Editing Phenomeno:Case 08 (section)

===4.===




I was in a daze for a while.

In the end, after discussing what the best course of action would be, we decided to search for Yoishi once more in the evening. It would be conspicuous to wander around the school during class time, so we had to kill some time on the emergency staircase until the end of class – However, I had the feeling no one really had any hope of finding Yoishi anymore.

Krishna-san and Yukihito-kun both had their heads drooped down in silence, and I, being me, was confused, as if I was drowning in the myriad of information.

Just what was the underground space? If it was the womb, then what did it have to do with Yoishi’s whereabouts? In the first place, what did artificially creating a Mary actually mean? And who exactly was the girl I met on the bench who called herself ‘Takamura’? Was that really the so-called Senpai who disappeared abruptly five years ago? Does that mean what I saw was her ghost?

That tall high school girl was most definitely wearing this high school’s uniform. And now that I think about it, she was supposed to have been younger than me, but her presence gave the impression that she was much older. She looked exactly the same as she did in the photo with her and Krishna-san five years ago, and yet, she hadn't aged at all.

But, if that really was Ayana Takamura’s ghost –

Then an undeniable truth presents itself before me.

That I, without realizing, had become a person who was able to see ghosts. In short, I already had more than a foot plunged into the world beyond. To acknowledge that fact, or to speak it out loud, was unbearably scary. As a result, I couldn’t even bear to tell Krishna-san of the fact that I had seen such a girl.

In the house that made me anxious, In the abandoned hospital of Hachioji, in the clock tower, and in the library. I felt I’d seen something resembling a ghost in all of them. But I could dismiss them all as phantoms borne from my delirious mind. I could protect my sanity by telling myself that they were phantoms borne from fear. But a while ago, was I really delirious? No, I was in a normal state of mind, searching for Yoishi; When unawares, that woman appeared besides me. And just by closing my eyes and remembering, I can easily picture that girl’s white face, her short hairstyle, and even the wrinkles of her uniform. I could even clearly recall her voice in my ear. That wasn’t a dream, nor a phantom. Then, that was… a real ghost after all?

The heavy atmosphere that covered the entire school.  

The atmosphere I felt… about everything ending before it had even begun.

I had a feeling that I knew what it was, and my stomach felt endlessly heavy.

How could something like this happen in modern society? One student - or two counting the similar cases in the past - had disappeared, and yet, the school refuses to act? What about the police? Or to put it more broadly, the adults. No, they can't move. As long as people are people, and because of the unconscious acknowledgement and fear of a malevolent god that runs deep in the genes of the Japanese people, they are prevented from doing so. Two girls disappeared. They disappeared suddenly and without warning on a certain day. Sako said it: That this private institute was managed by a financial conglomerate. And furthermore, there was a religious group involved as well. That's why things don’t come out in the open.

--It’s closed off.

I recalled the murky atmosphere that covered this school. 

This place is inescapably closed off. It’s self-contained, with only the outward appearance kept presentable. That was the truth behind the sense of confinement that I had felt. The temperament of the people of this country, which seals off all sad events as taboos, and pretends they never happened, was specialized in this school in a different form. 

'''''“—Nagi-kun?”'''''

Hearing my name called suddenly, I looked up in a start.

“Are you alright?”

I realized Krishna-san was peering into my face.

“…I’m fine.”

No, I wasn’t fine at all. But I felt like if I didn’t answer that way, I’d really feel like crap, so I said it intentionally.

“I just called Sako Takita-san.”

Krishna-san held up her phone. 

“I told him about Yoishi. He'll join us as soon as he finishes his business.”

Krishna-san said that, but I clicked my tongue and stood up.

“That guy's useless.”

I don't know why Krishna-san rated him so highly, but that guy was undoubtedly dangerous. At least, that's how I saw him. To start with, if Yoishi hadn’t shown up in the library that night, those countless somethings would have been called down on me. There was no way I could trust him. 

“Nagi-kun, where are you going?”

“To the guard post at the main gate. “

“I’m going to ask them if there’s place underground.”

“Krishna-san didn’t say anything after that. 

I strode out to the high school courtyard, crossing the campus which was crowded with students on their way home or heading to club activities after class. So many high school students are laughing, but this school is still wearing a mask. Is this school going to continue to operate like this, pretending that nothing bad happened, without properly settling the past?

