Editing HanTsuki:Volume 2 Chapter 1

Countless bed sheets and towels hung on the rooftop looked like they were dancing to the wind.

As I basked in the sun and stared at the cloudless blue sky, feeling the soft and warm wind, I felt as if spring had arrived. Having rested for three whole days, my cold had pretty much subsided, but since my body had been warmed up under this warm weather and sunshine, I was both lazy and drowsy.

Speaking of which, Tada also really liked sitting on the rooftop like I do.

The ward that Tada used to live in had just received a new patient. It seemed it was a university student with a broken leg. But what's enviable, no, not at all enviable, was the fact that a girlfriend-like person comes to visit him every day. Looking at his room from the rooftop, I could see the door is open, and its interiors fully visible. In the brightly lit room, the two were chatting happily. How much I would like to go and pat his shoulder to tell him.

Everything had become the past tense...

He lived for 80 years.

They might look at me confoundedly.

Ah, Tada-san, you've gone too far. It's all because of you, that Rika hates me now.

I slowly looked up, happening to see a young man standing there. His white outfit told me he was a doctor. But I've never seen him before, so was he a new doctor sent over from the university?

This was what I had learned when I was hospitalised: small hospitals like Wakaba Hospital are all affiliated with a University Med school. It's like convenience store chains. So sometimes, young doctors from that med school were sent here to gain experience. It's killing two birds with one stone.

I imitated Tada's face and tried to smile.

"You'd better return to your room before the weather gets cold. Your cold isn't fully cured yet."

Why would this guy know that I had caught a cold?

Wakaba Hospital, though small, still had over 100 patients, and a patient's illness can't be known by all doctors, usually only by the attending physician. Not to mention, a doctor that just arrived from med school couldn't possibly know my illness, because I only caught this cold recently. This was weird.

Noticing my confusion, the doctor chuckled:

"You still haven't realised!"

"Mm."

This handsome young man grinned at me.

"Am I not cool or what?"

But this person in front of me was obviously a gentle and mild youth. The hair style is quite fashionable, and the slightly long hair gives off a cool and comfortable feeling. With a clear contour of the face, beautiful double eyelids, long lashes, and light brown pupils, even though his grin irritated me, this can only be described as a young handsome man.

Any male would be angry after seeing such a young handsome man. Shoot, everyone would think so.

"I'm going to go hiking, " said Doctor Natsume.

I changed the way I called him in my heart.

There's no need to append "Doctor" to his name.

"It's a hobby I've had since I was a student. Two whole months, I've confined myself in a small cabin in the mountains, living by myself. Don't you think it's rude, calling me to be on duty just after I came out from the mountains. During the 2 months on the mountain, I didn't shower, shave or even cut my hair. I even scared a child at the spot that came for an emergency call."

"After duty, I had a shower and went to the hairdresser. It felt like turning from an ape-man back to being a human. Hey, Ezaki, do you understand what I'm saying? Why are you looking at me with such a scary expression?"

As if there's something he's really enjoying, he didn't stop smiling. He seemed to have just smoked, because there was a lingering smell as he took a seat beside me. Once again looking at Natsume sitting beside me, I confirmed he's definitely over 30. He's already at the age where he should marry, and wouldn't be strange even if he had a child or two. But the aura he gives off was quite young, or at least not old at all.

There were these kinds of teachers at school as well. A frank personality, so rather than a teacher, he'd feel more like an elder brother, very sociable and popular among girls.

However, personally, I find it difficult to interact with these teachers.

Therefore, I'm sure it'll also be difficult to get along with Natsume.

Of course, it's definitely like this.

Without mistake.

"Did you have a quarrel with Rika?" he suddenly asked.

"Rika had been complaining about it. She's so angry there are flames in her eyes. Very intimidating indeed. She even yelled,' boys are all idiots!' She sure is scary when she's angry."

Just thinking about Rika's raged eyes sent chills down my spine.

"Well, it ''is'' Rika."

