Editing NouCome: Volume 1 Chapter 3 (section)

===Part 3===

“Ouch...dammit.”

My body was still aching even though it was approaching noon.

I could only collapse on my desk and recall the events from earlier.

After I said that line to Yawakaze, a large and burly hand immediately grabbed onto my shoulder.

I didn’t know that person, but the color of his tie told me that he was a third-year. While I was still trying to figure out who he was, that hand was already mercilessly dragging me away from the scene.

In the midst of my confusion, I noticed that i was being dragged into some sort of narrow and dark place. What waited for me there was a group of male students, all emanating an immense murderous intent.

I probably don’t need to elaborate about what happened next.

I’m guessing that was the fabled Yawakaze Guard.

I had previously heard that Yawakaze had a personal troop of followers that operated by a special code of actions, namely that they would watch over each other and prevent any one of them from confessing to her. I figured that it wasn’t like she was some sort of celebrity anyway, so they probably didn’t exist. Sadly, they did.

However, this troupe of hers is independently formed by the students themselves, so they didn’t hold any actual administrative powers within the school.

Normally speaking, they wouldn’t prevent a non-member like me from talking to Yawakaze...unless I perform some major act of sexual harassment.

「Choose: ① “Cut the crap, could you let me see your panties?”

② Take off your underwear on the spot and ask to exchange it with hers (just like footballers do).」

I’m not the kind of “hero” who would pick the latter option. Essentially speaking, Absolute Choices are usually made up of a horrible choice, and another even more horrible choice.

I’m honestly sorry for having to say something like that to her. If someone you didn’t know came up to you and asked to see your underwear, I bet you would feel uncomfortable as well.

“Amacchi, Amacchi.”

Something poked my shoulder from behind, interrupting my train of thought.

“Oh, it’s Yuuouji. I’m thinking about something, so leave me alone for a while.”

I had no time to fool around with her, what’s important now is to figure out how to apologize to Yawakaze about the panties, then ask her once again, more formally this time, to show them to me...I’m contradicting myself.

“What are you underwear-ing about?”

“W-what do you mean?”

Yuuouji’s question shocked me so much that I went into a falsetto.

“In class earlier, weren’t you muttering ‘underwear’ throughout the lesson?”

...Shit, I let out my thoughts without thinking.

“It’s nothing, but since you were going on and on about it I just wanted to know whether you have any underwear-related troubles.”

Man, I just had to attract the most annoying one of all.

“It’s nothing...nothing to do with you.”

“Haha, there’s no need to be embarrassed. Just let me, the walking Underwear Dictionary share your burden with you.”

You should be the one embarrassed for having a nickname like that.

Isn’t the embarrassed at all despite spouting the word ‘underwear’ at all so many times?

It might be by the same logic as how grade-schoolers would snicker while repeating meaningless words like ‘poop’ or ‘pee-pee’, but this young lady over here is in her second year of high school already...forget it, that’s Yuuouji for you.

“Hmm, I bet Amacchi just wants to look at panties, right??”

“Pfft! I-I never said that!”

I spat loudly, having had my mind seemingly read by her.

“Sigh, you let out everything earlier anyway. I was just pretending that I only heard a little in order to mess with you.”

What...did you say? You’re telling me that I forgot someone like you was sitting behind me, but also said everything about Yawakaze without realizing...my subconscious is horrifying.

Since the cat’s out of the bag already anyway, the only thing I can do now is to prevent Yuuouji from letting it loose.

“Yuuouji, please don’t say anything about this to her.”

Asking to see her panties to her face was bad enough, but if she knew that I was muttering about all that even in class our relationship would definitely deteriorate to the point of no return.

“Right, I get it, I won’t tell her. Anyway, Amacchi, why would you want to see her panties anyway?”

“That’s what I want to know myself. I’d never met Yawakaze before until today -”

“...Oh~?”

Yuuouji’s lips twisted in a sneer.

“I see~ so Amacchi wants to look at ‘’that’’ Yawakaze Konagi’s panties, huh.”

Huh? Didn’t she say that she had heard everything earlier, so why would she react in this manner...unless!

“Huh, how strange~ I never even asked whose panties it was, but this man over here revealed it himself. How interesting~”

Crap...I fell for it,hook, line and sinker.

Her tricking me was bad enough, but the fact that she had to imitate that little prick Odagawa Conan’s voice while doing enough pisses me off even more. (TL note: This is referring to the titular character of the manga series Detective Conan.)

“Since the truth’s out, how about you be honest with me now?”

“No, I don’t want to say anything to someone like you.”

“Hmm, you’re not in the position to be saying things like that, aren’t you? Konacchi’s my good friend, so it would be easy for me to destroy her impression of you, you know?”

Ugh...in an instant, the fact that the two girls knew each other turned from an advantage to a disadvantage.

“Come on, it’s better to suffer now than later, so out with it already.”

It’s practically impossible to dissuade Yuuouji from doing something when her curiosity is aroused. Since things have went this far, it would be better to tell her the truth then find a way to make her shut up rather than lie about it. Of course, I have to gloss over the important parts about the mission and all.

