Editing 9S:Volume1 Chapter1

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''-I guess I shouldn't mess with it.''
 
''-I guess I shouldn't mess with it.''
   
Making an intelligent decision, Touma removed his hand from the Manipulator's control device. In the process, the equipment leaned precariously, but somehow managed to resist toppling over.
+
Making an intelligent decision, Touma removed his hand from the Manipulator's control device. In the process, the equipment leaned precariously, but somehow managed to resist topling over.
   
Red letters had appeared in a corner of the screen, indicating the recommended energy consumption for the Manipulator, and the amount of energy Touma had actually used. The latter value was red and more than twice the recommended amount. Yet the work that needed to be completed was still but half done. It was quite discouraging. This was a task he was supposed to finish before the end of the day, but the only confidence he had was that he would be unable to complete the job on time.
+
Red letters had appeared in a corner of the screen, indicating the recommended energy consumption for the Manipulator, and the amount of energy Touma had wasted. The value was more than double the recommended amount. Yet the work that needed to be completed was still but half finished. It was quite discouraging. This was a task he was supposed to complete before the end of the day, but the only confidence he had was that he would be unable to complete the job in time.
   
Sighing deeply, he looked out the window for a change of mood. Even though he looked out, it wasn't a field that greeted his eyes, but a part of a large scale research facility modeled after earth, with a diameter of 520 meters.
+
Sighing deeply, he looked out the window for a change of mood. Even though he looked out, it wasn't a field that greeted his eyes, but part of the large scale research facility modeled after earth, with a diameter of 520 meters.
   
The name of the research facility was Sphere Lab. It was completely enclosed with it's own ecosystem for self-sustainability. Were this experiment to succeed, it would be a facility independent from all outside resources, where a human being could live and work. It was said to be the first hope of ushering in the Space Age. According to one extreme rumor, after the self-sustaining ecosystem was perfected, as long as it was a place where the sun's energy could reach, the system could be released anywhere in space.
+
The name of the research facility was Sphere Lab. It was Research Facility, completely enclosed with it's own ecosystem for self-sustainability. Were this experiment to succeed, it would be a facility dependent from all outside resources, where a human being could live and work. It was said to be the first hope of ushering in the Space Age. According to one extreme rumor, after the self-sustaining ecosystem was perfected, as long as it was a place where the sun's energy could reach, the system could be released anywhere in space.
   
 
Previously, Russia and America had performed similar experiments, but those had ended with the failure of the system.
 
Previously, Russia and America had performed similar experiments, but those had ended with the failure of the system.
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At the time the project had been made public, the mass media, not to mention the world as a whole, had gone crazy over the concept. However not until recently, apart from one science magazine, had there been much information released to the mass media.
 
At the time the project had been made public, the mass media, not to mention the world as a whole, had gone crazy over the concept. However not until recently, apart from one science magazine, had there been much information released to the mass media.
   
Touma himself had only started working here as of ten days prior. He had taken it as an excellent part time job over his spring vacation, with necessities like food and clothing already provided for. Even so, since coming to the facility, there was a huge workload he had been given, and so many things he was unfamiliar with it made him want to laugh.
+
Touma himself had only started working here as of ten days previously. He had taken it as an excellent part time job over his spring vacation, with necessities like food and clothing already provided for. Even so, since coming to the facility, there was a huge workload he had been given, and so many things he was unfarmiliar with it made him want to laugh.
   
Especially because at the time of the announcement, details of the supercomputer LAFI's complete system control were not the same as they had been made out to be.
+
Especially since at the time of the announcement, details of the supercomputer LAFI's complete system control were not the same as they had been made out to be.
<!--Weird one. I take it that LAFI's control is stricter that what was said to the media. But it takes too much time to figure that out, so... could you rephrase it so that it remains as close as possible to the original sentence while still becoming more understandable?-Kadi-->
 
   
He asked himself repetitively if it was natural for a seventeen year old to spend their spring vacation in a place like this. Touma's thoughts were filled with ways to escape the error messages constantly appearing on the monitor.
+
He asked himself repetitively if it was natural for a seventeen year old to spend their spring vacation in a place like this. Touma's thoughts were filled with ways to escape from the error messages constantly appearing on the monitor.
   