And that went for me as well. I was trying to pretend that I didn’t see Yoishi. Even though I had gotten involved with her so much, even though I narrowly escaped death thanks to her so many times, and yet, I still couldn’t help but be scared, and ran away. I had ended up deciding not to associate with her anymore.

Inside the guard post across the main gate, there were two guards.

One of them was a young guy about the same age as me. The other had gray streaks in his hair.

I asked the one with the gray hairs:

“Is there an underground place in this school?”

“Huh?”

“I heard a rumor saying there’s an underground place in this school, is it really true?”

The older security guard took a glance at the ‘Koumei Academy Newspaper Club’ armband I had left on my arm, and nodded in acknowledgment.

“That kind of rumor has been around for a long time. I’ve been hearing it since the time I was assigned here. Something about it being an underground air-raid shelter during the war, and about it being used a morgue when this place was turned into a hospital during the war.” 

The guard laughs it off as he narrates the rumors.

“Then, what is the place really like?”

“No, no, it’s nothing like that. It’s just a boiler room.”

“Is it a big boiler room?”

“No, it’s only big enough to fit a boiler. Five people couldn’t fit in there.”

“Can I see inside?”

The gray-haired security guard sunk into silence. He exchanged a glance with the younger guard besides him.

“No, entry is only allowed for administrative staff.” The younger guard spoke. 

“Please let me in there. One of the students has disappeared, and we’re searching for her right now.”

Ahh, the old guard nods his head.

“You mean that first-year girl, right? Yesterday we were informed by the school and we searched for her everywhere. That includes the underground boiler room, of course. But we didn’t find anyone down there.”

“Please check there once again.” I bowed my head.

“The chances that she went there is high. Please search there once again. And let me accompany you as well.”

From behind me I hear, “Please let us”, as Krishna-san and Kurimoto-kun both lowered their heads at the same time as me.


In the end—

It was just like how the guards had described it: a simple boiler room.

There were a few other places that resembled something like baggage store rooms, but there was no sign of Yoishi in any of them. To the annoyance of the young guard, we searched and tapped around the walls everywhere, but there didn’t seem to be any hidden entrances anywhere. There was no sign that a place deeper underground existed any more than that level. I mean, we weren’t structural engineers or anything, so we couldn’t say for sure. 

We said our thanks to the guard, and by the time we got back up to the surface, it was already pretty dark outside. 

All a sudden, Kurimoto-kun’s cell phone started ringing. 

“Hello.”

Yukihito-kun answered the phone, when I saw his expression change quickly.

“…Really? Are you sure?”

“What’s wrong?”

Krishna-san also straddled up close—

After eventually hanging up the phone, Yukihito-kun informed us it was from a friend.

“They found a pair of shoes on the roof. They seem to be the indoor shoes of a girl.”


   ◯


“Hey, get back!”

“All you kids, get out of here!”

The teachers were shouting angrily on the roof.

And from their voices, I could tell that all the adults were exceptionally perturbed.

We pushed aside the countless onlookers until we managed to make our way through to the front. Apparently, the pair of shoes were found on top of the water tower facility at the far end of the school building. They had been discovered lined up when the workers were about to carry out a routine inspection. There were already a few gym teachers who had climbed on top of the water tower and were starting at something. Beneath them were about ten or so teachers all lined up, talking amongst themselves and stopping any students who tried to approach.

“Hey! Whose shoes are those?!”

I shouted out loud, and the teacher standing in the front shouted back at me telling me to ‘shut up’. He told me to back off right away, and pushed me back. I managed to overhear the teachers talking amongst themselves, they were wondering why the police had arrived yet.

“Stop fucking kidding me, let me through.”

“I told you to back off!”

I was in the middle of arguing back and forth with the biggest, bamboo sword wielding, jersey-wearing gym teacher of the bunch, when Krishna-san slipped out from beside me and dashed past the teachers.

“H-hey you!”

While the gym teachers were all focused on Krishna-san, I also made a mad dash through.

I pushed past the teachers to reach Krishn-san's side, and together we peeked at the other side of the water tower -- which was, empty space, that is -- and looked down the school building from the railing there.

For a split second, I thought I saw Yoishi’s fallen body far down in the depths below.

In an instant, a strange nostalgia sweeps over my heart. A feeling that made me want to burst into tears, that made me nostalgic for the days when I went to creepy places with Yoishi, and got teary-eyed at her words.

