Editing NouCome: Volume 1 Chapter 3 (section)

===Part 6===

The next day, the first thing that Yuuouji said as she stepped into class was:

“Aye, Commander of the Conquest for Yawakaze’s Panties, Amacchi, good morning!”

“Too loud, too long and too confusing!”

I wouldn’t really have minded if any of my classmates had heard that, but if anyone within the Yawakaze fan club were to hear that I shudder to think of my potential fate. Yuuouji dragged me over to her seat and asked:

“Amacchi, have you figured out a good way to get a glimpse of Konacchi’s panties?”

I shook my head. I got a feeling that the main problem we were dealing with wasn’t the methods available.

Although technically I could forcefully pull up her skirt to expose her panties, I felt that it would be too immoral, and besides I don’t have the balls.

So I sacrificed my sleep and thought through the night, but sadly to no avail.

“Konacchi’s an extreme airhead, so there’s the possibly that she might trip over and expose her panties in the process.

Hmm, she did after all display her talent for falling over during our very first encounter. It’s just that she follows the school rules to the book, so her skirt is longer than most girls here, completely different from Yuuouji’s which was way shorter than most.

Basically even if she were to fall over in an extremely exaggerated manner with her butt in the air and all, I don’t think her panties would even come close to showing. I shouldn’t be expecting something like that to happen.

Not to mention that I just can’t entrust my fate to random chance based on the currently limited time that I have.

“We could also try to copy the typical shoujo manga style, you know like when she’s rushing to school because she’s late, intentionally dash out the corner she’s turning and bump into her. You never know, she might be biting onto a pair of panties instead of a half-eaten piece of bread.” (TL note: In Japanese, the pronunciation of ‘panties’ and ‘bread’ is similar.)

“Bullshit! Who the hell would mistake panties for toast like that!?”

“Hmm, if you put it as toast it doesn’t sound similar any longer.”

“Come on, just because two things sound similar it doesn’t mean they look similar.”

“Huh, but don’t Inoki and Koinoki look similar?” (TL note: She’s referring to Japanese wrestlers Antonio Inoki and Antonio Koinoki.)

“That’s because it’s an intentional imitation!”

Are you kidding me...fine, she’s actually kidding me.

“Heh, relax, Amacchi. I was just fooling around earlier, but I do have a secret weapon up my sleeve.”

Yuuouji pulled out a suspicious-looking bottle from her pocket.

“Hey...that’s not「Abazuren Z」again, is it?”

“Nah it’s not, it’s too dangerous, so it got confiscated.”

That was good news. She has her own problems to deal with, while UOG has its corporate morals to uphold.

It was a world-famous transnational corporation after all, which made complete sense, but they still had exceptions like UOG Publishings...anyway it’s a good thing they recalled a product like that.

“So, here’s my newly concocted drug, ta-dah~!”

Yuuouji raised the bottle and yelled.

Hmm...can things like those really be made over the span of a single night?

“Here, for you.”

I took the bottle from her, feeling about ten percent anticipation and ninety percent fear while doing so. The liquid within the bottle was somewhat sticky, so it’s probably for external application and not for consumption. Looking at the label, the product’s name was hand-written on it.「Skirt-lifting Ointment」. A frank yet uncreative name like that began slowly pushing my feelings of anticipation towards zero.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to say something like as long as I rub this on her she’ll have the desire to lift up her skirt?”

“Yep, that’s exactly it.”

Yuuouji nodded cheerfully, but I wasn’t about to buy it just like that.

「Abazuren Z」may have good effects as an aphrodisiac, but achieving an effect like that of this「Skirt-lifting Ointment」seemed too good to be true. In fact, it was almost like magic.

“To be precise, they’ll end up lifting up their skirts. The area that this ointment is applied on will momentarily be extra sensitive towards pain, so for example if one were to rub it on her thigh she would feel extremely uncomfortable just if their skirt were to brush past the area.”

Well, at least that makes more sense.

“So is this dangerous?”

“Ah, calm down, the effects wear off very quickly. I used my mom as a test subject this morning.”

“What do you take your mother as!”

I seem to recall that her mother had been used as a guinea pig for「Azaburen Z」as well.