However, for some weird reason, just listening to Natsume, I feel anger boiling up within me. After thinking through it carefully, Natsume actually just called Rika's name directly. To have another man, not to mention a handsome young man to call her name like this, infuriated me.

"Attending doctor? So you specialise in cardiology?"

Hearing my question, Natsume seemed quite surprised.

"Has Rika told you about her condition?"

"Mm."

her own condition until now."

Natsume appeared very happy.

Perhaps, he's not as bad as I think he was.

Friend? He specifically emphasised the word "friend".

Had it been my hallucination?

"Friends are really important, as they can share anything with each other. Lovers are different. Lovers have a gap, and some things cannot be shared. The saying that opposite genders can never have true friendship are made just to fool children. Rika and you are friends, right!"

The more I listened, the angrier I got.

Rika and I weren't only friends. Though we hadn't confessed, our relationship wasn't that simple. I didn't know how to put it into words, but we weren't just normal friends!

After regaining self-consciousness, I realise I'm glaring at Natsume.

He was also looking at me with a cheeky expression and a smirk on his face.

I still detested him.

===== 4 =====

Many things occurred in this world. I've lived for 17 years, and never counted them, knowing that they would be endless.

Among these things that occurred, an event of such a scale is extraordinary. There was a limit to one's patience, and because of this limit, some things simply couldn't be endured.

I was so angry right now I really wanted to kick the chair. I already lifted my leg twice, but managed to restrain myself before lashing out.

There were 4 people in my ward.

Of course, I was the first one.

The second one was Tsukasa.

He was standing next to my bed, smiling.

The third was the university student that stayed in the neighbouring ward.

He had his plastered foot raised while sitting on the chair that I've been trying to kick.

I had the urge to kick him right onto the ground.

The fourth person was that guy's girlfriend.

She was standing next to him. With a fork in her hand, and a slice of cake on the fork, she was feeding that guy.

The university student took a bite, "mmm~, tasty," he exclaimed enthusiastically.

However, the university student frankly said, "Did you really make this delicious cake? It's quite rare for a guy like you to bake cakes. Hey, Yumiko, hurry and let me eat!"

Die! I muttered in my heart, and henceforth proceeded glaring at the person responsible for this disaster, Tsukasa.

Baking was Tsukasa's hobby, so every time he came to visit me he would bring a cake or some cookies that he made. I love desserts and snacks, so I always welcome him. There are failures from time to time, but overall, Tsukasa was quite skilled at baking.

There had been this drawback, though!

When Tsukasa brought gifts to my ward, I was on the rooftop talking with Natsume. Thus, the room was empty. While Tsukasa was confused at what to do with his hands full with gifts, the lovers next door just happened to walk by. So Tsukasa started to chat with them. He loves to chat with other people, and it can be said that he has no sense of wariness. When he's waiting at a bus stop, he met a complete stranger and started chatting with her. She even gave him ten "Ise Specialty Steamed Buns".

Since I still hadn't returned, Tsukasa went ahead and asked.

Tsukasa and I are right next to them, but they were flirting as if there's no one else around.

Unable to stand this any longer, I interrupted, "Hey..."

Both of them turned to look at me, with the smile still remaining from their earlier flirting; they look blissful. Though others may see them as two idiots, the feeling of bliss flowing out felt like a dream blocking my nervous system.

We spent a quarter of an hour listening to their love story. And the two lovers that fully reconfirmed their love, returned to their ward happily.

Only Tsukasa and I were left in the room.

He apologised immediately.

"It's fine, don't worry about it," I said while looking up at the ceiling.

"Yuichi, I thought you would bust out in anger earlier."

Actually, I was not certain, but just looking at their expression told me how precious happiness was. I did not want to destroy such a precious moment. I was not envious, nor had I thought about imitating them. I am not sure about my own opinions on this matter, but I just didn't want to destroy it.

I also wanted to tell Tsukasa what I think, but I gave up in the end.

There was no point in saying it.

If I were to blurt it out directly, I'd might just tell that university student: the former patient that lived in your room was an old man called Tada. That old man was cunning and perverted, and under his bed- the bed you are sleeping in- were many, many porno magazines.

