Seitokai no Ichizon: Volume 1 Chapter 4

“It’s never too late to start over!”

As always Kaichou puffed out her tiny chest and confidently stated some line she had gotten out of some book.

It’s a line that I’ve heard a million times, but it’s one I like so I smiled at Kaichou.

“Yes, you’re right.”

But.

“I’m saying this because of you Sugisaki!”

For some reason Kaichou pointed at me. As I started at her wide-eyed, Minatsu, who was sitting next to me, grabbed me with her youthful arm which was showing because she was wearing short sleeves. I could sort of feel her breast on my cheek… hooray for being a guy.

“This guy really does need to start over.”

Minatsu told Kaichou as she put more pressure on my neck. It’s starting to hurt a little.

Chizuru senpai, who was proven to be an S last time, smiled and looked at me.

“That sounds good. The Key-kun right now isn’t bad but I’m interested in a rehabilitated Key-kun too.”

“Wait, what do you mean rehabilitated!? I’m already really goo…..”

I just managed to say that much before Minatsu strangled me harder. This is going a bit beyond the range of a joke. I tapped Minatsu’s arm to tell her that I ‘give up’ but she completely ignored that. Hold on, this is a little…

“Mufuyu wants to see it too… if Sugisaki-senpai became a little more sincere… I-I think he might be cool.”

Mufuyu, who was sitting next to Chizuru-senpai, agreed as well.

“I feel a little like my existence has been completely denied….”

I struggled to get out of Minatsu’s grip somehow and stared at Mafuyu-chan.

Mafuyu-chan looked away and pleaded “Nee-nee-san, let him go.”…. mercy plea?

And so Minatsu, who had been asked by her cute little sister….

“I’m sorry Mafuyu. Your Nee-san, will refuse you for the first time in my life!”

“Why here!?”

I threw a tsukomi but she just strangled harder. Ah… now it actually started to feel good…. Why, was I a masochist?

Huh, this wasn’t the council room but a field of flowers? Oh, a sparkling river. And over that…

[Ken-kuuun! Come here~♪ We’ll treat you nicely~♪]

Oh, there were a bunch of cute girls in swimsuits in the other side! What is this! Is that utopia! I’ll have to go! Of course you’re going, Sugisaki Ken!

“I’m going right now!”

I charged wildly. It was a manga-like speed! Those with low power levels couldn’t even see me! I was wind, no, I was light! I understood the theory of relativity with my body! I was already a weapon!

But my charge was too powerful. I, who had been in a place which only faced me with ‘tsun’, had already had too much carnal desire within me. So….

[Kyaaaaaa!?]

I rushed into the group of girls. No, I destroyed them. The world on the other side. Utopia. When I came back to my senses everything around me had been annihilated.

“What is this. Are just cute girls not enough to take all of my desires. …. Then I have no choice.”

And so.

I recrossed the river and came back to where I had been.

………

….it’s dark. Am I sleeping? Hmm, I can hear voices.

“…..He~ey? Ken? Huh? Did he die?”

“’Die’!? Nee-san!?”

“Hey, Minatsu! I told him to start his life over, but not to end it! What are you going to do if this becomes my responsibility! Ahh….”

“It’s the first murder in the council room…. I never thought it’d happen like this…. Well it can’t be helped. Let’s keep it a secret among the four of us. We’ll go in the direction of Kirino Natsuo’s [○ut] and get readers like that. …. Fufufu. I’m looking forward to this.”

“Wait, Chizuru? This is the first time I’ve seen her smile so happily….”

“Oh, Aka-chan. We’ll have to cut the legs and arms of first then….”

“You think I’ll let yooou!!!?”

I rushed up. Well, I can’t ask them nicely to kill me.

I got up thinking to push my chair over, but it seemed that I had been lying on the table. Everyone looked at me in surprise.

Minatsu muttered.

“Oh, he came back. …. Boring.”

“That’s a little too much! I almost died!”

“I was confident that I could hide him well….”

Chizuru-senpai put the saw away while looking disappointed. …. Hold on, why is a saw in the council room, and why do you know where it is Chizuru-senpai.

“Th-that’s a relief.”

Only Mafuyu-chan let out a sigh of relief with tears clinging to her eyes. …. Ah, there’s only Mafuyu-chan for me. She really worried about….

“It’s a relief that Nee-san didn’t become a murderer.”

“It was that!?”

She was as innocent as ever, Mafuyu-chan. Maybe she’s the most dangerous one of everyone here.”

I looked at Kaichou and… Kaichou was staring intently at me.

Oh, is this the signal for ‘dere’? Aha! It’s the pattern where a person she always took for granted was in danger, she realized just how important I was! Yes! There was some meaning to risking my life!

I looked back at Kaichou.

“Kaichou….”

“Sugisaki….”