“My mother’s a huge M anyway, so she naturally enjoys being experimented on or being someone’s lab rat.” (TL note: M = Masochist)

“Isn’t that a little too unexpected!?”

Huge M? Kyouka Yuuouji? To someone who’s used to seeing her calm demeanor delivering speeches on television like me, I just can’t imagine the thought.

“Let me just ask...what happened?”

“She was in so much pain she began crying out, and immediately took her skirt off.”

“Throw that stuff away NOW!”

Jokes may be jokes, but fantasizing can sometimes go too far.

Deducing from Yuuouji’s age, her mother must be at the very least in her thirties, but from all her appearances in media she seems to be no older than twenty.

To have such a beauty like her take off her skirt...that must be heaven.

Nonononono, why am I fantasizing about my classmate’s mom like that? Am I a pervert?

“You can’t just use something this potent on Yawakaze.”

“But my mom later was very happy about it. She even said it felt pretty good.”

“Only your mom would say things like that!”

If any of her fans were to hear that, they would definitely go mad.

Also, instead of using something like that, I’d rather lift up her skirt myself.

“Sigh...”

As expected, Yuuouji’s plan ended up being completely useless.

But, I guess I don’t have the right to judge her considering I’ve yet to think of a back-up plan myself. Isn’t there any form of inspiration that I can utilize to complete this mission?

“Ah!”

Yuuouji looked towards the window and cried out in surprise, albeit silently. Students from the class next to ours were donned in tracksuits and currently all heading towards the stairs. I kinda feel bad for them for having to take PE lessons first thing in the day.

“Hmm, Class 2 and Class 9, they should be attending PE lessons together with Konacchi’s Class 15.”

I knew Yuuouji had a great memory, but I didn’t think she would bother with memorizing meaningless things like that.

“Girls typically take much longer than guys, which means they’re probably still changing...and so must Konacchi.”

Yuuouji sneered.

“Right, I’ll launch a sneak attack on the changing room!”

“Ah! Wait!”

“Whoosh whoosh!”

Before I could stop her, Yuuouji had already jumped off her chair and dashed off into the corridor like the wind.

“I’m back!”

A few minutes later, Yuuouji once again crashed her way into the class, then braked sharply right in front of me, producing a rather unpleasant shrieking noise from her shoes.

“Reporting to Captain Amakusa, Konacchi’s panties are sexier than expected, over!”

A few guys in the vicinity immediately turned to look at us.

“Watch it, you’re too loud!”

“The color is just like everyone else’s, it’s white, over!”

“Just shut up already!”

Do you want to frame me by convincing others it was me who sent you to do it or something!?

“Anyway, it’s useless even if you were to see it.”

I pulled her over to a corner and whispered to her.

“Hehe, Amacchi, don’t look down on UOG’s skills.”

“Hmm? What’s that supposed to mean?”

Yuuouji pulled out a pencil-shaped object from her chest pocket. The object was emitting a shiny luster akin to that of a metal, and it had a somewhat futuristic feel to it.

“This is one of the top secret pencil-shaped cameras my family has been developing, it’s able to scan the images left behind on a person’s cornea and project them into 3D images even in thin air!”

It can project the images left behind on a person’s cornea? Does technology as advanced as that really exist now? Although I wouldn’t dare to confidently deny the possibility that UOG may possess such things, considering how it’s at the peak of worldwide technological development...

“I was joking, it would be too easy if things like that existed.”

“How dare you lie to me!”

A few precious seconds of my life was spent on thinking of useless possibilities just like that.

“Don’t get angry now, Amacchi. My eyes really have Konacchi’s image left imprinted on them~”

She pulled out a notebook, and began using the pencil (it was actually just a pencil) to draw.

“Hmm. Here, it’s done!”

I was shocked speechless as I took the notebook from her.

“This is...”

The quality of the drawing was way beyond what I had imagined, with every single detail from the patterns of the lace to the brand of the manufacturer, it was almost like an actual photo. How many useless talents does this fellow have anyway?

“Now that you know what to expect from your target, it should be easier for you now to make your move.”

“Is that so?”

“Of course, now you don’t need to waste your time asking her「What kind of panties are you wearing?」.”

“Now why would I do that!”

