Kämpfer:Volume 2 Chapter 2

Chapter 2 :

Early Morning Intrusion

Making disturbing noises early in the morning isn't just for roosters anymore. Personally, I think even if it were just roosters, it's a bit much. I never expected girls — high school girls, at that — to do the same thing.

"Natsuru, get up—!"

"Wow!"

Instead of the alarm clock of death, her voice exploded in my ears. It wasn't a gentle whisper, but like firecrackers, the kind you see during Chinese New Year or Vietnamese New Year.

"Hey—it's almost late, why don't you get up!"

Kondou Mikoto stood by my bed with an impatient look on her face.

"If I don't get up soon, I won't have time for breakfast. I have to eat a good breakfast, or I'll be sluggish all day."

"I'll eat,"

I said, rubbing my eyes. Don't look at my unusual diet; I still eat breakfast. Please don't compare me to those teenagers who have acquired a bunch of lifestyle ailments. Rather than saying it's a habit, I should be thanking my parents who always pull me to the dinner table in the morning.

I got out of bed, wondering if there was any toast left, when it suddenly occurred to me.

"Hey, Mikoto!"

"What's going on?"

"What? What's going on? Why are you in my house?"

I didn't even notice because she acted so naturally. I live alone, and no matter if it was Mikoto or anyone else, it would be weird for them to be here at this time.

"I came here specially to wake you up."

"No, that's not it. I meant how did you get in?"

"I unlocked the door."

Mikoto said as if nothing had happened. I don't remember giving you the key to my house. You must have opened it without my permission. Speaking of this guy's lockpicking skills, it's at genius level. She can open a large safe used for business even without any tools. Although she said that this is a necessary skill in the field of archaeology, does Indiana Jones also have this skill?

"Who told you to go home together but you didn't keep your promise, so I came here early in the morning."

"Then I'm really sorry."

"Didn't I wake you up every day in elementary school?"

"I'm used to getting up by myself now."

"Don't be shy. I'll be responsible for waking you up from now on."

"Don't mind my business."

I don't know if she meant it, but it's true that she used to call me. Back in elementary school, she came almost every day. Thinking about it, I think she was more interested in my mom's breakfast than in taking care of me. Facts are facts.

"Breakfast's ready downstairs."

"Hey, you're not going to make breakfast for me, are you?"

"Yeah, you need to eat."

I'll go downstairs first, she said, and went downstairs first.

After making sure she was gone, I grabbed the Seppuku Tiger: off the desk.

"When did that guy get here?"

The one-eyed tiger, who had been pretending to be a doll, began to stir.

"She probably woke you up about an hour ago. I heard the lock being unlocked."

"She's not thinking of turning to thieves, is she?"

"She must have really come to wake you up. She didn't take your passbook."

Even if she did steal, it would only be a few hundred yen.

I changed and went to the kitchen. Breakfast was already neatly laid out on the table: rice, miso soup, dried horse mackerel, and pickles.

"Where's the bread and jam I bought a few days ago?"

"You won't get enough nutrition if you only eat those,"

Mikoto replied crisply. There shouldn't be any ingredients at home. There was only bottled juice in the refrigerator.

I stared blankly at the horse mackerel's eyes.

"These are leftovers from yesterday, so just make do with them."

This meant she brought them from her own home.

Anyway, I sat down, said, "I'm going to start," and started eating.

"...Yeah,"

Mikoto said, smiling as she sat across from me.

"How's it? It tastes good, doesn't it?"

It wasn't bad, actually, delicious. The salt was especially well-controlled, not too salty, and not too strong. But I couldn't just give in. I had to pretend, "No one asked you to make me breakfast." (There's nothing cute about boys being tsundere about this.)

"...Huh."

"Is that all?"

"..."

"Heh—it seems someone else thinks it's delicious."

Damn it, she found out. To quickly wash away this shame, I ate my breakfast at full speed.

Rumors and Speculation

"By the way, Natsuru, I heard something yesterday."

I was about to say something when a bone from the horse mackerel choked my throat and I couldn't speak.

"I heard there's a transfer student in the girls' club."

"...I guess they're talking about you."

"They're not talking about me... Ah, now that you mention it, it doesn't seem like she's a transfer student. I seem to have been resting at home due to illness, and I'm finally going back to school as a second-year student."

"Cough!"

The horse mackerel in my mouth spurted out.

"Oh, come on, you're so dirty."

"Where did you hear that?"

"Masumi Nishino told me. Everyone knows it."

They know it? That's great! Bring me those guys who spread the rumor. I want to show them what it's like to be burned to charcoal by Zauber magic.

"Do you know... what kind of girl she is?"

"No..."

"That's the fun part."

Mikoto's face suddenly leaned towards me. She'd always done this since she was little. It's a quirk she'd better change quickly.

"I don't know her last name, but she's also called Natsuru. Remember, I told you about her at the library? She's the one Masumi was looking for."

"...Oh."

This reaction was already pushing me to the limit. You should understand why, needless to say.

"She just happens to have the same name as you."

"The world is so big, there must be millions of people with the same name as me."

"What are you saying while spitting out fish bones? This saves us the trouble of looking for someone."

"That's great! That Natsuru will probably be happy too,"

I replied nonsensically. What was there to be happy about? This conversation didn't make any sense, and besides, I wasn't happy at all.

Mikoto looked nonchalant.