It would have been impossible to tell this to him.

I refrained from what I originally wanted to say.

As such, I couldn't bring that matter on the table.

Stuff I didn't say, things difficult to express, were all hidden deep within my heart. It's as if they would all disappear, never to resurface.

Perhaps, it would be better this way.

"Nothing in particular. Our third semester is very boring, with no sports meet or cultural festival. Yuichi, you still can't be discharged yet? What about your credits?"

I started to sweat. I have already missed school for three months, and I may have to stay hospitalised for another. My attendance count was definitely insufficient, not to mention all the lessons I missed.

Tsukasa acted so happily as if it was ''his'' issue.

"So we can continue on to the third year together."

"Are you an elementary student?!"

But I would never mention these things.

It is very important, so it must not be said.

Tsukasa handed me an orange disk with his large hands.

"He said he wanted to apologize, but I don't quite understand."

So he's apologising now because he made Rika angry. He's not too bad! I even beat him up quite badly that time, but he still apologised.

I was the culprit.

===== 5 =====

The second one is still an anime song.

I took the orange disk out of my walkman and threw it towards the trashcan.

It hit the wall and fell into the can beautifully, sending out a crisp sound.

So many weird things occur in this world.

One of them being Natsume.

He has a handsome face, but a horrible personality. He's also Rika's attending physician.

Another one is Yamanishi.

I looked towards the window. Spring-like sunshine was pouring in through the window. I just stared at the rays of sunshine silently. That time, it was also during winter. It also had this kind of sunshine. I endured the huge pain and crawled along the ground. It's winter, but why did my back feel so warm?

I started to reminiscence.

<!-- last edit by Pudding = would be back -->

\\Energy picking up. Well, bad at grammar, I am no native. Will polish it later. Just put down some readable thing first.

However, he did not kick me.

So be the fist.

My father was pressing against his stomach while crouching on the ground.

I can never forget his mumble at that time.

"Ouch?"

"That voice was like from an idiot."

Out of surprise, I was standing still. I had never attack my father as successful, that memorial day was my first time fighting him effectively, and won that fight. Out of expectation, I have never expected this, surprised!

But that was my greatest fault.

I was standing still while my father slowly stand up.

My father was raising, staring at me with anger. In his eyes was burning blaze, just like the eye of a bull. When his eyes sweep to here, my legs became numb and cannot be moved. While I sweat like river, I cannot run, as my feet are numb. Run! Hey, run! My father was closing in step by step. I should have chosen to run or fight immediately, but I cannot move, standing still. Not only my feet, my heart was still.

"Boom(?)" My father's attack landed.

A punch on the face but I did not feel painful, only feeling dizzy. And then another punch landed. This time, I felt burning painful. Another punch landed on my stomach. I was fought to breathless -- I can only hear the "fuu...fuu" sound from my mouth. I was looking at my father with a begging look, nevertheless, there is only madness filled in my father's eyes. I wanted to run only to discover that my collar was picked up firmly. He was really doing it seriously. He hit my face and stomach endlessly. I was fought to fell on the ground and cannot even stand. That then he kicked me. He kicked, I cried. I don't know whether it is pain or shame, I kept crying.

How many times did my father kicked me? I feel that it was one or two hours, but it actually only a few minutes. After that, my father mumbled something, then walk away in a shaky way.

He was singing the theme song of the anime which I watch every week when I was small.

When I heard the off-pitched voice faded, I was relaxed. I feel that he will not hit me anymore, that then, I suddenly feel more painful. the smell of blood filled my mouth. It seems that I have a bite of sand and dirt, as it smells like so. I stood up, washed my bloody and dirty face and hands. It was painful when my wounds were washed. I took off my clothes, then tears was rushing out again.

I am like a helpless kid.

At this point of time, I am neither thinking of my tragic face, nor do I think of my shrinking mother at the corner. Instead, I am thinking about the look of my father, who was crouching because of my kick.