“… I won’t die. Because I like you.”

“….Sugisaki….”

Kaichou kept looking at me. H-hey, hey hey, Kaichou…. No, Kurimu. Is it a kiss scene? Really? That’s a problem. It’s embarrassing to do it in front of all the others. But if Kurimu wants to then I can’t hesitate…..

“….Ha.”

“?”

Just as I pushed my lips forward, Kaichou let out a big sigh. Then she sat deeper into her chair and lamented.

I couldn’t understand what she was doing so I cocked my head.

“Hmm, would it be better to have the first kiss when it’s just the two of us?”

“….I was a little expectant. They say that ‘Idiocy is cured by death’ right?”

“What?”

I finally managed to realize that Kaichou wasn’t being ‘dere’. Kaichou pointed at me again.

“I was hoping that you might have become normal after a near death experience!”

“…. Eh, what, it was something like that. It’s fine Kaichou.”

“What is?”

“I’m already extremely normal.”

“That’s not what a normal person should say!”

It seemed that that wasn’t something I could say myself. I resigned myself to asking for Chizuru-senpai’s, Minatsu’s, and Mafuyu-chan’s agreement.

“Everyone, I’m normal right?!”

[…..]

Huh, everyone turned away awkwardly.

……..

….Sugisaki Ken, fitting of the whirlpool on the curve (TL:no idea what that means)

I just managed to calm down after my near death experience, and sat down feeling a little uncomfortable. Kaichou let out a “Ahem” which didn’t suit her small loli exterior.

“Anyway, Sugisaki has to improve. If he’s the vice president, he needs to at least have the dignity fit for the role.”

“….dignity.”

I glanced at Kaichou’s small body and sighed. Everyone else gave an awkward smile.

After noticing everyone’s stares Kaichou let out another sigh.

“An.y.way! We’ll fix Sugisaki’s personality today! We will!”

“But why all of a sudden?”

At my askance Kaichou rummaged around her bag and took something out, exclaiming “It’s because of this!”

It was the wall newspaper that the news club put up from time to time. It was a club that liked gossip, so it grabbed the attention of Kaichou a lot, and was put forth during our meetings a lot.

Was today one of those days….. I took a look, but this time it was a little different.

Minatsu read it out loud.

“What is it? [News Flash! Vice President Sugisaki Ken’s Two-timing Past!]?”

“Oh my, Key-kun. That’s a real problem.”

Chizuru-senpai said that happily. This person is really just…

Mafuyu-chan was the only one who supported me.

“This is too much! You have to say something! Su-sugisaki-senpai isn’t that sort of……. ……. …. I’m sorry.”

Huh, she apologized. She tried to back me up but most probably remembered that I’m not a person to be trusted when it came to girls.

After seeing everyone’s reaction Kaichou put the paper on the table and gestured towards me.

“It’s not good to have a member come out in something like this!”

“….. Well our news club likes these sort of things.”

I picked up the paper in question and read through it properly. …. The title was pretty good but there really wasn’t much to it. No details at all. There wasn’t any information besides ‘Sugisaki Ken two-timed in the past’.

The fact that she dragged in unreliable sources such as ‘Witness A’ and ‘Friend B’ was like something that club president would do.

I know her in person (because she’s pretty) and she’s the type of person who says things like “Delivering the truth can be done by anyone. The school paper is for entertainment based on loosely on facts. O~hohohohoho!”, and a girl who even I’m a little hesitant to get close to.

I overlooked it because of her looks so far, but now that I’m the target I’m feeling a little mad. And the most annoying thing of all is…

“Sugisaki! You better tell us if this is true or not first!”

Kaichou was angry. I scratched my head and tried to avert this somehow.

“Oh Kaichou, are you jealous? Worrying about my past……”

“Trying to run is useless!”

It’s a little hard to tease her when she’s in ‘president mode’.

I was wondering what to do when Chizurur-senpai pressured me.

“Key-kun, Aka-chan won’t stop until you’ve confirmed the truth. You know too right? Just answer her.”

“I know but….”

I pondered about what to do. Well…. I suppose there’s no need to go too deep into this.

Yeah, there’s nothing for it. Better compromise.

I looked Kaichou in the eye with an air of seriousness. Kaichou in president mode will hear you out as long as you’re being sincere, regardless of what it is. It’s a little uncomfortable to say this here but I should make this clear.

“To just tell you the facts, it’s true. I did two-time.”

At this… Kaichou didn’t really react much. If I’d given some flippant response she’d have said something like “Sugisaki, it’s because you’re like that….!” and gotten angry, but since I answered seriously thing didn’t go in that direction.

It was the same for Chizuru-senpai, Minatsu, and Mafuyu. Nobody told me off as they usually did.

Kaichou said “Really” and sat down. Then she said “So?” and continued.