"Of course we're happy, because we've found her," Masumi Nishino said excitedly, "and we have to go see her."

"That's a bother."

"Why bother you? I want to see what the female version of Natsuru looks like, too."

I began to whisper the line I'd said countless times.

"That person is right in front of you."

Then I went to school, to the men's section.

According to rumors, the rumored female student should show up today, but there was no need for me to do so. Even if she had enrolled me and issued me a pass, I only have one body, and today the men's section was the decision.

Mikoto seemed very happy as she headed towards the women's section, looking very excited to see the female version of Natsuru. She wouldn't be there, so please accept my condolences.

When we get to the classroom, I'll definitely laugh at that idiot Higashida. I was walking briskly toward the boys' school gate when someone suddenly grabbed me.

"Excuse me,"

they said, grabbing me under the arms. Next to the badges representing my grade and class, there was a badge with a crossed sword pattern. They must be student council members.

"What are you doing?"

"This way, please."

I wondered if they were playing American football, but they were both incredibly strong. I felt like an alien being apprehended by the FBI. If this continued, I'd probably end up in the autopsy lab.

Forced Transformation

Shizuku forces Natsuru to transform.

Unfortunately, they weren't taking me to Area 51, but to the school's backyard. Waiting there was none other than Shizuku.

After releasing me, the MIB-like student council members bowed to the president and left without a single word of thanks from Shizuku.

It was obvious she was targeting me; she stared at me with her usual cold eyes.

"Senou-san, aren't you going to the women's section?"

"Because I'm a man,"

I said with a little pretense.

"Didn't I make you a student ID?"

"You can't use it if you don't transform into a woman. Besides, I can't transform as I please. If I go in as a man, the teacher will definitely grab me and put me on the electric chair."

"Oh, my, it's really inconvenient not being able to transform into Kämpfer on my own."

"It's inconvenient, then."

"If it's inconvenient, there are ways to do it. Then I'll help you transform."

The president's mouth twitched slightly, and the bracelet on my right hand began to glow rapidly.

Before I could even utter a sound, I was instantly transformed into a woman.

A flicker of light emanated from the inside of Shizuku's hair; she had already transformed into Kämpfer, and I, in response, was also transformed.

"That's all right. Please go to the women's section."

"That's bad! I'm only transforming randomly, and I don't know when I'll be back. What if I'm a boy in the middle of class?"

"It's a small matter, you can figure it out yourself."

Shizuku was completely indifferent.

"You're Kämpfer, right?"

This wasn't something I wanted to do.

First Day in Girls' Section

Arriving at the women's section.

This was the second or third time I'd entered as a woman. Anyway, unlike before, I was entering legally this time.

The pass Shizuku gave me was incredibly useful. I passed through the security gate with ease and was in the girls' garden.

The girls' school is different from the boys' school. There are several buildings alone, with separate first, second, and third grades. Is this an extreme luxury or just a waste of construction costs? My goal is Class 4, Grade 2, the same class as me.

Wait, Class 4, Grade 2?

This has a bad feeling. Someone I know seems to be in Class 4, Grade 2. I start to sweat.

I walk heavily towards the second-grade building and run into our teacher, a woman who, until recently, was still a college student. She glances at me and simply says, "Go this way." It's unnatural, no matter how you think about it. Perhaps Shizuku told her to, so she didn't ask any questions. What a terrifying student council president! Her influence reaches so far that even teachers are affected.

The noise emanating from Class 4's classroom could be heard throughout the hallway. It felt different from the boys', more like small animals playing.

A bit nervous, I followed the female teacher into the classroom. Suddenly, the voices stopped.

All eyes were fixed on me, including a girl whose mouth was swollen with fear, her mouth forming an O.

I almost made a similar expression, but thankfully, my mental strength was mobilized in time, and my cheeks only twitched slightly. The girl I had frightened was Akane, and this was her class.

The typhoon, known as the "impact," uprooted the trees in my heart, leaving me in a state of desolation. My anger began to surge. Shizuku, that bastard, knew all about this, yet she deliberately assigned me to Class 2, Grade 4. Perhaps it was just because, "Your surprised face is so funny!" The same lame excuse.

Thinking calmly, it's hard to imagine Shizuku doing something like this for such a skit-like reason, but it was the only possibility I could think of at the moment.

The female teacher tapped the blackboard with her finger.

"Next is class meeting time. Um—this is Senou Natsuru, who has returned to school today."

Anyway, I saluted everyone.

"Please don't poke her with umbrellas, don't scrutinize her like she's a rare animal, and don't shake her desks while saying there's an earthquake. Senou-san isn't in good health, and if things go wrong, she might be suspended again. As for the seating, just..."

The female teacher suppressed a yawn and glanced around the room.

"Ah, whatever."

Such a casual woman! Can someone like that really be a teacher? Are you really not a professional gamer? But I don't mean that game designers are all casual.

The girls were silent; their gazes stung.

"...Thank you for your guidance."

That was all I said.

There was another silence. Then, from the back of the room...

"...So handsome."

After a pause...

"Ah!"

This group of girls, like South African thugs or Argentinian anti-consumerists, rushed towards me.

"So handsome, so handsome!"

"Super hot! How tall are you? How big are your breasts?"

"Do you have a boyfriend? If not, do you have a girlfriend?"

I was almost suffocated by the vortex of girls. The female teacher muttered, "Let's buy some games," and then left. Huh? Is this really okay during a class meeting?

