Editing Talk:Suzumiya Haruhi:Volume5 Endless Eight (section)

== Translation issues ==

=== Only Penguin and Swan would hit the water keep deep in winter. ===

While there is a posibility that this line refers to some traditional Japanese story or saying, I think it make some sense given a literal interpretation.  Penguins and swans are probably the best known waterfowl who swim in very cold water.  Swans from Siberia winter in Japan and of course Penguins are famous for their Antarctic habitat (and are popular exhibits in zoos).

The word "keep" bit seems like it is a mistake but otherwise I think the sentance is ok.  Perhaps "Only a penguin or swan" would be a better start, if we go for the literal interpretation.  I'll go ahead and make those changes, but if anyone is aware of a Japanese story about "Penguin and Swan" we can put it back to that form.

[[User:BlckKnght|BlckKnght]] 09:31, 10 June 2006 (PDT)


(It was a typo on my part.  I meant to say 'knee deep in winter'.)

--[[User:Shiratoriryuuko|Shiratoriryuuko]] 20:25, 15 July 2006 (PDT)

=== Swimming freestyle ===

Changed:

"The outcome of this fifty meter freestyle, brigade member freestyle, in this brutal environment unsurprisingly will be won by Nagato."

to

"The outcome of this fifty-meter brigade-member freestyle in this brutal environment would be an unsurprising win for Nagato."

While I feel this reads better, how does it actually compare with the original text?  In particular, the original repetition of the word "freestyle" has me somewhat stymied, as well as the use of both "outcome" and "will be won," which is semantically different from "outcome" / "will be a win."

--[[User:Bekenn|Bekenn]] 01:16, 8 September 2006 (PDT)

=== Recreations of the norm ===

Changed Koizumi's line:

"Don’t you think that Suzumiya-san has also learned to enjoy the recreations of the norm?"

to

"Don’t you also think that Suzumiya-san has learned to enjoy the pastimes of the mundane?"

The word "also" seems to refer more to Kyon than Haruhi.  I thought about replacing "recreations of the norm" with "simple pleasures" or maybe "ordinary activities", but went with "pastimes of the mundane" because "pastimes" is close enough to "recreations" and because <blank> of the <blank> seems more Koizumi's style than a more ordinary <adjective> <noun> combination.  Still, I'm not really happy with the wording; any clarification of original intent (or even just a better edit) would be much appreciated.

--[[User:Bekenn|Bekenn]] 01:38, 8 September 2006 (PDT)

I've changed it once again, this time to "...enjoy some of the more conventional pastimes?"  I feel this works much better in English, but as I don't know the original Japanese (or enough of that language to understand it even if I did), I don't know how far this strays from the original intent.

--[[User:Bekenn|Bekenn]] 11:23, 9 September 2006 (PDT)

Agreed.

--[[User:Shiratoriryuuko|Shiratoriryuuko]] 00:52, 13 September 2006 (PDT)

=== Glimmering Stars ===

At the pool, Haruhi stares "at the glimmering stars" and then suggests a game of water polo.  Should that perhaps be "sparkling water" or something similar?  The scene pretty clearly takes place in the daylight.

--[[User:Bekenn|Bekenn]] 11:47, 9 September 2006 (PDT)

Time did progress.  Assume here that the pool event stretched itself for a good few hrs.
--[[User:Shiratoriryuuko|Shiratoriryuuko]] 00:44, 13 September 2006 (PDT)

Have to agree with Benkenn:  While time is passing, Kyon has just made comments about Yuki sitting in the shade (instead of sun-bathing.)  Also for the stars to be visible in summer (august to be precise), the time would be somewhere around 21:30 or later.  Would elementary schoolers be swimming at that time?  For that matter, would the pool still be open.

JBV^_^

=== Haruhi's Broad Steps ===

'''One would pay no heed to the broad steps of Haruhi when they see her swiveling hair tied up behind her head.'''

Could someone please check this translation?  Paying "no heed" to Haruhi's broad steps means to ''ignore'' Haruhi, and that would seem odd given the next line: '''Evidently, being headstrong is Haruhi's strength.'''  I would be rather surprised if that was the original intent, as I get the impression that the sentence is meant to imply that people are getting out of her way or something similar.

