Difference between revisions of "User talk:Vexed"
(Response and comparison for the Rika Text translation.) |
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The only thing that I felt that I really took liberties on was adding "morals". I took some little liberties here and there, but those don't change the meaning of the message that much, but you also did that, too, since with this type of thing, taking little liberties is unavoidable. Here's my step-by-step analysis on each part comparing our versions. |
The only thing that I felt that I really took liberties on was adding "morals". I took some little liberties here and there, but those don't change the meaning of the message that much, but you also did that, too, since with this type of thing, taking little liberties is unavoidable. Here's my step-by-step analysis on each part comparing our versions. |
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| − | ああん |
+ | ああん<br /> |
I went the route of making the title the actual first syllable like for the hidden message, as opposed to just putting the sound. The sound alone being the title does sound more nonsensical, though, but I would rather have the coding be the same. I think that the coding is the important part here, since it's the unique factor for this part of the story. |
I went the route of making the title the actual first syllable like for the hidden message, as opposed to just putting the sound. The sound alone being the title does sound more nonsensical, though, but I would rather have the coding be the same. I think that the coding is the important part here, since it's the unique factor for this part of the story. |
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| − | 静かに |
+ | 静かに<br /> |
I included this in my translation, which you omitted. |
I included this in my translation, which you omitted. |
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| − | 高くそびえる |
+ | 高くそびえる<br /> |
そびえる isn't in its volitional form, and just simply in its plain for, but you translated it as being volitional, just to have "let's" at the beginning. |
そびえる isn't in its volitional form, and just simply in its plain for, but you translated it as being volitional, just to have "let's" at the beginning. |
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| − | 電信柱に |
+ | 電信柱に<br /> |
Since the particle is に, it should be "at", and not "of", the telephone pole. |
Since the particle is に, it should be "at", and not "of", the telephone pole. |
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| − | エロスを感じます。 |
+ | エロスを感じます。<br /> |
I took a bit a of a liberty with "only", but that's about it this part. You translated 感じます as "go beyond", which isn't right. |
I took a bit a of a liberty with "only", but that's about it this part. You translated 感じます as "go beyond", which isn't right. |
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| − | とりあえず |
+ | とりあえず<br /> |
Meaning something along the lines of "first of all", giving the sense that there is one thing that more important and thus must be addressed first. Hence, I used "above all else", which gives roughly the same idea. It doesn't deal with rethinking anything. (Unless your "On second thought," part was a translation of "よく考えると", which is a whole new problem that I have addressed later in this message.) |
Meaning something along the lines of "first of all", giving the sense that there is one thing that more important and thus must be addressed first. Hence, I used "above all else", which gives roughly the same idea. It doesn't deal with rethinking anything. (Unless your "On second thought," part was a translation of "よく考えると", which is a whole new problem that I have addressed later in this message.) |
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| − | 縛られてみたいです。 |
+ | 縛られてみたいです。<br /> |
縛る just means to tie/bind. I guess gagged is an extended form of tying someone down, but it's not really necessary, but not wrong either, so neither of us is really wrong. |
縛る just means to tie/bind. I guess gagged is an extended form of tying someone down, but it's not really necessary, but not wrong either, so neither of us is really wrong. |
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| − | まぐわってみたいです。 |
+ | まぐわってみたいです。<br /> |
I combined this sentence with the previous, and took a liberty with having sex by replacing it with "date-raped" for the word "date", as both things involve a similar action. As for your translation, you flat out mention an actual date in order to include the word, which was never mentioned in Rika's actual message. Also, you translated this line and the previous line as if it was after "よく考えると", and totally ignored "とりあえず" and "しかし" as well. You also took a bit of a liberty and changed the fact that she wants intercourse to simple saying that it would be nice if that's the case, which isn't a big deal, but I'm just mentioning it to be thorough. It's the other part before it that's more problematic. |
I combined this sentence with the previous, and took a liberty with having sex by replacing it with "date-raped" for the word "date", as both things involve a similar action. As for your translation, you flat out mention an actual date in order to include the word, which was never mentioned in Rika's actual message. Also, you translated this line and the previous line as if it was after "よく考えると", and totally ignored "とりあえず" and "しかし" as well. You also took a bit of a liberty and changed the fact that she wants intercourse to simple saying that it would be nice if that's the case, which isn't a big deal, but I'm just mentioning it to be thorough. It's the other part before it that's more problematic. |