More girls rushed in. Wow—why are so many people?

"Wait... wait a minute!"

I finally poked my head out.

"I... no, I'm just an ordinary student. If you ask me that, I'll..."

Although I was originally supposed to be a student returning to Seitetsu, I couldn't answer any of these questions. I didn't even think about excuses, but why was I so calm at a time like this? Ah—because I'm Kämpfer now.

"Great! Your voice is so charming!"

"You look like a man, so handsome!"

The girls surrounded me again, like hamsters running for food. If this was the case, today would probably end like this, surrounded by a crowd.

I tried to escape, but failed and nearly fell. All the girls were clinging to each other like crazy. They'll definitely be able to snag goodies at the sale someday, or maybe even consider a career in women's sumo.

Akane was also planning to come over to where I was, but she got stopped by a human tsunami and was trapped. It must have been a tough chore for her, so fragile. Even I was practically suffocating.

In the second-year, fourth-grade class of the girls' department, three people stood out.

"Senou-san, where do you live? Do you want to move near me?"

This girl, who had been prying into everyone's privacy from the beginning, was the most energetic of the group. At first glance, she seemed like a good student, so I'd call her "class monitor."

"So handsome, so handsome! I'm melting! Can I smell you?"

This girl, for some reason, was high, stepping a little further from my skirt. Since she looked a bit like the "class monitor," I'll call her "vice-class monitor." (A sly lily?)

"Senou-san, do you believe in gods? Even if you don't, it's still not too late to join our religion, or buy our pots on installment plans. You can even change your name."

There was also a girl who, even amidst the chaos, kept promoting a new religion. Even with a returning student (that's me) right in front of her, she remained completely unmoved. She was probably the weirdest person in the class, because all she talked about was money. Let's call her "accountant."

The other students are cute, but their personalities don't seem that striking. It's actually hard to tell who's who when there are so many of them. I wonder if I'll ever be able to call everyone by name.

Private Conversation with Sakura Kaede

The door swung open with a thud.

"Alright—everyone, that's enough."

There was a round of applause, and perhaps because the entrance was perfectly timed, everyone fell silent.

It was Sakura Kaede.

"Natsuru-san has just returned from a leave of absence. Please don't cause her any trouble."

"Well...well...Sakura Kaede,"

the cautiously spoken Akane said.

"Senou-san is in our class... We just want to be friends with her... And someone from Class 2 is saying that..."

Though her tone was weak, her words were quite aggressive. The other girls chimed in, "Right, right," "That's right, Akane," and "I can sell you the amulet cheaply," though the accountant's last line was the one saying it.

Sakura Kaede firmly retorted,

"I can't stand by and watch Natsuru-san get into danger."

"It's not a real danger... Do you think you're the head of the Fuki department..."

"Shizuku asked me to look after Natsuru-san."

"Huh... Why would the student council president ask you to do something like that?"

"That's what she said."

Sakura Kaede forcibly pulled me away from the sea of women.

"Come on, Natsuru-san, I'll show you around the girls' section. This way, please."

She dragged me out of the classroom. The girls from Class 4 continued to complain, but with the door closed, I couldn't hear anything.

With her back to me, Sakura Kaede continued to pull me forward. Why did I let her pull me along so obediently? It was because I had no idea what was going on. I could hear Akane and Sakura Kaede's conversation clearly, but that was all. My head, though calm, was useless at this moment.

I was led to the end of the hallway.

"This is enough."

"This is the hallway... You said you were going to look after me..."

"That's a lie,"

Sakura Kaede said firmly.

"...Natsuru-san."

"Hurry,"

I replied blankly.

"I...finally see you."

She turned and looked at me, her eyes watery. Sakura Kaede's eyes looked like those of a child who's been using too many eye drops and is feeling the pain.

"I've been looking for you for ages... No matter how hard I try, I can't find Natsuru... This is the first time I've felt this lonely."

My heart ached slightly. He was such a jerk, leaving my beloved Sakura Kaede so lonely. As a man, how could I just sit back and watch this happen? But the awkward part was, discussing whether or not I was a man seemed pointless.

"When I heard from Shizuku that you were returning to school, I was so happy. I never thought I'd see Natsuru again... Oh, I'm sorry, we've only just met. You must think I'm a cheeky girl, right?"

Sakura Kaede lowered her head slightly.

"No, I don't think you're cheeky at all. On the contrary, I think you're cute. The problem is that student council president who made the reckless remarks."

"S-So... then..."

She began to shift restlessly, her movements becoming odd.

"About that date before... that thing I told you about... do you still remember it?"

Here it comes, my mind goes off into a panic. Oh no, it's the aftermath of that last time.

That time, it was dropped because Shizuku messed things up, but it's still unresolved because I haven't replied to her yet. But this time, I really can't escape it.

It's better to refuse. I did think about "rejecting her—" last time, but with Sakura Kaede in front of me, I don't know what to do. I'm afraid it will trigger a chain reaction of "rejection → harm." If that happens, the consequences will be very frustrating.

How could I possibly dislike Sakura Kaede? As a man, I really like her. I'd rather say I'd date her. While our needs and needs are the same, there seems to be a slight discrepancy regarding gender.

Sakura Kaede seemed to want to continue. Oh no, at a time like this, I can only resort to the ninjutsu of stalling.

"Now... it's class time."

