Editing Mushi:Vol3 Ch1

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An unrealistic, manga-like sound. The ground shook, and a dark red liquid flew everywhere. Tatsue screamed.
 
An unrealistic, manga-like sound. The ground shook, and a dark red liquid flew everywhere. Tatsue screamed.
   
Though she was unharmed thanks to Mitaka's help, the scene of the girl who fell from the roof and hitting the ground seemed to have been mentally scarring.
+
Though she was unharmed thanks to Mitaka's help, the scene of the girl who fell from the roof hitting the ground seemed to have been mentally scarring.
   
 
"Ahaha, I lost."
 
"Ahaha, I lost."
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Saibara Mitsuki, who had become a devastated mess thanks to that fall, laughed open-heartedly.
 
Saibara Mitsuki, who had become a devastated mess thanks to that fall, laughed open-heartedly.
   
"Hee." She got up as if nothing happened. Her flesh was absolutely squashed, she bled profusely, a number of her bones stuck out of her skin and her face was also deformed.
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"Hee." She got up as if nothing happened. Pieces of her flesh [[Mushi:Vol3_TLnotes#Night 1 Questionable translations|were pierced with bloody bones]], and her face was also deformed.
   
"Since I took away my sense of pain, I can still fight, Ah, what's up with you two?"
+
"Since I took away my sense of pain I can still fight, ah, what do we do now?"
   
 
With that face that was unbearable to look at, Mitsuki smiled. "Why so afraid?"
 
With that face that was unbearable to look at, Mitsuki smiled. "Why so afraid?"
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"Ah... ee -- Aaaaahhhh!" Tatsue collapsed on the spot from fear.
 
"Ah... ee -- Aaaaahhhh!" Tatsue collapsed on the spot from fear.
   
Upon seeing Tatsue like that, Mitaka immediately stood up and proffered his hand, "Tatsue, let's go!"
+
Upon seeing Tatsue like that, Mitaka immediatly stood up and proffered his hand, "Tatsue, let's go!"
   
 
"Eh -- what?"
 
"Eh -- what?"
   
Tatsue could not respond quickly; her education was insufficient for an abnormal situation like this. In the human life she had been living, she stayed distant from these strange affairs as she should have --
+
Tatsue could not respond quickly; her preparation was insufficient for an abnormal situation like this. In the human life she had been living, she stayed distant from these strange affairs as she should have --
   
Mitaka grabbed Tatsue's hand, and spoke seriously. "Falling from such a height yet still still surviving, how could that girl possibly be a normal human? My body's only that of a human, and it doesn't seem like you know how to fight... Damn it! Just hurry up and go -"
+
Mitaka grabbed Tatsue's hand, and spoke seriously. "Falling from such a height yet still still surviving, how could that girl possibly be a normal person? My body's only that of a human, and it doesn't seem like you know how to fight... gyah! Just hurry up and go --"
   
 
"That's right." A tranquil, female voice suddenly chimed in.
 
"That's right." A tranquil, female voice suddenly chimed in.
   
"Ki-chan, you are truly unsuitable for battle."
+
"Mitsuki, you are truly unsuitable for battle."
   
Tatsue looked over and saw the head, which had rolled out from the bag that should have fallen with Mitsuki, poke its face out. But, probably due to Mitsuki's protection, it was unharmed. "Don't I always say this? You must think everything through, like a cat on the hunt, for the smallest actions can produce the maximum results."
+
Tatsue looked over and saw the head which had rolled out from the bag that should have fallen with Mitsuki. But, probably due to Mitsuki's protection, it was unharmed. "Don't I always say this? You must think everything through, like a cat on the hunt, for the smallest actions decide results."
   
 
"I'm not a cat."
 
"I'm not a cat."
   
Like a mouse who had only ever been hunted and now that she was the hunter, Mitsuki tilted her head with perplexion, and walked over. "Sis, this time I'll beat them up directly."
+
Like a mouse who had only ever been hunted, now that she was the hunter Mitsuki tilted her head with perplexion, and walked over. "Sis, this time I'll beat them up directly."
   
 
"Tatsue, get up! She's coming!"
 
"Tatsue, get up! She's coming!"
   
Though Mitaka was shouting at her, her limp body couldn't easily be put back into action. Tatsue tried to push herself from the ground using her arms, but she slipped on the moss and fell.
+
Though Mitaka was shouting at her, her limp body couldn't easily be put back into action. Tatsue tried to push herself from the ground using her arms, but she comically slipped on the moss and fell.
   
 
"Uuh --"
 
"Uuh --"
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He spread his arms, and stood as if protecting Tatsue. "Why? Why can't I abandon this person and escape by myself..."
 
He spread his arms, and stood as if protecting Tatsue. "Why? Why can't I abandon this person and escape by myself..."
   
Tatsue watched Mitaka, who shook as he protected her, and words slipped out. "Mitaka-chan."
+
Tatsue watched the Mitaka who shook as he protected her, and words slipped out. "Mitaka-chan."
   
She had once addressed her beloved childhood friend this way. Though he had started falling in depravity later, leading her to lose hope -
+
She had once addressed her beloved childhood friend this way. Though he had started falling in depravity later, leading her to lose hope --
   
 
That was how it should have been.
 
That was how it should have been.
   
''Why is he protecting me now? He's clearly frightened, but he's willing to stand up and save me.''
+
''Why is he protecting me now? He's clearly frightened, but he's willing to stand up straight and save me.''
   
 
"Bang -" That would normally be a sound made by some innocent child. Mitsuki's pose with clenched fists lacked any sense of coherence. She just swung downwards with her hands spread wide open. If a professional martial artist -- like, say, a karate master -- saq this, he wouldn't be able to stand looking at the mistake-riddled movements.
 
"Bang -" That would normally be a sound made by some innocent child. Mitsuki's pose with clenched fists lacked any sense of coherence. She just swung downwards with her hands spread wide open. If a professional martial artist -- like, say, a karate master -- saq this, he wouldn't be able to stand looking at the mistake-riddled movements.

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