Then again, I had asked way worse questions just yesterday.

“Then how about saying something like「I saw through what kind of panties you were wearing long ago!」just to scare her?”

“Why the hell do I have to phrase it like a line from an action manga?”

“Hmm...the overall body lets off a fragrant yet exotic scent, the details are unbelievably intricate, the art is an absolute feast for the eyes, not to mention the powerful taste of the item itself, as well as the unique tangy flavor of the silk material...clearly this deserves a perfect score.”

“Stop your bullshit!”

I could tell that she was attempting to describe the sketch in terms of, say, that used in a cooking manga, but sadly she was trying too hard.

“It’s not like I like that pair of panties anyway!”

“No normal tsundere would ever be caught dead saying that!”

Forget it, if she wants to screw around, I’ll let her.

“Anyway, if I don’t arrange for you and Konacchi to meet up you won’t ever see them right?”

Yuuouji has this habit of steering the conversation far away from the topic then suddenly bringing it back again, something which I have yet to get used to.

“You’re right, but with the surveillance from her bodyguards...”

Those acts of sexual harassment from yesterday were enough to get me on their radar. Well, I was technically asking for it.

“Hmm, the Yawakaze Guard...I’ve got it, just leave everything to me!”

Yuuouji thumped her chest once and said:

“Fine, I’ll go get ready, so let’s talk again during our afternoon break.”

As she spoke, that sneer of hers once again surfaced...can I really trust her with this?

Soon enough, our afternoon break arrived.

“Sorry for keeping you waiting. We can’t waste any time here, let’s go!”

I followed the easily excitable Yuuouji out of class. When we were approaching Class 8 that was located in the middle of the hallway, however, we found a male student standing in the middle of the corridor, blocking our path.

“Hold it, that guy can’t pass here.”

I will never forgot that muscular body and those thick eyebrows. He was that very third-year who dragged me off for my punishment yesterday.

“Hmm? Isn’t this Todou-senpai, captain of the Yawakaze Guard?” (TL note: I’m translating from Chinese so this may not be correct, for reference the original text is 藤堂, edits welcome. Also, remove this when done.)

As he heard Yuuouji’s remark, the third-year who apparently was named Todou was apparently shocked, and his eyebrows raised slightly. From his stance I could kind of tell that he might be the ringleader of that little troupe, and his reaction all but confirmed my suspicions.

“You’re Yuuouji Ouka of the「Reject Five」...why would Yawakaze-san have a friend like you?”

Todou-senpai glared at Yuuouji as if she was annoying him. I can’t say I don’t completely understand how he’s feeling.

I’m sure that when he thinks of the girl he likes - and such a pure one at that - was friends with someone like Yuuouji, he must be incredibly worried that she might be contaminated by Yuuouji’s horrible influence.

Conversely, it’s a miracle that Yawakaze could remain so pure even after making friends with someone like her.

“Senpai, we’re just here to speak to Konacchi for a while, so could you let us pass~”

“Nope. I’m alright with you going through, but that Amakusa Kanade over there seems to have malicious intentions towards our Yawakaze-san, so definitely not.”

“It’s not that bad. We just want to look at her panties.”

...Yuuouji-san, isn’t that pretty much a malicious intention?

As expected, Todou-senpai replied while glaring at us even more viciously.

“No matter what?”

“No matter what.”

Upon seeing Senpai’s reaction, Yuuouji smiled even brighter.

“I guess there’s no other way then.”

She went on her tiptoes next to Todou-senpai and began whispering in his ear.

After a short while -

“- !”

It was the first time in my life that I witnessed someone’s facial expression undergo a complete transition from anger to paleness in such a short time.

“H-how did you -!”

Todou-senpai’s powerful and intimidating stance from earlier completely disappeared. Even the roughness in his voice disappeared as well.

“Heheh, Senpai, what do you think would happen if Konacchi were to hear that?”

“W-wait just a second! P-please...don’t do anything rash! I’m willing to do anything!”

“Hmm...anything?”

When faced with Yuuouji’s devilishly posed question, even Todou-senpai could only nod pitifully without hesitation. This woman...what did she tell him?

“Even run ten laps around our school track half naked?”

“Yes!”