||
| − | しかし |
+ | しかし<br /> |
A contradictory conjunction "but" that separates what comes before it with, as its name implies, a contrasting idea that comes after it. Again, you sort of combined what was before it with part of something after it, which really changes the meaning in this case. |
A contradictory conjunction "but" that separates what comes before it with, as its name implies, a contrasting idea that comes after it. Again, you sort of combined what was before it with part of something after it, which really changes the meaning in this case. |
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| − | よく考えると |
+ | よく考えると<br /> |
Meaning "If I were to think about it better..." or something along those lines. Here's where I took a big liberty of taking "it" as her "morals", something not mention, in order to get the right syllable. But it still goes along the lines of more deeply thinking it over. Your translation puts this line 3 lines earlier, changing the meaning completely. |
Meaning "If I were to think about it better..." or something along those lines. Here's where I took a big liberty of taking "it" as her "morals", something not mention, in order to get the right syllable. But it still goes along the lines of more deeply thinking it over. Your translation puts this line 3 lines earlier, changing the meaning completely. |
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| − | 後ろから攻められるのもいいかもしれません……。 |
+ | 後ろから攻められるのもいいかもしれません……。<br /> |
Something along the lines of "it might be good if I were to be attacked from behind". Both of us took liberties with the "もいい" part, with me using "would rather" and you with "want to", but both having the same idea so either is acceptable. As for the verb 攻める, I used roweled, which is a verb meaning to urge on something by striking it, oftentimes referred to a horse, which gives a similar idea of being attacked, just as your "taken" does. |
Something along the lines of "it might be good if I were to be attacked from behind". Both of us took liberties with the "もいい" part, with me using "would rather" and you with "want to", but both having the same idea so either is acceptable. As for the verb 攻める, I used roweled, which is a verb meaning to urge on something by striking it, oftentimes referred to a horse, which gives a similar idea of being attacked, just as your "taken" does. |
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Revision as of 06:10, 5 June 2012
Editing/TL Questions
replied to your letter...
The tower
Just as you'd expect from a genius inventor girl(?), her brushing was just as smooth as Yozora's.
why is there a question mark there? because kodaka is unsure if it should be expected from her or not? --Idiffer 10:50, 21 February 2012 (CST)
Yes, (?) represents somebody questioning what came before it. --Vexed 23:42, 21 February 2012 (CST)
tomodachi vol. 4 chapter "afterparty"
"Hmm... I really wish one of my junior upperclassmen would have had to read that while suffering an agonizing amount of embarrassment, but oh well."
what is "junior upperclassmen"? upperclassmen who are in their junior year? if that's so, i would drop the "junior"... --Idiffer 03:59, 26 February 2012 (CST)
Yeah I agree, sounds weird now that I re-read it too. I didn't want to throw the specification out entirely though, so I changed it to "three upperclassmen" --Vexed 13:55, 26 February 2012 (CST)
oh, and is it "senpai" in the jap version? (i don't know of any other word...) mmm... just a small commentary: you sometimes use senpai as is, when it's singular. is it okay in terms of consistency? imho, ideally it should be either always "senpai" or always "upperclassmen". this is, of course up to you. i'm just pointing it out in case you haven't noticed... --Idiffer 14:06, 26 February 2012 (CST)
I leave Senpai as is when it's being used as a personal pronoun (typically by Rika in reference to Kodaka), otherwise I translate it. --Vexed 19:01, 26 February 2012 (CST)
Kobato often uses expressions, like "noble of the exalted night". when translated into russian, it sounds like shit. could i ask you to give me a literal translation? plus noble and exalted have almost the same meaning... --Idiffer 13:29, 4 March 2012 (CST)
Noble and exalted have similar meanings as adjectives, however (in case you're unaware), in this case, "noble" is being used as a noun synonymous with aristocrat. As for a literal translation, that is a literal translation. You'll have to ask someone who speaks Russian and Japanese if you want more help with that. --Vexed 15:18, 4 March 2012 (CST)
thanks. yeah, i knew that. just thought that in japaneese it might be different. alas, there are certain complications when using the russian version of aristocrat/noble...either it sounds extremely out of place(anachronistic and grossly russian) or you have to come up with smth like "i am one of noble birth belonging to the noble night" which is even shittier. just in case you might care...--Idiffer 15:33, 4 March 2012 (CST)
ah, and i'm guessing "clansman" doesn't get any more literal either, yes?--Idiffer 15:53, 4 March 2012 (CST)
Yeah, "clansman" is pretty literal too; the Japanese word 眷属 is an archaic and formal way to refer to a person in one's family, or someone like family. I don't know why you're worried about Kobato sounding anachronistic though, she's supposed to when she's talking like Leysis. All of her dialogue as Leysis is grandiose and supposed to sound out of place in a normal conversation. --Vexed 16:08, 4 March 2012 (CST)
well ok, it's more of an issue that the "noble" word pertains only to russia. ana-regional...? ...who's leysis again? the character she's acting like?
