Editing Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume1 Prologue
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::Current suggestion: '''With a brusque enough personality to cause grief for her 'old-fashioned' father, she had, somewhere along the line, been influenced by the old-fashioned portion of her grandfather's upbringing all this time.''' - I'll leave it open for discussion for now. |
::Current suggestion: '''With a brusque enough personality to cause grief for her 'old-fashioned' father, she had, somewhere along the line, been influenced by the old-fashioned portion of her grandfather's upbringing all this time.''' - I'll leave it open for discussion for now. |
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::Sorry about the long rant btw. I tend to make my decision while I'm writing my replies, resulting in these long pieces of text. --[[User:Dohma|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma|talk]]) 10:20, 28 June 2013 (CDT) |
::Sorry about the long rant btw. I tend to make my decision while I'm writing my replies, resulting in these long pieces of text. --[[User:Dohma|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma|talk]]) 10:20, 28 June 2013 (CDT) |
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− | ::*His use of 「古い」 is as a pun, to mean old-fashioned. That is, her father had follows the traditional way of thinking rather than adapting to the current times. This makes her father more strict, and someone who thinks more like a royal member of society, than someone open-minded. And don't worry about rants. I love 'em. It was mentioned slightly before in the prologue, though I can't blame you since it's been several months since you worked on it. For the revision I think 'old' is good enough for describing the father. You had already used 'old' once in the prologue, so I'm sure readers will get it. --[[User:Detalz|Detalz]] |
+ | ::*His use of 「古い」 is as a pun, to mean old-fashioned. That is, her father had follows the traditional way of thinking rather than adapting to the current times. This makes her father more strict, and someone who thinks more like a royal member of society, than someone open-minded. And don't worry about rants. I love 'em. It was mentioned slightly before in the prologue, though I can't blame you since it's been several months since you worked on it. For the revision I think 'old' is good enough for describing the father. You had already used 'old' once in the prologue, so I'm sure readers will get it. --[[User:Detalz|Detalz]] 05:49, 28 June 2013 (CDT) |
Below are some suggestions for improving sentence flow. I also made a few minor edits. Feel free to use/change any at your own discretion. --[[User:Detalz|Detalz]] |
Below are some suggestions for improving sentence flow. I also made a few minor edits. Feel free to use/change any at your own discretion. --[[User:Detalz|Detalz]] |
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*''In a range of gentle hills, there was a mansion overlooking a wide lake.'' -> In a range of gentle hills, a mansion stood over a wide lake, or a mansion stood atop a vast lake |
*''In a range of gentle hills, there was a mansion overlooking a wide lake.'' -> In a range of gentle hills, a mansion stood over a wide lake, or a mansion stood atop a vast lake |