Talk:Baccano:Volume1 Chapter3

Hup hup

Take 2: Whoa-oh.

Elkin: My biggest issue with 'woah' is that it indicates an element of surprise... which 'yotto' doesn't :(

Suggestion: Whoa there.

Haha, sounds like he's taming a horse. Good suggestion, but not quite there. 'Yotto' is something said when doing heavy-lifting or exerting force, and usually guys say it to themselves... Similar to how you might say 'up we go'/'there we go' when you're lifting a crate.

Ermazing: Hm... Yeah, I see. Most of the alternatives would probably sound kinda surprised?

Elkin: Hmm yeah. "Down you go"?

Ermazing: That sounds about right.

long page is long

Yeah, tell me about it. This chapter felt like it would never end. But seriously, go sleep :P The stuff's in no hurry to be edited.

Disappearing notes...

... mean no probs! Thanks :)

146: adverbs and verbs

Ermazing: Adverbs and their sounding like verbs. It sounds fine, but the grammar freak in me has to fix it. Still doesn't sound quite right... Elkin: Maybe a semi-colon would help? Tsk tsk, Grammar Nazis should know their semi-colons! (j/k)

-Ah, the dreaded semi-colon, of course... we meet again!

261: food chains

Ermazing: going for a more 'American' feel here, instead of 'such trash' Elkin: *thumbs up* I'm more a Brit-speaker, if you haven't already gathered

281: bitter bugs

Ermazing: Sounds colloquial. Elkin: Point.

403: Firo's frowning shoulder

"Giving two pats to Firo’s shoulder, who was scowling at the inspector..."

Ermazing: kind of a grammer tick, here. It sounds like Firo's shoulder was scowling... but for that, the whole sentence would have to be warped around. Elkin: yeah, same problem. Or "Giving two pats to the shoulder of the scowling Firo..."? Ermazing: Hmm... That one sounds best, but there's just something about passive voice that doesn't sit well with me. It's a big problem with Japanese translations, since their sentences tend to be structured that way.

Elkin: Tell me about it. One of the reasons why I spend forever agonising over translations. "Giving [the scowling Firo/Firo, who was scowling,] two pats to the shoulder"?

Ermazing: That sounds even better.

Sound effects

Ermazing: Some of these have to go. While it isn't exactly a huge priority, it should probably get done. I found some sites here and here just now that should make things easier, I think. I haven't really checked them out.

Elkin: Lots of SFX in novels are fairly intuitive, unlike manga. They're onomatopoeia, so I hesitated about converting them. One question is whether to integrate them into the text (e.g. the shower of items clattered onto the desk) or to keep them separate (e.g. the items showered onto the desk- crash clatter).

Ermazing: I think we should integrate them into the text. The onomatopoeia use is normal in Japanese, since sometimes the verb itself becomes the sound effect, but in English, if it has a word, it just sounds better.

Elkin: Cool, let's do that then. Rather busy atm though- can you do it?

Ermazing: I'll probably get more to it in the weekend. I've got school, alas~