Editing HanTsuki:Volume 1 Chapter 1 (section)

=== 3 ===

Using my special move, “killing everything in double speed”, finished the drop-feeding process in twenty-three minutes. Having lived in the hospital for some time, I had learnt different kinds of skills. For example, there were wheelchairs in the preparation room in the second floor. Wheelchair number two had loose front wheels that would give one the experience of hovering in mid-air. Its wheels woud spin in circles, making creaking sounds. Take another simple example. If you were to make any request to Akiko, she would forget it completely, and the head nurse, Yokota, wouldn’t be responsible of any consequences, though her weakness was too wary of having others to take care of matters for her. Checking the nurses’ patrol status could be said as the basic knowledge any patient living in the hospital would know. ‘Health Control’ was also a thing that couldn’t be forgotten, for should one’s temperature slightly rise, one would have to receive an injection. So, if they find a problem with the needle, they would have to adjust the temperature of the thermometer to the right position to perform the best temperature. Letting the drop-feed process accelerate was also one of those techniques, though it was out of the blue difficult to perform. The technique was essentially simple: turn the knob of the rate of the drop-feed tube. This simple procedure, however, couldn’t be employed with ease. Should one accelerate in a frenzy fashion, one’s body wouldn’t be able to catch up with the drop-feed’s speed and feel an urge of repugnance and to vomit. When I first adjusted the speed, I completely feel into such a trap and vomited everywhere on my bed. But now, I was a mediocre to skilled person of such act.

“All right. It’s over!”

Having been drop-fed, I immediately stood up. Twenty-three minutes seemed a pretty good result. Akiko’s set speed would at least be higher than an hour, so strapped on the bed for such a prolonged time was too bad a thing to do to myself. So I utilised the aforementioned technique. My sickness was only one of those carefree illnesses that can be easily treated. Drop-feeding was only supplementing the body with nutrients, so it wouldn’t really matter if I accelerate the process. Though if I were to use the same skill when being drop-feeding with medicine, dismal consequences would occur. I even heard that feeble patients doing this could be fatal.

Pulling the pin off, I stood up.

I didn’t have a planned destination I want to go to; all I wanted to do was to stroll around the hospital. Anyhow, my legs brought me to the east wing hospital, most likely induced by my subconscious. I stopped along the corridor that connected the two buildings. There was a saying called ‘Crossing the Rubicon’, which seemed to describe ironclad determination. Allegedly, there was a mighty Roman captain who broke the rules and led his soldiers over the Rubicon River, which made him the ruler of a vast empire. Although what I was going through shouldn’t be described with such extravagant examples, the corridor I was walking through really seemed long. Should I advance or go back? When such silly thoughts came onto me, I thought I was making too much of a fuss over a small matter, making myself seem like an idiot. No one would really die in an instant no matter what choice I made. Besides, did it even matter if someone I didn’t know died? It had nothing to do with me. As I persuaded myself, I leapt forward and continued advancing. I strolled along the corridor in an easy and comfortable fashion. Unlike the west hospital wing where patients would stroll everywhere at their own will, the east hospital wing had only complete silence. In this deadly stillness, I heard the walking sounds of a nurse along the corridor from afar. As I started to immerse myself into this sullen atmosphere, I began to become afraid of what was behind this silence. Yet, I kept walking like nothing had happened. At last, I arrived to the ward.

“Akiba Rika”

This was what written on the 235 board with a marker. I remembered it was her name. There wasn’t any noise coming from inside the ward, so she might be sleeping or undergoing a check-up. It was at this time that feelings thrust into me: if only I had a little talent in hitting on someone, then I could say something easy like ‘hello’ and talk about whatnot after knocking the door. With this progression, probably I could develop a nice atmosphere with her after a week, hands holding together after two weeks, and after three weeks...

What the hell was I thinking? These delusions were impossible to me now. How could I do such scary stuff? If I was really capable of, I should have had two girlfriends by now.