It was during one such moment of contemplation that a man, whose personality was as carefree as the laugh he entered with, appeared beside Touma.
+
It was during one such moment of contemplation, that a man whose personality was as carefree as the laugh he entered with, appeared beside Touma.
   
 
“Ha ha, no matter how many times you do this, you just don't improve, huh."
 
“Ha ha, no matter how many times you do this, you just don't improve, huh."
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“Please don't laugh at me so much, Mr. Yokota."
 
“Please don't laugh at me so much, Mr. Yokota."
   
The man approaching Touma did hold back his laughter, but that didn't stop a wide grin from remaining fixed upon his face. The impression he gave off was that of a man around his thirties, with an expression that gave away his every emotion, and a beard he was too lazy to keep trimmed. Even so, this man was the one in charge of the Sector One facility.
+
The man approaching Touma did hold back his laughter, but that didn't stop a wide grin from remaining fixed upon his face. The impression he gave off was that of a man around his thirties, with an expression that gave away his every emotion, and a beard he was too lazy to keep trimmed. Even so this man was the one in charge of the Sector One facility.
   
 
His appearance was just like that of a unkept wild creature. More than a year had passed since Touma had known him, yet the impression he got of the man never wavered, in fact it had actually solidified. He had been the one who had misleadingly told Touma that the job of operating the Manipulator was possible if one just gave it a shot.
 
His appearance was just like that of a unkept wild creature. More than a year had passed since Touma had known him, yet the impression he got of the man never wavered, in fact it had actually solidified. He had been the one who had misleadingly told Touma that the job of operating the Manipulator was possible if one just gave it a shot.
<!--Is 'unkept' really a correct English word? I know what you mean, but I'm doubtful. Can't think of an alternative though, and the dictionaries don't help either, this time. Keep it or remove it, shouldn't matter too much, if you can't think of anything either.-Kadi-->
 
   
“How many times does this make today? Three tries?"
+
“How many times does this make today? The third try?"
   
 
Silently Touma lifted up four fingers.
 
Silently Touma lifted up four fingers.
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Laughing again, Yokota put on a more serious expression, rubbing his beard.
 
Laughing again, Yokota put on a more serious expression, rubbing his beard.
   
“Well, we can't have that now, can we. Even without talent, there should be a limit, shouldn't there."
+
“Well, we can't have that now, can we. Even without sense, there should be a limit, shouldn't there."
   
 
“It's just too complex! How is someone like me supposed to operate a machine when all seven wheels need to be controlled simultaneously? Besides, don't you find it rather confusing that while the objects attached were about to fall off, before they did, there was a warning about the energy consumption levels?"
 
“It's just too complex! How is someone like me supposed to operate a machine when all seven wheels need to be controlled simultaneously? Besides, don't you find it rather confusing that while the objects attached were about to fall off, before they did, there was a warning about the energy consumption levels?"
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“You don't need to mention that. After all, Sphere Lab has a daily limit on how much energy we can use. There's only so much energy Mr. Up Above and the ocean currents can provide, and that has to power this mammoth of a place. Let's use the resources mother nature gives us carefully."
 
“You don't need to mention that. After all, Sphere Lab has a daily limit on how much energy we can use. There's only so much energy Mr. Up Above and the ocean currents can provide, and that has to power this mammoth of a place. Let's use the resources mother nature gives us carefully."
   
The last sentence Yokoto spoke was a catchphrase. Here in Sphere Lab, it was said by the staff more as a way to end sentences than because it held any real significance to them individually. Though it was true to a sense because Sphere Lab was a self-sustaining system, a miniature earth.
+
The last sentence Yokoto spoke was a catch phrase. Here in Sphere Lab, it was said by the staff more as a way to end sentences, than because it held any real significance to them individually. Though it was true to a sense because Sphere Lab was a self-sustaining system, a miniature earth.
   
