Difference between revisions of "Talk:Shakugan no Shana:Volume3 Prologue"
(suggested a possible rewording for content in the associated page, as the original sentence seemed very vague) |
(commented on suggestions for editing another sentence. this one i suggested much more minor edits on) |
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--[[User:Newdok|Newdok]] 09:29, 5 July 2009 (UTC) |
--[[User:Newdok|Newdok]] 09:29, 5 July 2009 (UTC) |
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| + | Another sentence with minor issues, though this one is overall much cleaner, would be: |
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| + | ''The "Lords" who wanted to avoid foolishness by personally materializing in this world, thus consuming the "Power of Existence", chose to resolve it by bestowing power to the human beings who wanted revenge against the "Denizens";'' |
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| + | Can I suggest the slight modification: |
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| + | ''The "Lords" who wanted to avoid foolishness by personally materializing in this world, which would require the consumption of "Power of Existence", chose instead to bestow power to the human beings who wanted revenge against the "Denizens";'' |
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| + | Though it changes the wording slightly I think it would lead to a slightly cleaer sentence... |
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| + | --[[Special:Contributions/72.89.78.37|72.89.78.37]] 18:16, 5 July 2009 (UTC) |
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Latest revision as of 20:16, 5 July 2009
Possibly extraneous ""s[edit]
I realize that some " " may not be needed. Ex: "Crimson Denizens", "power of existence", "Lords"... Is it okay if I remove them?
--Zyzzyva165, 25 August 2008
Rather convoluted sentence[edit]
This sentence strikes me as rather convoluted:
Yet, for me who has been taught such a concept by him (?), Wilhelmina and others even before I know anything else, "this situation is a normal one." A world like this is the reality that is placed before my eyes, and at the same time, like common sense.
Perhaps this would be better phrased more along the lines of:
Yet, for me, having been taught such a concept by Wilhelmina, him, and others even before I knew anything else, this situation is normal. A world like this is the reality that I see, and at the same time, it is common sense.
Given the vagueness present in the original sentence, its unclear to me if my re-wording is more along the translators intent? I'm a bit confused tbh as to what the original translation was saying, but as i haven't lurked here long enough (and since this would probably constitute a major edit) i figured I'd just give my suggestion on the talk page. Also, that last hanging phrase there is rather unclear... "and at the same time, like common sense", while there could be a meaning there, that strikes me as a peculiar thing to say as the two clauses in that sentence don't seem to mesh: [this is my reality] and at the same time(implying something different?) [common sense]... maybe I'm missing something obvious here?
--Newdok 09:29, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
Another sentence with minor issues, though this one is overall much cleaner, would be:
The "Lords" who wanted to avoid foolishness by personally materializing in this world, thus consuming the "Power of Existence", chose to resolve it by bestowing power to the human beings who wanted revenge against the "Denizens";
Can I suggest the slight modification:
The "Lords" who wanted to avoid foolishness by personally materializing in this world, which would require the consumption of "Power of Existence", chose instead to bestow power to the human beings who wanted revenge against the "Denizens";
Though it changes the wording slightly I think it would lead to a slightly cleaer sentence... --72.89.78.37 18:16, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