And as a result, I could only heave a sigh as I gazed upon the door.

“Sigh...”

I decided to leave the east hospital wing, leaving only the feeling of being defeated behind me. Having returned to the west hospital wing, there was still the silence of the east hospital wing surrounding me.

Akiba Rika, uh? As I spotted her from afar, I didn’t know how she looked like. Of course, I wouldn’t know what sickness she had contracted, or why she was living in the east hospital wing. I was completely clueless of her. If I had a chance to talk to her, perhaps I could teach her some techniques that could be used in this hospital.

“Have you gone out just now?”

Turning to a side unintentionally, I found Tada standing where my eyes landed on. He was too short to be noticed. Old and curled up, his height might just even reach my chest. 

“Yeah. I was just having a stroll.”

“Isn’t it boring to stroll around in the hospital?” Tada smiled, making crackling sounds.

My emotions were still hung by the girl in the east wing hospital, so I couldn’t think straight. Even more, I wasn’t sure whether I was hung by the ‘east wing building’ or ‘the girl who resides there’. 

Tada waved his head over to the direction of his ward.

“What’s the matter? Do you want to come in and have a seat?”

“Eh? Can I?”

At that instant, I couldn’t help but gasp and forget everything that was occupying my mind; the only thing that was on my head was—Tada’s collection. It was alleged that Tada, having lived in the hospital for ten years, spent most of his time in hospital searching for pornographic books and had now collected an enormous amount. Another patient aged seventy-three who lived in ward room 207 with diabetes once said with sorrow, “I can never be compared to Tada!” Someone else aged sixty-eight with a fracture in his right wrist bone who lived in ward room 215 once said with a similar sentiment, “This is too shocking,” and gazing to a distance as he said that. 

“If I could be five years younger...”

What do you want to do if you’re five years younger? After all, those collection was as enormous as they were alleged so. I turned towards Tada’s ward. At last, it was time to do the wondrous inspection. I had always heard of rumours, telling Tada liked to play around with people and pretending and prohibiting people from looking at his collection...though I wasn’t those who really wanted to look. I just wanted to have a glimpse of what there was. Yeah. A glimpse wouldn’t hurt...

Tada opened the door as he nodded.

“Please enter.”

“Excuse me, then.”

But the door suddenly closed before me.

“Oh, I forgot I have a check-up waiting for me.”

“What? A check-up?”

“Yeah. Sorry. You know how scary Akiko could become.”

“Then let’s talk about it next time,” said Tada, leaving me with such a word.

I was left behind, standing in my original position.

“...”
 
That old fart who liked to cheat people around.

Inspection after letting me have so much hopes? Did he just remember it? Or did he simply didn’t...

Only now did I understand why Akiko would scold at the old fart.

The town’s Jaku Kanou hospital was situated at a high place in the town, and from the roof one could gaze upon the small to medium towns below. The town I was living in was a suburban area, with population no more than one hundred thousand. There also seemed to be a decline in the population gradually over the past decade. In short, this was a declining place. In fact, the shops in front of the station were closing down gradually. Some even said the only department store in the town was going to close down shortly. Although somebody devised a plan to revitalise the town a few years ago, the plan seemed to be called to a stop after some bumping into some problems. Probably this place would just decline, step by step, into its death.

The only thing that was renowned in this town might be the Ise shrine. The Ise shrine still serves the ancestors of today’s Japanese kings, and because of its long history, the prime minister would come to pray to them in New Year’s. This was the reason why the Ise shrine could escape from the fate of turning into dust and ashes. 

“Wuaghhh,” I couldn’t help making a super loud yawn.