--Don’t be there. Please don’t be there.

I prayed, as I peered downwards.

And in the next moment – I let out a deep breath.

Looking down at the hedges from the roof, there was no one to be seen. With the sun already begun to set, it was difficult to see in places, but there was still no sign of a corpse. Only the dreary expanse full of weeds lay spread out.

“Hey!”

“…Ouch.”

A thick arm extended towards me and pulled me back, pinioning my arms behind me. 

Krishna-san was also grabbed by a different teacher and was pulled back.

“I told you not to come here you fools!”

I was instantly dragged back to the crowd of onlookers together with Krishna-san. We then exchanged glances and spoke at the same time: “Yoishi wasn’t there.”

“…I mean, it’s best that her body wasn’t there, but what does it mean?”

“Leaving aside the fact of whether or not the shoes belong to Yoishi – for now, it just means that the girl who jumped from the roof is nowhere to be found. It might just be a malicious prank set up by someone.”

The next moment, I caught a glimpse of a teacher in a shirt putting the shoes in a plastic bag and climbing down from the water tower.

I shouted out once more.

“Hey, just let me take a look at those shoes! They might belong to someone I know!”

The teacher sent an annoyed glance our way – when he noticed the ‘Newspaper club’ armbands we were wearing, and after that, he annoyedly held up the shoes up for us to see. From what I could see from here, there was neither a name or class written on them. You’re actually supposed to write that down on them, but there were probably very few high schoolers who bothered to do that anymore.

“How were they placed, exactly?”

The balding teacher replied to Krishna-san’s question:

“They were placed together. Judging from the size, I’m guessing they belong to a girl.”

Then muttered afterwards as if continuing.

“…But, it’s strange. They were placed facing inwards.”

---Inwards? 

But the teacher who reacted to those words, was a tall, elderly one who stood in the center.

I would later learn from Yukihito-kun that he was the vice-principal of this high school.

I heard his voice unmistakably tremble as he spoke in a whisper:

“…Isn’t that…exactly the same as five years ago?”

--Five years ago.

In an instant, I looked towards Krishna-san.

The occult website manager, had her lips pursed tightly together.




Past six pm, around the time when students who had finished their club activities were heading home—

Me, Krishna-san and Yukihito-kun were standing in front of the main gate.  

With its siren turned off, only the flashing lights atop the patrol car kept spinning round and round, bewitchingly illuminating the school building, which appeared black enshrouded in the darkness. At long last, it seemed the school had finally contacted the police. From here on, they would investigate whether the shoes belonged to Yoishi, and if that were proved, they would conclude that she had been involved in some kind of incident, and officially begin a manhunt.

“…Let’s come again tomorrow.”

Krishna-san sounded completely exhausted, to which neither I nor Yukihito-kun could reply.

The light from the staff room was still brightly visible. From here on, the teachers were probably going to be thoroughly interrogated by the police as to why they were so late in reporting a student’s disappearance. I didn’t feel any sympathy with them, but I also didn’t get the feeling that Yoishi’s disappearance would be solved now that the police were involved.

“Why did the vice-principal say it was the same as five years ago?”

Yukihito-kun muttered silently.

“Who knows?”

Krishna-san looked as if she had gulped down something bitter, and shook her head. 

“But judging from what the vice principal said and the way he reacted on the roof, it seems that when Senpai disappeared, her shoes were also found at the same place. I didn’t know about it at the time, but that’s where the rumors of a suicide spread from, even though her body was never found.”

“…Do those shoes belong to Yoishi?”

I asked, but Krishna-san shook her head once more.

“Let’s leave that up to the police investigation. For now, let’s return to the university club room. There’s nothing we can do right now. Takita-san is also supposed to come here soon -- I’ll stay in the club room on standby, you guys return home for today.”

“….Eh?”

“No way sis, I’m staying, I can’t just leave like this...”

“Didn’t I say it already? There’s nothing we can do right now. Takita-san is looking into Senpai’s disappearance five years ago. Until we can hear his opinion on it, we probably won't find anything. We have even less information when it comes to Yoishi.”

Those words made me recall the voice mail I had received from Yoishi. I took out my phone once more, and tried to replay the message I had saved in the afternoon. 

But--

《You have no messages.》…Was the message displayed on the screen.