When I notice, the room has already gone dark. It is dinner time. I feel very hungry. The food in the hospital is bad, but when one is starving, they will have the appetite to eat it. Man are like this. When thirsty, they can even drink lots of dirty water.

I hear footstep sounds.

They are nurses.

Two nurses came in shoulder on shoulder.

"Mr Shiga, have you took a temperature yet?"

"No. He will cheat it if you look at him doing it."

I can just hear these as their voices and footsteps fades.

After a while, footstep sounds are sounded again.

It should be Akiko.<ref> This time Yuichi is not using proper prefix, just calling Akiko by her names, leaving "Miss", it shows that Yuichi is kind of rude to Akiko.</ref>

"Mr Uchida! That is not food!"

Akiko shouted loudly.

"God! You Bastar... Boss! That is not edible!"

Everything are like hallucination.

Without solid feeling.

The soft feeling in my tiptoe is waken, the feel when I kicked my father. There goes 3 years, but that feel for kicking my father as well as the pain for being beaten up, the bloody smell, the shame and the scene when my father was crouching on the ground, were all still so fresh in my mind.

I leave the bed, walked to the door, switched on the lamp.

The music disc in the rubbish bin was my father's favorite song. The label on the disc is shining.

Sometimes, I will think:

If I were living deep in a mountain village, what my life would be like? Living happily with bears, wild boars and monkeys? Impossible! It is not Disney movie. I am certain to be attacked by bears, chasing all over the mountain by the boars, played by the monkeys.

Recently, I watched a movie called The Mosquito Coast.

It was about a father who loves the nature and would like to assimilate into it. Thereafter, his family moved in a rain forest, hence, suffering a lot. Finally, the father gone mad and died, the whole family moved back to the civilized world again.

Principle?

Assertion?

That might be essential, but things might not always develop in a good way. It can go tragic.

The thing is to do it properly.

And then, in those proper acts, there are good thing and bad things. However, they will not be too good or too bad.

Yes, it is something like this.

I always have this thoughts, therefore, my life is just as expected. Although not a brilliant life, but not everything is bad. Simple and happy, a life which I laugh at but still keep living in.

Nevertheless, this is the worst.

Rika is still avoiding me. She would turn away if we met in the corridor. If I speak to her, she will ignore me. If I chase after her, she will hit me with her elbow. If I moan, she will not notice me, strict off leaving.

How rude!

So bad!

Today, I am still thinking of a way appease Rika. Everyday, 24 hours, this issue is all I can think of. But I cannot think of any.

I maybe really am a fool.

Rika also scold me like this:

"Yuichi, you fool!"

Speaking in a cute voice.

"You are a fool!"

Her angry face is also very cute.

I am sunbathing on the roof. The wind is chilling, seems like the cold current is coming. Life in the hospital is too boring. I can only watch the weather forecast to kill time lately. Weather forecast will be repeated, again and again, in NHK's morning news section. I want to take a look of other channels too, but well, the right to choose the channel for TVs in the hall, is holding by the elderly who stayed in the hospital for a longer time.

I feel soo tired.

"Ha..."

I am yawning while opening the textbook.

Well, at least take a look of the textbook, or I am going to repeat. The first step is essay. However, I cannot get the gist of the article.

I work as hard as I can. Then, there is a voice from above.

"Oh, that's nice, you are studying!"

I look up, that then, I see that Akiko is standing there.

With a cigarette in between her lips.

"Don't smoke, it is bad to your health."

"What did you say?"

"O,O,Ouch! Stop it!"

Akiko stomp on my back hard. My body is twisted together like rope. She is standing on her tip toe, bending her kneels, trying to exert all her weight on me.

"What the heck are you doing? Are you a nurse?"

I am running away while I scream.

Akiko is laughing when she breath some smoke out.

"Huh? What?"

"I said..."

"What were you trying to say?"

Akiko's eyes are shining with dangerous light. She seems very happy, energetic. She has already treating bullying me as one of her interests. Why is there such a nurse in this world!

I feel very regret, therefore, I laughed very loudly and say:

"Nothing."