"First period today is a class meeting, and ours has already ended. It's okay."

What are you talking about? What the hell is this school thinking? They just want students to study until they die.

Sakura Kaede suddenly smiled at me.

"Natsuru-san...it's just the two of us now."

She's so enthusiastic! Although I've known her since junior high, I never imagined she was so passionate about love. On the contrary, there's even a rumor that "Sakura Kaede isn't interested in love."

Oh, so that's why. While she might not be interested in boys, it's different with girls. That seems a bit strange, though.

"Well...about that before...your answer is..."

Ah—my heart is already leaping out of my mouth. I can't take it anymore. I've reached nowhere to escape. Ah, God, Buddha, even that new religion that's on the rise these days, someone please save me.

My wish reaches the heavens.

The bracelet begins to glow rapidly.

"...Ah!"

Sakura Kaede also looks surprised.

"Eh... Natsuru-san, something's glowing..."

God help me, the moment I thought that, I realized it wasn't the case. Wasn't this a sign of turning back into a boy?

I glanced around, but there was no one else besides Sakura Kaede. The flashes were accelerating, leaving no time for hesitation.

I rushed out.

"... Natsuru-san!"

Sakura Kaede was startled. Oh no, I wondered if I'd ever get a chance to apologize.

Enemy Attack and Escape

I ran down the stairs to the first floor, out onto the lawn, and then towards the library. If I didn't get to the men's section quickly, it would be bad. If I turned into a boy here, I'd definitely be caught by the guards.

The light from my bracelet enveloped me. No way, I was still in the women's section.

But the next moment, the light disappeared, and I heard a gunshot.

"What..."

A hole opened under my feet, and I fell forward as if I had rolled over.

Red sound? It seems not. This gunshot was not from the Bulldog Girl. This was the first time I heard it. It was the enemy, the enemy Kämpfer warrior.

The gunshots continued for several more times, two, three rounds bouncing towards the ground.

I looked up and saw someone in the tree. Although I knew she was wearing a sailor uniform, her face was backlit. The guy was attacking me with a gun.

Looking in the direction of the fireproof helmet, I immediately pointed my fingertips at the enemy.

Is this the right way to use it? While I was still thinking, a fireball appeared, and my weapon, Zauber magic, was activated, flying straight towards the enemy.

Just before she was about to be struck, the enemy leaped down, the flames snapping the branches. I stood up and left my current location.

I jumped into the nearest bushes and quickly shifted my gaze to check my surroundings. Where on earth had that woman gone?

She hadn't attacked, but I couldn't let my guard down. She must still be somewhere.

This guy must be the one who made me feel that way before. Back then, she just took my look, but this time she challenged me.

I waited for her to attack, the tension sending chills down my spine.

But after that, nothing happened.

The attacks had truly stopped. Hmm, she had stopped. Wasn't I an idiot for playing hide-and-seek with her just now?

There was a rustling sound, and something scurried out from the bushes.

"That."

"Wow! An enemy?"

I turned and saw it was Akane.

"Natsuru?"

"Ah... I was startled. It was Akane-chan."

"What's wrong with you?"

She looked puzzled, and I briefly explained what had just happened.

Akane's face was clearly unhappy when I mentioned Sakura Kaede, but she still started when I mentioned the enemy, looking around anxiously.

"Where, where is the enemy?"

"She's gone."

"...Did she disappear?"

"Yeah, maybe. I guess it's because she saw Akane-chan coming."

I could no longer sense her; it seemed the enemy had truly vanished.

"...What on earth does she want?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe she wanted to test her mettle. She saw me last time, so she wanted to have a fight this time. That's why she gave up so easily."

"Well, next time..."

I know without you telling me, it's probably a real fight. I wonder if the enemy will show mercy this time.

My head started to hurt again. I already had enough troubles, and now there's a new enemy.

"But if it's an enemy... isn't it the president's partner?"

Akane muttered.

"...That's true."

The enemy's bracelet should be red. If it wasn't, they wouldn't attack me. I wonder if Shizuku ordered her to do so.

I began to tremble. Thinking this way, I could understand why Shizuku wanted me to join the girls' club. She probably wanted to win a school match and secretly defeat us. It was already hard enough for Shizuku and me to fight Akane alone, so what if there was another person?

Of course, these are just my guesses. Speaking of that president, even if there were other reasons, it wouldn't be surprising at all.

My head started to hurt even more. Is there Sho Takumaru?... Ah, that's just my stomach.

"Why are you here, Akane?"

"...I came here to chase Natsuru."

Oh, so I was taken away by Sakura Kaede.

The bell rang. It was time for class to end. Should I hide somewhere, like the restroom?

"Natsuru-san, are you going back to the boys' club?"

"Hmm..."

That's the problem. I can only transform randomly now. I don't know when I'll become a girl, or when I'll be a boy again. Whether I'm in the boys' or girls' club, the danger level is the same. Which side should I stay on? Life is like walking a tightrope.

"It's better for you to stay in the boys' club..."

"Really?"

"Hmm..."

"But I'm a girl now. I don't know how long I can stay like this."

Akane suddenly approached me.

"If that's the case, then I'll go with you. I understand the situation better than Sakura Kaede... Don't worry."

I had no idea what she meant by "don't worry," but it was much better than someone completely clueless. Don't look at me like that, I'm quite shy. I even hesitate to talk to a stray cat on the street.

