Difference between revisions of "User talk:Irbored"

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(It's a huge chunk... Sorry...)
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'''Editing Check for TnJtRnK'''<br />
  
'''Editing Check for TnJtRnK'''<br />
   
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(Placing thoughts in "( )" like previous chapters and the 'voices' in "< >". Just undo if it looks weird.)
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''This question makes Giulio's face a little disappointed, as if he wanted to hear that this is was not a problem.''
  
   
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I use <> on key parts that have SPECIAL meaning. like 『战场上洒盐的死神』 - <Salt Spraying Soul Reaper on the Battlefield>. Seriously I told you before you should have left those as is.
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I'm guessing it's like: "This question makes Giulio's face a little disappointed, as if what he wanted to hear was not this problem/issue"
  
   
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DONT DO THAT.
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I'm taking into consideration that he later talks about Silvia's pain, which is the main thing that he was worried about.
  
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[[User:Irbored|Irbored]] ([[User talk:Irbored#top|talk]]) 01:52, 14 January 2014 (CST)
   
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Oh, what do you think about "lowly" instead of "humble" for some parts, because I know some Chinese words for humble can actually refer to inferior or self deprecating.
 
   
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Alright. Noted.
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Like: ''This humble servant would like to ask, Your Highness who is now in pain, is there nothing this '''humble''' servant can do to help?'' The second humble sounds kinda awkward.
  
   
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Now for more checks. Mostly TLC-ish
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[[User:Xersax|Xersax]] ([[User talk:Xersax|talk]]) 05:59, 29 December 2013 (CST)
  
   
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1)'''''Imperial Capital central authorities, to go into the audience hall at the end, there are huge stone pillars dividing the wall into left and right blocks,''' legend is the Holy Capital appeared here before the state and the Imperial Capital was erected on it's stone pillars.''
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Okay. Was confused due to the "is was".
  
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[[User:Xersax|Xersax]] ([[User talk:Xersax|talk]]) 09:49, 29 December 2013 (CST)
  
   
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The bold portion, is it saying ''the authorities, to enter the audience hall at the end, had to pass by the huge stone pillars, which divided the wall into left and right blocks''?
   
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'''Volume 2 Chapter 5'''
  
   
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2)''Angoela '''change''' to the throne, is bound to bring a threat to the Queen's safety. Dirogne is a veteran of wars, instead of keeping him at home, why not send him to suppress out external enemies''
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''"You pig head, the hull is only shaking slightly, get up, you look so '''ugly''', later you need to attend the blade ceremony!"''
  
   
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Change -> Challenge? Thus, ''Angoela's challenge to the throne, is bound to bring a threat ...''
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''Ugly'' --> ''Unkempt'' or ''disgusting'' or ''horrendous''. Cause well... They were puking... Can't do much if you're ugly... XD
  
   
   
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3)''Nearby Silvia thought that the Palace Security obviously did not take into account their own identity and '''export inquired''' about the military matters.''
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Secondly, how would you want to express thought bubbles? Previously you used brackets "( )" in chapter 1 but then changed to "--" in chapter 5, since the dead people part used the brackets to symbolize their speech.
 
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I could do some sample tests using different styles of doing and you could look through for what's best.
  
   
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Export inquired? Like... inquired outside of their expertise? Meddle where they are not suppose to meddle?
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[[User:Xersax|Xersax]] ([[User talk:Xersax|talk]]) 03:24, 5 January 2014 (CST)
  
   
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So I can edit all the thoughts into brackets? And use a different bracket style for the dead people part?
  
   
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4)''These words made Lady Luonisica whole body '''unbending'''.''
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[[User:Xersax|Xersax]] ([[User talk:Xersax|talk]]) 03:26, 6 January 2014 (CST)
  
   
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Unbending -> go rigid?
   
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'''Chpt 1'''
  
   
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5)'''''Waver her sleeves in a waving gesture''' at the surrounding shrine maidens who quickly crowded out in front of Silvia, Silvia was separated from Galerius.''
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''Babies just grow sparse hair, like infected at birth with blood-like red. She opened her eyes, looking at life first then the rays of light, and looking here.''
  
   
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Wavering(Moving?) her sleeves in a waving gesture at the surrounding shrine maidens who quickly formed a crowd in front of Silvia, separating her from Galerius.
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Babies? Don't think many babies would have blood-like red hair though... XD
  
   
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The '' 'and looking here' '' is just confusing in the sense that no 'here' had been specified. Guess it's more of TLC for this.
  