He actually agreed.

“What about the same thing but with your lower half naked?”

“I’ll do it!”

He actually agreed!”

“What about entering a bathtub complete naked?”

“I’ll do it!”

That’s just a normal bath!”

“Haha, it’s fine, I won’t go that far. I just need you all, not just you, but even the other members of the Guard to turn a blind eye to anything Amacchi and I do to Konacchi, OK?”

“You...you want me to let a pervert like him...”

A person like him who actually agreed casually to streak naked around the school somehow had difficulties with this request.

Am I really that horrible of a person in his eyes...

“Hmm~ I won’t just tell Konacchi then, I’ll even tell it to every single member of the Guard, I’m sure the results will be entertaining~”

“Urgh! I-I get it! I won’t let them touch you, so please don’t do anything rash!”

Todou-senpai said while stretching out an arm as if to request help.

“Thanks, Senpai. My mouth doesn’t run, so just relax and nothing will happen.”

Yuuouji shook his hand then swaggered past him with arrogant footsteps...how is anyone going to relax with a person like you around?

I merely nodded apologetically towards him and began following after her.

“What exactly did you tell him?”

“Haha, everyone has one or two secrets that they wish to take with them to the grave.”

Um, the problem is how you managed to get hold of one of such secrets. The fact that she could smile as purely as a child after threatening someone like that was even scarier.

After experiencing Yuuouji’s true capabilities once again, we arrived outside Class 15, aka Yawakaze’s class.

“Pardon me -!”

Yuuouji pulled open the door violently as if to cause a ruckus, attracting the attention of many.

“Hey, aren’t those two from Class 1...” “Those are Amakusa and Yuuouji from the「Reject Five」right?” “She was the one that ran into the changing room while we were changing in the morning, right?” “Yuuouji’s so cute.”

Yuuouji ignored the gazes that she had stolen from virtually everyone present. It’s exactly moments like these that I’m really jealous of attention-grabbers like her; while common plebeians like me can only remain in her shadows.

“Oh, Konacchi~”

“Ah, it’s Ouka!”

As Yawakaze saw Yuuouji, she immediately excused herself from her classmate that she was having lunch with then ran over cheerfully, after which -

“Whoa!”

She tripped violently.

“Ow, it’s been the third time today...”

She wiped her eyes while struggling to stand.

This...this is amazing. Normally someone as clumsy as that would attract hateful gazes from others as it would seem overly deliberate, but that was not the case for Yawakaze.

The expressions of the female students around her seemed to indicate that there was nothing intentional about her actions as well.

Female high school students (seem to be) creatures that hate their own kind while insisting on fawning over boys they like, but they seem to consider Yawakaze as a sort of airheaded sister of theirs, and their eyes were filled with pity. Maybe they thought she was dumb enough not to warrant their attention, so they couldn’t bother with being jealous of her. It was then that I thought of something related. Even after such a bad fall, her skirt only hiked up slightly.

Considering how long her skirt was, I don’t think even the lining of her panties would show if she did a full roll backwards. I guess I really can’t place my hopes on her panties being revealed by accident.

“Ah~ Konacchi’s as cute as always~”

“Hmph, what are you talking about, it hurts - ah!”

It appears Yawakaze had only now noticed my presence.

“Um, Amakusa-san...er...I...”

She seemed to have something to say, but in the end she merely looked down without saying anything. I guess it can’t be helped considering I’m the one who asked her to show me her panties twice.

Speaking of which, it’s a miracle that she hasn’t treated me as some sort of freak by now.

“Oh, hello. Yawakaze, I’m really sorry for saying all those weird things to you yesterday.”

I bowed deeply as an apology. The circumstances were similar to yesterday’s, causing me to pray that the Absolute Choices would not come to screw this one up. Luckily, they didn’t.

“Ah...don’t worry, I’m not angry. But...why did you...um...why...why do you want to see my panties that badly?”

“Huh? Nah, it’s just...”

At this point, Yuuouji attempted to fill in for me while I was still struggling to formulate a sentence:

“Ah, excuse me Konacchi, allow me to say something. Our Amacchi over here tends to say the opposite of what he actually means when he gets really tense, so he actually doesn’t want to look at your panties.”