“Do you feel like telling us the rest of the story Sugisaki?”

“Sorry. Please let this one go.”

Even I have some things I can’t just talk about. This was one of them.

At this, Kaichou sighted. Then she opened her mouth.

“But it’s true.”

“Yes.”

“Any excuses?”

“None.”

“Right.”

“Yes.”

“…..Okay, I got it. Well then that’s the end of that!”

After saying that Kaichou stretched as if refreshed.

And so the normal, lively Kaichou came back and started nagging at me.

“Then, Sugisaki! We’ll really have to fix you! We can’t let this sort of news keep coming out!”

“…… That’s true. Well, instead of fixing maybe I’ll just worry a little bit about my image.”

I smiled with I said this. …… as I did I thought that she was a great person. Student president Sakurano Kurimu. She doesn’t delve into your past. Instead, she tried for the present and future.

…. If it’s just pretty girls there are a lot besides her. If it’s capability, Chizuru-senpai is better. But most of the students voted for Sakurano Kurimu to be ‘student president’. Why that happened is something that you can easily find out just by being next to her.

Everyone here has that sort of appeal. Everyone was already back to how they always were.

Chizuru-senpai, Minatsu, and Mafuyu-chan were all back to normal.

“Ma-mafuyu also thinks that senpai has to be more careful!”

“She’s right! Ken, it’s not just here where you chase after pretty girls right? That’s why there’s gossip about you on the paper.”

“Key-kun, it’s no fun if you get tangled in things like this. If you want to keep your harem you should be more careful.”

Nobody tried to mention my past. … It’s a little different from being nice about it. Since I said that I didn’t want to, none of them even felt like talking about it. They had completely erased that choice.

… Our student council is that sort of place. If a person doesn’t want it, nobody tries to dig any deeper. That’s an unspoken rule in our council. Our happy place is made like that. It’s an extremely normal place. But what’s so bad about that? A normal place, running away, none of it really matters. There are a lot of good things that we get from this.

In the harsh world that we live in, this normality is just right.

I smiled and talked as I always did.

“Can’t be helped. If everyone wants it, should I try a little harder to not get tangled up in things like this?”

“Well, we don’t really care. But it’s the council’s image that’s at stake here.”

“Fufufu, I understand Kaichou. Kaichou’s a ‘tsun’ so I completely understa…..”

“No, really.”

“…….”

U-ummm…. They’re nice people right? It’s not just all in my mind right?

For some reason everyone’s eyes looked a little dark. ……I-I’m a need child right? Our council is a place where we trust each other…. Right? It’s not just me overestimating it? It’s a normal place? This aura of “this is a girl’s bath!” that’s shunning me out is just me being oversensitive?

This felt a little dangerous so I went straight onto the next topic.

“But fixing, what are you actually going to do?”

At my question Kaichou let out a “Hmm” and crossed her arms. …. She’s cute. A loli girl pretending to be all grown up and thinking with her arms crossed….. this is…. Past simple desire and it’s ‘moe’!

Ahh, why is the only word capable of conveying this feeling so ‘otaku’ish! It’s so sad!

“Sugisaki, first we’ll have to fix that expression you make when you’re thinking perverted thoughts.”

Kaichou glanced at me.

“Hmm, I’m always serious!”

“You’re always serious about perverted things!”

“How do you know so much about my thoughts?”

“It shows on your face so much that it’s harder not to know!”

“What? My handsome face is being distorted!?”

“That delusional reaction is banned too!”

“Ehhhhh!?”

“And being so surprised!”

“Oh, sh*t!” (in English)

“Don’t pretend to be a foreigner!”

“I am thus pained!”

“Don’t create weird characters!”

“…. But I’m the main character….”

“What are you saying!?”

“This eroge… [The Great Conquest of the Harem Council♪ ~Vice president, pleaseㆍeatㆍme♪∼]’s main character.”

“This was that sort of setting!?”

“Yes, I’m in the middle of the Kaichou route. First, it’s the person who sort of feels like the main heroine.”

“….no, those weird statements are banned too!”

“My God! But then this series becomes way too normal!”

“What are you worrying about!”

Kaichou ran out of stamina. She collapsed onto the table. She went on for quite a long time today.

But as soon as I defeated Kaichou, Chizuru-senpai appeared as if she were a boss. She flicked her hair back slowly and looked at me aggressively. … Oh no, those eyes are in S mode.

“Key-kun won’t do with just small fixes.”

“Hmm, mmm…. Chizuru-senpai, do you have any good ideas?”

“Yes, first you should put these [stare sensing glasses] that the science club made, and have them shock you every time you stare at a girl’s breasts……”

“What age is that treatment from!?”

“An old city in ancient Greece….”

“Sparta! It’s Sparta!”

“Oh, you don’t like it? Why not think that it’s the whip of love? It’s a whip, a pretty girl’s whip.”

