Kamisama no Memochou:Volume 5 Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – The Detective and the Love Professor

Actually, there were times where I was curious as to how old Alice was. I heard that she never attended elementary school, but I had never heard about her not attending middle school, so I guess she should be around twelve or so. She was always saying all sorts of big stuff with a haughty attitude, stunning me, so maybe that was the reason why I never thought of her to be that old. Also, with those ridiculously poorly eating habits and undeveloped body, she might not be as young as she appeared? In any case, she didn’t seem to be older than me.     Alice’s the girl who lived in the room above the ramen shop I worked at. The Room 308 had a stupid ‘NEET Detective Agency’ signboard, and every day, she was holed up alone in the room. Alice called herself the NEET detective, but she was always dressed in pajamas, sitting on the bed, facing the keyboard; in fact, she was merely in charge of hacking passwords on the internet. She hardly had a tan, didn’t exercise, and had an unbelievably small appetite; her limbs were astonishingly white and thin.

I didn’t know the environment Alice grew up in, and I didn’t know her real name, family and age; even I found that part unbelievable. I get tired whenever I was around Alice, due to various factors, so I didn’t have the time to ask personal information like her name and age, things that I should logically know.

Despite this, there were times where I would be curious about them. Like this one time,

 

On a certain evening in the beginning of May, I, working at ‘Ramen Hanamaru’, entered the shop, and was ordered by the lady boss Min-san to deliver a takeout to Alice.

“It’s Chinese don. She doesn’t like rice, so if she doesn’t eat, tie her up and stuff it into her mouth.”

Min-san’s dressed as a fighter, the sarashi wrapped around her, and a tank top over it, her hair tied in a ponytail; she might be acting as Alice's mother, but she often said some overbearing things. It's no wonder, for if she did not force Alice to eat, the latter would spend the rest of her days living on Dr. Pepper. I didn't know when it started, but the job to get Alice eating had become a daily routine for me.

Min-san doused soup on the rice that was the size of a baby's fist, and I put the bowl of mini Chinese don on a tray, carrying it to the detective agency on the 3rd floor.

"Alice, I'm going in. It's time to eat."

The office's a one room flat, and there was a little corridor from the entrance. The bedroom acted as an unpleasant server room, three walls were buried behind various equipment. The strong cold winds were blown downwards, and on this day, Alice was sprawled on the bed, typing at the keyboard, her long black impressive hair like a plant growing in the shadows, and the bare slender legs beneath the pajamas suddenly reached towards me just when I was about to enter, and I turned my face aside. "...Put on some clothes before you work."

"I'm busy now. Electronic signals pass through the circuits at lightspeed, and this is a absolute law in the universe. Ordinary values will not put on my clothes for me.

Alice said without giving me a glance. A torrential downpour of keyboard tapping could be heard along with the words.

"No, won't you catch a cold if you don't put on socks?"

A pile of previously used pajamas was on the floor at the end of the bed, and the brand new white knee socks were taken out and tossed aside. This room filled with electronics had air conditioning on the entire time, so it was really cold. Even if her tolerance to the temperature was inhuman, she should be feeling cold since she's barefoot, right? Alice actually said this to me at this moment,

"Put the socks on me. My hands aren't available."

"Ehhh? Me?"

"Who else is around? Don't ask the obvious."

"No, but."

"Even if I do explain, I think you won't understand. Time is of the essence when I hack in while the system is undergoing maintenance. Miss by a second, and the fate will differ. You aren't telling me to wear my socks and have me verbally command you on how to operate? Considering the work efficiency, you should know this isn't possible!"

Nobody thinks that, okay. I'm telling you to pause and wear your socks.

"Narumi, hurry up."

Alice's eyes never left the monitor as she kept kicking her legs to prompt me. I sighed, hesitated for a long while, picked up the socks, and climbed onto the bed.

Good thing she was wearing shorts. That made me relieved.

Objectively looking however, this really isn't good. So I put the socks on Alice without touching her skin, somehow. If there just so happened to be someone entering the room while I was putting her socks on, I would have been punched all the way to India.

"And wash my clothes."

Once she's finally done with dress up, Alice ordered me as she continued to tap at the keyboard. I lowered my head, and could vaguely see some frills under the pile of pajamas, probably underwear or camisole. I'm a guy after all, doesn't she have a sense of shame or something...?

So on that day, I dumped the clothes into the washing machine of the office, thinking about something. I guess she never thought of the opposite sex as she's still a kid. No, Alice never thought of the concept of a boy because it's Alice we're talking about here. Likewise, I never really thought of her like that, I guess?

 

"What? Why are you looking at me? You really like watching others eat. I'm too lazy to correct that blatant habit of yours."

"Eh...ah, no, sorry."

Alice was seated on the bed, holding a spoonful of the Chinese don that cooled off. (but had no intention to put into her mouth)

I stared blankly at her, not realizing this at all.

"And I ordered for Chinese don without rice..."

Alice continued to grumble away, not willing to eat a mouthful, so I could only take out a can of Dr. Pepper and hand it to her. I guess it's not that farfetched to say that half of Alice's body was nurtured through this carbonic drink.