"If you're afraid of turning back into a boy, you can go to the library. It's shared with the men's club, and Sakura Kaede... probably wouldn't go there..."

Her face flushed. She must have suffered a lot for me.

I was a little touched that she was so concerned about me. Although Akane looked fierce and rabid after her transformation, she was actually so gentle in her normal state.

But the fact that she dislikes Sakura Kaede is a problem. Although I find it a bit strange that she would fall in love with a girl, it is an undeniable fact that she is a Iron Star Academy High Schoolidol, so I must find a way.

"I understand. Then let's go together."

Akane's expression brightened.

"It's break time now, so let's chat. Let me tell you about Sakura Kaede's strengths."

"Akane, you might not like Sakura Kaede, but she's a really great person. I'll tell you everything from the time I met her in first grade to now."

I've known Sakura Kaede since junior high, and there are so many stories between us that even Wikipedia couldn't contain them all. While talking about homosexuality might seem a bit awkward, I'm sure one day I'll make her fall in love with a boy like me, including this one. Even though it's only a short break, I want to explain everything to her as best I can.

But Akane looked away, looking disappointed, and walked listlessly towards the school building.

"...Huh? Akane?"

She didn't even turn to look at me. Why did her hearing suddenly become so dull?

"...I'm going home..."

"Well... didn't you say you'd come with me...?"

She refused to listen and went back alone.

"Akane...?"

"..."

"Hey—"

"..."

She might be in her second year of high school, but she might have severe amnesia. For someone who dislikes Sakura Kaede, it wouldn't be surprising if she were sick.

I was left alone, and I couldn't help but worry about her health.

Later, when I returned to Class 4, Grade 2, Akane had already arrived, but she wouldn't respond to anything I said. She looked really sick.

Unwanted Popularity

Because I still looked like a girl, I had no choice but to attend the women's section. There was always the risk of suddenly changing back to a boy, and when that happened, I could only pray. Or rather, I should pray now. Please, God, please don't let the Ring of Vows glow during class. I couldn't bear it if it did just now.

But the Gods seemed to hear my plea, and the class ended safely. This happened several times.

Meanwhile, from the door in the hallway, figures kept peering into the classroom.

And there weren't just one or two, ten, maybe twenty, and the number kept growing with each class.

And surprisingly, all of them were staring at me.

"Hey, what's that?"

Not knowing what was going on, I went to consult Akane and explained that my seat was right next to Akane. Although the homeroom teacher said "sit wherever you want," I suspected that this was also Shizuku's conspiracy.

"It seems that the girls are all looking at me..."

"..."

Akane didn't seem to hear it. She must be very sick.

"Senou-san, you are being monitored."

"Wow!"

Suddenly someone spoke from behind, and I jumped up in fright.

The person with a faint smile on her face was the class monitor.

"Oh, your voice is still as charming as a boy's."

"What...what..."

"Let me give you a piece of advice. You are being watched."

Being targeted? It's true that as a Kämpfer, I'm constantly exposed to danger, so much so that I'm tempted to use the classical Chinese saying, "I'm always on the battlefield." But the class monitor's line didn't seem to imply that.

"The women's division isn't much fun."

For some reason, I heard a sound from beneath my feet. I looked over and saw the vice-class monitor lying there. I was still wondering what she was imitating when she suddenly rubbed her cheek against my socks like a cat.

"That's why I said it's always tough for newcomers. For a while, the rumors were all about that one person, especially since she's such a beauty, right?"

"How could that be..."

"No, this is the kind of place."

"So, Senou-san, you're a big celebrity now."

The person speaking directly to me was the accountant. No matter how many times I looked at her, her face looked like a stock exchange clerk. It wasn't so much maturity as it was inauthentic.

"Now, not just the second years, but the whole school knows about you. It's only natural that everyone wants to see what this legendary beauty looks like."

I looked towards the door again. There were more people.

"Are those people targeting me... uh, isn't that right, me...?"

"Yes,"

the three of them agreed.

I understand saying it's not fun, but it's not that I don't know what to do. I just want excitement. For teenagers, no amount of fun is enough. Otherwise, men and women wouldn't risk crossing the line. The same goes for Higashida, who insisted on taking photos even when he was desperate.

But the fact that I'm the target of the entertainment is a bit unreasonable.

"The rumors are spreading among the boys now."

"Yes, that's right. There might be pictures of you soon."

"Hehehe."

These three people seem to be enjoying themselves. I'm not a comedian, but I can make them so happy. I guess I have a talent for comedy.

But I don't plan to join Yoshimoto Kogyo or Shochiku Geino. Just being a Kämpfer is enough for me. I don't need to add any more characteristics.

"That's what I said, but you can't get out of here."

"It's like throwing raw meat to a shark."

"Hehe."

What on earth could make these guys so happy?

It's as if they can predict what will happen next. What a bunch of black-hearted high school girls. What are they thinking? In fact, they may not be thinking about anything, but it must be a disaster for me.

The bell rang, signaling the end of class, and at the same time, the girls clinging to the windows also dispersed like the tide.

In short, I can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

"It's no use for you to worry. Everyone is very interested in what happened to Senou."

"And it's not just girls."

"Hehehe."

I pretended not to hear, even though I heard it all.

My heart sank. Thinking carefully, I'd never received so much attention from a girl in my life. I should be happy, but this level of attention is unnecessary. Overall, it's probably a negative thing.

