Talk:No Game No Life:Volume 1 Chapter 2
Some suggestions for edit:
Part 1
1. Should have added in 'as expected of the lineage of royalty'.
-> Question, is Sora the one who thought of this line? If so, maybe we can add , thought Sora. at the end of the sentence. Or we can also close it in parenthesis to show that it's a thought by Sora: (As expected of the lineage of royalty)
-- Layrelsky (talk) 23:00, 6 August 2013 GMT+8
Thanks for the confirmation Drinkingwater and the changes 神. Still in Part 1:
1. Shiro muttered in a low voice, having said till here, she found it hard to hesitate.
I'm confused by what is having said till here is referring to and who is it referring to. From what I can understand, Shiro felt it hard to continue to complain about taking a bath after Sora told her that "Your brother loves a beautiful Shiro.", so I think having said till here is referring to Shiro.
-> Muttered Shiro in a low voice. She found it hard to complain more after hearing Sora say that.
2. —But it will be fine either way.
From what I can understand, this is referring to the fact the Shiro will now obey Sora's instruction to her about taking a bath, thus Sora doesn't have any problems anymore. The situation will in the bath will now become fine/peaceful.
-> —Now the bath will become peaceful.
3. No, they had attracted unpleasant emotions due their intimate relationship as siblings, but this fact was ignored.
With conjunction to my edit in #2,
-> Or so it should've been. It's because the siblings' intimate relationship had attracted unpleasant emotions from someone, but this fact was ignored.
I added from someone in order to make it clearer that those unpleasant emotions were from Steph.
4. Compared to that, there was something even more concerning that they had.
With conjunction to #3,
-> However, there was something even more concerning than that.
that here is referring to the unpleasant emotions.
5. Why am I washing a fully naked Shiro's hair, while Sora is wearing clothes and standing on the opposite side.
It's kind of weird that the narration suddenly changed from a 3rd POV to 1st POV (Steph's POV). The fully naked Shiro's hair should be changed because it is Shiro who is fully naked and not her hair. If this is a thought by Steph then,
-> (Why am I washing the hair of a nude Shiro while a clothed Sora is standing on the opposite side).
on the opposite side can also be changed to over there since it sounds more appropriate if this line is a thought of Steph.