I was now leaning on the fence on the roof, gazing upon the town’s scene upon my eyes. There was a large forest in the centre of the town, and that was the Ise shrine. This place was originally developed because of the Ise shrine. There weren’t many commercial buildings in the town, as if the town was just an extension of the plain ground. As my eyes floated to the right, I saw a towering mountain. It was actually called the Dragon Head Mountain, though local people call it the Turret Mountain. I heard from them that in the past, when the Japanese army was still fighting with the American army, forts were installed on that place. There seemed to be also some of the debris of forts there. By the way, the people at that time was so bold to fight with such a big country. If I were one of them, I would perhaps be the first one trying to escape. Although those old grandpas bet on their strong will and dignity to fight, but wills and dignities are the dumbest words in the world. Are these things really worth betting one’s life on? How boring. As I thought of whatnot, I gazed upon the scenes of the residential areas. 

“What are you doing?” 

Suddenly a voice came from behind. I turned around, happening to find Akiko standing there. 

“I’m only idling away time.”

As what I said was true, my reply sounded a bit dumb.

“Oh,” murmured Akiko. Bored, she took out some cigarettes from her nurse uniform. She held the cigarette in her mouth, lighting it up with strangely skilled actions, and deeply inhaled, puffing out a vast amount of smoke afterwards. Under the blowing, winter wind, it spun around and vanished among the air.

“Ah. The taste is great. Wonderful!”

I was dazzled. What nurse was this?

“Excuse me, can nurses smoke?”

“There are many people who smoke because they became nurses. After all, there’s too much pressure in this job. Everyone would steal a cigarette or two in the toilets.”

“Isn’t it a bad idea to smoke in front of the sick?”

“Uh? What are you talking about?”

I was glared ferociously for a moment. I decided to remain silent for the time being. It occurred to me that I couldn’t speak up in front of Akiko now. Nevertheless, Akiko suddenly smiled.

“Do you want one?” She asked as she poked her cigarette towards me.

[[Image:Hantuki01_059.jpg|thumb]]

“Ah? May I?”

“You’re a high school student anyway. Smoking a cigarette isn’t any big deal. I’ve started smoking a lot earlier. When I was at year three in middle school, I started using a specialised toothbrush to get rid of the smoke dirt.”

I didn’t take the cigarette in front of me. It wasn’t because I wasn’t interested; it’s just that I didn’t feel like taking it actively. But if one of these chances happen to find me, it’s all right if I try a bit...

I stretched my hand to take the cigarette.

“Then, excuse me...wuaghh!”

It’s burning! My fingernails! At that instant, I couldn’t make up what was happening. But after about three seconds, I knew at last what was going on. Akiko had, out of my expectation, burnt my fingernails with the head of her cigarette. No, ‘burn’ might be too much of an exaggeration; the fire of the head of the cigarette just touched my finger with a sizzling sound. I put my right hand onto my chest, crying out dismally.

“W-What were you trying to do?” I cried, my eyes welled with tears, fogging up my vision.

Akiko smiled maliciously, saying, “Idiot. Don’t get too much of yourself. Aren’t you a patient? How can you smoke? If you can’t resist such a little temptation, how could you get on with bigger ones later!”

One day, I would slice her apart. I had to slice you apart. I swore in my heart again solemnly. Even if I couldn’t really slice you apart, I would let you die in a disgusting manner. 

I didn’t know why Akiko was enjoying herself at, but she just looked at me, smiling continuously. Though I tried to veil my intention of killing her, I was still scared of her power, and cringingly pulled my back together. Staying like this, we both kept silent for some time, gazing upon the town ourselves.

“What a small town!” Akiko commenced at last.

“Yeah,” I nodded, still trying to veil my intention of killing her.

“You should be graduating after one year. What do you want to do after you graduate then?”

“I want to study in Tokyo or Nagoya, but I haven’t decided.”

“Are you leaving this town?”

“I do have such plans.”

Actually, it was my primary goal. It didn’t matter what school I study in or what subject I take. All I want was to get out of this town. I want to have a glimpse of the world outside. It wasn’t right for a man to be born in such a small town and die with only the knowledge of this town.