And my precious break time has been snatched away! Give it back to me!

The Interview

The next class is Chinese, taught by the teacher who said, "I'm going to buy a game" and then disappeared. I haven't seen her since she returned, so I wonder if she managed to buy the game.

The teacher is now writing on the blackboard with a single hand, looking annoyed.

"...What's the feeling of the husband who watched his wife leave? Does anyone want to answer?"

The teacher finished, and the whole class lowered their heads in unison. I was the only one staring at the blackboard like an idiot.

The teacher smiled.

"Oh, you're so slow. Then, Natsuru, you answer it."

Oh, you actually added a small character before my name? You're a teacher, is that really okay?

The female teacher crossed her arms over her chest, looking insolent. What on earth is this guy thinking?

"If you can't answer, you'll definitely fail the next exam."

"Huh?"

"You can ask me to give you some slack, but the price is that you have to give me something first. Specifically, a bribe."

"That's...that's too much!"

Is this a teacher? There's no such thing as a homeroom teacher asking students for money.

"I'm really broke. After buying the games and the alcohol, my wallet is completely empty. Don't you think the alcohol tax in this country is really too high?"

How would I know, since I've never drunk alcohol?

Voices like "Your movements are really slow" and "You're such an amateur" started coming from nearby tables. Amateurs are amateurs, but I can't pay this.

"Teacher..."

"Have you figured it out?"

"No, I want to answer the questions."

"If you answer wrong, you'll be fined."

What are you thinking?

"If you don't want to pay, you have to tell me a secret."

"What...?"

"Experiences of being dumped by boys, abandoned by boys, bullied by boys, and things like that. I want to hear something like that that can be used as a snack for a whole week."

There is no such thing —although I want to say that, but in fact there is one. It's not about being dumped by boys, but about Kämpfer. But I don't have any other secrets. This is really too bad.

"What's the matter? If you don't tell me quickly, you will fail."

The teacher looked like she had won the exam.

"...Uh."

If I tell it here, I will be doomed. Not only will I be treated as a pervert, but also as a criminal. Why do I have to encounter such tragic things? I don't know what that idiot Shizuku was thinking. Why did she assign me to Class 4, Grade 2? Hey!

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it."

"...?"

"Sit down."

Oh, she's a teacher, as expected. She wouldn't push students into a corner. I thought she was just a terrible teacher who loved drinking and playing games, but it seems I misunderstood her. She must have been lying about failing.

"I've entrusted Senou Natsuru's secret to someone else."

Our homeroom teacher, the Chinese language teacher, suddenly flung open the classroom door.

"Hello everyone —I'm from the news agency —!"

Masumi Nishino appeared with a beaming smile.

This class is truly a nightmare.

Masumi Nishino took me out. Isn't it class time? What's going on? This girl acted as if it was all natural. My classmates also waved to her. Our homeroom teacher slipped something into her pocket —probably some bribe money.

She took me to the news club. I'd thought Masumi Nishino was joking, but it seemed she was from the club.

"...Why...the news club?"

"I'm in every club, about twenty."

Are you a test-taking freak?

I was forced to sit on a chair. I'd used the former Men's Film Research Club's office before, and that classroom felt shabby. But the Women's News Club was really nice, and they seemed wealthy. Their equipment was all high-end. That camera on the floor in the corner must be a Nikon F, right? It's expensive.

Masumi Nishino looked very happy, staring at me.

"Then let's start the interview —"

It wasn't "holding" but "interview." I just realized it now.

"Now we begin the big tracking of returning students. I will tell you about their private lives shrouded in mystery through interviews. This news will be published in the next issue of the report. Please look forward to it."

I'm not looking forward to it at all. What on earth do you want to report about me? Not only does it infringe on my personal privacy, but even the title seems to be fabricated. The scary thing is that Masumi Nishino doesn't seem to have any hesitation about what she has done. Are you a devil?

"Then I'll ask you directly, does Natsuru have any secrets that cannot be told?"

How could I possibly tell you something like that? Yes, there are some, but once they are said, they are no longer secrets.

"Are you thinking that if you tell me, it won't be a secret anymore?"

Are you a psychic?

Masumi Nishino smiled, or should I say, smirked, an expression an interviewer shouldn't have. It felt like she was plotting something, all written on her face.

"...No..."

Anyway, I'll just deny it for now. If I tell the truth to someone like that, I'll be screwed.

"When did you go back to school?"

"Today."

"Huh? Didn't we meet before? You were clearly in school then, too. Why did you say you were back today?"

"..."

This woman was quick to think about strange things.

Masumi Nishino was telling the truth. It was true that I wasn't even enrolled in the girls' department back then. I had always intended to be a boy. No, even now, I haven't forgotten my manly side.

"Why did that Senou-san drop out of school?"

"...sick."

"What's wrong with her —?"

"A lot."

That's all I could say. I hadn't even considered the name of the illness. Shizuku hadn't even prepared for something like that.

"At least tell me the name —if you don't, I'll just make something up."

I was sweating. Something that wasn't there wasn't there. Masumi Nishino exuded the same aura as Higashida. It would be troublesome to have such a contrived enemy, but it also seemed strange to have them as companions.

"Cancer…it's not that."

I had no choice but to make up a bunch of nonsense.

"It's not hepatitis…it's not dysentery…it's not cholera…it's not diabetes…it's not pneumonia…I don't have a cold either."

