The Zashiki Warashi of Intellectual Village:Volume2 Chapter 3

Status: Incomplete

Chapter 3: Uchimaku Hayabusa @ Shibuya Girl A

Part 1

The value of land inside the ZR Yamanote Line was generally ridiculously expensive, but Ochanomizu was a student district. That meant a thorough enough search would turn up apartments cheap enough for a student.

But that meant the apartment was meant for a student. Normally, a single man with a job would be ashamed to live in one. In fact, the landlord would usually refuse someone like me, but I had managed to avoid that.

It seemed the female college students felt safer when they knew a police officer lived in the same apartment building.

I was a bit annoyed that the landlord used my private information as a sales point, but it was the best place I could find. As a pitiable public servant, I could not afford to do anything about it.

And so…

I was in the living room the apartment had despite only being meant for students. The table held quickly-made toast, milk, a premade salad, and simple scrambled eggs made in the microwave. While I ate that breakfast, my cell phone rang.

It was my sister-in-law’s number.

It was likely about the cardboard boxes in the corner of my room.

“Did you get them?” she asked.

“Yes, unfortunately. Three boxes is going too far.”

“Don’t be picky. They contain Intellectual Village-made rice, summer vegetables, soy sauce, miso, mirin, and sake. You would have to wait to even make a reservation to get that from a restaurant.”

That was true. And if word got out I had it, it would probably bring in tons of thieves and robbers.

“Please, give me a break. You know I can’t cook.”

“Um, this may be an awkward question, but how do you survive, Hayabusa-kun?”

“These days, you can make a dinner by buying a premade salad and side dish at the supermarket, throwing a pack of white rice in the microwave, and adding hot water to a cup of miso soup.”

“That is not how to live a happy life.”

I wanted to protest that I simply used the extra time for things other than food.

But before I could, I heard the sound of a struggle over the phone.

“Um, nee-san? What is going on?”

“The Yuki Onna and Nekomata are fighting behind me. They cannot agree whether to watch The Unknown Secrets of the Antarctic or The Pet Café that Cats Love. …Now, now, stop that! If you keep acting that selfishly, Shinobu will grow to hate you.”

The sounds of a struggle immediately ceased.

My nephew’s rare disposition seemed to have taken effect once more. Weren’t the Yuki Onna and Nekomata both deadly Youkai? Then again, my disposition making them hate me and my brother’s disposition making them fear him were quite something too.

After being sure the commotion was over, I returned to the conversation.

“Could you at least send cucumbers or tomatoes or something else you can slice up and eat as is? I don’t even know what to do with a squash. I don’t like getting a long line of brand-name crops the gourmets of Akasaka would drool over and just watching them rot.”

“I will take that into consideration, but I cannot do anything about what I already sent you. If you are not going to learn to cook, you can use them to get to know your neighbors.”

Having said that, my sister-in-law ended the call.

She probably just ran away because she did not like how the conversation was going.

But…

I was the one police officer living in an apartment building meant for students. I was never going to get to know my neighbors very closely. There would be a larger rift between us than between an elementary school student and a frightening looking PE teacher. If I rang my neighbor’s doorbell, they would probably think some incident had happened.

Then again, I couldn’t stand for brand-name crops on a level where a bunch of grapes cost 30 thousand yen to rot away into organic fertilizer, so I nervously headed to the neighboring room.

I rang the doorbell and a female voice so unambitious I wondered if she had low blood pressure came over the intercom.

“What is it…?”

“Um, my family went a little overboard in sending me summer vegetables, so do you have room for any?”

I heard frantic footsteps, a crash, and then a shout of “Slippers!? Where are my slippers!?” from beyond the door.

The door shot open and a college girl in a track suit with a towel around her neck and a compress on her shoulders charged out with a full-faced smile.

“How wonderful, you Kasajizou!! Now I can escape this life of soaking ramen in water to infinitely double it in size!!”

“How low on money are you!?”

Part 2

Despite all that trouble, I still had to leave for work at the same time. As much as I would have loved some more time. After closing the front door of my apartment, I headed on foot to the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department.

My workplace was in a nice place like Sakuradamon. That was why I wanted a place to live in Ochanomizu.

“Oh, if it isn’t the detective.”

“What the hell are you doing here, mystery freak?”

When I turned around toward that sudden voice from behind, I’m betting my expression was not a pleased one. A girl with twintails named Hishigami Enbi was smiling at me.

That mystery freak could be summed up as “a suspicious person who frequently appears at the crime scenes of bizarre murders”.

The mystery freak preferred to wear revealing outfits such as swimsuits, but now she was wearing the obvious outfit of a student: a short-sleeved blouse and a wine-red pleated skirt. I was fairly certain it was the uniform of a nearby high class girl’s school. I had no idea if the kneesocks were a designated part of the uniform.

Knowing her, she would say she chose to wear them herself because they were necessary to solve a murder. But as long as you did not look too deeply, she was just a nice rich girl.

There were even banks and heavy industry companies that used the name Hishigami.

If you flipped through the channels during primetime, you would probably find a commercial for a company affiliated with her family.

“I’m just headed to school. You’re the one out of place here, detective. I thought you usually used the subway.”

