Editing Talk:IS:Volume6 Chapter1

=TL Problems=

==--LINE 1--==

(TL note : the kanji means Base that is not exist in map while the hiragana reads Erased, which one should I use in this one? I'll use the hiragana reading for now, please change it if I should use the kanji meaning instead)


I guess you mean furigana? You should use the furigana as the primary as that's the way it's supposed to be read despite how it's written. You can however use parentheses to indicate the actual kanji translation, if you want to.--[[User:Larethian|Larethian]] 02:32, 10 February 2011 (UTC)



Yea, I mean the furigana, I just found the kanji meaning interesting cause it has some kind of connection to the overall plot, and sometimes the english furigana and the kanji meaning is totally different XD. I'll follow your suggestion and use parenthesis instead. -- [[User:Kuroi shinigami|Kuroi shinigami]] 19:52,10 February 2011 (GMT+7)


yeah, we have a lot of that in denyuuden, and that's how are doing it. --[[User:Larethian|Larethian]] 20:24, 11 February 2011 (UTC)

I would also say "Erased" is ok, but I think a TL'note regarding the information that it is a Base that not exists on a map would be nice. --[[User:Darklor|Darklor]] 10:14, 16 February 2011 (UTC)

The translation note about the name of this base is wrong. It's not a Harry Potter reference since, among other things, that mirror you say is called "Mirror of Erised" ("desire" written backwards), not "erased". BTW, the words that mirror has engraved were also backwards ("erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi", flip it).

==Minor errors==

{
Speaking of the menu, Laura chose seasonal salad past, --->  seasonal salad PASTA ?
 
Laura, who's chewing on fried white fish, continued Laura's word. --->   I believe it's probably someone else (Cecilia?) who continued Laura's words

Was it such a surprising thing? To think even Chal stood up, which was something unusual. ---> It felt like this was repeated twice by accident
}

I never see the original script before so I can't tell whether if these are mistakes or deliberate. I just picked out those lines that somehow felt out of place, so can anyone with the script check these lines?  -- [[User:Destinyz|Destinyz]] 23:57,11 February 2011 (GMT+8)

Fixed. Sorry, I'm a little absent minded today XD. --[[User:Kuroi shinigami|Kuroi shinigami]] 23:09,11 February 2011 (GMT+7)

==TL-Note 1==

1st. Are it really eyes? Isnt one of her eyes behind an eyepatch? So that it should be singular?

2nd. Wouldnt it be: "German's cold as ice." ? 

3rd. to Larethian if you know its wrong why havent you changed it then? 

:good point. I was distracted by the entire sentence and didn't think of changing it. --[[User:Larethian|Larethian]] 13:04, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

4th. Says Laura really some sentences above that "Even though you're my '''wife''',..." ?
--[[User:Darklor|Darklor]] 05:42, 19 February 2011 (UTC)


:1st. Hmmm... well, Japanese doesn't differentiate between singular and plural, but you make a good point. I'll change it to eye instead.
:2nd. The cold actually is the adjective of ice(which I guess is redundancy since everyone knows that ice is cold XD. I just translate it directly from the original source). Any idea how to make the sentence better? Would "German's ice, Laura Bodewich" be okay? But it kinda sounds like Laura is an ice instead of a person XD or would it be better as "The Ice of German - Laura Bodewich"
:4th. yea, Laura said wife here. She has been told a wrong concept that in Japan, you say "I'll take you as my wife" to a person you're interested with, whether he/she is a male or female. --[[User:Kuroi shinigami|Kuroi shinigami]] 06:22, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

==TL-Note 2==
Once you're finished helping let's once again together....(T/N note : The Japanese sentence structure enable this sentence to be cut before saying the verb, unlike the English language structure. Any idea how to fix it without removing the "again"?)" 