and the clarification of "clansman" also helped alot... --Idiffer 16:44, 4 March 2012 (CST)
Leysis vi Felicity Sumeragi is Kobato's alias. It's the character she pretends to be most of the time. --Vexed 19:21, 4 March 2012 (CST)
After Party
"It is most embarrassing, but carbonic acid provides me with significant difficulty."
mmm...i'm not really sure if "carbonic acid" sounds good. can it be changed to soda or carbonated drinks or something along those lines? i'm asking cause maybe it should specificaly translated as carbonic acid.
--Idiffer 03:29, 6 March 2012 (CST)
It's like that on purpose. Yukimura talks in a stiff tone of voice, similar to what Kobato does when she's pretending to be Leysis. --Vexed 13:42, 6 March 2012 (CST)
Rika's Text
In response to this comment of yours: "Your translation of the message is less accurate, and while using syllables is a better "translation" of the encoding, it's considerably less important than the text itself, hence I undid it."
The only thing that I felt that I really took liberties on was adding "morals". I took some little liberties here and there, but those don't change the meaning of the message that much, but you also did that, too, since with this type of thing, taking little liberties is unavoidable. Here's my step-by-step analysis on each part comparing our versions.
ああん
I went the route of making the title the actual first syllable like for the hidden message, as opposed to just putting the sound. The sound alone being the title does sound more nonsensical, though, but I would rather have the coding be the same. I think that the coding is the important part here, since it's the unique factor for this part of the story.
静かに
I included this in my translation, which you omitted.
高くそびえる
そびえる isn't in its volitional form, and just simply in its plain for, but you translated it as being volitional, just to have "let's" at the beginning.
電信柱に
Since the particle is に, it should be "at", and not "of", the telephone pole.
エロスを感じます。
I took a bit a of a liberty with "only", but that's about it this part. You translated 感じます as "go beyond", which isn't right.
とりあえず
Meaning something along the lines of "first of all", giving the sense that there is one thing that more important and thus must be addressed first. Hence, I used "above all else", which gives roughly the same idea. It doesn't deal with rethinking anything. (Unless your "On second thought," part was a translation of "よく考えると", which is a whole new problem that I have addressed later in this message.)
縛られてみたいです。
縛る just means to tie/bind. I guess gagged is an extended form of tying someone down, but it's not really necessary, but not wrong either, so neither of us is really wrong.
まぐわってみたいです。
I combined this sentence with the previous, and took a liberty with having sex by replacing it with "date-raped" for the word "date", as both things involve a similar action. As for your translation, you flat out mention an actual date in order to include the word, which was never mentioned in Rika's actual message. Also, you translated this line and the previous line as if it was after "よく考えると", and totally ignored "とりあえず" and "しかし" as well. You also took a bit of a liberty and changed the fact that she wants intercourse to simple saying that it would be nice if that's the case, which isn't a big deal, but I'm just mentioning it to be thorough. It's the other part before it that's more problematic.
しかし
A contradictory conjunction "but" that separates what comes before it with, as its name implies, a contrasting idea that comes after it. Again, you sort of combined what was before it with part of something after it, which really changes the meaning in this case.
よく考えると
Meaning "If I were to think about it better..." or something along those lines. Here's where I took a big liberty of taking "it" as her "morals", something not mention, in order to get the right syllable. But it still goes along the lines of more deeply thinking it over. Your translation puts this line 3 lines earlier, changing the meaning completely.
後ろから攻められるのもいいかもしれません……。
Something along the lines of "it might be good if I were to be attacked from behind". Both of us took liberties with the "もいい" part, with me using "would rather" and you with "want to", but both having the same idea so either is acceptable. As for the verb 攻める, I used roweled, which is a verb meaning to urge on something by striking it, oftentimes referred to a horse, which gives a similar idea of being attacked, just as your "taken" does.
Anyway, I tried to be as objective as I can with this response. I look forward to hearing your further thoughts on this matter.
- Perfect Chaos 23:08, 4 June 2012 (CDT)