“Why do you think I would be walking to work in this horrid heat while dressed in a suit, mystery moron?”

“Hah hahn. The suit looks cheaper than necessary, but it also looks new. Did your boss tell you to hurry up and break it in so you can run around in it?”

“…That’s right, dammit,” I relied in annoyance.

Police detectives did not wear cheap suits because they had no fashion sense. While it was not as bad as the police dramas where everything was resolved in 60 minutes, a police detective was one of the few jobs that required physical labor in a suit. The suit would get muddy, bloody, and torn by suspects armed with blades. And so no one would wear a custom-made high-class suit.

And since we had to run around a lot, a brand new suit could be a bit restrictive. That was why we intentionally put an extra burden on a new suit to break it in.

For that reason, police detectives gave the impression of being the public servants with zero fashion sense who wore cheap mass-produced suits that were horribly beat up.

“By the way, detective, what are you pursuing now?”

“I can’t tell a civilian that. Employees have a duty to keep secrets.”

“I’m feeling a bit depressed. You could always let me join in if it’s something I would enjoy.”

“?”

The mystery freak pouted her lips, but we had arrived at the famous rich girl’s school. Enbi waved and then left.

Afterwards, I wiped away my sweat with a handkerchief and stopped at a convenience store for water when I couldn’t stand it anymore. Finally, I made it to my workplace in Sakuradamon.

It was the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department, the symbol of the city’s law and order.

Due to the influence of police dramas, it seemed to have become the symbol of Japan’s police force as a whole. Looking at that awe-inspiring building was enough to improve even my mood a bit. It always made me realize my job would directly affect people’s lives for better or worse.

The uniformed police officer standing in front of the entrance gave me a faithful salute.

However, the usual fastidious greeting did not accompany it.

Instead, a middle-aged police officer whispered to me.

“Oh, Uchimaku-san. You probably shouldn’t look inside right now.”

“Eh? Is something going on? Things do seem a bit noisy… Are they filming a drama?”

The front of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department was one of the leading location filming spots in all of Japan. But to prevent terrorism, the inside shots were all done on sets back at the studio. I highly doubted a request to directly film inside would have been approved.

In response, the middle-aged police officer shook his hand side to side and said, “No, no. Um, it’s summer break, so it seems a group of elementary school children is being given a tour. Naturally, they weren’t allowed to bring in their cell phones or any other recording devices.”

“Oh… Yeah, I don’t want to get caught up in that.”

With that offhand comment, I peered through the glass door and into the front lobby. Even through the glass, I could hear a chaotic deluge of voices.

“Do you have katsudon!?”

“Where’s Investigator Itako from TV?”

“Can you show us the investigation headquarters!?”

There were a lot more kids than I had expected. It looked like more than 100 but not quite 200. A young female police officer was waving a small flag in front of them, so she looked somehow like a bus tour guide.

I whispered to the middle-aged police officer who was still hanging around for some reason.

“Looks like the Sakura Police have plenty to do. Oh, wow. Look at the face of the big guy from the organized crime countermeasures division. I’ve never seen him look so exhausted. I gotta snap a photo of this.”

“Wait, don’t do that, Uchimaku-san! If he notices, he’ll constrict your carotid artery!!”

“You say that, Nakada-san, but I can see your shoulders shaking as you try to hold back laughter.”

Just as I held up my phone, my eyes met with those of the big man displayed on the small screen.

That fifth dan in judo (openweight) opened wide the eyes of his stone-like face and pointed straight at me.

“That’s a detective from Department 1!!”

“Bh!?” I spat out.

Well over 100 children all turned to look in my direction.

“A detective?”

“A detective from Department 1!”

“Investigation Department 1 is where they shoot handguns all the time to kill the criminals!!”

“Th-th-that bastard!! He turned them on me because Department 1 is more popular!!”

Just to be clear, detectives in Investigation Department 1 did not shoot handguns all the time. It would be a lot easier if we could, but we prided ourselves at being the best in the world when it came to capturing criminals alive.

The middle-aged police officer then said, “Uchimaku-san! If you’re going to run, do it quickly! You can enter through the materials delivery entrance. Otherwise, the children will surround you!!”

“No, it’s a bit late for that! Wah! This is like a store during a really good sale!!”

I need to turn their focus somewhere else!! But is there any job more popular than a detective from Department 1!?

Just as I started to panic, a god of salvation appeared.

Mezu Gen. He was an older man with deep wrinkles on his face. His hair was a very shiny black because it was dyed. While he was not as muscular as the large man from the organized crime countermeasures division, his sharp gaze held enough force to silence a fifth dan in judo. He was the leader of my department. However, he was often called “cute” by the young female police officers because of his habit of wearing the necktie he received as a father’s day present.

“…What is this commotion?”

Instead of answering his simple question, I pointed at him and raised my voice as loud as I could to announce, “That’s the chief of Department 1!!”

To make a long story short, he slammed his fist down on my head later on.

But do not forget that the department chief pointed at a man in the prime of his life who came running up after a jog around the imperial palace (accompanied by an extremely annoyed looking bodyguard in black) and shouted “That’s the superintendent general!!”

Part 24

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