“…Huh? What?”

Did I delete it? No, that can’t be. I was sure I had properly saved it. Seeing me fiddle with my phone, Yukihito-kun asked me.

“The message isn’t there?”

“What are you two talking about?”

In reply to Krishna-san’s query, I quickly explained to her that I had received a voice message from Yoishi. 

“…A voice message? From Yoishi? Are you sure?”

“Yes, because of some interference, I couldn’t quite make out what she was saying – but the one thing I’m sure I heard her say was: ‘Don’t look for me.’”

Hearing that, Krishna-san placed a hand on her small chin and seemed to be lost in thought – 

Finally, she placed her hand gently on my shoulders.

“For the time being, let’s return to the club room. We’ll think things over from there.”



We passed by the grounds as we made our way to the western club room building. 

The two sports grounds lined together had their lights turned off, their vast space was akin to a bottomless sea of darkness. The only thing that proved it was there was the feeling of the hard ground beneath our feet, as we walked on the faintly visible surface. But right now, I couldn’t even trust that that feeling. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for the hardness of this ground to collapse at any moment. 

I recalled the past, a time I had spent with my father rowing out to the sea at night, fishing for cuttlefish. The sea at night scared me. No matter where you looked, darkness reigned; the boundary between the sky and the sea was indiscernible. Only the stars in the overhead sky remained, a world drenched in darkness lay underneath. And there, my father and I were swaying. We were swaying in a small boat used for fishing. it was scary to not talk, but my father didn’t talk at all when he was absorbed in fishing. Only the strong aroma of the sea and the rough sound from the waves remained. In that series of sounds, I felt like I could hear someone’s voice. A sad voice; A voice on the verge of insanity, desperately wishing for something that it knew it could never gain. As I listened to it, I wondered if I was going to melt away. Surrounded by a bottomless darkness from top to bottom, I was scared that I would melt away. 

And now—

After a long time, I recalled the horror of that time, the fact that nature did not care the least about my existence. You can’t see the stars in the Tokyo sky, but I had the feeling that something vast was stretching out beneath the vast expanse of the ground.

『Does the underground place exist, or not?』

The girl I saw -- ‘Takamura’, had said that. 

『If you think it's not there, it's not. If you think it is, then it is. 』

She also said that. 

In short, which one was it? It was all too abstract, a dumb person like me couldn’t get it at all.

And it was just like – the existence of ghosts. If you think they’re there, they’re there, and yet, the countless ghost stories beloved by the world are completely laughable to those who don’t believe in them. But that ambiguity… is good. To get to the bottom of that ambiguity is no good, that would not be the kind of occult I’d like. It would be fine if I knew the truth after I died. As long as I was still alive, I didn’t want to know it. Yeah, those were my thoughts on it. For me, the occult was always a romance. If it stops being exciting, it’s no longer a romance, and I am not that broken. Or should I say, I should not have been broken. I should have been like Krishna-san, an existence that paid respect to the other side from afar, with my feet firmly planted in this world. 

However—

I had only come to think this way because of Yoishi. If she hadn’t intervened in the depths of my dream back then, I would have been destroyed along with the collapse of that mansion. I’m only here alive and well because she was there for me back then.

Suddenly, I stopped in my tracks. 

In a row of zelkova trees near the western club room building, I turned to look back.

In the darkness beyond, I could vaguely see the Koumei affiliated high school. Yukihito-kun had said it in the beginning, but now, I too felt that Yoishi was still somewhere inside that school. Somewhere out of everyone’s sight, she was caught up in an inescapable situation, yet still trying to endure everything with a pained expression on her face. Her power of endurance was completely abnormal. Without a doubt, she would continue to sit silently, without asking anyone for help, until her body rotted away. Just like she had done up until now, she would walk a painful path alone for over a thousand years, without anyone’s sympathy.

“Krishna-san.”

I spoke.

“…Hm?”

Walking ahead of me, The Kurimoto siblings turned to face me at the same time. 

“I’m gonna try looking around a bit more.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know – but somewhere.”

“Just stop. If you insist, then I’ll come with you as well.”

“No, let me look for her by myself. It’s alright, don’t worry. If I just leave like this, I’ll regret it for the rest of—”

I shook my head, and rephrased myself.

“I’ll be filled with regret even after I die, to the point where I might end up as a ghost.” I declared, and ran back to the heart of darkness by myself.