 
“That's right. Let's take the energy you've wasted through your attempts to operate the Manipulator, and compare it with a place on land. Let's see...hmmm...yeah, the amount of energy you used could be compared to three times the amount of energy required to power the entire city of Tokyo for a day."
 
“That's right. Let's take the energy you've wasted through your attempts to operate the Manipulator, and compare it with a place on land. Let's see...hmmm...yeah, the amount of energy you used could be compared to three times the amount of energy required to power the entire city of Tokyo for a day."
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“It's about time for the Honeybees. I'll be heading out now then. Have you had anything to eat?"
 
“It's about time for the Honeybees. I'll be heading out now then. Have you had anything to eat?"
   
Stretching, Touma followed Yokota out of the room. They entered out into a large thicket. It wasn't something one would expect to see inside a building. However, this thicket was only one of six held within the 525 meter in diameter Sphere Lab. Just one of these places provided the oxygen required for the air that was contained within Sphere Lab. However perhaps to ensure there were no problems dealing with the required amount of oxygen, all of the plants in the facility had been genetically engineered to produce even higher levels of oxygen.
+
Stretching, Touma followed Yokota out of the room. They entered out into a large thicket. It wasn't something one would expect to see inside of a building. However, this thicket was only one of six held within the 525 meter in diameter Sphere Lab. Just one of these places provided the oxygen required for the air that was contained within Sphere Lab. However perhaps to ensure there were no problems dealing with the required amount of oxygen, all of the plants in the facility had been genetically engineered to produce even higher levels of oxygen.
   
 
The two proceeded hurriedly down the path which meandered through the trees.
 
The two proceeded hurriedly down the path which meandered through the trees.
   
“Ah, geez. It's already time. Let's run."
+
“Ah, geez. It's all ready time. Let's run."
   
 
Looking at their watches, the two broke into a sprint.
 
Looking at their watches, the two broke into a sprint.
   
From the ceiling black specs began to descend, coming together above their heads, in such a way as to be reminiscent of ink dissolving in water. At this point it became hard to distinguish what the black specs were, but if the two were able to see them, they would be looking at robotic systems the size of one's fingertip, called Honeybees.
+
From the ceiling black specs began to descend, coming together above their heads, in such a way as to be reminiscint of ink dissolving in water. At this point it became hard to distinguish what the black specs were, but if the two could see them, they would be looking at robotic systems the size of one's fingertip, called Honeybees.
   
In order to cover the massive oxygen requirement for Sphere Lab, the vegetation was all arranged in the area known as the Plant Sector. It was these mechanical Honeybees that were performing the system management for all the vegetation within Sphere Lab. The reason they were called Honeybees was because their function and responsibilities, as well as their appearance of flying in the air with four wings, was very similar to their biological counterparts.<!--System management for plants?-Kadi-->
+
In order to cover the massive oxygen requirement for Sphere Lab, the vegetation was all arranged in the area known as the Plant Sector. It was these mechanical Honeybees that were performing the system management for all the vegetation within Sphere Lab. The reason they were called Honeybees, was because thier function and responsibilities, as well as their appearance of flying in the air with four wings, was very similar to their biological counterparts.
   
“It's kind of an uneasy scene, isn't it."
+
“It's a kind of uneasy scene, isn't it."
   
 
Running besides him, Yokota gave a hearty laugh at Touma's comment.
 
Running besides him, Yokota gave a hearty laugh at Touma's comment.
   
“You just don't have any nerve. But don't worry. They don't have any kind of aggressive behavior. They check on the physical condition of the plants, carry pollen and make honey. So they aren't dangerous, and without them there's no way we humans could do with our hands what they do. You're being cruel, you know, you'll hurt their feelings."<!--Did I change the mood/connotations too much in the last sentence? I just didn't like it before.-Kadi-->
+
“You don't seem to have any nerve. But don't worry. They don't have any kind of aggressive behavior. They check on the physical condition of the plants, carry pollen and make honey. So they aren't dangerous, and without them there's no way we humans could do with our hands what they do. You'll hurt their feelings being cruel you know."
   
 
“But people are chased out when the Honeybees are active."
 
“But people are chased out when the Honeybees are active."
   
