Editing CubexCursedxCurious:Volume6 Chapter2 (section)

===Part 6===

Back to her room, Kaidou not only could not sleep but also had no intention of sleeping at all.

Kaidou intended to repeat what she did earlier. Go to bed first and return to the corridor once the young girl fell asleep. Lying in the futon, she waited for the girl beside her to fall asleep, then suddenly&mdash;

"...Thank you... very much."

The voice was extremely weak, sounding almost like a wheeze and out of breath.

"I... did not do anything."

No, that was not correct. Hence, Kaidou clenched her fist and said:

"I was unable to accomplish anything."

"Nothing of that sort... You helped Satsuko, right?"

These words made Kaidou feel terrible. Even if she were sincere, it still made Kaidou feel terrible.

Perhaps because it was night.

Or maybe because this girl who was sleeping in the same room had greatly shaken Kaidou's willpower.

By the time she noticed, Kaidou already found herself talking in despair.

"I originally thought I had become somewhat stronger, having undergone training... But the end result was turning in this shameful performance. Furthermore&mdash;"

Kaidou recalled the pain running through her hand as well as the situation that had caused that girl the same pain at the time.

Perhaps she was taking out her anger and frustration on Fear? Or was it for some other reason? Even Kaidou herself did not know. Her hand had simply acted out on its own.

Kaidou could not say these words back then. Neither did she have the time to do so. Because the girl had instantly turned around without saying a word, swaying her long silver hair as she ran back to her room.

"Oh no... Please don't be like that~ Umm, Satsuko hopes that you all... could get along well together. Or perhaps, you hate... Fear-san...?"

"...I simply have no idea how to face her."

Kaidou repeated the same words she had spoken hours earlier. Including that sentence as well as everything she had told Yachi Haruaki, everything was true. Although she did not know why, she simply had no idea how to face the girl. But to Kaidou, that was not important. She disregarded and ignored all unimportant reasons, simply wishing to focus on making herself stronger&mdash;Nevertheless...

"Honestly speaking, it was truly shameful. I completely failed to become stronger. I am still the same as back then, cowardly to the point... of being unable to protect anything..."

At this moment, Satsuko grabbed Kaidou's hand forcefully. Kaidou widened her eyes in surprise. The girl had reached out from the futon beside her. Inside this dark room, Kaidou could even see her calm smile.

"You want to... become strong, is that it? If that's the case, you're the same... as Satsuko."

For some reason, Kaidou did not feel the urge to shake off Satsuko's hand.

"You too... are the same?"

"Yes. Satsuko really is quite cowardly and useless, unable to do anything well... Even if just a little bit, Satsuko hopes to become stronger, but it hasn't worked. For Satsuko, it's very difficult."

"...It really is."

Very difficult. How on earth should one become stronger? How far does one have to go before one was considered stronger?

If she were to become stronger, would she be able to accomplish things she had failed in the past? Would she be able to hold her head high, puff out her chest and accept this young girl's "thanks"? Would she, as a teacher, be able to openly accept the silver-haired student and others of her kind whom she was avoiding for reasons unknown even to herself?

No idea. She had no idea at all, but she was certain of one thing. She must do something.

Suddenly, she realized Satsuko had stopped talking. Instead, there was the clear sound of...

"Zzz... Zzz..."

The regular breathing of deep sleep could be heard from the futon next to Kaidou. Immediately, Kaidou felt a slight sense of regret, hoping to chat a little longer but at the same time, she was also relieved that she had not further exposed her own weakness.

She originally intended to return to the corridor to guard against a nocturnal assault, but&mdash;

"..."

That would require letting go of the hand she was holding.

She would feel bad if she woke up Satsuko.

Then it occurred to her that even if someone attacked during the night in these circumstances, she should still be able to handle it immediately.

Besides&mdash;

Looking up at the patterns in the wood on the ceiling, the view from the futon greatly resembled that of the old apartment she used to live in.

Also, the breathing rhythm of the person in deep sleep beside her was the same as what she used to hear.

Despite the feelings of nostalgia, Kaidou knew very well that this was merely ugly and lowly self-deceit.

Hence, she kept staring at the ceiling that looked hazy for some reason.

"...Oh... Is that so?"

Despite clearly knowing it was self-deceit, she was too weak to let go of this hand.

Feeling ashamed of herself, Kaidou smiled.

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==Translator's Notes and References==
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| Forward to [[CubexCursedxCurious:Volume6_Chapter3|Chapter 3]]
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