“I want to go and have a look. Anywhere would be fine.”

I had always heard of this line on the television or in the magazines. But was that truly the thing they desire? As a high school student, I couldn’t go anywhere. I only had a few thousand yen to spend, mainly in activities inside the town. Even if I had to go outside the town, I would have to come back immediately for school. Of course, I had ways to apply for an absent leave in school, but my parents would never permit me to do so. Even without the restrictions the school and my parents give me, it was still unexpectedly difficult to go somewhere I desire. Humans are destined to be restricted by all kinds of things, physically and non-physically. And even more surprisingly, non-physical restrictions seem to be even more than physical ones. Every time I would think of this at night, I would feel bad about myself. Sometimes, in my heart, I would imagine myself living eternally in this small town. Then, I would feel melancholic and depressed and even have an urge to throw everything aside. But damn. This was impossible. As a result, I was still restricted by all kinds of things. I certainly understand why, but it was because I understood that I couldn’t stand it. First things first—I don’t mean I hate the town I grew up in. Not only do I have a certain extent of favour here but also a feeling of longing to stay here. Nevertheless, I don’t want to stay here forever, for this town appeared to me like the end of the world. I would only have this feeling because this was my birthplace. It was my deepest desire to leave here—probably not now, but one day I must. 

“Is that so? It’s great.”

“Eh? What’s great?”

“I’m so jealous of you.”

Akiko’s voice sounded very rueful. 

“This is because I would stay forever,” I said, showing a naive smile without any extra thought.

In the eyes of Akiko were a gleam of light that was inconsistent to her style.

“Hey. You’re right, but it’s easier said than done.”

“Really?”

“Really. If you only know this place, you would sometimes feel that it would be scary to leave this place. It’s just like how my cat resides in my house. When I take her out occasionally, she would be so scared she wouldn’t dare move an inch. It
s all thanks that she was a female cat that she made her so strong when she scratched my hand. She’s really afraid of the outside world.”

“Oh.”

I couldn’t believe Akiko would use words like ‘scary’. With a bit of surprise, I gazed at her face, my mind only having the unrivalled, super Akiko—though a person like her would have some restrictions by things which couldn’t be seen. 

Akiko laughed embarrassedly.

“After all, I’m a woman, unlike you men. Right, doesn’t that long bench trouble you?”

The long bench she was talking about was the one that was put in front of my ward’s door to block me from getting out.

“Yes. It’s surely troublesome.”

Akiko laughed, covering her lips. 

“So, let me remove it.”

“Ah. Can you?”

“Yes, but there’s one requirement.”

“Requirement?”

“Can you go to find Rika and chat with her?”

For a while there I couldn’t make up what she meant. Rika? Chat with her? I spent some time to connect these words together. 

“Do you mean the Rika who resides in the east hospital wing? I have to chat with her?”

“Yes. She comes from outside the town. I think it would perturb her to come to an unfamiliar town without any friends at her company. If you have free time, could you find her and speak a few words with her? If you are willing to do so, then I’ll remove the long bench.”

“Is that the requirement you’re saying?”

“Yeah.”

I should have raised my sense of vigilance back then. How would something so easy and profitable exist on earth.

“Okay. I’m fine.”

Nevertheless, ignorant, I only nodded my head briskly. I didn’t know why, but Akiko lifted the two edges of her lips and showed a smile.

“Thanks. It might be quite difficult first, as she’s a nice girl.”

*Cough...