For now, I've changed the line to:

'''One would pay no heed to Haruhi's broad steps upon seeing her swiveling hair tied up behind her head.'''

...which keeps the suspicious meaning of the sentence I came across, but I'd still like confirmation that that's actually what should be there.

--[[User:Bekenn|Bekenn]] 16:09, 10 September 2006 (PDT)

Will make the needed changes, I missed something.  Although Kyon did mean for pay no heed

=== Martians ===

'''"No what?"'''

'''"No Martian?"'''

Is there a reason for the question mark at the end of Haruhi's reply?  Shouldn't that just be: '''"No Martians."''' ?

I'll leave it as-is for now.

Leave as is.  Haruhi's question towards no martian spotted at all.
--[[User:Shiratoriryuuko|shiratoriryuuko]] 20:24, 24 September 2006 (PDT)

=== Will summer break end? ===

'''Summer is not yet over but summer vacation is coming to an end- although don't be so sure, since I don't know if summer break will really end or not.  Please spare me.  Honest.'''

Arrgh... this one's painful for me, as the intent here is clearly to show that Kyon ''the narrator'' doesn't yet know the outcome of the story!  I'm tempted to go back and redo all my previous edits in the present tense, which normally doesn't work so well for English stories.  One example of a contemporary English book written in present tense is [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snow_Crash Snow Crash] by [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neal_Stephenson Neal Stephenson] -- it's a good story, but one of the most aggravating aspects of reading it is that it's written almost entirely in the present tense.

Anyway, I have a couple of options with this line.  I hate to change the intended meaning, but it's one of the options, like so:

'''Summer was not yet over, but summer vacation was coming to an end- although I couldn't be so sure, since I didn't know if summer break would really end or not.  Please spare me.  Honest.'''

Aside from the down side of losing the sense of in-the-moment narration, this also makes the last two sentences on the line stand out.  He's no longer teasing the reader about whether or not summer will end; because this is all written in past tense now, it's clear that summer ''did'' end, which means he's no longer leading the reader on.

Another option:

'''Summer was not yet over, but summer vacation was coming to an end- although don't be so sure, since I don't know if summer break will really end or not.  Please spare me.  Honest.'''

This keeps the tease in place, but the shift in tense could be confusing.  I think it works if you think of this as either an author side-note, or Narrator Kyon telling the story from some point just before the scheduled time reset.

Anyway, I'll go with this second version unless anyone has any objections.

--[[User:Bekenn|Bekenn]] 21:14, 18 September 2006 (PDT)

=== Have they done enough? ===

'''I happen to think that Haruhi's just patting herself on the back.  It's really not like that!  As is we've done enough.'''

Which is closer to the original: '''As-is, we've done enough.''' or '''As if we've done enough.''' ?

I get the sense that maybe it should be something closer to '''As-is, we haven't done enough.''' , because Kyon's next line is about how he thinks Haruhi's not going to stop the time loop.  I'm not sure which way to go, so for now I'll not change the literal meaning of the words.

--[[User:Bekenn|Bekenn]] 22:25, 18 September 2006 (PDT)

=== Kappa Head ===

'''The half-beat kappa head nods and stares at me.'''

Is this a mythological [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kappa_(mythology) reference]?

--[[User:Bekenn|Bekenn]] 22:45, 18 September 2006 (PDT)

Nope.  Just what kyon thought of really... no real mythological connection intended by him there.

--[[User:Shiratoriryuuko|shiratoriryuuko]] 20:23, 24 September 2006 (PDT)

=== That woman ===

It did strike me as odd Kyon frequently refering to Haruhi as "this woman" or "that woman" when she is actually just a teenager. Looking up in the original text, I found he uses the terms "koitsu" and "aitsu", which are non-gender or -age specific, but do imply some degree of unpolitness. Maybe "this/that girl" would sound better in this case?

--[[User:Nietz|Nietz]] 08:15, 30 September 2006 (PDT)

In retrospect, I might translate it into that brat or something to the like... you definitely have a valid point.

--[[User:Shiratoriryuuko|shiratoriryuuko]] 01:03, 13 November 2006 (PST)