.

I moved my body, as if to signal her to get out, at that moment—

“That young lady is not a bad girl”. My mother’s silent whisper echoed in the room. 

“She can surely exorcise your darkness.” 

“--Eh?”

“From here on, Listen to her words carefully, and see things properly with your own eyes.”

Yoishi just sat there in silence, I objected.

“Her? No mother, you probably don’t know, but, this girl has a psychic power. With her, she might suddenly receive some strange message, in other words, she has no interest other than horror stories, she doesn’t take baths, she can’t read the atmosphere, she vomits everywhere-“

“Nagito, that’s not it”. My mother shook her head, and whispered once more. “That’s not it.”

“Only those who know the darkness know the value of the light.”

With those words, my mother... disappeared from sight. 

After that, only the silence and the dark remained.  My house was illuminated solely by the light of the pale blue moon. My parents’ room: There are still signs of my mother here and there, but this was a room with only me and Yoishi present.

“I—“

With that hoarse voice, I collapsed onto the frayed tatami mat. Why am I here? Where did my mother go to, she was just here… The festival – my father, my sister, Krishna-san, Maru-yan, Pei-chan, Ranbashi, where was everyone? I didn’t understand anything anymore. I couldn’t grasp hold of the situation. I didn’t know where I was standing. What is a dream? What is reality? I didn’t know anymore. Information was all mixed up in a jumble inside my head.

“No….”

Lying in the corner of my head, I found that cold ‘answer’. If I were to explain everything with a simple answer, I had already found it.

--I’m broken.

For a long time, I had already --been broken, from the start. Otherwise, there was no way to explain the phenomenon that had occurred so far.

“The act of giving meaning to the the thoughts of the dead in the reality in front of you is what is called a curse.” Yoishi spoke under the moonlight.

“In other words, a phenomenon in which you can think and move in only a single direction. That is to say, a very strong and firm curse has been placed upon you.”

--A curse?

“But – given that there is no malice there, I don’t know what to do. “

Malice? A curse? Ridiculous. She is trying to confuse me again. It shook the roots of my heart. Just hearing her words is enough to cause anxiety.  She is trying to drag me down again somewhere. 

“Listen to her words carefully from here on, and see things properly from now on with your own eyes.”

But, my mother’s words from a few moments ago were still ringing in my ears.  

“What should I do?” I asked in a shivering voice. “Yoishi… what should I do?”

“To put it simply, open it.” The place Yoishi was pointing to, it was the Kayou patterned fusuma. 

“That fusuma, when it’s opened by your own hand, everything will be over.”

But that moment, I heard the sound of footsteps from the hall. 

“Nagi-suke!” The voice rang out. When I turned around, there was my sister, wearing her hanten dress. Behind her, was Krishna-san who was out of breath, my father and Maru-yan. Pei-chan and Ranbashi rushed in in soon after.

“Everyone….”

As I rose to my feet, my sister at the head shouted. “You idiot, Where did you go in the middle of the festival?!” 

“No, I was…”

“Didn’t I tell you not to associate with Yoishi” Wearing a yukata, Krishna-san’s cheeks were swelled up. At the same time, everyone started speaking to me all at once. I had been possessed by the evil mountain god, according to my father. This festival is to save your spirit, said my sister. If I’m going to have a wife, it’s definitely going to Kurimoto-san, said Maru-yan. That girl is so pretty, said Ranbashi as he stared at Yoishi. Look, the portable shrine is coming, said Pei-chan as he laughed.  “Seiseiya, yosseiya”, and then I heard the music from the festival. It was getting closer. I knew the portable shrine was coming close to my home. I was in a daze, just standing there and looking at everyone as the sounds piled on each other.

“It’s alright.” Yoishi whispered slightly. “They can never enter this room.” With those words, I realized that neither my sister, nor the others had stepped foot into the room. And with Yoishi speaking those words, they were all thrown into disarray at once, shouting something incomprehensible. I registered their words simply as noise; I couldn’t understand what they were saying. But, in this dim and hazy world, my nose smelled something. When I looked, I could see shadows swaying behind the sliding door, an orange light flickered.