   
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6)''Silvia turns her head to look where Giulio is staring at, '''among''' the crevice '''across''' shrine maidens, she saw Galerius form.''
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Editing based on what I can gather:
  
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''Babies just grow sparse amounts of hair, however this baby's hair looked as though it was infected at birth with a blood-like red.
  
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She opened her eyes, looking at life first followed by the rays of light, then looking towards here(?)''
 
   
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among -> through ; across -> between
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[[User:Xersax|Xersax]] ([[User talk:Xersax|talk]]) 11:22, 7 January 2014 (CST)
  
   
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(Placing thoughts in "( )" like previous chapters and the 'voices' in "< >". Just undo if it looks weird.)
  
   
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7)''But though she is only a vessel forced to accept care, but she was also a queen after all, her hands are supposed to hold a certain amount of power, but she never '''cried''' simply because she was afraid.''
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I use <> on key parts that have SPECIAL meaning. like 『战场上洒盐的死神』 - <Salt Spraying Soul Reaper on the Battlefield>. Seriously I told you before you should have left those as is.
  
   
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Cried -> Tried? ; Though she is only a vessel forced to accept care, she was still a queen; her hands are suppose to hold a certain amount of power, but she had never tried to utilize it, simply because she was (too) afraid.
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DONT DO THAT.
  
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[[User:Irbored|Irbored]] ([[User talk:Irbored#top|talk]]) 01:52, 14 January 2014 (CST)
  
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8)''"... No, this humble servant! '''This humble servant is not here for this reason at Your Majesty side!'''"''
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This humble servant is not by Your Majesty's side for this reason!
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9)'''''He wants to deny ... Silvia no matter what was going on, intended to direct Giulio to stand down,''' she found that, herself facing a face like Giulio how much one individual with a girls appearance could be a man with the capacity to display such unyielding.''
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Is it: (He wants to deny (pause) Silvia no matter what was going on) (Silvia however, intended to direct Giulio to stand down.)
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Or: (He wants to deny...) (Silvia, no matter what was going on, intended to direct Giulio to stand down.)
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And: She found out, by facing a face like Giulio,
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10)''Indeed, Silvia did not eat since yesterday. Because of the audience with the two Grand Duke made her feel heavy pressure, she of course has no appetite.''
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'''''"...The better. "'''''
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''She didn't want to talk to these people and continue this dialogue. But she does not know why, these shrine maidens have no intention of leaving.''
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Err... No clue what that refers to or means.
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11)''Under the silver-haired blue eyes in tears of agony, and a deep '''Stigma''' in Silvia's head.''
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Stigma like Chris and the Royal Consorts?
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12)''(...Still breathing. ）''
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''She moved her face close to Giulio's nose, barely feeling the flow of his breath, then she gushed a breath of relief, almost totally flat.''
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This might be totally presumptuous of me, but I think it flow nicer if the "still breathing" part was moved to after the "She moved ..." part. Suspense wise and all...
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13)''"... This humble servant did receive the '''command of His Majesty the Emperor command''', to spy on Your Majesty, but this humble servant refused."''
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This humble servant did receive the command from His Majesty the Emperor to spy on Your Majesty, but this humble servant refused.
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14)''After the footsteps faded in the distance, all sounds seemed to dissappear into the night, Silvia alone in her Bedchambers leaning on the cold door, count When footsteps away, everything sounds ready to disappear into the night, Silvia alone in the dorm room on cold door, counting the heartbeats in her chest.''
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I'm guessing another one of your notes. So...
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After the footsteps faded into the distance and when all sounds seemed to have faded into the night, Silvia - alone in her bedchambers - leaned against the cold door, counting the beatings in her chest.
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If I've annoyed or angered you in anyway. I apologize. Here's to a better TL-Editor partnership. Yeah. Cheers.
   
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[[User:Xersax|Xersax]] ([[User talk:Xersax|talk]]) 06:26, 14 January 2014 (CST)
 
'''Expressing Gratitude'''<br />
  
'''Expressing Gratitude'''<br />

Revision as of 14:26, 14 January 2014

Comments
I'm sorry if I end up as a pain -___- Xersax (talk) 11:22, 7 January 2014 (CST)

Editing Check for TnJtRnK

(Placing thoughts in "( )" like previous chapters and the 'voices' in "< >". Just undo if it looks weird.)