“Look, it's not that it's dangerous to people, it's just that when people are aimlessly meandering and get in the Honeybee's flight path, they have to exert more energy to avoid us, the obstacles. Okay? So let's hurry up and get out of here before we get in their way."
+
“Look, it's not that it's dangerous to people, it's just that when people are aimlessly meandering, and so get in the way of the Honeybee's flight, they have to exert more energy to avoid us, the obstacles. Okay? So let's hurry up and get out of here before we get in their way."
   
Hurriedly continuing down the winding path, the door eventually came into sight. They practically flew in, such was the speed of their movement.
+
Continuing hurriedly down the winding path, the door eventually came into sight. They practically flew in, such was the speed of their movement.
   
 
“Mr. Kenichi Yokota, Mr. Touma Sakagami, you are exceeding your specified energy consumption levels."
 
“Mr. Kenichi Yokota, Mr. Touma Sakagami, you are exceeding your specified energy consumption levels."
   
As the door closed shut behind them, an electronic female voice spoke to them. Meeting each others gaze, Touma and Yokota broke into laughter.
+
As the door closed shut behind them, an electronic female voice spoke to them. Meeting each others gaze, Touma and Yokota broke out into laughter.
   
“Geez, they can really calculate our energy levels down to point one percent. Just as you'd expect of something created by Mineshima. But it's a little annoying, wouldn't you say? I wonder if this is what a mother-in-law is like?"
+
“Geez they can really calculate our energy levels down to point one percent. Just as you'd expect of something created by Mineshima. But it's a little annoying, wouldn't you say? I wonder if this is what a mother-in-law is like?"
   
 
“I wouldn't know, even if you ask me."
 
“I wouldn't know, even if you ask me."
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On the opposite side of the window, the mechanical Honeybee's flew about as though rushed.
 
On the opposite side of the window, the mechanical Honeybee's flew about as though rushed.
   
It was a rather strange scene, yet within Sphere Lab, such peaceful days continued on.
+
It was a rather strange scene, yet within Sphere Lab such peaceful days continued on.
   
   
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“Don't you think we could loosen up on the energy consumption observance system? Hasn't today's work been rather tough?"
 
“Don't you think we could loosen up on the energy consumption observance system? Hasn't today's work been rather tough?"
   
Shifting his gaze from one of the room's monitors, Koganei swiveled around in his chair, nodding his agreement with his coworker. The upper section of the monitor revealed that there had been over two-thousand reports from the Energy Monitoring System. There were 573 Research Staff, 150 Security Personnel and 320 others who lived in Sphere Lab, such as family members of the staff and personnel. This brought the total to 1413 people living in Sphere Lab. There was on average two reports on energy over-consumption per person each day.
+
Shifting his gazae from one of the room's monitors, Koganei swiveled around in his chair, nodding his agreement with his coworker. The upper section of the monitor revealed that there had been over two-thousand reports from the Energy Monitoring System. There were 573 Research Staff, 150 Security Personel and 320 others who lived in Sphere Lab, such as family members of the staff and personel. This brought the total to 1413 people living in Sphere Lab. There was on average two reports per person on Energy over-consumption.
   
“There's going to be a trial experiment in the Lab tomorrow, right? It seems that is going to take an enormous amount of energy. So that may be why the monitoring has been so strict."
+
“There's going to be a trial experiment in the Lab tomorrow right? It seems that is going to take an enormous amount of energy. So that may be why the monitoring has been so strict."
   
“Maybe it's just me, but doesn't it seem weird to have a Lab facility inside this place we call Sphere Lab?"<!--I guess he wonders why the lab is in such a god-forsaken place and not somewhere closer to civilization? If yes, give the word and I'll shorten it. If not, say how it's meant.-Kadi-->
+
“Maybe it's just me, but doesn't it seem wierd to have a Lab facility inside this place we call Sphere Lab?"
   
 
“Not like I care."
 
“Not like I care."
   
The man who responded yawned audibly.
+
The man who responded yawned widely.
   