:Would it work as ''Once you're finished helping let's once again do together....'' ? --[[User:Darklor|Darklor]] 10:43, 16 February 2011 (UTC)

Well, it could work I guess. I'm not sure what kind of sentence would sound natural in English, but the point is the original sentence doesn't use any verb at all while retaining the "again"(although the author implicitly means that Ichika was going to invite Houki to hang around together again after she's finished helping before his words gets cut.) Just change it as you see fit since I'm not that fluent in English XD -- [[User:Kuroi shinigami|Kuroi shinigami]] 22:52,18 February 2011 (GMT+7)

:That "lets's" is in the origin? I think to keep that "again" wouldnt be that big of a problem, if there were other parts which could be removed. (Which elements has the origin sentence really? Would that work if that "together" is gone?: "When you're finished helping, once again we..." - And where she repeats that last part of the sentence could be "Once again..." ;) --[[User:Darklor|Darklor]] 05:23, 19 February 2011 (UTC)


That "let's" is not in the origin, but from the flow of the conversation, Ichika is inviting Houki, that's why I add the "let's". The "together" on the other hand is in the original sentence, but I guess using we should already cover the "together" so that can be removed. --[[User:Kuroi shinigami|&#91;&#91;User:Kuroi shinigami&#124;Kuroi shinigami&#93;&#93;]] 06:28, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

==Diction&word choice==
I've marked several part where I'm not sure about the words I use. Could ''editor no minna-san'' helps check the part I mark with '''T/N note''' and either change that part to a more suitable word or just erase the T/N note if they think it is good enough? Thanks. ^^ [[User:Kuroi shinigami|Kuroi shinigami]] 22:52,18 February 2011 (GMT+7)

Kuro, I have a suggestion to demarcate the pages, especially those where you have problems. like this <nowiki><!-- PG ## --></nowiki>, it'll be easier to cross-check the raws. --[[User:Larethian|Larethian]] 16:28, 18 February 2011 (UTC)

Sure, or maybe I should write the original Japanese word too so it will be even easier? --[[User:Kuroi shinigami|Kuroi shinigami]] 10:58,19 February 2011 (GMT+7)

Hmm...I just will tell you what i honestly think about a few lines, to be honest i´m quite busy to do any elaborate work here so i guess this is just the least i can do....  
:-That was a complete burst of anger, but that day, Houki's mind keep wandering into that thought until she sleeps. 
:"...until she falls asleep" or "...until she finally falls asleep", there will be times where you´l have to add words or verbs to a translation to give it a better context or make it more simple so that the meaning can be expressed, the idea is that she was quite frustrated and though about it until she fell asleep so any of those phrases would do the trick. 
:-Her personality...could be described as wild, or likes to do as she pleases(T/N note : how do you say a personality that likes to do as he/she pleases? ><). She's a very cat-like person.                                                                                            Whimsycal or spontaneous, it depends, though i figure the former is more apropiate.                                                            
:-"Aha. Ecchi.(T/N note : is it better to keep it as "ecchi" or is it better to change it to pervert?)"                                                                                                                                     Well, i think that most of the people that reads novels here, know what that means so it´s just about which term you prefer, as for me i´ll say leave it as it is it sounds better. 
[[User:Caramu|Caramu]] 16:37, 18 February 2011 (UTC)

Thank you. Whimsical is the word I'm looking for.--[[User:Kuroi shinigami|Kuroi shinigami]] 10:58,19 February 2011 (GMT+7)

==The sentence with the cut after the verb==

I think you mentionned that you would like to move the adverb again in your translation for a sentence. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but in English, I think adverb can be place almost evrywhere in the sentence.

I thought the problem is a cut before a verb...? --[[User:Darklor|Darklor]] 02:44, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

Yea, the problem is the sentence is cut before the verb in the original sentence. Like I said, it can be easily deduced what the verb was supposed to be, but it's not explicitly written. That's why I leave it to editor whose English is much better than me to decide what kind of sentence would be better(I've write the verb in the previous discussion) --[[User:Kuroi shinigami|&#91;&#91;User:Kuroi shinigami&#124;Kuroi shinigami&#93;&#93;]] 04:04, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

Can you put the sentence you wish to write, and which part should be cut? Like XXX XXXX XXXX/XXX where the / indicates the cut? [[User:Kira0802|Kira0802]] 12:21, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

The sentence is "Once you're done helping, let's /hang out(or look around)/ together again". The verb is cut and I  need the "again" to be in(or the equivalent word). --[[User:Kuroi shinigami|&#91;User:Kuroi shinigami&#124;Kuroi shinigami&#93;]] 16:55, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