Um...could you please not take your liberties with my personality?

“Opposite from...what he thinks?”

See, Yawakaze believed it.

“Amakusa-san...you actually want to see male underwear?”

You’ve got that completely wrong!

“No, it’s not that kind of opposite. He doesn’t want to see underwear, instead he wants to show you his underwear.”

“That’s not it either!”

“Haha, so you want to see inside-out underwear?”

“I’m pretty sure that fetish doesn’t exist! Also I don’t have that sort of problem!”

“So you just want to see panties then?”

“Exactly...hey!”

Dammit...is this woman really here to help me?

“Haha, you both really get along well.”

Yawakaze giggled while covering her mouth slightly.

Oh come on, why are you acting like our class monitor? I’m not getting along with her at all, in fact if given the chance I would punch her twice in the face. I’m not even talking about a normal punch, I mean a bloody haymaker.

“Right, Konacchi, do you have time to hang out with me tomorrow?”

“Huh? Oh, I think so. I don’t have club activities tomorrow so it should be fine.”

“Hear that, Amacchi?”

Yuuouji said while giving me a thumbs-up. It appears getting Yawakaze to go out with her was the purpose of our little visit.

“Um...does Yawakaze mind going with me?”

It’s sad, but if I were in Yawakaze’s shoes I would violently deny this request.

“Ah, it’s fine, we were previously discussing whether we should bring guys along anyway. Right, Konacchi?”

Yawakaze nodded shyly.

“Mm, Daddy said that I should get into contact with guys around more, as long as Ouka’s around to keep me company.”

It appears that everyone who knows her seems to be extremely sensitive about this matter, which was probably why Yuuouji mentioned specifically that they would be going together. If her parents were to know that Yawakaze was so innocent and defenseless towards guys, they would definitely be worried to death.

“Previously a lot of guys had attempted to ask me out too, but all of them were dragged away by that muscular Senpai...”

The Yawakaze Guard really is fearsome. I should really be thanking Yuuouji for getting them out of the way.

“Right, so it’s decided. So where shall we go -”

Yuuouji swiftly planned out everything for us. Our destination would be the large shopping mall located three bus stops away from our school, and considering that they had everything from stores to amusement facilities, it was probably an appropriate choice.

“Very well, so now regarding our preparation...hmm? Konacchi, your hairpin looks awfully unique.”

Yuuouji pointed to Yawakaze’s head.

“You mean this? Oh, this...that person gave it to me.”

“I see~ that means it has「It」as well, right?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm, I see.”

Yuuouji appeared to have understood something, and she appeared as if she was concocting some sort of scheme. Also, there are people who regularly send Yawakaze gifts? She’s like some sort of celebrity.

“It’s an anonymous present just the same, but considering the person spent money on it I would feel bad if I didn’t use it...”

“Hmm, I get what you mean. Gifts should be used and not stuffed away in safes or lockers~”

“Yuuouji, have you ever received gifts?”

With her looks that would normally have earned her a place on the Popular Five, it would be normal if she had any admirers; not to mention that it may not be very surprising if there were someone that would actually find her personality appealing among our vast student population.

“Yes, sir! Actually I have it with me right now.”

I looked her over from top to bottom. Yuuouji may be breaking countless school regulations what with her bellybutton exposed and her skirt being too short, but she didn’t appear to have any accessories on her. The only possibility would be that it was a cellphone strap or something. Yuuouji appeared to have guessed what I was going to ask, and she replied frankly:

“Panties.”

“...What?”

“You know, panties? The ones you wear under a skirt?”

Panties? Sending girls panties? Are you joking...if it’s the person’s lover or husband or something, it would be fine, but anonymously? What the hell must that person be thinking?

“And it’s laced too. Red laced panties.”

Why would anyone send that? Why would you wear it? Why would you tell me that?

This probably can’t be considered as a case of like-calls-to-like, but I guess someone like Yuuouji really attracts strange admirers. Compared to this, Yawakaze’s hairpin seems a whole lot simpler.

“L-laced panties...”

Do you see that? Her face is red! That should be a normal female high school student’s reaction to this.

“Laced panties~♪ Laced panties~♪”

This miserable female high-schooler began singing instead. You’re actually a grade-schooler, aren’t you?