At any given time, taking into account the scale of Sphere Lab, there were no more than five people in the Situation Monitoring Room. Even so that was still a large number. This number was decided upon by the vigilant supercomputer, LAFI, but it still left those in the room in a very bored state.
+
At any given time, taking into account the scale of Sphere Lab, there were no more than five people in the Situation Monitoring Room. Even so that was still a large number. This number was decided upon by the vigilant Super Computer, LAFI, but it still left those in the room in a very bored state.
   
 
"Do you think we will end up using the energy output from the central sector? If it is below normal values, impossible situation right?"
 
"Do you think we will end up using the energy output from the central sector? If it is below normal values, impossible situation right?"
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At that moment a knock from outside could be heard on the door. Everyone turned their gazes simultaneously towards to the video of the survellience camera outside the door.
 
At that moment a knock from outside could be heard on the door. Everyone turned their gazes simultaneously towards to the video of the survellience camera outside the door.
   
“Oh, if it isn't your Madonna, Miyane Ruriko herself!"<!--Or do they talk about this place's Madonna?-Kadi-->
+
“Oh, if it isn't this here's Madona, Miyane Ruriko herself!"
   
With similar sentiments directed at Koganei who was opening the door, the other members expressions betrayed their now high spirits.
+
With similar sentiments to Koganei who was opening the door, the other members expressions betrayed their now high spirits.
   
“You're pretty happy, aren't you."
+
“You're pretty happy aren't you."
   
 
“Ooh, do I detect some jealousy?"
 
“Ooh, do I detect some jealousy?"
   
Koganei's coworkers sighed in amazement. It was at that precise moment, when he was beckoning Ruriko inside after having opened the door, that the noise was heard. Outside the glass wall reflecting light to highlight a faint rainbow color, a transport helicopter had appeared.
+
Koganei's coworkers sighed in amazement. It was at that precise moment when he was beckoning Ruriko inside after having opened the door, that the noise was heard. Outside the glass wall reflecting light to highlight a faint rainbow color, a transport helicoptor had appeared.
   
 
“What's that?"
 
“What's that?"
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If you tried to sum up Sphere Lab with one statement, it would have to be that it was a glass ball with a diameter of over 500 meters. That glass ball was floating atop the ocean's surface.
+
If you tried to sum up Sphere Lab into one statement, it would have to be that it was a glass ball with a diameter of over 500 meters. This glass ball was floating atop the ocean's surface.
   
 
Attached to Sphere Lab was a large, flat platform. It was a small port, in other words the gate to Sphere Lab.
 
Attached to Sphere Lab was a large, flat platform. It was a small port, in other words the gate to Sphere Lab.
   
Kanda approached the helicopter that had just landed with a wary expression. A large number of his subordinates followed behind.
+
Kanda approached the helicopter that had just landed, with a wary expression. A large number of his subordinates followed behind.
   
Kanda held the job of Head of Security. Sphere Lab was a facility known throughout the world. Mineshima Yujiro's over-technology was incorporated along with many other technologies. To corporate spies or other countries, it was what one might call a mountain of treasure.<!--Suggestion: treasure island.-Kadi-->
+
Kanda had the job of Head of Security. Sphere Lab was a facility known throughout the world. Mineshima Yujiro's Over-Technology was incorporated with many other technologies. To company spies or other countries, it was what one might call a mountain of treasure.
   
This was the reason for his stance to not accept anything remotely suspicious. A few people detached themselves from the helicopter, and began taking down a large container.
+
This was the reason his stance was that anything remotely suspicious was never accepted. A few people detached themselves from the helicoptor, and began working on taking down a large container.
   
 
“Hold it right there. The reports we've received were that the materials were to be delivered next week."
 
“Hold it right there. The reports we've received were that the materials were to be delivered next week."
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“Eeh, what did you say?"
 
“Eeh, what did you say?"
   
Perhaps unable to hear due to the loud sound of the rotor blades, a man with very dark eyes asked to hear the question again.
+
Perhaps unable to hear due to the loud sound of the rotar blades, a man with very dark eyes asked to hear the question again.
   
 
“I said the reports we received were that the delivery would be next week."
 
“I said the reports we received were that the delivery would be next week."

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