   ◯


The patrol car was still parked in front of the high school gates.

However, there was no sign of the police nearby. Nor of any students. The lights were still switched on in the staff room, probably because they were still being interrogated about the situation. 

As if slipping into the darkness, I headed towards the entrance. As I reached there, I thought to change into the slippers reserved for guests, but since my current shoes would be useful if I had to escape, I regretfully decided to enter the school building with my own shoes. Despite saying that I would look for Yoishi, I didn’t have the faintest clue where to start looking, but on my way back here, my mind was made up. The rooftop. The last place she had been in.

I ran up the stairs, trying to make as little noise as possible. Passing through the second, third, fourth floor — I arrived at the top. The iron door that led to the rooftop was covered with yellow tape and a sign that read, ‘Usage forbidden’.

“…Is this even necessary? It’s not like someone’s dead yet.”

Grumbling to myself, I stepped under the tape, twisted the key and opened the door. I slid through the door and unto the rooftop in the night.

A nice breeze was blowing across the pitch-dark rooftop.

I closed the door, put my hands in my pockets and walked on alone.

Naturally, there was not a soul to be found. There were a few lights on in the university facilities visible from here, indicating that there were still students there, but here, the buildings of the high school had fallen into complete darkness.

I headed straight the water tower and put my foot on the iron ladder as I began to climb. There was a low fence around the tower, which made it a small blind spot. I felt that if I sat down, no one would see me. Feeling at ease, I sat down. Then, with my bangs blowing in the night wind, I thought to myself. Starting from the beginning. I would rethink everything I had learned here --from the very, very beginning.

Yoishi had disappeared yesterday at 2pm, during the middle of math class. She was headed towards the infirmary, or so she said, but never arrived there. So that would mean that that was the point at which she disappeared.  There’s also the fact that her teachers were negligent, but there’s been no contact from her at all for a full two days now.

Yoishi had been searching for a depressing spot. And she had probably quickly recognized the existence of the ghost inside Miiko: ‘Ayana Takamura’. The Ayana Takamura that disappeared five years ago, with only her shoes left behind. Along with those creepy words she left behind in the school, she disappeared abruptly from this world. 

And today, once again, new shoes have been discovered. I don’t know if those shoes belonged to Yoishi or not. I couldn’t get a proper look at the shoes myself from up close. But I had a strange conviction. It felt like Yoishi had definitely been here. It was partly because the shoes that belonged to Ayana Takamura, who had disappeared five years ago, were also here, but more so than that, when I sit here like this, I strongly feel Yoishi’s presence. Her lonely looking profile, and her long hair blowing in the wind as it bristly touches my cheek. There’s no doubt about it. She must have been here, sitting just like this.

“Say, Yoishi—Just what were you doing up here?”

I ask, looking up at the jet-black sky.

“And… just where did you disappear to?”

Ayana Takamura – The senpai that disappeared five years ago in the same way as Yoishi.

What did Krishna-san say again about what that senpai of hers was trying to do?

If I remember correctly, that senpai of hers had realized that the structure of this school was built to create an artificial Mary, and she had planted Kotodama words in order to try and create something. The book of taboo words in the library must have also been a remnant of that. So, did Yoishi see it? Like Krishna-san said, did she chase after her Senpai taking the same spiritual path she had taken? But, where did that lead to? In all likelihood, to the underground place. Because it was the place Ayana Takamura had mentioned. 

But -- I didn’t know anything beyond that. 

How would you head to the underground place from the roof?

In the first place, there’s no such thing as a vast underground space in this school. We went to check the boiler room, but there wasn’t even a single sign of there being an underground place, nor anything resembling an entrance. If you think it's not there, it's not, was it? Then if you thought it was there, could you go there? How would you think it was there?  How would you believe in its existence? 

Lost deep in thought, I started rummaging through my hair in frustration, when—

All of a sudden, I caught a glimpse of something beyond the vast darkness from the rooftop.

A building. A long and narrow…building.

--The clock tower…?

That instant, I shuddered and gulped, recalling the accumulated malice that lay there. 

And in between that clock tower and this rooftop, the vast sports ground lay spread out.

“Huh… wait a second…”

--The clock tower forms the phallus, and the gymnasium forms the womb.