Having stood up in ward room 225, I cleared my throat silently. It was to make myself more calm, as Akiba Rika’s room was just at the other side of the door. I study in a school employing coeducation, so girls weren’t rare to me; I had once even have a fight with the girls in my class. By the way, I lost in the fight since I clumsily grasped her breast as I fought. The soft feeling freaked me out, dazzling me and wrecking fear in my mind. My frantic opponent took advantage of this spare time to punch the hell out of me. I could still remember the hot and spicy feeling on my cheeks for a total period of three minutes. Just in short, girls weren’t rare to me. But still, to pay a visit to a girl I had never met would make me nervous. I glared hardly on the booklet in my hands. It was written by Akutagawa Ryunosuke, someone I had only seen in my textbook. It was alleged that the girl I was going to meet was a huge fan of Akutagawa Ryunosuke. And thus the following was Akiko’s plan: “I would first tell her you also like Akutagawa Ryunosuke, and you can utilise this point to get along with her. It’s simple!”

What a crude plan. However I look at it, it was a scheme without any basis. The more I thought about it, the more I felt this plan wouldn’t work. Whatever the case was, I wasn’t a fan of Akutagawa Ryunosuke, though I had heard of his name, I had never gave a good read of his books. What could I do if something about him was to be thrown out? Akiko bought this booklet for me. If I could have read this book beforehand, then probably it would work. But she suddenly threw it to me a few days ago and forced me to finish it in this short deadline, which was surely impossible. I swiftly turned my back. No way. Probably next time when I had first read the book. When I started my footsteps...
 
Crank!

A sound came to my ears. As I was emerged in my thoughts, my arms had carelessly clutched the knob, making me lose my balance and slam onto the door.

Then, a louder sound was heard. 

Following that was a girl’s sound from the back of the door, “Who’s there?”

Nervousness rushed through my whole body. While I was numb, the sound repeated again, “Who is it? Who’s there?”

I swallowed my breath gingerly. I couldn’t escape now. If I were to be found getting away at the spot, I was dead meat. There wouldn’t be a second chance, and the long bench would revive. Right. This was the courage a man should summon.

I breathed deeply and opened the door.

“Hello...” 

With that said, I entered. 

It was a single ward, having the size of about six tatamis. There was a washing dish and a mirror, with flowers visitors had left immersing in the washing dish. The only bed in the room was placed right in front of the windows and the door. The bed was the hospital’s unique iron-made hard bed that—under use of many years—the white paint on the bed had already fallen off. Every old hospital had completely white curtains and beds. Even the walls, the floor, and the ceiling were white as snow. The girl was now in the room, alone, in a space that would mess up one’s perception of distance, exactly like an abandoned child.

“Eh...”

Surprised, she sat up in a hurry. As if trying to cover—or trying to protect herself—she pulled her bed sheets to her chest, looking lovely and charming. I couldn’t help gulping my saliva.

“Are you that person Tanizaki spoke of?”

Her voice was extremely light. Originally, I was first wondering who was Tanizaki, but then I remembered it was the surname of Akiko. Having gotten used to calling her name, I couldn’t react to her surname at the moment. I nodded my head in confusion.

[[Image:Hantuki01_071.jpg|thumb]]

“Yes!”

As I suddenly remembered, I showed her the Akutagawa Ryunosuke booklet that was in my hands. She smiled, seemingly delighted.

“I’ve read this one.”

“Ah, oh.”

“Have you read it too?”

How could I say I didn’t read it?

“Seems so.”

I pretended a smile, trying to get away with it. It felt like our discussion was heading somewhere nasty already...

“What’s the matter?”

“Umm...”

How could I know anything about the book? I had never read it.

“The ‘honey tangerine’ was the part I loved the most in the story. Although it was short and undecorated, it was a really superb story, do you think so?”

“Ah. Yeah. Right.”

I started to feel worried and perturbed. She slowly talked about the details of the story, like the endings, which I had no idea. Without anything else to say, I could just agree with her and try to get away with it, but of course these tricks wouldn’t work forever. Her emotions gradually sunk. Although I wanted to derail the topic, I couldn’t think up of anything to talk about. The more worried I got, the blanker my mind became, and my situation was getting worse quickly.

“Did you really read the book?” asked she, at last.

“...”

I fell silent, as I was not a good liar. If I were one, I wouldn’t find myself in this difficult situation. She also fell silent, looking at me steadily. 