"I am a very generous person, you can say anything you want, I don't mind."

"Well, really nothing. Hahaha, Hahaha."

"That's great, hahaha, hahaha."

We laughed very loudly.

The glowing sunset emmerged in the sky when we are still laughing.

"Sigh, Yuichi."

"Huh?"

What is it this time?

I am frozen.

I think she will not kick me so suddenly, right?

"Are you still arguing with Rika?"

"..."

"It is, right?"

'...'

"Rika is really stubborn. A kid in your age normally have one or two porn book, isn't it simple to forgive you?"

Yeah!

It really is.

Though I am not only hiding one or two books.

"However, that kid is starting to get soft."

"Soft? Rika?"

Akiko nod.

"That kid...Never express her feelings, therefore, we don't know much about her. Even if the repeated medical checks were so tiring, she had never shown a face of tire. Even though she is happy, she had never shown a face of happiness. Therefore, when I heard that you are in quarrel with her, I was much relieved."

"Akiko..."

"What!"

"Rika never showed her feelings, right?"

"Yeah."

"She can go completely mad or happy."

Akiko blinks her eyes.

"Really?"

"Uh huh."

She can go so mad that she is even more horrible than Akiko. I am afraid that there is only one girl, Rika, who is more horrible than Akiko. Cried, Shout, Scolding endlessly: Rika is a person with explosive emotion.

Akiko murmured.

"She tortured you..."

"Huh?"

I can't hear what she said clearly.

To hide from me, Akiko speaks before me.

"It is about time."

She take a look of her watch.

"You have business?"

"Rika will finish her drip treatment in the afternoon and may come up here. I asked her to come. Listen, this time you really need to take the chance. She can't run fast, you can hide behind the fence or something like that. Then, block the entrance<ref>Should be exit, but the original text...</ref>. Then you won't be locked like last time."

"Akiko..."

"Kneel down, or whatever, whatever you do, just beg her pardon. Though this is my own thoughts, but I think Rika wants to get back to normal relationship too. Kneel, or even better, cry. Then tell her you can be her servant for 100 years or something like that, then she will definitely forgive you."

Akiko smile and then putting the cigarette bud which she has finished into a pocket ashtray. Then she is gone. I watched until her shadows fades. Thank you very much! Akiko. Akiko really is an angel! God who reborn! Buddha who reincarnated!

Still, I can hardly believe. I stand there like an idiot, day dreamed for half a day.

I should first hide up.

I peeked around anxiously. How about hiding beside the water tower? The sun was sat and is getting cold. But it is not the time to consider this.

After five minutes, the door was opened.沒回過神

Rika is here!

Failure is not an option. Anyway, kneel down, cry, stick my head to the concrete ground. Whatever it is, if she can forgive me, I can swear to be her servant for one hundred years.

I strain to hear and I found the sound of steps.

She is looking around. Maybe she is looking for Akiko. The foot steps are getting near and near. I took a deep breath and calculate the timing. Just a bit more, one step, two steps, three steps--

Now.

I rushed out and kneel on the concrete ground.

"Rika, sorry."

Look up.

It in fact is Natsume.

I don't know how long did the silent continued.

I stared at Natsume's face meaninglessly, Natsume also looked at my face mindlessly.

It is Natsume who reacted first.

"What are you doing here?"

He asked in a surprise.

I immediately blushes and stand up.

"Nothing."

Darn it, I knelt before this guy.

"Suddenly kneeling in front of me, I was nearly scared to death. By the way, Ezaki, let me show you something good."

"What!"

"Look!"

Natsume pull out an imported porn book. It has such a strong image and so sexy that anyone who see it will avoid it.

"There you are."

"Huh? I don't want this kind of stuff."

"Alright, alright. Take it. Gifts from the elder one has to be accepted."

Natsume speaks in a fast pace, then stuff the book into my hands and leave in a hurry. What is he doing. Anyway, my hands is now left with that super sexy book.

Well book is such thing that you want to flip over it when you hold one.

Isn't it?