“Hey, this house, it’s burni—“I was cut short when I saw it, in the direction of the hall. There was something fallen behind Ranbashi. It was a yukata with a white background. The center of the yukata was stained dark red. It was the daughter from that residence, completely motionless. Her stomach was split open, her entrails strewn all over.  As if they were fighting over the spilled entrails next to her, the two cousins also lay there. Likewise, their navy blue yukatas were completely drenched. The two had stabbed each other with a sharp knife, dying together. A little further away, the lord of the mansion was also collapsed. His neck was lurched in a strange way. In my burning house, dead bodies and the festival manifested at the same time. 

“It’s alright.” Spoke Krishna-san. “This is a mistake. They ended up mixed in this. That’s why they’re dead. But the next time you go to the mansion, the original outcome will be waiting for you.”

That kind of impossible to understand thing, was spoken from that usually logical tone of voice.

“The amalgamation has already begun.” Yoishi spoke. 

“It is no longer consistent.” I dumbfoundedly looked over to Yoishi, who muttered while kneeling down. “If this were the real mountain festival, the torii should have been turned in the direction of south east in order to return what you received.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The iron basket fire should not have moved. That night, I told you that the iron basket fire of the mountain gods’ shrine had moved.”

“…What does that mean?”

“The fine details of the dream come from the limits of the dreamer's memory.”

“If someone from outside the dream influences it, it will change. If you pull it, it will come towards you. If you push it, it will pull you. If you shake it, it will shake.

…In short, what is it? What do you wanna say?

“I only wanted to try and press the point you were not confident about. That’s why: the iron basket fire moved.”

“Like I said already, that is—“

What did it mean?

Those words didn’t come out of my mouth. I already understood. I realized what Yoishi was trying to say. However, I was too afraid to accept the truth -- it would destroy everything. 

“The curse that has been cast upon you – What should it be called? I don’t know the answer.” Yoishi whispered in a somewhat sad tone.

“But-“

“What lies behind the fusuma is not what you would call a mother.”

Something streamed along my cheek. I slowly wiped it with my hand and found it to be tears. Before I knew it, I had begun to stagger my way to Yoishi’s side. In my back, my father and the others shouted at me to stop. But, I slowly neared the fusuma in the back. Pushing my way through the frayed tatami, I stood in front of the Kayou-patterned fusuma, which stood solemnly in the darkness.

I extended my hand, placed my fingers on the fusuma – in the same breath, I opened it. 

“…..It can’t be.”

On the other side of the fusuma I had thrown open, was the kokeshi doll I had seen in the dream. With soft, narrow eyes, an antiquated kokeshi. The kokeshi was clad in some kind of cloth.

Dragging my shivering legs, I neared the kokeshi, I grabbed the cloth.

“….It can’t be” I felt that voice didn’t belong to me. I thought I heard it from a tear in the corner of the world somewhere.

That cloth was – 

The red cardigan I had given to my mother. 

“You’ve been speaking alone in front of this fusuma for a long time.” Whispered Yoishi, who was suddenly standing by my side. “—saying mother, mother. That -- is the true face of the curse that has been cast upon you.” I heard a crack, the sound of the whole mansion grating. It sounded like the whole world was being squeezed from the outside.

“Nagi-suke! it’s all a lie. Don’t be fooled!” When I look back, my sister was outside the room extending her hand towards me. My father just smiled with wrinkles on the corners of his eyes, Maru-yan waved. Pei-chan and Ranbashi both laughed as if they were having fun, at the center, the petite Krishna-san extended her hand and yelled at Yoishi not to take me away. My hometown was there. Fujieda’s dense greenery came into view. The warm sun blazed down and the wind blew past my side. It was just like before, the peaceful hometown where I lived. Behind them, it was very bright. In contrast, there was only darkness behind me. There was only a dark colored girl besides me. 