What on earth could this be? Even I was wondering about myself. Even if I denied every possible illness, it would be meaningless. But to add, it's true that I didn't have a cold. For some reason, my health has been fantastic these past few years.

"Nothing at all —then I have a more personal question."

She seemed to have no concept of respecting other people's privacy.

"What are Natsuru's hobbies?"

I don't have any. If I had to, it would probably be watching comedy shows, or TV.

"Do you have a doll?"

"Yes..."

A talking doll.

"Ah—could it be the Entrails Animals series? That's weird and disgusting, not something a girl would buy —"

"..."

"What's with the Seppuku? You really have bad taste! Anyone who wants something like that must be mentally ill!"

It's not something I want, so I said that, but I wondered if this guy would believe it.

I agree with her on some points about the Entrails Animals, mostly, actually.

But my pride wouldn't allow me to criticize a series that Sakura Kaede likes, even though it's really disgusting.

Masumi Nishino keeps fiddling with her pencil. Don't you have a recorder? Even when journalists were forbidden from taking notes, they'd still keep a sharpened pencil and notebook in their pockets, their hands moving furtively inside. Are you imitating that now?

"Then I'll ask the next question."

Why don't you just wrap up?

"Are you dating someone right now —?"

No way!

You're asking about "who you're dating" right off the bat. Shouldn't a first interview start with questions like "What's your preferred type?" Are you deliberately trying to make me, the interviewee, nervous?

No, no, that's not right. This person was just asking out of pure curiosity. The proof was that she looked genuinely amused, staring at me with the eyes of a kindergartener who didn't know what evil was.

"So what's going on?"

Her eyes sparkled.

"...No,"

I said coldly. It's true I'm not dating anyone. I do have someone I like, but explaining that is just too much trouble.

"Have you ever been confessed to?"

"..."

Yes, but I couldn't answer her honestly; it would be a matter of reputation for all sorts of reasons.

"So that's how it is —"

Masumi Nishino laughed boldly. This person probably knew something.

"Natsuru-san is really hot —girls should like your type, right? Have you ever had a girl confess to you?"

"..."

Sweat was pouring down my back.

I don't know why this woman is so confident. Besides Akane, Shizuku, and the dolls, no one else knows about my relationship with Sakura Kaede, but what's with her attitude now?

She's just being vain, I guess. Deceiving yourself first —that's the ultimate deception tactic.

"What's going on?"

"...What did you say?"

"Someone said they saw Natsuru walking with a girl."

What did you say? Just as I was about to say that, it suddenly occurred to me that she was lying. There was no way anyone could have seen me and Sakura Kaede walking together. Thinking about it, it was only natural for me, now a girl, to be with a girl. She was probably just testing me.

"That girl seems to be a sophomore."

She was trying to scare me, and this one must be the same.

"Natsuru is also a sophomore, right? If the class knew, what do you think would happen?"

It would be terrible. The class president, vice-class president, and the accountant were all so ruthless. If they caught me vulnerable, even the homeroom teacher would probably blackmail me. As for my companions, there was only Akane in her effeminate mode.

My fate is easy to imagine. It's wiser not to chatter non-stop at a time like this.

"...I'm not dating anyone."

"Eh—you have such a charming voice, you must be popular —"

"I'm saying no."

"So—the news agency is planning a lesbian special, you have to help me —"

It's still news, but this guy's probably doing gossip.

And what's with the lesbian special? What's she planning? And why would she ask me for help? It's so strange! If the mysterious returning student special and the lesbian special were published together, wouldn't I be instantly famous?

"There's a lesbian trend going on in Iron Star Academy High Schoolright now —you could call it yuri:, too. Pretty girls doing perverted things is really popular."

"...Trend?"

"It's a trend started by the news agency. We're planning to run ten special features on yuri-style schoolgirls, and we're also planning to run a second feature on the mysterious returning student, Natsuru."

You're basically making this up! What a ridiculously fake story.

No matter what, this must not be published in the school newspaper. If it were, and Kämpfer's secrets were discovered, it would be disastrous. The punishment... I've never heard of such a thing, but if Superman Parmen were discovered, he'd be turned in to an idiot. Anything could happen, including being forced to buy a ton of Entrails Animals.

Besides, it would be terrible if I were mistaken for a homosexual or a yuri. No, Sakura Kaede would probably feel relieved, what's going on?

Masumi Nishino was fiddling with her pencil again.

"It's okay if you don't answer me. I'll just write something random."

"That's not fabrication..."

"Yeah —but if I write it, it becomes true."

Her eyes were still as pure as before, as if she had no doubts about what she was doing.

"Then I'll write about how I'm still recovering from a long illness, but I'm still going back to school with a fever. Do you think that's okay?"

"Not at all!"

How could it be okay? What fever? Do you think you're a gossip magazine?

"I've decided to write about the Natsuru's secret being a yuri, a legendary girl who's been hacking and killing her way through beautiful girls since elementary school."

What hacking and killing? Where does that even come from?

"After entering Iron Star Academy High School, I ate all my juniors, classmates, and seniors without any complaints. The reason I took a leave of absence was because I attacked three office ladies at my company and was hated and stabbed several times, so I lied about being sick."

"..."

I was speechless. Masumi Nishino nodded and took notes. This shouldn't be an interview, just pure writing.

"Is this all right —"

"..."

"Huh? Are you dissatisfied with something?"