When tidying up my room, sometimes I will find out some books which are not yet read. At that time, I will be compassionate about the book because it is bought but never touched. It is the most tragic thing to a book.

It is exactly the same case.

I am not very willing to read it.

I open the book.

At the same time.

There is a shadow hanging over me. A thin shadow. I did not think closely and looked up.

It's Rika.

Standing here.

I suddenly understand everything. Why Natsume is such anxious, why he carried this book, why he stuff it to me. That jerk, Natsume, must have known Akiko's plan.

But I know deeply that it is my foolishness.

I know by heart that Rika will come, why should I open that book?!

I am an idiot, right?

"Ri,Rika!"

I throw that book away and cried.

"No, it is not like that."

However, Rika turn and leave in a poker face. I chase her, but then I am hit violently by her elbow on the stomach and I lost my balance. Taking the chance, Rika run out rapidly. I bear the pain and chase her desperately, but the door is shut hard in front of me.

(--lock)

Then there is a foreboding sound. I put my hand on the handle in a panic. Seems like it can be turned, but actually not. Not again, I am locked. I pulled hard to find the door cannot be moved. Kicked which hurts my feet. Knock which hurts my hands.

I stand there.

Only to know that the sun has sat and the wind starts to turn cold.

"I can't believe it..."

Oh, right, the weather forecast this morning said that today is the coldest day this year.

===== 7 =====

I put my hands on the fence, staring to the front, thinking if it is possible to go down to the balcony. I climb pass the chest-tall (?) fence and take a deep breathe. In the chilling wind of the winter, my hands and heart are turning very cold.

don-don-don...

Rika Akiba run down the stairs, her foot steps resonates in the void. The reddish ray of the sun shines from window near the ceiling, dyeing the stairs, walls and the girl with reddish paint. The long hair of the the girl is flying in the red light. The girl's hair is dancing, dancing like her illusory dream. That girl speaks to herself, idiot, what a big idiot! Her eyes are brimming with tear. The reason why Miss Tanizaki ask her to go up is kind of known in her heart. And she knows that the one who is waiting up there is not Tanizaki, but that idiot. If he beg for pardon, though a bit too hard, she is still going to give him a chance. Originally she planned not to forgive him so earlier and want to torture him a bit more. But he treat her like a dumb-head. He already has her, why does he need to store so many that kind of stuff? All the guys are idiot. Idiotic, perverted, shameless!

However, it is likely that she is running out of time.

And the time is passing quickly.

There is no other way out. She don't want to end like this. And that idiot cannot stand her avoidance anymore, as he turn hopeless lately. He is cute being like that, just a bit.

Therefore, she decided to forgive him.

Yup, she want to forgive him.

I sighed. I know this won't work, so I give up. It is more worthwhile to take a look over there. I sneeze again and again.

Gorō Natsume is standing beside the emergency exit.

The foot steps are getting closer and closer.

don-don-don, just like kicking the stairs away. It seems very angry. Here comes the foot steps beside Natsume. In order to hide from her, Natsume shrink very hard.

The foot steps passes through the emergent exit, fading in the ward of the west. Natsume laughs out loudly -- operation finished. If I left one minute later, it would be disastrous. Rika is very mad, the pair of cute eyes are shining with anguish.

I am very familiar with Rika's temper for I have met her such long a time. In this case, that kid will never be close with Rika again. Rika will not forgive him. Regardless of he kneeling down, crying out, Rika will never notice him again.

Natsume laughs out loudly, ever louder and louder, even cracking out, shrinking the whole body, laughing endlessly. Finally, it turns to a hysterical laugh.

My effort to plan the escape route was in vein. In the end, I completely give up on it. I decide to wait for the security guard, Mr Edogawa, petrol here and rescue me.

I kneel beside the water tower where no wind can reach. I snuffle, possibly due to the cold whether.

Or maybe it is due to sadness. "Rika, it is not my fault......"I murmured.

"Mr Uchida, that is not food, don't!"

Tanizaki is mad as always.