She just stared at me. 

She just stared at me.

There weren’t any emotions on her face. Her eyes hid no emotions. I felt really bad, to the worst point. I would have never even fathomed I would be stared at by a girl like this. Her eyes had long cut me apart in a thousand slices. Without even having done anything, she knew everything. At that instant did I knew at last I had destroyed something very precious.

I was such a helpless idiot. I had destroyed the only chance given to me...

I could never get it back. In this world, everything couldn’t be reversed once it had happened. When a flower vase fells onto the floor, it will be crushed. When you don’t store well your progress in your video game, all your information will be completely lost. Once you hurt somebody, you will be hated. Nothing could be reversed or changed back to its original state. It was a dismal state. Although Akiko’s plan had its own problems, the one destroying everything was myself. It was all because of my rashness and stupidity. If I could change my feelings and pull out a prank, perhaps there would be room to go back and produce a chance for our relationship to improve. However, everything was too late. After some time, she averted her eyes off of me and to the windows. I had also subconsciously followed her eyes and looked afar. There was a small mountain, the Dragon Head Mountain. To me, born and raised up here, the Turret Mountain sounded better to me. In this long time, she just simply gazed at the mountain. I stood at my original position, unable to fight off the uneasiness off of me. Although I knew I should apologise to her, I couldn’t find the appropriate timing to say it. I couldn’t stay like this. Perhaps she was waiting for me to commence.

“Um...” I summoned my courage, but at that moment...

“Let me ask you. Do you know that mountain?” she asked, facing the mountain.

“That mountain?”

“Yes. The mountain over there.”

“Do you mean the Turret Mountain?”

With that said, she quickly turned to face me in a hurry.

“What did you say just now?”

“Ah?”

“Just now. Just now.”

“Um...I said the Turret Mountain.”

“Is this the name of that mountain?” she asked in high spirits, her eyes dead serious.

Cowered a bit by her strong eyes, I tried my best to explain, “Since long ago, there were forts on that mountain. So, the locals call it by this name.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Yes.”

She turned around to face that mountain again. Silence fell between us again. But unlike last time, there was a bit of embarrassment hidden in the silence. She wasn’t deliberately neglecting me, but she had some reason to gaze at that mountain.

I said behind her, “Um...I’m sorry for what I’ve done there.”

“Ah?” 

She turned around to face me. Her face was full of question marks, unable to understand what I was talking about. 

“Akiko, that is, Tanizaki, said it would be better if we had a common thing to talk about, so she gave me this...” I handed the book to her. “And told me to bring it with me. I didn’t lie to you on purpose. Um, I...sorry.”

Everything would end here. Most likely, I wouldn’t have a chance to talk with her again. She would most likely take me as a big liar of some sort. Yet, out of the blue, she smiled. 

“I forgive you.”


“Ah?’

“This is because you have discovered for me something I have been looking for.”

“Ah?”

I had no idea what she was talking about. Looking at my puzzled face, she smiled again, “I have a requirement though.”

“Requirement?”

By the way, I was also requested by some ‘requirement’ by Akiko. Oh, probably girls liked to raise ‘requirements’...

“You have to follow my instructions obediently no matter what I request. Should I say I want something, you have to think of how to get it for me. Should I say I want to smile, you will have to say something funny or joyful to make me smile. Under this requirement, I’m willing to forgive you.”

She smiled again, but the smile had a malicious intent hidden within. It was like the smile of a little devil.

“Yeah, okay.”

I nodded my head, unknowing of what would happen. Merely having forgiven was enough to excite me and let me fly. At this moment, I wasn’t aware of what was happening, completely unaware that I had approached a swamp, my whole body gradually sinking inside. The swamp was shockingly deep, and once one drowns within, one couldn’t pull back. Nevertheless, I had no cognition of this. And to be brief, the days of my life as a servant began. 

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