It wasn't so much dissatisfaction as it was fear. I had just arrived at the women's department today, and I had unknowingly become a mysterious lesbian. I couldn't help but suspect that this was also Shizuku's conspiracy.

"So that's it."

"Wait... wait a minute."

I called Masumi Nishino, who was about to leave.

"What? You're not hiding anything from me, are you? Don't worry, I'll write it for you."

So that means you made it all up, right? That's not the case.

"...Don't post it."

"Why?"

"No reason."

I pleaded with her, raising my voice as high as I could. It would be the worst possible scenario if they found out I was a boy.

"But I have my own news to write."

"Please."

"Eh—"

Oh, oh, oh, why do I have to give in to such a fake report? It's so strange no matter how you think about it.

"Okay —"

Masumi Nishino thought for a moment.

"If you trade a real secret, Natsuru, I'll promise not to deregister."

"But..."

What kind of woman is this? She'd actually trade something like that.

Seeing my reaction, Masumi Nishino laughed.

"You do have a secret, don't you —"

I'd fallen for her trap, but now wasn't the time to blame myself for being so careless.

"No… no secret…"

"What are you going to do? I can do anything —"

I can't do anything. Agreeing would be hell, refusing would be hell, and leaving it alone would probably be hell too. The result would be the same either way.

"…"

"What are you going to do —?"

"…"

I hope this disaster will be over soon.

"Hmph —you're not going to say anything? —Okay, then I'll add this news item about a high school girl who ate up all the nurses in the hospital while she was there."

This is really too much! I thought Masumi Nishino would lose her patience and give up if I remained silent, but I really underestimated her.

"If you don't want to, just say it."

She suddenly approached me. Although she had a cute face, she now looked like a female guard at an orphanage.

"I don't know."

"…"

Rescue and Investigation

Just when I was in a dilemma, there was a loud noise, and the door to the news agency opened.

The person who entered was Mikoto, followed by Akane.

Mikoto looked inside and strode over.

"You must be Natsuru, right? My name is Kondou Mikoto."

She saluted me. Yes, this was the first time she and a girl like me had met.

After greeting me, Mikoto ignored me.

"Hey, Masumi Nishino," she called to the high school girl who was threatening me, seemingly unnerved.

"What are you doing? Are you planning on writing a fake report again?"

"Huh—it's not a fake report. I just added a little extra information."

"That's a fake report. Every time you mess around like this, our class's reputation gets worse."

Mikoto took Masumi Nishino's hand.

"You're not allowed to skip class. Go back now."

"I have the permission of the second-grade class four teacher."

"But our homeroom teacher is angry!"

She said as she quickly led her away. Masumi Nishino seemed to want to say something, but her voice gradually faded and could no longer be heard.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and my shoulders relaxed.

"…Are you okay?"

Akane asked worriedly.

"It's okay... Why is Akane-chan with Mikoto?"

"She took Natsuru-san away... I was wondering what to do. I thought you must have been taken to the news agency and happened to run into Kondou-san."

"Is that so—it was just a coincidence."

"Yeah... Kondou-san said to me, 'I need your help,' and then suddenly opened the door."

So impatient, so like Mikoto.

The timing was perfect, arriving just when I was about to become a yuri, or when my identity was about to be revealed. I really have to thank that person. If I thanked her formally, she would definitely think it was weird, so I just thanked her secretly in my heart.

"Where did they go?"

"Probably back to the first-year classroom..."

They'll probably be there for a while, thank goodness. Speaking of which, this is the girls' department, and they were previously attacked by the mysterious Kämpfer. If this causes another uproar in the school news, I think it'll be hard for me to keep a low profile.

Akane looked at me worriedly. Hoping for peace around me, I prayed to all the gods in the world.

"It hurts, Mikoto, let me go."

"Shut up!"

Mikoto let go, and Masumi Nishino, having been saved, rubbed her right hand several times.

"Mikoto, you're a girl, but you're very strong."

"It just became like this after I started helping with the investigation."

"We were almost there."

"What's the point of you asking me those questions?"

Mikoto clapped her hands.

"That person named Natsuru is really beautiful even though it's the first time we met."

"Right? I really want to publish her news."

"But her full name is Senou Natsuru, which is such a coincidence. She has the same name as my childhood sweetheart."

"Are you talking about Senou Natsuru from the men's club, the guy who looks so ugly."

"Stop talking nonsense. He can be very handsome sometimes."

"But she should have nothing to do with the male version of Natsuru. They just happen to have the same name."

"That's possible... But I always feel it's weird. Why did she say her name was Natsuru..."

Masumi Nishino also had an incredible expression, and at this moment she suddenly clapped her hands.

"Ah—so Mikoto doesn't like this!"

"Don't talk nonsense."

"If the female version of Natsuru and the male version of Natsuru are really related, it wouldn't be a very interesting thing for childhood friends—"

"It has nothing to do with that, okay? I just want to know where that female version of Natsuru comes from."

"Really—"

"You have to believe me, I'm interested in that woman's true face, that's all."

"Okay, okay."

Masumi Nishino didn't seem to believe it, and Mikoto made a low, "woooo..." sound like a puppy.

"By the way, Masumi Nishino, you have to help me uncover that woman's true face too."

"I know."

"Who is that woman...? I must get to the bottom of it."

Mikoto muttered as she clenched her fists tightly.

Translator's Notes

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