Difference between revisions of "Talk:No Game No Life:Volume 1 Chapter 2"
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===Part 1=== |
===Part 1=== |
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| + | 1. '''Should have added in 'as expected of the lineage of royalty'.''' |
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| − | 1. Those who had threatened their boss and stayed here, didn't last one night, before wordlessly checking out. |
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| + | -> Question, is Sora the one who thought of this line? If so, maybe we can add ''', thought Sora.''' at the end of the sentence. Or we can also close it in parenthesis to show that it's a thought by Sora: '''(As expected of the lineage of royalty)''' |
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| − | -> The two siblings, who threatened the owner in order to stay in the inn, wordlessly checked out after staying for only one night. |
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| − | 2. However, the siblings that were lodging in Stephanie Dora's house were already ushering into the next morning. |
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| − | -> Question: What do you mean by usher? Are you trying to stay that [the siblings were preparing for the next morning] or [the next day is coming?]? |
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| − | If it's the former, my take on this is: They were now staying in the house of Stephanie Dora and were preparing for the next morning. |
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| − | 3. No, to be exact— It had ushered into the next morning, in the bathroom of her house. |
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| − | -> Question: What is It referring to? To the [day] or to the [siblings]? If it's the former then with conjunction to the above edit: No— to be exact it was already the next morning and the siblings were in the bathroom. |
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| − | 4. Should have added in 'as expected of the lineage of royalty'. |
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| − | -> Question, is Sora the one who thought of this line? If so, maybe we can add [, thought Sora.] at the end of the sentence. Or we can also close it in parenthesis to show that it's a thought by Sora: (As expected of the lineage of royalty) |
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| − | 5. The house retains some of the Roman-styled infrastructures which was more acceptable to be called [Castle], much to the chagrin of the siblings who only knew Japan. |
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| − | -> Are you trying to mean that [the house had some infrastructures which were Roman-styled] or [some parts of the house were Roman-styled] or [the house as a whole was Roman in style]? If it's the 3rd then: The house, which was similar to Roman infrastructures, was more appropriate to be called a [Castle]. |
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| − | 6. Likewise the Roman-styled baths, which was boiled up make the scene『For all ages』. |
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| − | -> I think Likewise here mean that the bath was also Roman-style just like the house so maybe we can remove it and just say [Roman-styled baths]. Also, I think the bath here is specifically referring to the bath where Sora and company are currently are, so it should be in singular form. Also, from how I've pictured the bath, it's covered in mist so it's "for all ages" because Sora can't see the 2 nude girls: |
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| − | The Roman-styled bath was covered in mist which made the scene 『For all ages』. |
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-- [[User:Layrelsky|Layrelsky]] ([[User talk:Layrelsky|talk]]) 23:00, 6 August 2013 GMT+8 |
-- [[User:Layrelsky|Layrelsky]] ([[User talk:Layrelsky|talk]]) 23:00, 6 August 2013 GMT+8 |
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Revision as of 17:36, 10 August 2013
Some suggestions for edit:
Part 1
1. Should have added in 'as expected of the lineage of royalty'.
-> Question, is Sora the one who thought of this line? If so, maybe we can add , thought Sora. at the end of the sentence. Or we can also close it in parenthesis to show that it's a thought by Sora: (As expected of the lineage of royalty)
-- Layrelsky (talk) 23:00, 6 August 2013 GMT+8
Thanks for the confirmation Drinkingwater and the changes 神. Still in Part 1:
1. Shiro muttered in a low voice, having said till here, she found it hard to hesitate.
I'm confused by what is having said till here is referring to and who is it referring to. From what I can understand, Shiro felt it hard to continue to complain about taking a bath after Sora told her that "Your brother loves a beautiful Shiro.", so I think having said till here is referring to Shiro.
-> Muttered Shiro in a low voice. She found it hard to complain more after hearing Sora say that.
2. —But it will be fine either way.
From what I can understand, this is referring to the fact the Shiro will now obey Sora's instruction to her about taking a bath, thus Sora doesn't have any problems anymore. The situation will in the bath will now become fine/peaceful.
-> —Now the bath will become peaceful.
3. No, they had attracted unpleasant emotions due their intimate relationship as siblings, but this fact was ignored.
With conjunction to my edit in #2,
-> Or so it should've been. It's because the siblings' intimate relationship had attracted unpleasant emotions from someone, but this fact was ignored.
I added from someone in order to make it clearer that those unpleasant emotions were from Steph.
4. Compared to that, there was something even more concerning that they had.
With conjunction to #3,
-> However, there was something even more concerning than that.
that here is referring to the unpleasant emotions.
5. Why am I washing a fully naked Shiro's hair, while Sora is wearing clothes and standing on the opposite side.
It's kind of weird that the narration suddenly changed from a 3rd POV to 1st POV (Steph's POV). The fully naked Shiro's hair should be changed because it is Shiro who is fully naked and not her hair. If this is a thought by Steph then,
-> (Why am I washing the hair of a nude Shiro while a clothed Sora is standing on the opposite side).
on the opposite side can also be changed to over there since it sounds more appropriate if this line is a thought of Steph.
