Talk:Tsukumodo:Volume 1 Coincidence

i have some questions about these lines:

They never were concrete, but they always looked at me with disgust.

(who was not concrete? and who looked with disgust?)

The ones she confessed to.

But time went by and our bonds were divided.

(“divided” seems strange. maybe “cut”? )

Sounds better, thanks~

"nomen est omen".

(maybe you could add a tl note as to what that means?)

Done.

"...How careless of me," Saki whispers

(is it definitely present tense?)

Corrected.

The interior was as old as it looked from the outside and there were no articles on the shelves that looked it.

(the articles looked what?)

"Is this supposed to be a key holder or something?"

(not sure, but I think it’s keychain)

Yeah, sounds better.

She shouldn't have made fun of my feelings to Miki.

(not “to”. “for” or ”towards”) (but I didn’t change this. pick which u like best.)

orz

--Idiffer 09:35, 19 April 2012 (CDT)

and some more questionable lines:

The person on the other end told me what hospital the culprit had been brought to. The class was planning to assemble there.

(i think they wanted to visit the victim, not the cilprit)

Whooooops~

Fair enough that she took offense by the cursed stuff Saki offered her.

(dunno. another option: Fair enough that she was offended by the cursed stuff Saki offered her. )

Fine with me.

"Saki, are you fine?"

(i think the more common expression is "are you okay?")

True.

Mineyama obediently obeyed and went to the convenience store.

(obediently obeyed is redundant. it's like talking talkatively or buttery butter. )

"HYY!"

(mmm...maybe "Hii!" i've just never seen HYY before)

The problem with "Hii" is that it looks like a greeting. I'm not contended with "HYY", either.

"...It's odd. Something's just odd! This stone must be cursed, after all..." she stuttered with a pale face.

(don't know how it was in japanese, but there is no stuttering in her line.)

Yeah, no stuttering here. Just couldn't think of a better word when translating. :D I guess "to babble" should catch the meaning I wanted.

Colliding or throwing a pillow was no big deal even for Atobe and her pals.

(colliding a pillow? doesn't sound right)

Changed to "Barging against me or throwing a pillow"

--Idiffer 06:16, 30 April 2012 (CDT)

"There's still more. Atobe's reactions to the accidents differed between hers and those that happened by chance.

(your reactions...between yours. or is this deliberate?)