According to Krishna-san, that’s what Ayana had wrote down. Could it be – that she had intentionally omitted the middle of that process? In other words, the direct connection between the phallus and the womb. And what if the womb was not, in fact, the gymnasium, but a place that was far closer? And if you’re talking about a place underground, then could it mean the space beneath the sports ground?

And then – I suddenly remembered. 

That’s right, we heard it in class A. A girl was asked by Yoishi what place depressed her, and she answered, ‘The school grounds’, Krishna-san started acting weird since then. No, rather, you could say that she had recalled something when she heard that story. In short, Krishna-san might have figured out that the underground place Ayana Takamura was pointing to was the school grounds.  Or perhaps it was in the school grounds that she heard the story. Maybe she was trying to keep me from getting too deeply involved again, or maybe she was afraid of the words ‘if you become aware of it, it becomes a reality’ – I believe it was probably the latter this time.

Of course, this was all complete conjecture.

However, when I got to that thought - I glimpsed of a flicker inside me.

As I recall, the teacher who held the shoes apparently belonging to Yoishi had said it at the time:

『…But, it’s strange. They were arranged facing inwards.』

I took off my sneakers and lined them there.

“Facing inwards… would be like this, right?”

I tried placing them facing the direction of the stairs coming into the rooftop, not facing the outside of the school building.

“He said it was strange, I guess it would have made sense if they were found facing outwards.”

In other words, that was a scene you would often see at the scene of a suicide. Something you would often see in dramas: Shoes would be lined up facing the sea on a precipitous cliff as a silent display, as if to say: ‘I'm going to disappear into the sea’. But – it’s true, I feel like they are facing outwards every time.

I guess only a suicidal person can really know what it's like to be in a suicidal state of mind, but having them face inwards was like falling backwards -- definitely odd.

I stood up. Being aware of the shoes of that Yoishi lined up facing inward, I stood with both feet facing inwards in the same way. A sudden violent breeze blew upwards, and at the same time, I was seized with a terrible fear. I was so scared that I froze and sat back down again. Flustered, I gripped something with my hands. 

“T…that was scary…”

It took much more courage to be there than I thought it would. 

I had stood on the edge of high places before, but it was still scary. It was also because the scenery in front made me strongly aware of the height. It was quite overwhelming. It made me keenly recognize the gateway to death, if I fell, I was sure to die. But facing backwards, it creates double the fear. You’ve run out of places to put your feet in, and the fear of not knowing when you will fall adds to it.

--Why was she standing here like this? 

Yoishi, who lacked a sense of fear, did she stand here trying to understand fear?

No – that’s not it. Her thought process isn’t that of one who plays around with their life in order to feel fear. If that were the case, she wouldn’t be into the occult, being a speed maniac on a bike or being a skydiver would do. She’s not the type that would try to understand fear by going through life threatening situations. If that’s the case, then why?

I took one gulp, and once more, slowly stood back up again. 

My knees were shaking. The wind blew through between my legs. There was nothing behind me. There was only a distance of a few centimeters to the edge. If I were to make a slight misstep, I would slam straight down to the hedges from the fourth floor. Tears were flowing in my eyes. Wow, I was acting like a complete fool. Just what was I doing in a place like, with tears in my eyes? Wasn’t I just being reckless with my life? Wasn’t I just toying with the one life I’d been given? The strong wind made my body sway. My shaky knees began losing their sense of stability.


However—

I closed my eyes tightly. 

Only Yoishi’s face appeared in my head.

There was only one reason she was standing here.

Right now, there was death right behind me. It wasn’t the roof of the school building, but a deeper darkness spread out. That… was hell. A bottomless, entrance into the realm of the dead. I think she stood here like this in order to feel the realm of the dead.

--I’m scared. I’m hopelessly scared of this situation. I'm scared of myself for having arrived at such a stupid idea. Because it meant -- in other words, that there was still a part of me that was broken. I was so broken that I ended up finding my way to the entrance of the world Yoishi was in. 

People are constantly looking for ways to preserve their own lives unconsciously. As long as the brain isn’t absolutely certain that you won't die even in the worst case, it will put strict limits on your actions. This function, known as a ‘limiter’, is sometimes removed at will, but that’s an extreme mental realm that only a limited number of people can reach. This is where the value of the best athletes and artists lies. 