How about "Once you're done helping, let's, together again,/ hang out. [[User:Kira0802|Kira0802]] 19:15, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

That was my original translation too XD. If English native speaker doesn't think it sounds awkward, I'll leave it like that. Alternatively how about "When you're finished helping, let's once again..."? Does it imply the "together" part well? --[[User:Kuroi shinigami|User:Kuroi shinigami]] 02:11, 20 February 2011 (UTC)

Let's implies "let us", so together isn't needed. [[User:Kira0802|Kira0802]] 02:41, 20 February 2011 (UTC)

==--Standard Format--==

I have a problem about the IS form naming format. When Personal IS is unused, they are stored in an accessory form. Zephyr from Animesuki Forum gave a good name to that form called closed form(and open form for the battle mode), while the literal translation is specialized mechanism form(得機形態) which one do you think is better to be used? I'll use the literal translation for now, but I'd like an opinion from all the other translator too(especially the one translating this series) since this naming format are going to be used in other volume too. Thanks ^^--[[User:Kuroi shinigami|User:Kuroi shinigami]] 11:26, 20 February 2011 (UTC)

"The other translator translating this series" sounds a bit rude. LOL, just joking.
Well, you see, I think it's better to stick with the litteral term until the series is finished (which will take a bit of time) since the author could use the terms in the story for a pun or something like that. There could be also a term the author will create in the next novels (V7, V8, etc.) which will have a link with the litteral name. For now I would recommend creating a term list and its translation so that the translations look alike. Well, after all, I won't need to translate some IS terms for now, so do as you wish.[[User:Kira0802|Kira0802]] 19:54, 20 February 2011 (UTC)

Sorry bout that XD. My English is not that good to find a better word for that XD.--[[User:Kuroi shinigami|Kuroi shinigami]] 10:47, 21 February 2011 (UTC)

==Tense==

Do you use present or past tense^ It<ll make my editing faster. Thx [[User:Kira0802|Kira0802]] 16:11, 1 March 2011 (UTC)

Uhhh, which one do you think is better for a first person narration? XD I keep the tenses in the conversation part just like the original work(past tense when they use "datta" in the original work, present tense otherwise) but I'm not sure whether first person narration have the same rules in Japanese and English or not so, I'll leave it to the editors. Most of the narration beside the 1st part is done in 1st person view. Sorry to put more work in the editors XD --[[User:Kuroi shinigami|Kuroi shinigami]] 09:01, 2 March 2011 (UTC)


Checking the original work again, it seems even in Japanese they use past tense in the narration. So unless English has different rule for first-person narration, I guess using past tense will be better ^_^ --[[User:Kuroi shinigami|Kuroi shinigami]] 11:51, 2 March 2011 (UTC)

OK, so I'll edit with the past. [[User:Kira0802|Kira0802]] 16:19, 2 March 2011 (UTC)

== Laura's military rank ==

Thanks for the awesome translation.  I think we finally established Laura's military rank here.  However, Lt.Commander is actually a navy rank, which I doubt Laura would actually use.  The more common Army/Air Force equivalent would be major.  Also, since she's a German officer, I wonder if ''Frau Major'' would be better then Major-dono...  Just my thought.--[[User:Wildcards|Wildcards]] 14:39, 27 September 2011 (CDT)
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−	That "let's" is not in the origin, but from the flow of the conversation, Ichika is inviting Houki, that's why I add the "let's". The "together" on the other hand is in the original sentence, but I guess using we should already cover the "together" so that can be removed. ~~If I translate it into "When you're finished helping, let's once again...", will it imply that Ichika is asking Houki to go together with him?~~--[[User:Kuroi shinigami\|[[User:Kuroi shinigami\|Kuroi shinigami]]]] 06:28, 19 February 2011 (UTC)	+	That "let's" is not in the origin, but from the flow of the conversation, Ichika is inviting Houki, that's why I add the "let's". The "together" on the other hand is in the original sentence, but I guess using we should already cover the "together" so that can be removed. --[[User:Kuroi shinigami\|[[User:Kuroi shinigami\|Kuroi shinigami]]]] 06:28, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

	==Diction&word choice==		==Diction&word choice==