Editing User talk:Islandi

== My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong as I Expected: Volume 3 Chapter 1 ==

'''[Fronttide wrote] henceforth know as FW.''' 

'''[Islandi wrote] henceforth known as IS'''

'''[Current translation] is henceforth known as CT'''

*CT: '''A bundle paper, a terrible thing like the Dead Sea Scrolls, was put on the table with a thump.'''
*IS: Is Hachiman saying the Dead Sea Scrolls and the bundle of paper are terrible? First I'll assume the answers Yes. If he was referencing the Dead Sea Scrolls from Neon Genesis Evangelion, is he implying that Zaimokuza's paper is terrible because of the Scrolls mysterious and apocalyptic nature. If so perhaps "enigmatic" and its synonyms or "dangerous/apocalyptic" and its synonyms would be a better way of describing the thing. If he's referencing the biblical dead sea scrolls, is he saying that his paper looks incomprehensible hence terrible? [The dead sea scrolls weren't only in Jewish but in Roman, Arabic and so on. Also it was by no means complete. Hence the conclusion that it would be enigmatic. So Hachiman could be saying that he can comprehend the story as much as he could an unfamiliar language and that the paper is disorganised and incomplete]. If so then perhaps "ancient" and its synonyms or "enigmatic" and its synonyms would be a better adjective to describe the "thing". Assuming the answer to the first question is Yes to make the meaning clear I just need to add a conjunction. However that would imply the bundle of paper and the terrible thing are two separate objects which is wrong... right? Anyway a mock edit is in order. '''''A bundle of paper that was as incomprehensible as the Dead Sea Scrolls was put on the table with a thump.''''' Does it capture the original meaning?


*CT: '''In the early morning somehow a strange unknown chill ran down my spine as I read the paper.'''
*IS: Somehow is an adverb so can only be used to modify 'run.' The word run here is part of a phrase which is shorthand for a "a sudden and powerful feeling of fear."It seems unlikely that Hachiman is questioning how the chill ran down his spine because it's just figurative speech or a metaphor. Although he could be poking fun at the phrase since literally in this case its nonsense but is there a similar phrase in Japanese. Next thing I want to talk about are the adjectives "strange" and "unknown". The word strange already has the connotation of unfamiliarity so adding the word unknown is redundant unless for emphasis. I see no reason for emphasis so I propose we shorten to a "strange unknown chill" to a "strange chill." Please tell me the purpose of the "in the early morning" as it seems ill-fitted. Anyway my reasoning is long so I'll just post my interpretation of the phrase: in the early morning. '''As I was reading the paper, a strange chill ran down my spine - the early morning notwithstanding.'''


*CT: '''A strange feeling of déjà vu mixed with an uncomfortable feeling that is, of course zaimokuza yoshiteru-sensei one might second action book edition.'''
*IS: The noun phrase: a strange feeling needs to be changed as it may be confused with feeling described by the chill. Or is the chill that was described also the strange feeling described in this sentence? If so as we may need to change the idiom to make the meaning clear. As fear is different to discomfort or the feeling of déjà vu. If phrase implied anxiety we could get away with discomfort at least. I propose we change Yoshiteru's name in style like Edsamac for if nothing else - consistency. If there was some implied meaning in the honorific, we can just reference it or alter the sentence. I can't systematically go through the second part of sentence, as I don't understand it, so I'll post my mock interpretation: '''Reading further, I felt another feeling consisting of déjà vu and discomfort. It follows that the cause was Yoshiteru Zaimokuza with what one might call an action book: second edition.''' 
*IS: After we agree on the meanings I will add phrases here and there to help the narrative flow in the style of Edsamac. I know that I sound like a fanboy but I did really like Edsamac's translation. Also I might somewhat complicate the vocabulary so the narrative actually sounds like someone who got 3rd in his Japanese proficiency test.


*CT: '''It’s illogical, no matter how much you think it’s a failure; the next edition of the book has already come out.'''
*IS: The following is my interpretation. Literature that get multiple editions must have some success with the first edition before moving to other editions. Otherwise you'll probably need at least a different version rather than a new edition since the bulk of the material is the same. However Yoshiteru has created a 2nd edition despite the 1st edition being a failure in Hachiman's eyes. That is the illogical part. 'come out' probably means 'to issue' here so I think his argument is business orientated in this case. Bearing the above in mind: '''You're implying that issuing the next edition of your book is independent of how much even you think it's a failure - nonsense.'''


*CT: '''I can't praise enough that the main character is a lone swords man.'''
*IS: The word "praise" is a transitive verb so needs an object to make sense. An object is a noun that a verb performs an action on. Then we need something for "praise" to act on. I'm going to assume the best solution is simply a summary of the next clause: the main character or the protagonist. If so then "main character" in the second clause "the main character is a lone swordsman" can be replace with "it"; we can avoid unnecessary repetition. Hmm, since you said "the" main character I'm assuming protagonist is a synonym. If you mean "a" main character then we should say it. It makes more sense,if he was the protagonist. It gives the potential for the lone swordsman to be alone in narrative focus as well. Anyway I'm going for the protagonist. '''Nonsense aside, I can't praise the protagonist enough because he is a lone swordsman.''' It's probably a "he" right. Zaimokuza first submission had a naked girl scene unless it's a Yuri/Shoujou-ai, which Hachiman probably would have noted, it's likely a male. Or are the two submissions something completely different? Oh well "he" is often used as a short hand for "he or she" like "man" refers to "homosapien". Though I guess some feminists may be a little irked if they knew. 

===For Fronttide's immediate attention because I've added all of the above already===
*CT: "The fragrance was rising from the coffee clear neatly suite each other as if playing sound, colorful jam also suite with anything, It’s a pretty and cure breakfast."
*IS: For the first clause "The fragrance was rising from the coffe clear neatly suite each other as if playing sound" I guess your saying something along the lines the fragrance from the coffee and scones intermingled. The manner that was done was like they were playing together?(read: swirling about each other perhaps)? For the second clause "colored jam also suite with anything", I guess "suite = " was confused with "sweet". Is it something along the lines of: colored jam is still sweet combined with anything ? Though that doesn't explain the "also." I don't know. For the 3rd clause do you basically mean the breakfast has a good presentation. Hmm I just noticed "r" is to the left of "t" so perhaps you meant "cute" instead of "cure". It makes more sense at least. Here's a not final at all edit: '''The fragrances rose from the coffee and scones and intermingled as if they were playing together. Speaking of combination, coloured jam is still sweet when it's combined with anything. I would describe the presentation of the breakfast as cute or pretty.'''  
===Putting it all together we have=== 

A bundle of paper that was as incomprehensible as the Dead Sea Scrolls was put on the table with a thump.

“... what the hell is this?”

As I was reading the paper, a strange chill ran down my spine - the early morning notwithstanding. Reading further, I felt another feeling consisting of déjà vu and discomfort. It follows that the cause was Yoshiteru Zaimokuza with what one might call an action book: second edition. 

I would prefer that he wrote down the first edition before moving to the second one. 

You're implying that issuing the next edition of your book is independent of how much even you think it's a failure - nonsense. Nonsense aside, I can't praise the protagonist enough because he is a lone swordsman.