Alice pulled the ring, and was suddenly giving a pained look as she raised the can up high, intending to pour it onto the rice. Hold it right there! That's desecrating 4000 years of Chinese history!

Luckily, Alice put away with those thoughts before that, and I heaved a sigh. I turned my back on Alice, who was by the bedside, and started pondering.

Alice’s a NEET, one who never left the house, but she was surrounded by guys of all kinds—the ex-boxed Tetsu-senpai, college military nerd Major, gigolo Hiro, and the young yakuza gang leader Yondaime.

Hm, all of them are older than me, and always enter this room at well, so they’re already used to Alice’s antics—I guess that’s why they never thought of her as a dating partner? These NEETs…why are they so careless about this?

“It’s all because of you.”

The sudden voice from behind caused me to turn around in shock. Alice was grimacing bitterly. Eh, me? Eh, what, what did I do?

“It’s because you’re watching me eat nowadays that Master’s been ignoring my orders, always adding noodles, rice, causing trouble for me!”

Alice continued with tears in her eyes,

“Ah…that.”

I dropped my shoulders hard.

“What’s with the gaudy look? You’re acting stranger than usual today.”

“Shut up.”

Once she cooled down, she realized she was embarrassed, and could only retort haughtily. Goodness, I was really off on that day. Maybe it was because I had anticipated what was going to happen, I guess?

*

I took the empty bowl and tray back to ‘Hanamaru’, which had began operations for the day. There were already people at the seats of the cramped counter soon after business started; that was a rare sigh.

“—So I guess I had to close the shop.”

“Since you’re closed for the time being, go on a trip! Bring your mom along!”

“I don’t have that money! Eh, this is troublesome.”

Conversing with Min-san across the counter was a young man. He was probably of the same age as her, about 25, 26. His energetic, bearded face gave a wild impression. I would guess he’s her acquaintance.

I entered the kitchen from the back door, “welcome”, nodded towards him, and put on the apron.

“Uh, huh? You hired a new part-timer? A boy this time? Hello there.”

This man before me showed a hearty smile, so hearty he was unlike those loitering around ‘Hanamaru’, and that surprised me.

“Hello.” I responded politely, and glanced aside at Min-san.

“He’s my classmate in high school, Tomozou. What’s your family name again? I forgot after calling you Tomozou, Tomozou all the time.”

“How cruel of you. Okabayashi. Same as the shop name.”

“Ah, I see.”

I stared blankly at Min-san, who was exchanging looks and smiling with Tomozou-san. Min-san during high school? I couldn’t imagine…no, even if Min-san did have her youthful teenage time, it’s just…woah! I got a lot of questions to ask, what kind of girl was she like during high school? Did she have a sarashi wrapped around her chest since then? “Ow!” I got punched in the back of the head, and squatted due to the pain.

“What was that about!?”

“You’re thinking about something stupid again, so I’ll just beat you up.” Min-san responded with such harsh words. But well, she’s right.

“You know the Okabayashi Sundries? It’s a little hostel, near the high school you’re at. He’s the boss there. A shoddy little shop, but it has all kinds of imported alcohol. Back in high school, I was always drinking what’s stolen from his shop.

No, erm, shouldn’t you be at least twenty?

“My dead dad always went to places like USA all the time! It’s troublesome to keep importing for personal use, but I did inherit this business. The most expensive ones always end up finished by me though.”

Tomozou-san explained with apprehension. I see, so this hearty attitude’s due to his non-NEET background, huh?

“Troublesome? I see that you’re enjoying yourself there, aren’t you? This guy’s always boasting about his knowledge on booze all the time, even called the booze professor. Once we talk about booze, there’s no stopping him.”

Min-san interjected, and Tomozou-san grimaced.

“If you want to try your first wine in life, come look for me! I’ll pick a strong one for you, not so much that you’ll die, but that you’ll understand how terrifying it is.” The booze professor kindly told me, “Did Hanada get your drunk before? She’s bad at holding her liquor, so be careful.”

Hanada, so I momentarily wondered who it was. I guess it’s Min-san’s name?

“Tomozou, one more word and I’ll beat you up. Your shop’s doomed if they find out you’re selling booze to underaged kids. Anyway, your shop’s about to close, isn’t it?”

You’re saying that…wait. Close down?

“Ah, yes.”

Tomozou-san gave a wry expression, scratching his head.

“There’s a supermarket opening next door. Some strange things happened recently, so I had to close for the time being.”

“—Something weird happened?”

“Something strange—” I asked, only for the back door to the left of the kitchen to open suddenly. Steam floated outside, lifting the long black hair.

“Tomozou, you could have said you were coming! Why didn’t you discuss such an urgent matter with me? Didn’t I say I’ll do anything as long as it’s for you? Don’t you trust me?”

“What! Even Yuuko was told…?”

I could hear Tomozou-san grumbling as I stared blankly at Alice. It was the first time I saw Alice rush downstairs for a customer, and someone actually addressing her by her given name. Also, erm, anything for you…what’s with that? Anyway, I was so shocked that I turned around, momentarily rooted, only to recover when Min-san hit me in the back of the head.

*