In order to avoid any misunderstandings, I spoke in a solemn manner:

“Yuuouji, due to some unwanted and unchangeable circumstances, I must peek at Yawakaze’s panties before Sunday,”

“Hoho, to think that you could say something like this with a straight face. Good on you, Amacchi.”

Who was the one that wanted me to do it in the first place?

“Trust me, my reasons are completely legitimate.”

I don’t want anyone to think that I’m some sort of pervert who just wants to think of panties, even if that person is Yuuouji,.

“Mm, so you want to see Konacchi’s panties, but you’re not doing this for your own lecherous needs?”

I nodded. “Looking at Yawakaze’s panties” is but a stepping stone on my quest to rid myself of Absolute Choices and nothing else.

“I see~ which means you, dear sir, wish to look at panties for no conscious reason. That’s deep...in fact it’s so deep that it’s practically philosophical territory now.”

Are you trying to get all those long-gone philosophers to rise up from the grave to come after you with all that nonsense you’re spouting?

“Think for a second, weren’t there some pioneers of Underwear-ism within the ranks of those ancient thinkers?”

“Apologize to Aristotle immediately!”

“Not to mention that many commonplace idioms and proverbs these days have their roots in underwear as well.”

Under Yuuouji’s influence, the conversation was being steered towards rather undesirable areas.

“Um, I can’t think of any.”

“For example, all roads lead to underwear.”

“Nonsense! Unless you’re telling me the capital of Italy has been a pair of underwear all this time!”

“Also,「Boys, be underwear!」...no, it’s「wear underwear」.” (TL note: This is a parody of William S. Clarke’s famous quote: Boys, be ambitious!)

“I’m pretty sure that’s not the only mistake!”

“Et underwear, Brutus!” (TL note: This is a parody of Julius Caesar’s alleged last words as he was stabbed to death while exiting the Senate. Upon seeing that his adopted son and confidante Brutus was one of his assailants, he cried out “Toi aussi, Brutus!”, meaning “You too, Brutus!”)'''(!<!-- Note: The originale sentences is latin not french : Tu quoque mi fili, and too/quoque mean "aussi" in french, grammaticaly we put "toi" and not "et" because "aussi" isn't a verb but an adverb. I don't know if it was like this in the raw but i think it will be a nice idea to change the sentences in the text too, it's quite strange to see an english word and a french one together when they don't suit each other, maybe you could write somethoing like: "Tes sous-vêtements aussi, Brutus" if you want to write in french or "you're underwear too, Brutus" maybe ... I understand that it's quite difficult to keep the wordplay with this quotation. -->)<!-- Note on the note: It's actually more complex than this, because historians are arguing that the Roman aristocracy was in fact bilingual, as in being well-versed in both Latin and Greek. Some contemporary historians of Caesar wrote that he, in reaction to being attacked, exclaimed "What are you doing, you bandits!" in Greek. -->)'''

“Leave Brutus alone!”

“I am a cat, and I have yet no underwear.” (TL note: This is a parody of the opening line of Natsume Souseki’s famous novel, I am a Cat, which reads ‘I am a cat, and I have yet no name.’)

“Cats don’t need underwear!”

“Because you said ‘Hey, this tastes great!’, henceforth July the sixth shall be our Underwear Anniversary.” (TL note: This is a parody of a line from a famous poem by Tawara Machi, Salad Anniversary, which reads ‘Because you said “Hey, this tastes great!”, henceforth July the sixth shall be our Salad Anniversary.’)

“What kind of occasion is that!”

“Heaven does not create underwear above or below another underwear.” (TL note: This is a parody of a famous quote from Japanese philosopher Fukuzawa Yuichi, “It is said that heaven does not create one man above or below another man.”)

“What are you trying to say!”

“Because I have the ability to look at myself objectively, unlike your underwear!” (TL note: This is a parody of former Japanese Prime Minister, Yasuo Fukuda’s rebuttal towards a reporter: “Because I have the ability to look at myself objectively, unlike you.”)

“Of course you can’t!”

Wait...shit, I got distracted again.

“But, why would you want to see Konacchi’s panties? Do you like her or something?”

That’s what I want to ask as well.

“Nope, this has nothing to do with emotions.”

To be honest, I did feel that Yawakaze is extremely cute after our encounter, so if you were to ask me whether I like her I guess I can only agree.

However, it was a different kind of “Like” than what Yuuouji specified, instead it’s more of a liking in the sense of how someone would like a television celebrity.

“So Amacchi’s saying that you don’t care about whether you like her or not, you just want to see a girl’s panties?”

“Uh...I guess.”

“So even if it’s a girl you don’t like, you would pull off her panties and sniff them deeply?”

“I never said that...”

“So you want to grab a girl’s panties, sniff them then breathesmoochsavorlicksmelassfdgg...”

“Stop speaking alien!”

Just as I raised my voice, I heard someone else’s voice coming from behind me.

“Um...I’m sorry for interrupting your pleasant conversation...”

As I turned around, I found our class monitor staring back at me. For the record, I’m not feeling pleasant at all, and neither was our conversation.