“Stop singing things like that...you’re this happy after receiving laced panties?”

“Yep, I’m fine as long as it’s a gift! Don’t you like getting panties as a gift?”

“Nope.”

I would be scared to death if I were to open my locker one day to find a pair of trunks sitting there.

“So what kind of panties does Amacchi like on a girl?”

“O-Ouka, don’t ask questions like that!”

Yawakaze’s reaction was somewhat violent.

I guess I can’t blame her, Yuuouji’s question was pretty abrupt after all. Yuuouji then continued in a satisfied manner as she saw my questioning glance:

“Hmm, immunity, Amacchi. I’m only doing this to strengthen Konacchi’s immunity towards such matters, so if we can’t laugh things like these off, how do you think her parents would feel?”

“I-I see, Ouka was doing this for me...I understand, I’ll try harder.”

Um, Yawakaze-san, I’m afraid you got tricked. This is all a trap set by a bad person to have a look at your panties...and that bad person happens to be me.

Speaking of which, it appears I have to answer the question. Although the circumstances aren’t really allowing me to be honest, I guess I should just answer it to be safe.

“Just normal white -”

“You lie!”

Yuuouji suddenly cried out like a certain cleaver-wielding female character.

“Whoa, w-what are you doing!”

Yuuouji’s sadistic expression returned, and she said to me:

“Hmm, that won’t do, Amacchi. In order to strengthen Konacchi’s immunity, you’ve gotta be honest.”

This woman...I haven’t even finished my sentence and you could tell I was lying?

Oh right, she said yesterday that she could verify the truthfulness of my words through my eyes and my expressions. So that was true after all.

“Cough cough...so I’ll have to do this due to popular demand then. For guys...we don’t have any other choices except garters, right?”

“Whoa~ sexy, we’ve got a good one!”

“Gar...ter?”

I guessed that Yuuouji would be causing a ruckus like a kid, while Yawakaze didn’t seem to have heard of that word before. The differences between the two were now especially evident.

“Um, aren’t we going off topic - huh?”

I suddenly felt a change in atmosphere.

“Did you hear that, he said something about a garter?” “Yep, Amakusa-san’s a pervert after all.” “Yuuouji-san too, isn’t she embarrassed at all?” “Are all of those on the Reject Five like this?” “They were mentioning underwear and panties the entire time.” “Konacchi, you shouldn’t be talking those people, alright?”

Murmurs began drifting throughout the class.

W-when did we attract that much attention? Yuuouji’s entrance into the class was rather exaggerated, but that shouldn’t have warranted attention to our conversation itself - also, why does liking garters make me a pervert?

All these painfully penetrating gazes...I may have experienced them one took many times over in my class, but I never thought that I would be experiencing them yet again halfway across the school.

“Oi, you’ve got it all wrong -”

「Choose: ① “Ladies, what are you all looking at? Why don’t you all just put on garters and use your bodies to service me?”

② Wear a garter yourself and demonstrate to them how perfect of a combination garters and M-shaped spread legs are.」

I chose the first choice, instantly attracting the killing intent of all the girls in Class 15.

“Goodbye Amacchi, see you tomorrow!”

After class, Yuuouji promptly told me that she would be taking Yawakaze over to her place to hang out and ran off to Class 15 yet again. I was planning to follow, but I immediately dismissed that thought as I remembered what had happened there earlier.

Today...I guess I won’t ever be able to enter Class 15 ever again after today.

“Sigh...”

I sighed and surveyed my surroundings.

The Absolute Choices had been messing with my life since last year.

They were all horrible choices with absolutely no rules pertaining to them nor any actual relation to my life itself, but if I had to think of one it would probably be that they don’t help me at all. Within dating simulators, as long as you pick the right choices, all sorts of pretty female characters would begin living increasingly close and happy lives with you.

But these choices that insist on popping out from my mind time and again are essentially destroying my love life.

Also I don’t know why making girls laugh and peeking at panties seem to be conditions for removing this curse.

“Just tell me...what the hell do you want?”

I looked up and yelled at the slowly reddening sky. My query that was never intended for any human ears did not, of course, receive any form of reply.