I use <> on key parts that have SPECIAL meaning. like 『战场上洒盐的死神』 - <Salt Spraying Soul Reaper on the Battlefield>. Seriously I told you before you should have left those as is.

DONT DO THAT. Irbored (talk) 01:52, 14 January 2014 (CST)


Alright. Noted.

Now for more checks. Mostly TLC-ish

1)Imperial Capital central authorities, to go into the audience hall at the end, there are huge stone pillars dividing the wall into left and right blocks, legend is the Holy Capital appeared here before the state and the Imperial Capital was erected on it's stone pillars.

The bold portion, is it saying the authorities, to enter the audience hall at the end, had to pass by the huge stone pillars, which divided the wall into left and right blocks?


2)Angoela change to the throne, is bound to bring a threat to the Queen's safety. Dirogne is a veteran of wars, instead of keeping him at home, why not send him to suppress out external enemies

Change -> Challenge? Thus, Angoela's challenge to the throne, is bound to bring a threat ...


3)Nearby Silvia thought that the Palace Security obviously did not take into account their own identity and export inquired about the military matters.

Export inquired? Like... inquired outside of their expertise? Meddle where they are not suppose to meddle?


4)These words made Lady Luonisica whole body unbending.

Unbending -> go rigid?


5)Waver her sleeves in a waving gesture at the surrounding shrine maidens who quickly crowded out in front of Silvia, Silvia was separated from Galerius.

Wavering(Moving?) her sleeves in a waving gesture at the surrounding shrine maidens who quickly formed a crowd in front of Silvia, separating her from Galerius.


6)Silvia turns her head to look where Giulio is staring at, among the crevice across shrine maidens, she saw Galerius form.

among -> through ; across -> between


7)But though she is only a vessel forced to accept care, but she was also a queen after all, her hands are supposed to hold a certain amount of power, but she never cried simply because she was afraid.

Cried -> Tried? ; Though she is only a vessel forced to accept care, she was still a queen; her hands are suppose to hold a certain amount of power, but she had never tried to utilize it, simply because she was (too) afraid.


8)"... No, this humble servant! This humble servant is not here for this reason at Your Majesty side!"

This humble servant is not by Your Majesty's side for this reason!


9)He wants to deny ... Silvia no matter what was going on, intended to direct Giulio to stand down, she found that, herself facing a face like Giulio how much one individual with a girls appearance could be a man with the capacity to display such unyielding.

Is it: (He wants to deny (pause) Silvia no matter what was going on) (Silvia however, intended to direct Giulio to stand down.)

Or: (He wants to deny...) (Silvia, no matter what was going on, intended to direct Giulio to stand down.)

And: She found out, by facing a face like Giulio,


10)Indeed, Silvia did not eat since yesterday. Because of the audience with the two Grand Duke made her feel heavy pressure, she of course has no appetite.

"...The better. "

She didn't want to talk to these people and continue this dialogue. But she does not know why, these shrine maidens have no intention of leaving.

Err... No clue what that refers to or means.


11)Under the silver-haired blue eyes in tears of agony, and a deep Stigma in Silvia's head.

Stigma like Chris and the Royal Consorts?


12)(...Still breathing. ）

She moved her face close to Giulio's nose, barely feeling the flow of his breath, then she gushed a breath of relief, almost totally flat.

This might be totally presumptuous of me, but I think it flow nicer if the "still breathing" part was moved to after the "She moved ..." part. Suspense wise and all...


13)"... This humble servant did receive the command of His Majesty the Emperor command, to spy on Your Majesty, but this humble servant refused."

This humble servant did receive the command from His Majesty the Emperor to spy on Your Majesty, but this humble servant refused.


14)After the footsteps faded in the distance, all sounds seemed to dissappear into the night, Silvia alone in her Bedchambers leaning on the cold door, count When footsteps away, everything sounds ready to disappear into the night, Silvia alone in the dorm room on cold door, counting the heartbeats in her chest.

I'm guessing another one of your notes. So...

After the footsteps faded into the distance and when all sounds seemed to have faded into the night, Silvia - alone in her bedchambers - leaned against the cold door, counting the beatings in her chest.


If I've annoyed or angered you in anyway. I apologize. Here's to a better TL-Editor partnership. Yeah. Cheers.

Xersax (talk) 06:26, 14 January 2014 (CST) Expressing Gratitude

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