Editing Talk:Mushi:Vol2 Ch1

Nice work, cakeman! I really like how you translated Mina's speech!

Uncertain sentences have been changed. Please compare the versions with the History function - [[User:Brynhilde|Brynhilde]] 1203 GMT 1 Dec 2011


Thanks for the corrections! Anyways most of what I changed were fairly simple mistakes, though I've undone some changes and made some other ones.

-A comma was deleted despite being grammatically correct because IMO it obstructed flow without needing to.

-“Assassinations” instead of “Assassination attempts” implies that the guy’s afraid of being assassinated multiple times. But I think it’s fine to just refer to assassination as a general concept, which doesn’t need plural or an article.

-with, into: I’m probably taking a few liberties with the English language with “into”, but I like it better since it implies how the whole training/education was shoved into him, whereas “with” seems to be more of a cooperative word. 

-Demand=>threat: This phrase is about how easly Guriko can gouge out Sakaki’s eyes, right? Rereading the Chinese, I think I prefer “She can easily carry out that little hobby (implying that Guriko loves to frequently gouge out people’s eyes) of hers”, but I’m not certain of my understanding of that line.

-“Arrived”: Past tense doesn’t work since he hasn’t arrived when he typed that up. The rest of the sentence is changed for consistence. And I don’t think Guriko’s assumptions are far back enough to actually use past tense. 

-Mina becoming alert: On second thought, using two descriptors for “became” that serve the same purpose is redundant. Instant and quick aren’t commonly used together, and it’s impossible to be instant without being considered quick anyways. 

-Also I'm not sure what "traveled 3 '''stages''' by bus" (or something) means. What stages..?
[[User:Cakemanofdoom|Cakemanofdoom]] 18:32, 1 December 2011 (CST)

Shouldnt that be stations? --[[User:Darklor|Darklor]] 02:53, 2 December 2011 (CST)
@@ Line 22: / Line 22: @@
 Shouldnt that be stations? --[[User:Darklor|Darklor]] 02:53, 2 December 2011 (CST)
-Thanks for the edits Dell, though I rolled back some of the changes.
--"last month" vs. "previous month": Since the novel is in past tense, not present, "last month" feels incorrect to me since the whole thing takes place some indefinite time ago. Previous month is a month before whatever that indefinite time is. However, I'm not absolutely sure about this; if I'm wrong, please tell me.
--"was easy" vs. "lacked difficulty": Sakaki explicitly states that Tatsue talks pretentiously (I think that line was slightly mistranslated though), so using more "sophisticated language" even when it impedes conversational flow seems appropriate for her.
--Didn't change this one, but what was the point of adding "sort of" in front of inhuman preparation? It doesn't seem to me as if one is better than the other.
--"common sense or beliefs" vs. "common sense or belief" The phrase right before this is "This kind of", which is singular as opposed to "These kinds of", so "beliefs" is incorrect. Also, we're only talking about one belief here: that crime results in punishment.
-On the bus thing: The Chinese seemed to be talking about a type of bus that I don't know about. But since "stages" doesn't make any sense to me, I'll go with stations. [[User:Cakemanofdoom|Cakemanofdoom]] 21:53, 3 December 2011 (CST)