“Even I don’t get aroused with that sort of thing!”

“I suppose it can’t be helped. … do you want to listen to my second suggestion?”

“You have one?”

“Yes, first you get hypnotized into feeling an overwhelming fear whenever you see women….”

“I want to hear the third one!”

“Then, we’ll start off with castration…..”

“Uwa! It’s getting steadily less moral!”

I collapsed. …. Scary. Chizuru-senpai is scary!

Chizuru-senpai let out a ‘haaa’, making a expression of ecstasy. Apparently fulfilled, she took out a textbook and started studying. ….. This person is unexpectedly the one who does as she wants the most here.

As if they had been waiting for Chizuru-senpai to finish, the Shiina sister’s eyes flashed.

“Ma-mafuyu has a lot of ideas too!”

“Me too, Sugisaki rehab program!”

Both of them leaned forward and shouted. …. Well I’m not a guy to ignore what a pretty girl has to say. I asked them with an air of defeat.

“Well I’ll have a go at listening….”

As soon as I said this the Shiina sisters took it in turns to suggest their ideas.

“Su-sugisaki-senpai should have a pink bag!”

“What sort of character are you trying to make me into Mafuyu-chan?”

“No, he should be manly, with a bag with a metal plate in it and a long gakurin……”

“Minatsu’s ‘manly’ has something really wrong!”

“Oh, I’m done. Here! I just put a bunch of accessories on senpai’s phone!”

“They’re all Hello K○tty! Your direction of fixing is completely off!”

“Hey, Ken! You should call yourself ‘leader’ from tomorrow.”

“You’re not even doing this properly!”

“…..Whew, it’s finished senpai! Eheh, Mafuyu is good at sewing.”

“Why are you putting teddy bears on my uniform?”

“…. Yes, it’s a promise. …. Hey, Ken! It’s good! You’re going to fight with the leader from Otobuki High next Tuesday!”

“Why are you saying that like you’d say ‘we’ve got a basketball game’!? I don’t want to! Fighting with other schools is completely not the way we want this to go in the first place!”

“Senpaisenpai! Read this. It’ll be of help!”

“What is it? <Private high for cute boys ~I’ll attack you defend~>…. No, seriously, what sort of character are you trying to make me into Mafuyu-chan?”

“Hmm, what do you think our logo should be? I’ve decided that we’ll be called the <Ken Union>.”

“What are you trying to make me into! Ken Union, like hell! I was wondering why you were looking so pleased but it’s just Ken’s Union so you named it Ken Union. There’s nothing great about it at all!”

“Hau.”

“Hey! Don’t get excited over that <Private high for cute boys> that you brought!”

“Oh, we should increase our spending money. We’ll need to make original knuckles, and a flag….”

“You get out of the student council first!”

“Sugisaki-senpai…. feels like he’d be better as a defender!”

“What!? Mafuyu-chan, have you lost it already!?”

After coming this far, I was completely out of energy. I collapsed onto the table, heaving. ….. The Shiina sisters are hard to deal with by themselves, but with both of them together there’s no way to keep them at bay. Onto that, they have completely different personalities but their teamwork is amazing… there wouldn’t be a person on earth who could survive this infinite tsukomi hell.

Both of them were still going at it but I just gave up and decided to take a break. …. Mafuyu-chan had taken out a laptop and started writing a story while muttering “Sugisaki-senpai…. heart… beating….” but I ignored that. Minatsu was taking my chest measurements. … It felt like she really was going to make that long gakuran. …. I ignored that too. The conclusion was this.

“They’re talking about rehab or whatever, but everyone here is weird anyway…….”

Kaichou was the only person to react to what I just said. It seemed that she’d regained her energy, and she stood up on the table.

“What are you saying! I’m normal!”

“Kaichou, wasn’t that something that you weren’t supposed to say?”

“Uuuu…. E-everyone! I’m normal, right!?”

Following me, Sugisaki Ken, our president Sakurano Kurimu asked the same question!

And the resulf was.

“……..”

1 minute later, we had a very disheartened Kaichou. Well, that’s how things are always like. People who think they’re normal might actually be more stranger than they think.

On the other hand, there are lots of people who think they’re special but don’t really stand out much.

….. Fixing.

I muttered.

“If losing your individuality is fixing yourself, then I’d like to just stay as I am.”

“…..”

Kaichou turned her downcast eyes at me. Chizuru senpai looked up from her textbook, and the Shiina sisters stopped their frenzy to look at me.

I continued.

“It’s not just me, but everyone here is a little strange right?”

“Wait, I told you that I’m nor…..”

Just as Kaichou was going to argue I gave a big smile and looked at everyone.

“But I like all the strange people in here as they are.”

Back to Chapter 3

Return to Seitokai no Ichizon

Forward to Chapter 5