Patient are all capricious. They all think their lives are tragic, being capricious is reasonable. being dependent <ref>甘える, no direct translation to English. This is an act when people acting vulnerable, being dependent on someone. Just like kids sticking with their mother, begging for pats, asking for attention--these are 甘える.</ref> on the family is alright. After all, they are family of them.

But please don't do that to the nurses.

Nurses would want to treat the patient as well as possible. I was being called as the queen of Ise, or even the red devil -- but those are past. Now I am an angel in white.

Maybe it is very embarrassing and I have never ever mentioned it to anybody, after all, it is not that important. Actually, I dreamt to be a nurse when I was a kid, a pretty, kind and generous nurse.

Keep smiling.

Like an angel.

However, facing an old man, who has a severe diabetes, and has to go on strict diet, and if being not careful he may die. In this sense, when I see him hide up and eat sweets, smiling is just too impossible for me.

When they are discovered, they will even bring their sweets to run away. That is so terrible.

I would absolutely go mad.

"Give that to me, do you want to die!"

Shouting while chasing the running old man.

He has an armful of sweets, pile up like a little hill.

If he really eat them all, he would be dead.

Absolutely dead.

"Stop--eat--ing!"

"I--did---not!"

"Li--ar!"

"I--did--not! Real--ly--didn't!"

"wh--what are those? Those which you are holding?"

I really want to smile.

But now I can only shout, curse, chasing like a ghost. If the patient becomes afraid of me like that, it will not bad.

Afraid of her, listen to her, that then they can live longer.

That then they can leave the hospital earlier.

Their family will be quite happy, not to mention the patient themselves.

Therefore, to grab the sweets from the stubborn, troublesome Mr Uchida, I can only shout.

"You idiotic old man, if you don't want to die, hurry up and throw those things in you arms away!"

===========================

I gaze up to the sky, a few magnitude one stars are shining in the winter starry sky when the last quarter moon slowly climb up the east of the sky.

============================

Natsume sits besides the emergency exit. Catching the voice calling to him, Dr. Natsume -- an imaginary voice. But Natsume did not stand up, keep on staring into space. The hysterical laugh fades away, leaving a face in blank.

Natsume puts his hands into the pocket of his jacket, pull out a lighter that he always carry around and squeezing on it.

His finger joints start to turn white as he put too much force on the lighter. Even so, Natsume is unconscious of it.

His eyes are staring far far away, onto a place which does not exist. Following that warmth, following that gentle voice. Even if he knows that it would never return, he stills follows it.

"Ayy!"

A sweet but imaginary voice sounded.

"Ayy!"

Natsume come back to conscious, look around, looks like panicking. However, projecting on his eye is not what he is seeking. Projecting on his eye is the door of the emergency exit which has peeling paint, the linoleum floor and the wall in white.

He showed a wry smile, only to blame his ignorance. Then the smile suddenly disappeared, turning into a fragile face of a bullied child. His lips keep moving, just like he is speaking.

However, the voice is too soft to be heard, not even himself.

====================================

I am sitting against the water tower, hugging my kneels, gazing the last quarter moon far far away.

====================================

The girl go back to her room.

Standing in the darkness.

looking at the books on the table besides the bed. There lies four books with the same title, same cover, just a difference in the number of the subtitle. Only the one with the number "1" is put beside the pillow.

Asking my mom to buy it instead of that idiot. Because it is a secret, one day, and until that day, I don't want him to know about it. I really am stupid for spending so much time and effort on it.

That is so shameful, really shameful. Tears flood out. The girl wipe the tears away hard, standing in front of the table and sweep all the books on it to the floor.

The book dropped and hit the floor with sound of "basa basa". She then raise the book beside the pillow up high. Throw it away, book, and everything, forget about them.

But her hand which raise the book stops in the air.

Staying still.

Keep still.

Ten second or thirty second has passed, or even a minute...... The girl put down her hands, staring at the book cover.

Murmured in the darkness.

Baka! <ref>Idiot</ref>

<small>(translated, need revision)</small>

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| Forward to [[HanTsuki:Volume_2_Chapter_2|Chapter 2]]