“You must choose.” Yoishi, said as she took my hand. “A world of comfort… or a world filled with pain.”

Don’t mess with me, what do I choose? 

I shook my hand off as I shouted at Yoishi. But, no words came out of my mouth. Isn’t it obvious that it would be better to live in comfort? I’ve had enough of creepy worlds. I don’t have the resistance for it anymore. That’s right, unnoticed, I had started dreaming again. If I return to that side, I’d be able to return to my every-day life. What happened to the festival? It should still be halfway through. I had become exhausted from various things, and ended up in this dream. 

But, as I stepped towards the bright world, I met eyes with the person standing furthest back, my mother who stood with a reserved manner. She loosened her cheeks slightly, and showed me a smile of contentment. With everyone desperately stretching out their hands out towards me, I had a strange sensation. Seeing me stop my legs:

“Hurry up and come here, Nagi-kun!” Krishna-san held out her hand again. 

“Nagi-suke, you idiot, hurry up and get over here.” Shouted my sister.

“Your mother is here, right? What are you hesitating for?!” My father turned red in anger.

“Tokyo is impossible for you.” Maru-yan laughed as he tried to make fun of me. 

“Bring Kurimoto back home with you.” Pei-chan waved with both hands, Ranbashi just kept staring at Yoishi, spellbound.

“Everyone…” With a hoarse voice, I struggled towards the edge of the room.

“Everyone, help me.” As I spoke that out loud, I was hugged tightly. Was it my sister, my father, or my mother, I didn’t know. But, I was in the midst of peaceful warmth. I am blessed. I am loved. I can live here in peace without any discomfort.

“That’s right.”

“This place suits you.”

“You made a mistake going to Tokyo.”

“Well then, let’s go to the festival.”

“That’s right, isn’t it the climax from here on?”

“Let’s make some noise with everyone.”

“Return back to how you were before.”

“Come back, Nagito.”

“Nagito.”

“Nagito.”

-Nagito. 

A great many voices chanted in unison close to my ear. Each one of them accepted me. I could live with peace of mind here. If I were to ever fall down, there would be someone to pick me up. If there were fun times, there would be people who would be happy with me; if there were sad times, there would be people who would share in my grief. I would be a part of that, the me that would exist there would be the true me. 

--Come here. 

Amidst the many overlapping voices, I managed to squeeze out my voice. 

“Ah, I’m coming. I’m going over to that side. But, Yoishi, as well—“

---She is not allowed. With that voice, I raised my head in surprise. 

“…Why?” 

---She will destroy this place, that’s why. 

--She will destroy this peaceful world. 

“Why… would she destroy it?”

-xxxxx

…What is it?

-xxxxxx

“…Can’t you answer?”

With my face becoming soggy with snot and tears, I spoke out.

“Then, I’ll say it.” I felt a shiver as my surroundings moved. 

“That is --- she -- it’s because she doesn’t deceive. She has no restraints, nor taboos. She has no connection to god or devil. She’s never able to read the situation; no matter how inconvenient the truth is, she never runs from it, but instead, digs it up and exposes it.”

With those words, the grating noise of the world throbbed violently like a storm, banging in my eardrums. I couldn’t discern anybody’s voice anymore; their voices were mixed in with the chants of the festival.

“Seiya. Seiya. Yosseiya. Seiseiya. Yosseiya-” As I hummed along with the noises, I remembered. 

The fire festival was—

A festival of purification.

To return everything to its original state.

--Nagito.

I didn’t know whose voice it was anymore, a profusely impatient voice struck my ear—

--Don’t get swallowed up by the nightmare.

--Hurry up and come back to the fire festival.

With those words, I replied: “No”, and walked away from there. 

“Everything was in reverse.” 

Without wiping away the tears, I spat it out:

“You guys – are just a dream.”