Never mind that for now. Our monitor who would usually have a bright smile plastered on her face now looked at me in a somewhat fearful yet condescending fashion, I wonder why is that so?

Don’t tell me she overheard our conversation from earlier and she thinks that I’m actually a person who would do things like that...probably so.

“Amakusa-san, someone’s looking for you.”

I followed our monitor’s gaze.

“Looking for me? Now who - huh?”

Standing in the corridor was Yawakaze Konagi.

“Hey, isn’t that Yawakaze?” “Oh my goodness, she’s really damn pretty.” “Why would she be looking for Amakusa...”

My classmates had noticed her presence as well, and they began murmuring to each other.

“Ah, pantsu Konacchi is here!”

“Stop your nonsense!”

“Ah, Konacchi’s coming over with those panties that Amacchi wants to see!”

“That’s even worse!”

Mustering all the energy I could to prevent Yuuouji from following me, I rushed out the door and slammed it shut behind me.

“Yawakaze, why are you looking for me all of a sudden?”

I originally figured that she would be hear to complain about what happened this morning, but it didn’t seem like she was, and besides it’s not like she’s that kind of a person.

Just as I was about to ask again, she replied.

“Um, is this yours?”

In the palm of her outstretched hand was a blue checkered handkerchief. 

“Huh? Oh, it’s mine. I didn’t even notice I dropped it.”

It probably fell out while I was being dragged off earlier. Now why would she personally deliver that to someone like me who gave her such a horrible first impression?

“Really? That’s great.”

Also, she doesn’t seem to be harboring any malicious intent. To think that she can still smile so innocently, is she some sort of angel descended from the heavens?

“I apologize for the inconvenience, and thank you as well.”

“Oh, um, it’s nothing, actually...”

Even after passing the handkerchief to me, Yawakaze didn’t seem to have any intention of leaving yet. As she saw my confused expression, she looked down in embarrassment, then said awkwardly:

“Actually...about this morning...”

There was no need to go on further since she could only be referring to the panties incident. I was contemplating how to deal with this situation, but she did it for me anyway.

“How should I put this...I’m really sorry.”

“Ah, it’s alright, I’m not here to ask for an apology. Um, to be honest I’ve never had a guy ask me anything like that before, so I was kinda at a loss for words.”

Understandable.

“So...I’m sorry. I’m embarrassed for having to say this too but...I think that stuff like panties should only be shown to the people you like.”

“Gah!”

I nearly coughed up blood. I’m not joking, isn’t this against the law or something? Where has she been living all her life to be incapable of even holding suspicion against others? Has she only been associating with saints and angels all this time? You’re telling me she hasn’t even seen the dark side of society even after living for over a decade?

I finally understood how her fan club must feel. No one should have her to themselves, for she belongs to everyone! 

Suddenly, an overwhelming sense of guilt overcame me. What did I tell this girl? Let me see your panties? ...I should die.

“I’m really sorry!”

It was then that I realized that a motion like kneeling down and kowtowing isn’t a conscious motion, but rather a reflex of the body.

“Ah, Amakusa-san, please don’t...”

Despite Yawakaze’s pleading, my forehead never left the floor.

Right there, I swore to myself - screw all those Absolute Choices and whatnot, I’m done, go eat a pile of shit. God? To hell with him, I won’t be pushed around by anyone else any longer, if you’re not happy with that -

「Choose: ① “So when will you let me see your panties?”

② To hell with it all, just become her panties and get over with it.」

...And they just had to arrive now. Why would you do something like that? And I had mustered up all my courage for that too, what exactly is your problem with me? Are you an idiot? Do you wanna die?

...Fine, I get it, talking won’t do me any good.

As usual, option number 1 is terrible, but number 2 seems kinda creepy this time round. If it means what I think it does, I might not even be able to stay human.

If this was a computer game, I would probably have picked that option for a laugh, but there are no save nor load states in real life.

In the end, I could only pick ①.

Normally I would just pick it already and then go home to cry myself to sleep, but this was a different case. I absolutely could not allow those words to taint this pure young maiden - Yawakaze Konagi’s ears.

“Ugh...”

My head began throbbing in bursts of violent pain, as if the Choices themselves were forcing me to make a decision.

But right now, all I want to do is defeat this goddamn curse!

“AAAAAAHHHHH!”

I contorted my face violently in my efforts to resist the pain, but to no avail.

“Amakusa-san, are you alright?”

“No, I’m perfectly fine-AAAARRRGHGHHHHHH!”

The extreme pain caused me to cry out. This is bad, this is bad, this is really bad! This feels worse than any pain I’ve felt! If this goes on I’ll really die!

Yawakaze...please forgive me!

“Argh...hah...hah...so, when, will you...let me...see your panties?”

As I finished my sentence, the tendrils of pain coiling around my head immediately disappeared.

“Huh? Eh? P-panties? Didn’t I just say that you should only be showing those things to the people you like!?”

Yawakaze is cute even when she’s flustered. She’s so damn cute.

Just as I was about to lose myself in her cuteness, a hand fell upon my shoulder.

“Who’s - oh.”

I turned around to face the large guy from earlier.

“Please follow me for a while.”