Then, was I an athlete? An artist? No, I was just a normal person. An ordinary man among the ordinary men out there, a hopeless lump made up of deep-rooted delusions. That’s why a voice rings out inside me, telling me to stop. It’s telling me that it’s not a place someone like me can get to. It’s telling me it’s a world that can only be grasped by those dark colored eyes that have despaired of this world.

But—

I rebutted that inner voice. 

What was it that she was really despairing about?

That’s right, Yoishi had told me that she had no interest in animals in general. She had full knowledge of human foolishness, and exhausted by the malice that lay in people, she staggered onwards with a gloomy look on her face.

She can be frustrated at times as well, and there are times when something bothers her so much that she can't sleep. She can make snide remarks towards me as well. That's because she’s a living person. Because she has actual emotions. I don’t feel that a person who is despairing would have emotions. Because, that person’s heart would have already been crushed. Because their heart would no longer be functional.

When she saw Ayana Takamura inside Miiko, she said:

--I won’t show you mercy.

Wasn’t that an emotional expression of anger? 

But nonetheless, the incident in the library happened. That dark gaze was still with me. And then, she said that the subject of Ayana Takamura’s experiment was someone other than Krishna-san.

Let's say that the subject of this experiment, which I don't even want to think about it, is me.

If that’s the case, then—



The reason she jumped off from here, was for my sake?

Was that why she had gone to the place where Ayana Takamura was?

“Haha…”

I let out a dry laugh as I arrived at that conclusion.


I began crying, and snot came out of my nose. I might have even pissed my pants. Every hole in my body was slovenly open, and I probably leaned back at that moment. 

In short—

I jumped from the roof facing backwards, with both my hands spread out.

My body seemed to float softly, and my balls shriveled in an instant. I felt a life-threatening emergency, as if an electric current surged from my spinal cord to the top of my brain.

But even so, I believed. The underground place must exist beyond the darkness. And that she would be there. At any rate, there was no reason I couldn't go to the place someone else had gone. Thrown out into the emptiness, my body was naturally caught by gravity, and fell to the ground at a speed of 9.8 meters per second. Two seconds later, 19.6 meters per second. Three seconds later, I fell at an accelerated rate of 29.4 meters per second. I knew it would only take three seconds to fall from the top of the four storied building to the ground, but if it took more than that, victory would be mine. I will have crossed through something. That was the entrance to the border between this world and the next. I would cross through something separating this world and the next. The world Yoishi had crossed over to. I would go there, and bring her back. She was still there, alive —

--I fall, fall, fall.

I keep falling… endlessly.

Am I in a revolving lantern<ref>Referring to the Japanese phrase, 走馬灯のよう (like a revolving lantern), meaning to see your life flash before your eyes before you die.</ref>?" For some reason, Saki-chan was there, wearing a red school bag. There was Momo, gazing at me with her orange eyes. My friends from middle school, and the lady in the neighborhood who used to get angry with me when I was a kid. The lost bicycle that I had once cherished, it was there in its original form, before it had been crushed in a car accident and thrown away. Memories from the past that I had stowed away and forgotten overflowed from the depths of my mind. I wanted to cry, knowing that I had not erased them all, and that I still had them.

I’m still falling, I thought to myself while crying.  Didn’t I already fall far enough to hit the ground, have my skull crack open and my spinal fluids spilled all over the place? Could it be that I was already dead? Repeating the memories in the faint remnants of my consciousness before my last moments? It was too long. I kept falling, falling and falling without end.

I must have already gone past the ground long ago.

Beyond the limits of my consciousness which falls into the darkness, melts into it, and scatters.

Towards the deepest depths of hell.

All of a sudden, I realized my body had stopped floating.

I had fallen on top of something soft.

It was dark all around me. The darkness seemed to cling everywhere. Was I dead? Was this the other world?

But suddenly, a light was lit within the darkness, causing me to squint my eyes in a panic. That rectangular shaped light, was from a cell phone. The light from someone’s LCD cell phone cut through the darkness as it flowed into my eyes.

“…Ah.”

I realized my head was resting on someone’s lap. And as soon as I saw the beautiful, pale, gloomy face behind the light of the cell phone, I felt the strength leave my body. My feelings were a mixture of relief, nostalgia, happiness and irritation in a way.

As I opened my mouth, trying to find the words to say—

Yoishi Mitsurugi spoke, in an exasperated tone of voice:

“Even though I told you not to look for me…”